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"I'm all for this, sometimes I want to raise a question in an open forum setting, but I know the reaction that I'm going to get from those who are against (for the want of a better word) BDSM. It would be nice to be able to chat about stuff, without offending people " Oh Kinky Butler I'd love you to put me through my paces | |||
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"I'd support that, although it's not something that particularly interests me. One note of caution though I'd say - newbies are often shot down for asking questions on bdsm related topics on the existing boards, by people who think they know it all, "if you were x you wouldn't need to ask, etc." If it went the way of the politics forum, there'd be a danger of the curious or tentative being turned off in the face of unhelpful responses by a small band of self-proclaimed experts. " i appreciate that concern, however at the moment its felt that noone can offer or share or ask, and the members here are astute, they know wannabes when they see them..it would be great to just have a platform out of the main forums to have a chance of evolving into something worth while x | |||
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"Fully support this Suzy " | |||
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"I'd support that, although it's not something that particularly interests me. One note of caution though I'd say - newbies are often shot down for asking questions on bdsm related topics on the existing boards, by people who think they know it all, "if you were x you wouldn't need to ask, etc." If it went the way of the politics forum, there'd be a danger of the curious or tentative being turned off in the face of unhelpful responses by a small band of self-proclaimed experts. i appreciate that concern, however at the moment its felt that noone can offer or share or ask, and the members here are astute, they know wannabes when they see them..it would be great to just have a platform out of the main forums to have a chance of evolving into something worth while x" Ok cool. I didn't mean you by the way. I've felt that I couldn't ask a question before because I'm not a "proper" sub. At times there seems almost disapproval, mockery or looking down on people who want to just add elements of techniques to their sex life, or play at it, without going the whole hog. If a space for such questions could exist alongside discussions by more "serious" bdsm practitioners, I'd be all for that. | |||
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"I'd support that, although it's not something that particularly interests me. One note of caution though I'd say - newbies are often shot down for asking questions on bdsm related topics on the existing boards, by people who think they know it all, "if you were x you wouldn't need to ask, etc." If it went the way of the politics forum, there'd be a danger of the curious or tentative being turned off in the face of unhelpful responses by a small band of self-proclaimed experts. i appreciate that concern, however at the moment its felt that noone can offer or share or ask, and the members here are astute, they know wannabes when they see them..it would be great to just have a platform out of the main forums to have a chance of evolving into something worth while x Ok cool. I didn't mean you by the way. I've felt that I couldn't ask a question before because I'm not a "proper" sub. At times there seems almost disapproval, mockery or looking down on people who want to just add elements of techniques to their sex life, or play at it, without going the whole hog. If a space for such questions could exist alongside discussions by more "serious" bdsm practitioners, I'd be all for that. " thank you for sharing, its all about a safe space isn't it and being inclusive. its not about the 'me' its about listening to what someone else is asking for, and respecting that limit even in conversation. good reminder not to get too passionate about the personal experience, but to make the whole thing more accessible and useful for others, to take away what they want/ need, from it. really good point..thank you. i heard you xx | |||
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" One note of caution though I'd say - newbies are often shot down for asking questions on bdsm related topics on the existing boards, by people who think they know it all, "if you were x you wouldn't need to ask, etc." " I have no view about a new forum one way or the other, but have to agree with the above. Would a new forum make the people answering the questions more tolerant to new people asking for advice. | |||
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" One note of caution though I'd say - newbies are often shot down for asking questions on bdsm related topics on the existing boards, by people who think they know it all, "if you were x you wouldn't need to ask, etc." I have no view about a new forum one way or the other, but have to agree with the above. Would a new forum make the people answering the questions more tolerant to new people asking for advice." If it's anything like the politics forum I'd think not, I find since that's moved out of The Lounge it's gone hardcore. | |||
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"while this is ultimately a swinger site the bridging of the gap between BDSM and swinging is happeneing and while extremist against BDSM are present, it would be nice to have a BDSM support subforum, for us who bridge both scenes to share info and experiences without resorting to the lounge, where those with no interest, troll the threads.. it worked for the politics forum and it would be nice not to have to direct them off site for the support and education, some of us would like to impart. please think about it FAB. x" Well done OP for your post. From someone from another scene under the banner of Fab the Trans scene has its own fair share of bitter trolls attacking us and hijacking forums to try and cause friction. Clearly there is a lot support for your scene looking at posts here...but how could it be policed to block the trolls from posting openly ? | |||
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" One note of caution though I'd say - newbies are often shot down for asking questions on bdsm related topics on the existing boards, by people who think they know it all, "if you were x you wouldn't need to ask, etc." I have no view about a new forum one way or the other, but have to agree with the above. Would a new forum make the people answering the questions more tolerant to new people asking for advice. If it's anything like the politics forum I'd think not, I find since that's moved out of The Lounge it's gone hardcore. " I don't think the comparison is fair. I think the politics sub forum was started to give people a space to debate. While that forum can get a tad "shouty" it serves its purpose in that you can participate or not. | |||
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" One note of caution though I'd say - newbies are often shot down for asking questions on bdsm related topics on the existing boards, by people who think they know it all, "if you were x you wouldn't need to ask, etc." I have no view about a new forum one way or the other, but have to agree with the above. Would a new forum make the people answering the questions more tolerant to new people asking for advice. If it's anything like the politics forum I'd think not, I find since that's moved out of The Lounge it's gone hardcore. I don't think the comparison is fair. I think the politics sub forum was started to give people a space to debate. While that forum can get a tad "shouty" it serves its purpose in that you can participate or not. " All the forums serve that purpose to participate or not but sometimes taking a topic out of the Lounge / Swingers Chat and making it a sub forum can make it feel a little exclusive, for want of a better word. Either that or they don't see much usage like the London one for example. | |||
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" One note of caution though I'd say - newbies are often shot down for asking questions on bdsm related topics on the existing boards, by people who think they know it all, "if you were x you wouldn't need to ask, etc." I have no view about a new forum one way or the other, but have to agree with the above. Would a new forum make the people answering the questions more tolerant to new people asking for advice. If it's anything like the politics forum I'd think not, I find since that's moved out of The Lounge it's gone hardcore. I don't think the comparison is fair. I think the politics sub forum was started to give people a space to debate. While that forum can get a tad "shouty" it serves its purpose in that you can participate or not. All the forums serve that purpose to participate or not but sometimes taking a topic out of the Lounge / Swingers Chat and making it a sub forum can make it feel a little exclusive, for want of a better word. Either that or they don't see much usage like the London one for example." I see your point but I think it very much depends on the participants and their behaviour. The politics one can be quite polarised but I think a BDSM one could be very supportive. (Suzy is leading a great thread in the lounge tonight for example). | |||
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" One note of caution though I'd say - newbies are often shot down for asking questions on bdsm related topics on the existing boards, by people who think they know it all, "if you were x you wouldn't need to ask, etc." I have no view about a new forum one way or the other, but have to agree with the above. Would a new forum make the people answering the questions more tolerant to new people asking for advice. If it's anything like the politics forum I'd think not, I find since that's moved out of The Lounge it's gone hardcore. I don't think the comparison is fair. I think the politics sub forum was started to give people a space to debate. While that forum can get a tad "shouty" it serves its purpose in that you can participate or not. " the point was out of popular demand a sub forum for politics was created and another could be for BDSM those not interested in politics dont have to go there same with those that feel BDSM is not for them however there is a space that it seems is well utilised by those that are. i am suggesting Kink and BDSM could be given its own space as the number of those interested is large and growing. i dont see the point of telling people to go elsewhere, the people are here, lets keep them here, its good site sense x x | |||
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" One note of caution though I'd say - newbies are often shot down for asking questions on bdsm related topics on the existing boards, by people who think they know it all, "if you were x you wouldn't need to ask, etc." I have no view about a new forum one way or the other, but have to agree with the above. Would a new forum make the people answering the questions more tolerant to new people asking for advice. If it's anything like the politics forum I'd think not, I find since that's moved out of The Lounge it's gone hardcore. I don't think the comparison is fair. I think the politics sub forum was started to give people a space to debate. While that forum can get a tad "shouty" it serves its purpose in that you can participate or not. All the forums serve that purpose to participate or not but sometimes taking a topic out of the Lounge / Swingers Chat and making it a sub forum can make it feel a little exclusive, for want of a better word. Either that or they don't see much usage like the London one for example. I see your point but I think it very much depends on the participants and their behaviour. The politics one can be quite polarised but I think a BDSM one could be very supportive. (Suzy is leading a great thread in the lounge tonight for example). " if the site members value the space they will support the vibe of the space..some people obviously want this space, i think they should be trusted to nurture and evolve it..same rules of fab apply to trolls, taboos etc, not asking for anything different x | |||
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" I see your point but I think it very much depends on the participants and their behaviour. The politics one can be quite polarised but I think a BDSM one could be very supportive. (Suzy is leading a great thread in the lounge tonight for example). if the site members value the space they will support the vibe of the space..some people obviously want this space, i think they should be trusted to nurture and evolve it..same rules of fab apply to trolls, taboos etc, not asking for anything different x" Exactly, and I (Jam) would be happy to try and help in anyway. | |||
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"I'd support that, although it's not something that particularly interests me. One note of caution though I'd say - newbies are often shot down for asking questions on bdsm related topics on the existing boards, by people who think they know it all, "if you were x you wouldn't need to ask, etc." If it went the way of the politics forum, there'd be a danger of the curious or tentative being turned off in the face of unhelpful responses by a small band of self-proclaimed experts. " But if the newby saw the dim dom getting shot down for their stupid remarks wouldn't that be better? | |||
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"I'd support that, although it's not something that particularly interests me. One note of caution though I'd say - newbies are often shot down for asking questions on bdsm related topics on the existing boards, by people who think they know it all, "if you were x you wouldn't need to ask, etc." If it went the way of the politics forum, there'd be a danger of the curious or tentative being turned off in the face of unhelpful responses by a small band of self-proclaimed experts. But if the newby saw the dim dom getting shot down for their stupid remarks wouldn't that be better? " Who is allowed to define who a 'dim dom' is? | |||
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"I've mentioned the idea to mods a few times but alas no results x" Mods can't implement it | |||
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"Yes let's keep this going. " Your pics are amazing | |||
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"while this is ultimately a swinger site the bridging of the gap between BDSM and swinging is happeneing and while extremist against BDSM are present, it would be nice to have a BDSM support subforum, for us who bridge both scenes to share info and experiences without resorting to the lounge, where those with no interest, troll the threads.. it worked for the politics forum and it would be nice not to have to direct them off site for the support and education, some of us would like to impart. please think about it FAB. x" Full support and maybe a forum mod who understands a bit about BDSM so can follow discussion lines...instead of just banning, deleting etc... Just a thought Naughty (f) | |||
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" Full support and maybe a forum mod who understands a bit about BDSM so can follow discussion lines...instead of just banning, deleting etc... Just a thought Naughty (f)" Another thought - big assumptions being made | |||
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" Full support and maybe a forum mod who understands a bit about BDSM so can follow discussion lines...instead of just banning, deleting etc... Just a thought Naughty (f) Another thought - big assumptions being made " Not sure it's the mods, more likely fab guidelines on what's acceptable. Maybe the remit can be expanded where what's discussed is SSC | |||
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"FWIW mods always seem to delete stuff referencing illegal activity - which more BDSM is. That means that specifics of most BDSM activities can't be discussed on this site, which makes a BDSM forum a little pointless. To discuss BDSM activities that are illegal in the UK I'd imagine that the site hosting would need to be moved to a location (websites have physical locations on servers) where these discussions can happen, which would be expensive and difficult for the site owners to appease a minority of people - especially when there are already some great BDSM community websites which are setup to tall about this kind of thing." While a BDSM friendly subforum may not suit your types of activity. i am not talking a specialist place i am looking at the large number of people who bridge the gap between swinging and BDSM.whilst that may only suit those curious to the kinksters. i think its a worthwhile demographic to support and acknowledge x traditional fet lifestylers do not swing.there are swingers who do not do BDSM. its about catering for the middle of the venn diagram, where the two worlds are starting to meet and become integrated, those that do not mix it on either side, those people are catered for somewhere..its the crossover that isn't. | |||
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"This site is a business sooo Dear Admin Every time somebody leaves this site because it does not allow them after 50SOG etc to find out about enhancing their sex life with a bit of kinky stuff, there is a loss of interest in your site. We think it would be a good idea through a sub forum for you to cater to this emerging market and would benefit your business. Pretty please " | |||
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"The only thing I can see that would stop or rather prevent a bdsm section would be to find an appropriately experienced and knowledgeable moderator who could/would know the difference between many different terminology, prevent certain websites and other aspects of the scene. X" The mods on the forum would be more than capable to mod another forum section. If they were not sure of something they would do what they do now, ask another mod or Admin for advice. | |||
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"The only thing I can see that would stop or rather prevent a bdsm section would be to find an appropriately experienced and knowledgeable moderator who could/would know the difference between many different terminology, prevent certain websites and other aspects of the scene. X The mods on the forum would be more than capable to mod another forum section. If they were not sure of something they would do what they do now, ask another mod or Admin for advice." | |||
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"FWIW mods always seem to delete stuff referencing illegal activity - which more BDSM is. That means that specifics of most BDSM activities can't be discussed on this site, which makes a BDSM forum a little pointless. To discuss BDSM activities that are illegal in the UK I'd imagine that the site hosting would need to be moved to a location (websites have physical locations on servers) where these discussions can happen, which would be expensive and difficult for the site owners to appease a minority of people - especially when there are already some great BDSM community websites which are setup to tall about this kind of thing. While a BDSM friendly subforum may not suit your types of activity. i am not talking a specialist place i am looking at the large number of people who bridge the gap between swinging and BDSM.whilst that may only suit those curious to the kinksters. i think its a worthwhile demographic to support and acknowledge x traditional fet lifestylers do not swing.there are swingers who do not do BDSM. its about catering for the middle of the venn diagram, where the two worlds are starting to meet and become integrated, those that do not mix it on either side, those people are catered for somewhere..its the crossover that isn't." This. | |||
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"Sounds like a great idea! " | |||
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"The only thing I can see that would stop or rather prevent a bdsm section would be to find an appropriately experienced and knowledgeable moderator who could/would know the difference between many different terminology, prevent certain websites and other aspects of the scene. X The mods on the forum would be more than capable to mod another forum section. If they were not sure of something they would do what they do now, ask another mod or Admin for advice." . Over the years so many threads have been removed because they are deemed to fall foul of the forum rules. We have had spanking threads removed as they were classed as "abuse" we recently had a thread removed as it could be classed as non consensual. The problem is that nearly all bdsm subjects are very subjective and how one person perceives it is very different to the other. Without proper knowledge and understanding of a subject it can and will be seen in the wrong light. There are very few bdsm subjects which could actually be openly discussed with being seen to fall foul of the form rules in some way. | |||
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"50 shades of grey book group lol Although that guy was actually pretty abusive" He's the one everyone warns you about when you enter into the fet community !!! | |||
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"I'm not looking to be awkward or pick a argument but if a rule is used to stop people discussing one thing then if it applies to another subject then it should be implemented as well. Subjects should not just be removed because someone feels uncomfortable with its subject matter. If such form was to exist it would have to me moderated to a different set of rules to the rest of the forum for it to Serve any purpose. " ahh no it wouldnt . if this succeeed and isnt sabotaged by asking too much of the admin. Fab rules should and obviously will apply..those that do not like the topics, there is always someone who wants to take things further than the structure will allow, will be asked to go elsewhere or have the consequences of fab admin..this is a swingers site, bdsm would only be a small part of that intent..and people should bear that in mic, we are trying to attempt to build understanding and bridges here, not fight with others, with the structure, the way they run the site or what its stands for..respect...is paramount, to each other and to the motive behind the request...thankyou x | |||
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"The only thing I can see that would stop or rather prevent a bdsm section would be to find an appropriately experienced and knowledgeable moderator who could/would know the difference between many different terminology, prevent certain websites and other aspects of the scene. Whilst there is a distinct and growing crossover between swinging and bdsm... we must remember that bdsm is a catch all for just about every fetish under the sun... some of which may be awfully upsetting to others. X" I'm pretty certain I recognise one moderators profile picture from not a current existing bdsm site but another one that no longer exists (RIP IC - yes I'm that old and been on the bdsm scene that long) I think a bdsm forum is a cracking idea. All too often something is posted about bdsm only for people to comment *ew not for me* or some such other disapproval. It being in it's own space would mean that those that really don't want to know can easily avoid it! (Although why anyone would want to avoid bdsm is beyond me) | |||
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"Great idea. I'm more interested in fet than swing these days but so many fetish/bdsm/kinksters on other sites are snobs and purists and are not into the sex side of things. Lots of us like a blend of both. It's like music genres blending. You don't have to be dance music or rock music purist. Being eclectic and open-minded is the way forward. Plus the kink scene is a good place for TVs too x" There is a real BDSM snobbery in this world? Great vanilla sex can include elements of real kinkiness from the BDSM genre, and there are many things to share and enjoy. I went to a 'munch' and they were lovely people living very vanilla lives. There are some activities or the more extreme side that maybe would not fit here? so off figging wheres the ginger root? | |||
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"The only thing I can see that would stop or rather prevent a bdsm section would be to find an appropriately experienced and knowledgeable moderator who could/would know the difference between many different terminology, prevent certain websites and other aspects of the scene. Whilst there is a distinct and growing crossover between swinging and bdsm... we must remember that bdsm is a catch all for just about every fetish under the sun... some of which may be awfully upsetting to others. X I'm pretty certain I recognise one moderators profile picture from not a current existing bdsm site but another one that no longer exists (RIP IC - yes I'm that old and been on the bdsm scene that long) I think a bdsm forum is a cracking idea. All too often something is posted about bdsm only for people to comment *ew not for me* or some such other disapproval. It being in it's own space would mean that those that really don't want to know can easily avoid it! (Although why anyone would want to avoid bdsm is beyond me)" Be careful. I got a 24hr forum ban for mentioning that fabulous, unfortunately now defunct wedsite. It was a great kink resource and place for newbies as well as the more experienced to discuss and enquire about all things kink related. We certainly do miss it. | |||
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"The only thing I can see that would stop or rather prevent a bdsm section would be to find an appropriately experienced and knowledgeable moderator who could/would know the difference between many different terminology, prevent certain websites and other aspects of the scene. Whilst there is a distinct and growing crossover between swinging and bdsm... we must remember that bdsm is a catch all for just about every fetish under the sun... some of which may be awfully upsetting to others. X I'm pretty certain I recognise one moderators profile picture from not a current existing bdsm site but another one that no longer exists (RIP IC - yes I'm that old and been on the bdsm scene that long) I think a bdsm forum is a cracking idea. All too often something is posted about bdsm only for people to comment *ew not for me* or some such other disapproval. It being in it's own space would mean that those that really don't want to know can easily avoid it! (Although why anyone would want to avoid bdsm is beyond me) Be careful. I got a 24hr forum ban for mentioning that fabulous, unfortunately now defunct wedsite. It was a great kink resource and place for newbies as well as the more experienced to discuss and enquire about all things kink related. We certainly do miss it." agree saddly the current fave fetish site is rapidley turning into an off shoot of porn hub baddly need a replacement for IC thats not just run as one mans vanity project to pick up teenage girls | |||
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"The only thing I can see that would stop or rather prevent a bdsm section would be to find an appropriately experienced and knowledgeable moderator who could/would know the difference between many different terminology, prevent certain websites and other aspects of the scene. Whilst there is a distinct and growing crossover between swinging and bdsm... we must remember that bdsm is a catch all for just about every fetish under the sun... some of which may be awfully upsetting to others. X I'm pretty certain I recognise one moderators profile picture from not a current existing bdsm site but another one that no longer exists (RIP IC - yes I'm that old and been on the bdsm scene that long) I think a bdsm forum is a cracking idea. All too often something is posted about bdsm only for people to comment *ew not for me* or some such other disapproval. It being in it's own space would mean that those that really don't want to know can easily avoid it! (Although why anyone would want to avoid bdsm is beyond me) Be careful. I got a 24hr forum ban for mentioning that fabulous, unfortunately now defunct wedsite. It was a great kink resource and place for newbies as well as the more experienced to discuss and enquire about all things kink related. We certainly do miss it.agree saddly the current fave fetish site is rapidley turning into an off shoot of porn hub baddly need a replacement for IC thats not just run as one mans vanity project to pick up teenage girls " | |||
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"I'm all for this, sometimes I want to raise a question in an open forum setting, but I know the reaction that I'm going to get from those who are against (for the want of a better word) BDSM. It would be nice to be able to chat about stuff, without offending people Oh Kinky Butler I'd love you to put me through my paces " I'd love to put you through your paces too | |||
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"Lets not keep posting about other sites please as it isn't allowed " If it doesn't exist anymore surely its not actually mentioning a website .. | |||
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"Lets not keep posting about other sites please as it isn't allowed " Agree "rules is rules" but it would be very difficult to discuss the practice of bdsm without (if I will not be sued by JK Rowling's Lawyers) mentioning Voldemort, when it appears to be the no. 1 bdsm resource. It is not a direct competitor nor charges for access. It would be writing about fashion without referring to Vogue. I am sure Harpers Bazaar occasionally refers to Vogue. | |||
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"Lets not keep posting about other sites please as it isn't allowed If it doesn't exist anymore surely its not actually mentioning a website .. " It wasn't a non existing site that was mentioned | |||
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"Lets not keep posting about other sites please as it isn't allowed Agree "rules is rules" " Exactly | |||
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"Lets not keep posting about other sites please as it isn't allowed Agree "rules is rules" but it would be very difficult to discuss the practice of bdsm without (if I will not be sued by JK Rowling's Lawyers) mentioning Voldemort, when it appears to be the no. 1 bdsm resource. It is not a direct competitor nor charges for access. It would be writing about fashion without referring to Vogue. I am sure Harpers Bazaar occasionally refers to Vogue." afriad it does charge for anything above the most basic access just like here so in theory is a competitior | |||
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"thank you for all your support. i thought it would be a popular suggestion. on and off being online for next few days, by then maybe 'we' would have had some response from admin x fingers crossed x and please don't break FAB rules on this thread ..i appreciate the restraint (see what i did there) xx" Very clever you dont want to get yourself all tied up over things do you? | |||
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"while this is ultimately a swinger site the bridging of the gap between BDSM and swinging is happeneing and while extremist against BDSM are present, it would be nice to have a BDSM support subforum, for us who bridge both scenes to share info and experiences without resorting to the lounge, where those with no interest, troll the threads.. it worked for the politics forum and it would be nice not to have to direct them off site for the support and education, some of us would like to impart. please think about it FAB. x" | |||
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"while this is ultimately a swinger site the bridging of the gap between BDSM and swinging is happeneing and while extremist against BDSM are present, it would be nice to have a BDSM support subforum, for us who bridge both scenes to share info and experiences without resorting to the lounge, where those with no interest, troll the threads.. it worked for the politics forum and it would be nice not to have to direct them off site for the support and education, some of us would like to impart. please think about it FAB. x " I know up here when swingers have crossed over into the bdsm side of things they were warmly welcomed by all the kinksters so what difference is it going the other way | |||
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"just a catch up, i have sent the link to this thread to admin directly, so they can see the proposal and the support it has received from the site. i have asked for a response and hope to hear from them..i shall update you lovelies if i receive any form of feedback. thank you for your continued support xx" fingers crossed Suzy | |||
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"Definitely! That popular fet site is atrocious to try and navigate round and as many have said there is a massive snobbery amongst the knowledgeable -as a noob I've been shot down in flames a few times and gone back into hiding with my tail between my legs. My kink status is a complicated mix of many, I like to not be set but flow wherever things take me, with a kinky ongoing tussle and mental battle for control -switch would probably be closest most encompassing but feel as though I'm severely frowned upon for not being a set role. To have some normals and first timers discussing here with beginner friendly more experienced folk advising would be a great bridge to the dark side (plus a few kinky meets might arise -perhaps experienced who are tolerant of newcomers to show ropes)." I wouldn't say massive snobbery.yes there is some.but you find that In all walks of life.hey I'm part of fet and I'm no snob .if you go to a local munch they usually meet and greet you.a new one started up in the n east just om wednesday.they treated everyone who went equally well.there you get to know the real people involved.I have found the odd few kinksters on here but it is tricky as many are just fantasists who have little or no idea.I've been on fet nearly 10 years and have been in the scene a lot longer .sadly we lost all our clubs but a new one has just started up. but you have to make contact with people on that site first .they usually like to see you at a munch first .get your face seen | |||
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"while this is ultimately a swinger site the bridging of the gap between BDSM and swinging is happeneing and while extremist against BDSM are present, it would be nice to have a BDSM support subforum, for us who bridge both scenes to share info and experiences without resorting to the lounge, where those with no interest, troll the threads.. it worked for the politics forum and it would be nice not to have to direct them off site for the support and education, some of us would like to impart. please think about it FAB. x" Oh I would love this Oh please think about it FAB | |||
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"We would love this. We are very D/s and have been to cap and club anti Christ. We find that fet events at swingers clubs are not hard enough and just playing slapsie with no actual sex. Where as swinger clubs don't give enough of the dynamic we crave. For me the most important part of the D/s relationship is the mental and trust element. We've not found anyone truly into the sex and BDSM side who's had the confidence to revel in the experience. Maybe I'm too in control in the situation which makes people too nervous as it can be a big ask to really let go. We love the sex part and I've found that this is frowned upon in the fet world " | |||
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