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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A post on behalf of my partner Gynandromorphine (34, MtF TG, Manchester) who is a new member and thus cannot post in forums yet. She felt that this needed to be said.
To the guy who said
“Don't worry just googled it have a rough idea now ! ”
Thank you, this is most welcome, and is what anyone should do if they want to be a good ally of any marginalised group.
One observation: It’s virtually always transwomen who advocate separating the two categories and cross-dressers who want to remain the same category. Make of that what you will.
It appears to me that most people who are in the TV/TS category are cross-dressers. These numbers are likely by the fact transgender people (fun fact: TRANSGENDER MEN EXIST) will be alienated by fab’s approach to gender. I have left the site several times I n frustration. This means that affectively, cross-dressers can and do act as a proxy for all of us.
I fully get that fab is primarily a meat market. Its users want accurate labelling to know “what’s inside the package”. Men need their fragile masculinity protected from things like being exposed to seeing a cock on cam or in a photo, or possibly during a meet. Or seeing somebody who confuses them with regards to sexuality.
These are risks that take place on anyone’s profile or any meet. I wouldn’t be surprised if at least some of the same guys who feel this way have no qualms whatsoever about sending unsolicited dick pics to women.
But you can’t simply reduce gender to someone’s bits. I’m not, as many are, of the view that it makes you transphobic to not be attracted to transwomen. Who you are attracted to is your business, and if you don’t like cocks, that’s absolutely fine by me. I’m not altogether happy about not being permitted to be included in the category “woman”, but at the end of the day, I am not going to be what many people who are looking for a woman want. It’s unlikely to happen any time soon I know, but ideally, everyone who llives as a woman should be allowed to use that gender marker. If people want to specify that they are, or are looking for pre-op, post op or non-op trans women or men, transwomen or cis women. I can obviously see the objection that most cis women would not be happy identifying as much, but if trans people have to have to conform to cis peoples’ label, then really that’s a bit of give and take. It’s only unrealistic because cis privilege.
Yes, there is nothing to stop cross-dressers putting themselves in the TS category. But, most of the time, people declare whether they’re one or the other. People use this site to find partners who fit their preference, so most of the time, it pays to be in the category which helps people whose preferences you fit find you. People have the amazing gift of reading your profile, looking at your photos, meeting you, talking to you, seeing what you look like naked, and showing you what they look like naked you both agree to it, and if either considers it important you, before making a decision about whether they want to fuck you. The decision not to can be taken by any party at any point up to it happening, and the decision to stop at any point during it happening.
Also, there is nothing to stop:
Any man putting himself in any other gender category he does belong (including having a TV/TS profile whilst presenting and dressing like a man.
A man who looks convincingly like a woman being photo verified as one, either single or as part of a couple.
I would strongly suspect that making people show their genitals to get photo verified would be pretty unpopular with everyone, and rightly so.
It’s a distinction that members of this site OF ALL GENDERS may want to make, and it will make it easier for people to find what they’re looking for. It will mean that people who to meet transwomen and not cross-dressers don’t have to be inundated with messages from the latter.
It will also mean that I don’t have to deal with people who assume from looking at my profile that I’m a man in drag, as well as stopping perpetuating the harmful idea that we are.
If you don’t want to make the distinction because you reduce people to their genitals or can’t be arsed learning, I have a handy hint: SEARCH FOR BOTH!!! Don’t hold out for any response from transgender folks though.
Finally, I would like to refer people to Fab’s terms of use which state:
5.9 You shouldn’t assume that any Content is accurate and be aware that a person may not be who he or she claims to be. We can’t be responsible for false or misleading statements by Members as these are matters outside our reasonable control. It isn’t practical for us to vet the identity of Members or to vet or monitor all Content. While Members can verify the profiles of other Members, this is not a foolproof system. So, when arranging to meet others through our site, you must take appropriate precautions and follow any safety guidelines on the site. We cannot control what actually happens at such meetings which are at your own risk and are not our responsibility.
Which if you’re smart, you’re probably, doing all of already.
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hope we dont offend k 
Plenty of other sites do and it works perfectly well, fab just doesn't listen to its members, instead we get blue dots 
