FabSwingers.com forum: Features helping conversations turn into meets

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

We're not sure how to solve this but feel Fab is missing something to help bridge the gap between talking to people and coaxing them out on a meet.

Problem: As so few conversations turn into meets it makes sense to talk to lots of people in the hope one of them might turn into a meet. However, with so many irons in the fire one begins to give off the sense that you're not really seriously pursuing any of them when, in reality, you'd love to meet any of them if they feel the same. Stepping outside oneself, it occurs to us that maybe this is what everyone else is doing too and this is the true source of what people sometimes call timewasting i.e talking without being serious about meeting.

Solution: To be honest we're hoping people post ideas into this thread that might solve this. Here's some ideas to get things started. One idea would be a date feature where you can tell Fab what days and times you are free to meet people. After you've seen each other's face pics and decide you'd like to meet you can press a button and see each other's "dates" of availability that overlap. Just select the one you'd prefer and, once agreed, you are now booked in to a meet. It's very simple and promotes a little commitment to actually meeting.

Another idea is to have a rating which the other person can see. After you've seen each other's face pics you can select between "happy to meet if you want" and "genuinely keen to meet". This allows you to see if both parties are nonchalant about meeting, if you need to do the pursuit, if it's something they really need to make happen, or if both parties are genuinely keen to meet.

Over to you. Hopefully you recognise the problem and have some good ideas of features that might solve it

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By *eal Deal PartiesWoman
over a year ago

Still won't stop folks not turning up when meant too I'm afraid...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Still won't stop folks not turning up when meant too I'm afraid...

Yes we understand that. But it might oil the machinery to help those genuinely seeking to meet find others who are the same

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

We have no problems turning conversations into meets.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We have no problems turning conversations into meets. "

As you can see from our veris, neither do we. But it is quite an exhausting process. For example, at the moment I'd say we've got about 10 couples who've all expressed an interest in meeting us and who we'd also like to meet but it seems they're all waiting for us to organise it. Having no idea which are genuinely motivated to meet us (and would really turn up with a positive attitude towards play) we're left pulling straws. I just wonder if there's some way Fab could improve the flow from discussion to meet. But perhaps you're right... perhaps how things are is simply how things have to be. It's just a bit time consuming (and, with 10 or so conversations all sitting in silence now with no idea of who of them are for real or not, disorienting) that's all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 28/02/17 20:49:52]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP I think your ideas are great and in an ideal world the site owners should just get them implemented. They'd help alot of people get meets quicker which is excellent.

The issue with this site is that to implement the overlapping dates thing would probably mean a complete overhaul of the site which I can't imagine they'd do.

There are lots of other functions that could be added too especially in the search options for compatibility between people but again would require a site overhaul.

Love the suggestions/ideas.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Read this with great interest OP... like you approach about it...

My first though was what I do when I sense the person I'm chatting to may have 3 or 4 irons in the fire so to speak is pull out as I feel that I'm their back up and I'm not interested in being a back up...shows their not that into me.

Second thought was why fab can be so difficult to get to that meet stage. I think most women are over cautious on fab compared to another site I use. Fab has so many hoopsand hhurdles to jump over and through... partly to do with the window shopping mentality. .. grass looks greener over there. This doesn't seem to be the same with those on this other site... its easy to strike up a conversation and not hard to arrange a coffee meet. (Interestingly many women from here are on there too as it's easy to spot the same common phrases used in their profiles and they quickly block if you ask lol)

Just a couple observations I've have....not solutions or answers.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

Running a Fab profile and arranging meets takes time and effort.

There's nothing can be changed about that and also nothing can be done about time wasters.

Personally I do my best to filter them out and only meet genuine guys. But even I get let down sometimes.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"My first though was what I do when I sense the person I'm chatting to may have 3 or 4 irons in the fire so to speak is pull out as I feel that I'm their back up and I'm not interested in being a back up...shows their not that into me.

They aren't meant to be that into you, it's a swingers site after all.

And because there are so many time wasting guys it's not that you're a backup plan, you're just one of many that might turn out to be no use.

If I focused all my attention on every guys who messaged I'd never sleep

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

They aren't meant to be that into you, it's a swingers site after all.

And because there are so many time wasting guys it's not that you're a backup plan, you're just one of many that might turn out to be no use.

If I focused all my attention on every guys who messaged I'd never sleep

I'll second kinky minx on that. If you'd met the person and you felt they were looking at various options then I can understand you'd feel a bit second best. But without having met you they don't know if you're real, if you're actually willing to meet, if you're genuinely likely to play, and if they're actually going to be attracted to you. As such, you're just one more fantasy/possibility in a bewildering sea of other fantasies/possibilities

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

"We have no problems turning conversations into meets.

We feel that if things don't happen fairly quickly, or at least gain momentum, then they aren't going to happen. We let people know where we are going to be, but spend hardly any time talking to loads of potentials ....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We feel that if things don't happen fairly quickly, or at least gain momentum, then they aren't going to happen. We let people know where we are going to be, but spend hardly any time talking to loads of potentials .... "

I think you're probably right. We just need to send out final messages to those who've expressed interest saying which dates we're available on and if they don't get back assume it was never going to happen anyway.

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

Introduce a meet button similar to wink.

More use of Meet option and choose social to show when you're free

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ithink they are all great ideas, may I suggest that the feedback could be similar to dating sites where you can see who has viewed your profile ..this may aid in the general direction of meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They aren't meant to be that into you, it's a swingers site after all.

And because there are so many time wasting guys it's not that you're a backup plan, you're just one of many that might turn out to be no use.

If I focused all my attention on every guys who messaged I'd never sleep

I've a good gut feeling and it's never let me down. I've only ever had 2 no shows...both from well established females and I ignored my rule about taking an interest with someone with too many veris....both had a new veri posted from a meet that corresponded with the no show. (My take was I was back up and there may have been others)

So I still beg to differ...There are many who openly admit to having a few irons on the go and though you may have it in case of no shows, which still make each a second option, others use it as going for the best option.

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By *andomfodCouple
over a year ago

walsall

A lot of couples have the same problem as us. Child care and shift work which means we don't get to meet often at all

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So I still beg to differ...There are many who openly admit to having a few irons on the go and though you may have it in case of no shows, which still make each a second option, others use it as going for the best option. "

So let's clarify this (as I find it somewhat unbelievable and rather silly) you don't reply to any messages from people and express an interest in meeting them if you're already in a conversation with someone you're hoping to meet but haven't yet arranged anything with?!?

You do realise that's all we've been talking about here... not arranging multiple meets for the same date in case one doesn't show... we'd never do that. But you're telling us we shouldn't even be talking to other people about meeting if we're already in conversation with someone about that but haven't yet arranged anything with them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My earlier comment was clearly at the pre meet stage if you read carefully. I said if I sensed they were talking to a few people about a particular meet then I'd back out. Read again what I said about veris popping up after the no shows... I'd sensed there were others being chatted too at the same time when our meet was arranged. Sometimes I guess their first choice replies after they've waited and waited untill 11th hr.

Secondly it's not silly as you imply. Think about what I've actually been saying. This also might be the reason why you and others say there are time wasters.... those so called time wasters may have sensed that they were a second or third option and pulled out of the idea of meeting. It sounds like a chicken and egg situation where some of those you're calling time wasters could be thinking the same thing about anyone who they feel have multiple irons in the fire.... see where I stand and many single men and probably women too is that if we sense others are being chatted too about a meet then yes its Russian roulette as to whether we get the ticket.

There's alot of that going on here and though you say you don't do it...If it comes across a little bit that you are then you find that people suddenly pullout. This many not be because they are the time waster at all.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

If we talk to someone about a Friday meet we won't talk to anyone else about a meet on that Friday. But we don't see the problem with taking to someone at the same time about a meet the Wednesday after next.

You seem to have this idea we have fixed dates we're seeking to populate. Quite the contrary. There are simply various profiles we're interested in and are keen to convert them into (non-overlapping) meets, whenever suits everyone.

For example. We messaged one of "the ten" last night emphasising that we were genuinely interested in meeting but were waiting for signs they felt the same. They responded by saying they did but that they couldn't recall seeing our face pics 2 days earlier and hadn't discussed it at all with their wife. Our response was that we felt the ball was now in their court and that we'd wait for them to get back to us with potential dates. To which they responded by throwing all the toys out of the pram, deleting all our mails and unfriending us. So it's now 1 down and 9 to go. Thankfully we're not using Fab like you and have other leads we're nurturing. This happens so often it really is the most sensible approach.

I find it hard to believe that Fab couldn't introduce a feature which would have flushed this person out sooner. This problem is so widespread surely its worth taking a look at? Even if it's just a little flag a person can switch on and off that alerts others to the fact they're either just browsing or are genuinely looking to meet

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

OK how about this for an idea?

Get rid of "looking to meet today" as, in its current form, it's pretty useless as it pays no regard for distance. In its place add a flag to everyone's profile that can be switched between...

Not looking to meet

Looking to meet this year

Looking to meet this month

Looking to meet this week

Looking to meet today

Then make that visible on people's profiles and allow people to filter their searches with that criteria. Surely that's a no brainer? It fixes a current feature that doesn't work and adds a really helpful aspect to it. Surely even the "everything's got to stay as it is" doom and gloomers can see the benefit of that?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Rather than "looking to meet this year" it probably makes more sense to have something like "may be interested in meeting" for those who are still plucking up the courage or doing things in a very laissez-faire "might, might not" manner

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Introduce a meet button similar to wink.

More use of Meet option and choose social to show when you're free "

That would be a welcome feature. Nice idea!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If we talk to someone about a Friday meet we won't talk to anyone else about a meet on that Friday. But we don't see the problem with taking to someone at the same time about a meet the Wednesday after next.

Glad you feel yours is the most sensible approach....but then again I'm not the one asking for fab to make it easier and more sensible for you. My approach works very well. I've had 2 no shows in my time on here and never had a social that never ended up with regular repeat meets. Then again I don't look for one offs and if that's what they're into I won't meet.

One thing that come across is that you think your way is best. ... What works for one on here may not work for others. This site is used by many for many reasons and as such there needs to have a clear flexibility in its architecture to allow for that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Oh I get it

I think I've just had that eureka moment others who post feedback here finally come to. There never will be any improvements. If that's the case might I suggest one final improvement... get rid of this section of the forum

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By *ohohoWoman
over a year ago

Up North

OP I think the calendar idea is a great one. Good suggestion.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I have to agree that it is tough to get people to agree to a meet. I was chatting to one guy who was busy on every date I suggested, so in the end I asked him to message me when he was free. You won't be surprised to earn I never heard from him again.

I'm not here for sex chat or cybering, I'm here to meet. I would be interested to know whether any single bloke local to me is here for the same.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

"Introduce a meet button similar to wink.

More use of Meet option and choose social to show when you're free

That would be a welcome feature. Nice idea! "

Have to agree with this idea

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we have no issues with the cross over. We don't indulge in "chat" and make it clear that we're looking for a no obligations social relatively early on in any interaction. If people go quiet after we suggest a time and place to meet, we message them to say to let us know when they're free. if we don't hear back from them within a few weeks , we assume they're no longer interested and move on. We accept that real life gets in the way and that not everyone has the freedom we have but it's very obvious very quickly when people aren't really interested either in meeting or specifically meeting with us. We're grown ups here aren't we? the site goves us all manner if tools to interact with apparently like minded individuals, surely it's not beyond people to sort themselves out? why is it the sites responsibility to spoon-fed people or hold their hands?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The "looking to meet today" feature on this site is useless as it's not sorted by location

Changing it to be a searchable feature would fix it, adding extra flexibility helpful to absolutely every user of Fab, irrespective of how they use the site, and would be remarkably easy to implement.

Adding 4 more grades to it (meet today, meet this week, meet this month, maybe meet sometime, and not looking to meet) would add extra flexibility useful to every user of Fab, irrespective of how they use the site, and would also be remarkably easy to implement.

The whole idea is completely positive, benefits absolutely everyone, fixes a problem with the site, and is really simple to implement (I'm a web developer btw).

But still a few voices seem to feel it would be a disaster, a selfish thing I'm trying to get to help me alone, and just generally a bad idea. What hope has any other suggestion got? That's why I had my eureka moment earlier. I just realised the people who pop up every time to pull such ideas down probably have a vested interest in not doing the work needed to implement it. That's ok. It is a volunteer run site after all. But surely a better way around it would be not to pretend the idea is bad all the time but to just say "good idea but unfortunately we don't have the man power to implement it".

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"Introduce a meet button similar to wink.

More use of Meet option and choose social to show when you're free "

Or just put up a meet when you want one?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Introduce a meet button similar to wink.

More use of Meet option and choose social to show when you're free

Or just put up a meet when you want one?"

The trouble with this is it's a bit impersonal and some people might feel if you can't be bothered to ask them directly you can't be all that interested in them. So I think there is a difference between saying "I'm looking to meet someone" and "I'd genuinely like to meet you"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Doh just spotted the "looking to meet today" flag in the advanced search... my bad

Well that makes "looking to meet this week/month" etc even easier to implement

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The "looking to meet today" feature on this site is useless as it's not sorted by location

The whole idea is completely positive, benefits absolutely everyone, fixes a problem with the site, and is really simple to implement (I'm a web developer btw).

what benefit would it give to people who don't see this as a problem? I'm genuinely interested in how it would make our experience better when we don't identify with the issue you have highlighted

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"what benefit would it give to people who don't see this as a problem? I'm genuinely interested in how it would make our experience better when we don't identify with the issue you have highlighted"

At the moment you can only state "looking to meet today". This is good for those people on Fab who can do (and are interested in) last minute meets. Everyone else has only one other option; to list a maximum of 5 days they've got free in their diary as "events". If, instead of doing this, they were able to state that they were seriously looking to meet sometime that week or month you, and others not interested or able to do last minute meets, would be able to browse through all the people in your area who were genuinely serious about meeting that week/month.

The side effect of this is a search of who's actively looking to meet simultaneously cuts out everyone else who's either not quite ready to meet, just thinking about it, or having a breather. This could massively reduce communications with people who aren't really looking to meet (what others call timewasters) and help you know when someone you like the look of is having a break so you don't waste your first impression contacting them at the wrong time and can wait to jump on them when they change their status to looking again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"what benefit would it give to people who don't see this as a problem? I'm genuinely interested in how it would make our experience better when we don't identify with the issue you have highlighted

wouldn't everyone, timewasters and all, just put that they're looking to meet?

I have to say, we don't look that way at all. We do almost exactly the opposite and look for people who appeal to us first then decide if we're free rather than deciding when we wish to meet and looking for others who are free when we are...

it feels clunky, over complex and a bit pointless...I think that insisting it be a feature on every profile is a bit arrogant to be fair. Unless it's optional, it's rather dictating that everyone use the site the way you wish them to...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OK how about this for an idea?

Get rid of "looking to meet today" as, in its current form, it's pretty useless as it pays no regard for distance. In its place add a flag to everyone's profile that can be switched between...

Not looking to meet

Looking to meet this year

Looking to meet this month

Looking to meet this week

Looking to meet today

This is a REALLY great idea (minus the "this year" perhaps)

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"wouldn't everyone, timewasters and all, just put that they're looking to meet?"

Couldn't the same be said of the meet today feature but who blocked that from getting implemented with this complaint?

"I have to say, we don't look that way at all. We do almost exactly the opposite and look for people who appeal to us first then decide if we're free rather than deciding when we wish to meet and looking for others who are free when we are..."

So you don't like the idea of being able to "look for people who appeal to us" and who are genuinely looking to meet within the next few days or weeks? You really feel that would be a bad addition to the site? So bad in fact that you don't even want it as a harmless additional search option that in no way impinges on the way you currently use the site and could massively benefit the vast majority of users other than you?

"it feels clunky, over complex and a bit pointless...I think that insisting it be a feature on every profile is a bit arrogant to be fair. Unless it's optional, it's rather dictating that everyone use the site the way you wish them to... "

It would be optional. That's the whole point. You turn it on when you're genuinely looking for meets and you turn it off when you're taking a breather. I'd also appreciate it if you didn't portray me as being selfish and arrogant and trying to force everyone into my way for seeking the development of a very flexible and useful feature that is entirely optional and so clearly benefits all users of the site

All in all your criticisms all come short and feel clunky, over complex and a bit pointless. If you don't have the man power to implement the feature just say that instead

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I've decided this feature idea needs its own thread to properly highlight it and have a more constructive debate about it. So if you'd like to comment on it please seek out that other thread instead. Thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've decided this feature idea needs its own thread to properly highlight it and have a more constructive debate about it. So if you'd like to comment on it please seek out that other thread instead. Thanks

If you're just looking for people who agree with you, you should just say that and not pretend you're looking for dialogue or constructive debate...

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