FabSwingers.com forum: Blanket messaging

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I keep seeing new profiles by females who say they've been inundated by messages within hours of joining and can't sift through them all.

Normally I hate being limited, especially if I've paid for membership or something extra like site supporter status, but I really think males should now be limited to messaging one profile per day, because it's obvious there are too many who just 'blanket bomb' the profiles with copied & pasted messages or with a short 'hello' in the hope of being noticed.

I always read through a profile, and leave a personal message relating to it, and if we all did that then I can't believe women would have to deal with so many messages. Right now I feel I'm wasting my time, because by the time they get to my messages they probably can't be arsed, and i wouldn't blame them either

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

What about couples and females.....they would be allowed to?

I personally ( my own thoughts, no one else's )don't think it would be fair, we are all on here for the same thing, to get fun whichever way that is and don't think single men should be penalised.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I am a single male though and I don't think it's fair that the women have to sift through so much 'spam' (coz let's face it, it's the same thing as spamming). Nor is it fair for single males who actually make a real effort to read a profile and write a proper message, to get lumped together with all those other inconsiderate knobs who clog up the inboxes of women who want something a bit more meaningful and personal, so they can at least stand a chance of separating out the ones who are genuine.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I am sure if the women don't think it is fair that they get lots of mails from single males they can block them from mailing them or leave the site.

You seem to be thinking that EVERYONE hates "inconsiderate knobs" ( as you call it) who don't send meaningful and personal messages.......we are not all the same.

I personally get put off by even the words "meaningful mails" as I want straight to the point mails that tell me what they want, and I answer back just as straight as to wether it is yes or no. We don't think of it as spam, we have an advert on a website , we expect to get mail.( not in a cocky sense)

So again, as a personal answer, I would say no to limiting one section of the sites mails.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Messaging one person a day?? That's a bit unfair isn't it?

The odds for single males are low anyway just because of pure numbers. Just because a guy ticks all the preferences, doesn't mean he will to be someone else's taste - something he can't control.

So what if he matches the prefs, writes a great message but they're not interested or not looking to play at the moment? That's his change for today gone!

You can't make a site so restricted, it's about customer service at the end of the day, not making peoples lives difficult.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yes I know some women prefer shorter ones (I've had plenty of 'Hello' messages myself), and that a 'meaningful' message will not matter if a guy does fit the bill, but you're missing the point. If it's working for you that's fine, but I'm seeing lots of profiles that complain about the amount and the quality of messaging.

AND who needs to message more than one person in a day anyway? Why would it be so difficult to wait till the next day (unless they specify a meeting for that day, in which case the rule could be changed)? Are they gonna disappear?

Are you really telling me that messaging every profile with 'hello' just because they're female is good?

There's also the issue of the males who lie about being single. If a male is really single then there's no reason why they can't make more of an effort, whereas the cheaters can be cheap with their messages

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your argument has no logic - it assumes that all men are blanket messaging.

Why can people not message more than one in a day? It's a site for casual sex, not looking for your one true love. If I am looking for new people, I will often got through browse and would like to message more than one profile expressing my interest. Why should men not have the same opportunity?

What if they would like to email one person asking to meet and another answering a point they have made on the forums?

What if they are organising a social or party and want to email all the people who have signed up?

Would you be so kind as to allow people to email more than one person they have already contacted? For the men out there who might be making arrangements to meet more than one member at one time?

As you're not female, why should it even bother you - are you trying to score brownie points with the females out there by being all white knight

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Yes I know some women prefer shorter ones (I've had plenty of 'Hello' messages myself), and that a 'meaningful' message will not matter if a guy does fit the bill, but you're missing the point. If it's working for you that's fine, but I'm seeing lots of profiles that complain about the amount and the quality of messaging.

Are you really telling me that messaging every profile with 'hello' just because they're female is good?

No, No where in my post did I say that.

I have made my comments and don't feel the need to explain them if you can't understand them or want to twist them.

You suggested an idea, I don't think it is a good one. End of for me.....but thats just my opinion, I am sure if others have opinions on it they might be the ones you want to see.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm not assuming all men are blanket messaging, but I just think it would favour those are more sincere in their motives, which isn't about finding the one true love, it's about mutual pleasure, which in most cases (not all I know) involves a certain amount of friendship and trust (surely most people would like to find someone they could be friends with as well rather than having it like a business arrangement).

Of course I'd allow the right to reply, the point is to limit the number of new contacts, I don't want to make it hard for it to be sociable, and messaging those arranging parties or who have 'meet today' could be made exempt (how hard would it be?)

As for brownie points, I think that's unfair, but I am fed up with hearing stories from women regarding men whose behaviour gives us all a bad name. I'm not saying I'm a white knight, but if there were such a thing on here how would any of you find it amongst all the deception and sneaking around.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why limit though? BY your logic, anyone wishing to make contact with more than one person is not genuine. And I'd say that's totally untrue.

Now, at the moment I'm talking to a couple of guys and couples with the prospect of meeting them. I'll not meet them in the same week and some of them it will fall by the wayside - whether from my side or theirs.

If anyone got annoyed with me because I was talking to other people with the aim of meeting, I'd tell them in no uncertain terms to jog on.

So why limit? It's up to other people how they use the site, who are you to restrict anyone to one contact a day?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"how would any of you find it amongst all the deception and sneaking around."

I've managed to meet plenty of lovely guys - if anything to be honest the type of behaviour you're talking about makes it easier to spot the nice ones

I know where you're coming from, I really do, but I just think you'd be penalising the decent ones.

Also, I've not read many threads from women complaining about the amount of mail - usually just in reply to men complaining they never get replies.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

No, No where in my post did I say that.

I have made my comments and don't feel the need to explain them if you can't understand them or want to twist them.

You suggested an idea, I don't think it is a good one. End of for me.....but thats just my opinion, I am sure if others have opinions on it they might be the ones you want to see."

I know you didn't say that and I'm not twisting your words, it just seems like no one cares that this 'spam' wastes so much time and space on here. I'm just saying that's what it seems is going on here sometimes, not by every male, but enough to make it difficult for anyone genuine to stand out.

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"I always read through a profile, and leave a personal message relating to it, and if we all did that then I can't believe women would have to deal with so many messages."

OP, for what it's worth - the first line of the bit I've quoted screams "white knight", in my view.

On the resulting logic - Your solution penalises too many non-spammers.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why limit though? BY your logic, anyone wishing to make contact with more than one person is not genuine. And I'd say that's totally untrue.

Er....actually that's no where near what I'm saying, I think you may've misunderstood something.

Of course being in contact with more than one person is ok, you gotta have a choice. I'm just saying that having no limit to how many DIFFERENT profiles you message creates the opportunity for too many people to send silly amounts of messages in a 'hit and hope' way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not explaining my views anymore.

You've suggested limiting the number of profiles men can contact. Actually, there is already a limit to the number of messages people can send - it's around 100 or so I believe.

I've said that in my view it is unfair as the majority use the messaging facility wisely, so why should they be penalised.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I always read through a profile, and leave a personal message relating to it, and if we all did that then I can't believe women would have to deal with so many messages.

OP, for what it's worth - the first line of the bit I've quoted screams "white knight", in my view.

On the resulting logic - Your solution penalises too many non-spammers."

As for the quote, how many times have you seen requests by members that their profile be read properly? Or that a certain word should be in the title to show it's been read? It obviously bugs plenty of people, so why shouldn't I say it?

Non spammers are getting penalised anyway, as a consequence of the spammers

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Actually, all this does is confirm that I've been in denial all this time. I'm just not cut out for this kind of thing, because I actually care how my actions affect other people, which is obviously the wrong attitude to have.

It's a shame really because it's for that reason I'm fucking good at giving pleasure to others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So by wanting to be able to make new contact with more than one person in a day, the rest of us are thoughtless and selfish. Well thank God for people like you eh, who want to tar everyone with the same brush in the name of thinking about others......

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

Non spammers are getting penalised anyway, as a consequence of the spammers"

I'm not penalised at all.

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By *j_markCouple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Totteridge/Whetstone

Don't forget everyone can restrict who can mail them on the filters page:

http://www.fabswingers.com/my/filters

We probably need to make this more obvious to new fems, and we'll be doing that this year.

Admin x

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