FabSwingers.com forum: ‘No thanks’ button

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Couples and single ladies are inundated with messages from single gents. The quality of those messages will vary considerably!

I always attempt to write a concise, polite and respectful note - explaining what I liked about their profile and a little about me, with a pic attached. I always finish with ‘no offence taken if I’m not for you - just delete my message and I won’t contact you again’.

In many cases my messages are read, but not deleted or replied to. In no way do I think I am ‘owed’ a response, but I think it is good manners - even if it’s a ‘no thanks’. I never ask why as nobody should have to justify themselves in that way.

Could a ‘no thanks’ button be added to the message inbox? This could help couples and single ladies manage their overflowing inboxes and put us single gents out of our misery!

Thoughts?

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By *he devil wears pradaWoman
over a year ago

gosport ish

Read the site FAQ’s op, no reply = no thanks, no need for an automated response. Just delete all your sent messages to save you the angst.

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By *lacksausageMan
over a year ago

Birmingham Airport

Yaaaaaaaaawn!

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"Thoughts?"

Your inbox does not get the sort of hammering ours do

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Read the site FAQ’s op, no reply = no thanks, no need for an automated response. Just delete all your sent messages to save you the angst.

Thanks for the response. I guess the point is that, if I take the time to send a polite message, I think it is rude not response either way. Suggestion was to make that easier.

It works for Tinder? Aware that Fab/Swinging is a different scene, built on community etc.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 26/12/18 18:37:31]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Thoughts?

Your inbox does not get the sort of hammering ours do

If only it did! But assume you delete messages you’re not interested in? You wouldn’t just keep unwanted messages in your inbox for sake of posterity?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Quoted from the Site FAQs:

There are too many rude people on here who don't reply to my messages!

It's not rude not to reply.

Some ladies and couples get hundreds of messages a day so it simply isn't possible for them to reply to everyone. If you don't get a response, you should assume they aren't interested. If you're getting a lot of "no-replies" then you should consider your profile and the messages you send. Are they giving the right message? Are you standing out from the thousands of other guys on here?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Quoted from the Site FAQs:

There are too many rude people on here who don't reply to my messages!

It's not rude not to reply.

Yes I have read the FAQs. My question is - why wouldn’t you delete an unwanted message?

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"Thoughts?

Your inbox does not get the sort of hammering ours do

If only it did! But assume you delete messages you’re not interested in? You wouldn’t just keep unwanted messages in your inbox for sake of posterity?"

I sometimes keep them until I'm in the mood to deal with them. even And once they go off the page we don't know they are there unless we delete a load of read ones.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When you have received thousands of messages - how do you remember who said what, and why you might have ignored them in the past? It's only one way to keep track/remind oneself of the magnitude of some people's ignorance.

Yes I have read the FAQs. My question is - why wouldn’t you delete an unwanted message?"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I tend to block anyone who sends me an unsavoury or unwanted message. But I don’t have the volume of messages to deal with that you do.

Not trying to antagonise anyone. Just a suggestion! Rules/FAQ are there to be followed, but also challenged when you think something can be done better.

I’ll get my coat.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"When you have received thousands of messages - how do you remember who said what, and why you might have ignored them in the past? It's only one way to keep track/remind oneself of the magnitude of some people's ignorance.

Yes I have read the FAQs. My question is - why wouldn’t you delete an unwanted message?"

I tend to block anyone who sends me an unsavoury or unwanted message. But I don’t have the volume of messages to deal with that you do.

Not trying to antagonise anyone. Just a suggestion! Rules/FAQ are there to be followed, but also challenged when you think something can be done better.

I’ll get my coat.

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By *969BewitchedWoman
over a year ago

Nottingham

My profile reads 'no face pic/no reply' therefore if no face pic is attached I just delete without reply.

If a face pic is attached but the person is not what I am attracted to the I always reply 'thank you for the message but not for me'....... Sadly the small few either then question why or resort to abuse or insults so you can see why women do just delete or block

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By *ick_and_BickerCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"Couples and single ladies are inundated with messages from single gents. The quality of those messages will vary considerably!

Could a ‘no thanks’ button be added to the message inbox? This could help couples and single ladies manage their overflowing inboxes and put us single gents out of our misery!

Thoughts?

Here you go... https://www.fabswingers.com/forum-search/No%2bthanks%2bbutton

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My profile reads 'no face pic/no reply' therefore if no face pic is attached I just delete without reply.

This. Irrespective of what the FAQs say, I think this is the polite way of dealing with such messages. Totally wrong to question why/abuse - nobody should have to put up with that.

Why not take it a stage further and allow users to block a profile from the message? It’s a bit of a faff to go from message to block button. The UI isn’t great and too many clicks. Make it easy for users?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Couples and single ladies are inundated with messages from single gents. The quality of those messages will vary considerably!

Could a ‘no thanks’ button be added to the message inbox? This could help couples and single ladies manage their overflowing inboxes and put us single gents out of our misery!

Thoughts?

Here you go... https://www.fabswingers.com/forum-search/No%2bthanks%2bbutton"

Thanks. Seems that the current arrangements work for single F and couples. They don’t really work for me. Suspect lots of other guys feel the same. Ultimately we all have a choice to use the site (as it is) or not!

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By *htcMan
over a year ago

Block is the best idea. No more message from that person

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Block is the best idea. No more message from that person"

Completely agree. But also understand it is a bit of a faff to do that for every message. Why not make it easier?

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By *lacksausageMan
over a year ago

Birmingham Airport

Let's make this short. Op has suggested an idea. The idea has been shot down by the majority on THIS THREAD.

Let's rest it. It's christmas!!

Errm, anyone got any rum left?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Quoted from the Site FAQs:

There are too many rude people on here who don't reply to my messages!

It's not rude not to reply.

Yes I have read the FAQs. My question is - why wouldn’t you delete an unwanted message?"

Simple answer.. its MY inbox and il delete messages when and if i want to.. if i want to reply to you i will if i dont then i wont, why should me not deleting my messages bother you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I actually agree with you OP

We always try to reply to a message- no doubt we don’t get what single girls get but we get a nice steady interest at times.

I’d prefer to have that kind of button as a CHOICE if I wanted. It would save me a bit more time- however I think we would still reply more personally to the thoughtful messages.

Perhaps a button;

NO DICK PICS thAnks

Would be good too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I actually agree with you OP

We always try to reply to a message- no doubt we don’t get what single girls get but we get a nice steady interest at times.

I’d prefer to have that kind of button as a CHOICE if I wanted. It would save me a bit more time- however I think we would still reply more personally to the thoughtful messages.

Perhaps a button;

NO DICK PICS thAnks

Would be good too

Good idea, a one click no thaank you, but thanks for the interest would be good.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why do you need written rejection .. is it going to make you feel any better

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why do you need written rejection .. is it going to make you feel any better"

Hi x

I don’t think it’s about the written rejection- I just prefer to respond to a conversation someone has started with me/us.

I wouldn’t ignore someone ok the street so all I’m doing is responding here too

Mrs P

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

apparently there was one...people then complained about receiving impersonal generic rejection...

question for you...do you really want an inbox full of rejection? and those people who can't be bothered to delete your message are really not going to be arsed with sending you a rejection message either...

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

"Read the site FAQ’s op, no reply = no thanks, no need for an automated response. Just delete all your sent messages to save you the angst.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

A no thanks and combined block would work nicely

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Read the site FAQ’s op, no reply = no thanks, no need for an automated response. Just delete all your sent messages to save you the angst.

So if the FAQs were updated to say “single guys can behave any way they want, and if they message a single fem she MUST provide a response” we should all just accept that without question?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Read the site FAQ’s op, no reply = no thanks, no need for an automated response. Just delete all your sent messages to save you the angst.

So if the FAQs were updated to say “single guys can behave any way they want, and if they message a single fem she MUST provide a response” we should all just accept that without question? "

You're just coming across as silly and entitled sounding now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Read the site FAQ’s op, no reply = no thanks, no need for an automated response. Just delete all your sent messages to save you the angst.

So if the FAQs were updated to say “single guys can behave any way they want, and if they message a single fem she MUST provide a response” we should all just accept that without question? "

Can't please all the people all the time it's simply not possible! This has been done to death on other threads on the same subject. Admin won't change it as it's already covered. When you join you get a few messages covering it so you should know from the off!

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By *alking DisasterWoman
over a year ago

South Oxfordshire

"Block is the best idea. No more message from that person

Completely agree. But also understand it is a bit of a faff to do that for every message. Why not make it easier?"

It's not a faff.

It's two clicks.

Back button from message, then the block button on the message list.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I guess the point is that, if I take the time to send a polite message, I think it is rude not response either way."

That is more to do with your sense of entitlement than other peoples rudeness.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rejection is all part of these kind of sites, But if you wish to make people feel better a button linked to their amazon wish list would be ace, Every one would put up being ignored better if you kept getting sent you favourite gadgets.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why not have a automated reply.

Sorry your message is in a queue, you are number 10987 your message is not important to us now fuck off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why not have a automated reply.

Sorry your message is in a queue, you are number 10987 your message is not important to us now fuck off

May steal that as a no thanks response to keep ppl like op happy

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Good grief. As per my OP, I have NEVER asked someone to justify why they are not interested in me. At the outset I have made clear that I am NOT entitled to any response.

It seems there are a good number of people who think my idea is a sensible one. But more who seem to have jumped to various unfounded conclusions about me, and my sense of entitlement. None of you know me. I haven’t insulted anybody. So I think that a bit unfair. But ultimately we all see a situation or issue in the way we want to see it!

Can we close this thread?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Quoted from the Site FAQs:

There are too many rude people on here who don't reply to my messages!

It's not rude not to reply.

I’m not so arrogant to think that every woman is going to swoon at the mere sight of me. It’s a buyers market so, unless you’re George Clooney [or insert favourite hunk] the % of ‘hits’ anyone gets will be low. I’m not complaining about hit rate. I’m not going to be everyone’s cup of tea and I have no problem with it. I’m also happy with my profile - because it’s a fair representation of ME. I’m some way from perfect, but I’m never going to pretend to be anyone else.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Block is the best idea. No more message from that person"

This.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I guess the point is that, if I take the time to send a polite message, I think it is rude not response either way.

That is more to do with your sense of entitlement than other peoples rudeness. "

You know absolutely nothing about me apart from my gender. If someone politely said hello to you in the street, and they clearly weren’t a nutter, you’d think it would be ok to pretend they didn’t exist?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I guess the point is that, if I take the time to send a polite message, I think it is rude not response either way.

That is more to do with your sense of entitlement than other peoples rudeness.

Do you want a bigger shovel?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I guess the point is that, if I take the time to send a polite message, I think it is rude not response either way.

That is more to do with your sense of entitlement than other peoples rudeness.

I regularly ignore charity muggers and people trying to get me to stop on the high street. I gave no indication that I wanted to converse with them and they don’t have a hissy fit because people don’t reply

If it causes you so much angst, don’t send messages

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Have a look at what I said in my OP and then reconsider your comments. It wasn’t all about me. If you still think I’m being a dick, clearly I am!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

90% of messages we receive from single males are clearly ones where they have messaged without reading the profile.

Often accompanied by 2 or 3 dick pics.

As stated above, why is this worthy of any reply.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"90% of messages we receive from single males are clearly ones where they have messaged without reading the profile.

Often accompanied by 2 or 3 dick pics.

As stated above, why is this worthy of any reply. "

Couldn’t agree more. It isn’t worthy. I don’t send message like that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I guess the point is that, if I take the time to send a polite message, I think it is rude not response either way.

That is more to do with your sense of entitlement than other peoples rudeness.

honestly? If I was going about, minding my own business, not inviting any interaction and a total stranger came up to me, I probably would...the Monkey is far more sociable than me

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By *alking DisasterWoman
over a year ago

South Oxfordshire

"Good grief. As per my OP, I have NEVER asked someone to justify why they are not interested in me. At the outset I have made clear that I am NOT entitled to any response.

Can we close this thread?"

You have said that it's rude not to respond to your message. That means you think you are entitled to a response.

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By *alking DisasterWoman
over a year ago

South Oxfordshire

"I guess the point is that, if I take the time to send a polite message, I think it is rude not response either way.

That is more to do with your sense of entitlement than other peoples rudeness.

Yes!

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By *alking DisasterWoman
over a year ago

South Oxfordshire

"Have a look at what I said in my OP and then reconsider your comments. It wasn’t all about me. If you still think I’m being a dick, clearly I am!"

You stated this in your original post:

"I always finish with ‘no offence taken if I’m not for you - just delete my message and I won’t contact you again’.

In many cases my messages are read, but not deleted or replied to. In no way do I think I am ‘owed’ a response, but I think it is good manners - even if it’s a ‘no thanks’. "

You are actually contradicting yourself. Apparently in your messages you are saying it's ok if someone doesn't respond, but you are saying that people who don't respond are rude.

As has been pointed out to you, a no response is not rude.

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By *ick_and_BickerCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"90% of messages we receive from single males are clearly ones where they have messaged without reading the profile.

Often accompanied by 2 or 3 dick pics.

As stated above, why is this worthy of any reply.

Couldn’t agree more. It isn’t worthy. I don’t send message like that. "

But your messages, because they are polite, are worthy of a response?

Send a message then forget about it. You’ll get a reply or you won’t. Simple as that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

When I’m wrong I admit it. No reply = no thanks. It’s not perfect but it works!

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

A no thanks button would just get people moaning that others have used it instead of replying in person.

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By *rincessPuddlesWoman
over a year ago

Burton Latimer

sounds like a great idea. I really can't be arsed to respond to every copy and paste message I receive

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By *undown40Couple
over a year ago

Warwickshire

Hi We sympathise with you

Manners cost absolutely nothing

Some poeple on here need to look up the word manners in the Oxford English Dictionary

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi We sympathise with you

Manners cost absolutely nothing

Some poeple on here need to look up the word manners in the Oxford English Dictionary "

And how to spell people.

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By *undown40Couple
over a year ago

Warwickshire

Indeed

Shows just how many time wasters and fakes are on here

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Like most things in life there’s no perfect solution! Personally I’d prefer a no thanks/block button, but lots of other people wouldn’t be happy with that and there doesn’t seem to be any appetite to change.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sadly there are too many tossers on here with their thumbs up their own arse..its gòod manners to send a reply staying no thanks yes it might be in the rules that no reply means not interested but really are we all so important and precious that we can't even be arsed to reply...it takes a whole 2 seconds to write it..im sure even the elite on here have time to reply..so the average person will have loads of time...

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By *ick_and_BickerCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"sadly there are too many tossers on here with their thumbs up their own arse..its gòod manners to send a reply staying no thanks yes it might be in the rules that no reply means not interested but really are we all so important and precious that we can't even be arsed to reply...it takes a whole 2 seconds to write it..im sure even the elite on here have time to reply..so the average person will have loads of time..."

...and that right there is why people don’t reply.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it depends on the number of responses, if a woman logs on and in 30 seconds has 30 messages it pretty much becomes a second job doing admin trying to let guys down gently. This site is for carefree people without any stress and in this context its not rude its just not always about you. Every guy expects the woman to be attentive as though they are the only one that has sent a message but she may have over 100 messages before yours and it can get too much for some people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 30/12/18 00:38:23]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jesus christ

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Read the site FAQ’s op, no reply = no thanks, no need for an automated response. Just delete all your sent messages to save you the angst.

Thanks for the response. I guess the point is that, if I take the time to send a polite message, I think it is rude not response either way. Suggestion was to make that easier.

It works for Tinder? Aware that Fab/Swinging is a different scene, built on community etc."

So when you get junk emails or post through the letter box you reply to them all or just bin them as everonelse does

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By *onny1208Couple
over a year ago

Huddersfield

with no profile pic and one friends only photo im surprised your mail even gets read. Instant delet for us

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Couples and single ladies are inundated with messages from single gents. The quality of those messages will vary considerably!

Could a ‘no thanks’ button be added to the message inbox? This could help couples and single ladies manage their overflowing inboxes and put us single gents out of our misery!

Thoughts?

Fab used to have a no thanks button. People complained it was impersonal. People said it only takes a few seconds to type no thanks.

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By *ade and VanessaCouple
over a year ago

Central Scotland

About 80% of the time I send a 'no thanks' type message I get called a grumpy bitch or some other type of insult/shitty response. So I decided to stop. It bothers me though not to reply at all so I still end up replying and then I wish I hadn't

Then again, responses to messages from the middle of the night who haven't read our profile usually get a cheeky reply...

V x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

...and that right there is why people don’t reply. "

Absolutely. If people have read my profile and I like them, yes I will message. If people send another message 5 minutes later after I’ve not replied saying ‘oh I guess you aren’t interested then’ then the impatience ticks me off slightly and I’m afraid I’m not polite and then block and delete.

It works both ways. We write stuff in our profiles to set our own boundaries that we are comfortable with. Sooooo many messages I get wanting to meet now and actually, I have a life, kids, responsibilities. This is supposed to be fun. I don’t get time to reply to everyone and I’m not about to start to to make someone feel better.

Those of us who are on dating sites, do we expect a reply on there too or do you feel a little miffed that you didn’t get one there either??

Sorry for the rant! Fab love to you all! X

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

No right or wrong answer! Opinion seems polarised. Perhaps we should add it to the ballot for the next Referendum

Quick moan: The thread topic is ‘No Thanks’ button, not a request for a critique on my profile / description / lack of profile picture / lazy eye or anything else. I may well start a thread for that, but this isn’t it!

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

"No right or wrong answer! Opinion seems polarised. Perhaps we should add it to the ballot for the next Referendum

Well said OP.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

There has never been a no thanks button on this side but Admin have used it on another site before and it just brought complaints that people sent an automated message.

To anyone coming into suggestion threads, can you remember that is what they are, suggestions threads for Admin.

Attacking people/ discussing their profile is not allowed on any thread so please don't do it

https://www.fabswingers.com/content/forum-rules

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