FabSwingers.com forum: Naming and Shaming

By *oufou OP Couple
7 days ago

Somerset

On Thursday evening, we were stood up by a guy local to us who has 83 verifications, the majority from meets. Like us, he has been here for over a decade. He approached us initially. His communication was clear, prompt and not hungry for pics. His verifications were numerous and glowing, although the most recent was six years old. We initially declined him for this reason alone, but he was charming and persistent and ‘returning to the scene’ apparently. After a couple of weeks of messages, we invited him to pick a date to suit his diary, and the place, day and time was confirmed.

We arrived at the venue five minutes early. After waiting for 30 minutes, and without communication from him, we finished our drinks and left the bar. We took a photo of us holding the bar receipt with the venue, date and time clearly visible and sent it to him with a brief message expressing our disappointment. He read it the following day, but never responded.

This experience is typical for us. I would say 90% of arranged socials end in this way. We can’t be alone here. My question is this:

In the absence of negative feedback is there an argument for users to add a list of ghosters and no shows to their profile text? Yes, it’s open to abuse, but the concept of civic duty is hardly contentious. It’s been a vital part of thriving societies for thousands of years.

Would welcome opinions on this!

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By *ngry IngridWoman
7 days ago

Cardigan

Its a against site rules to name and shame.

Isn't there a report button on their profile where you can report a no show?

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By *oufou OP Couple
7 days ago

Somerset

"Its a against site rules to name and shame.

Isn't there a report button on their profile where you can report a no show? "

The Report button exists to give you a sense of agency. No action is taken. No users are informed. It’s useless.

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By *arriedfun69Man
7 days ago

Bedford

Can’t believe anyone stood you up as if me I’d be there a day early lol

Difficultly in meeting does seem to be on the rise here along with pic collectors..maybe it just a sign of the times unfortunately..hope your next adventure is more successful

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By *eroLondonMan
7 days ago

Mayfair

"Can’t believe anyone stood you up as if me I’d be there a day early lol"

•

Clearly you're not discerning then? The OP is looking compatibility, not sycophancy.

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By *oufou OP Couple
7 days ago

Somerset

"Can’t believe anyone stood you up as if me I’d be there a day early lol"

Very sweet, but we would agree that meeting has become increasingly problematic for all users.

The question we’re asking is whether the site can be improved to make it more successful and safe for everyone. If the answer is yes, then we should be discussing how.

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By *eroLondonMan
7 days ago

Mayfair

"...We arrived at the venue five minutes early. After waiting for 30 minutes, and without communication from him, we finished our drinks and left the bar."

•

I'm sorry to hear about your experiences. It's not ideal.

You mention the "venue" — was this not an initial coffee meet, or had you already met previously for a platonic social? (Were you looking to play from your inaugural meet?)

Did you ever engage in voice or video calls over WhatsApp or Telegram at any stage prior to making arrangements to meet?

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By *oufou OP Couple
7 days ago

Somerset

"...We arrived at the venue five minutes early. After waiting for 30 minutes, and without communication from him, we finished our drinks and left the bar.

•

I'm sorry to hear about your experiences. It's not ideal.

You mention the "venue" — was this not an initial coffee meet, or had you already met previously for a platonic social? (Were you looking to play from your inaugural meet?)

Did you ever engage in voice or video calls over WhatsApp or Telegram at any stage prior to making arrangements to meet?"

It was an initial social after a few weeks of messages here. In the past, we have agreed to chatting via Kik (or Telegram) and occasionally to video calls. It makes no difference to the outcome. These days we prefer not to invest ourselves too much ahead of the social; it makes for a great deal of disappointment.

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By *p4fun60Couple
7 days ago

Hampshire

It saddens us to hear of your experience but at the same time its a relief to find we're not the only ones this happens to, tbh far too many times to count & I have to say its only been with what appears to be disingenuous single guys- we agree there should be some action, but sadly the admin on site don't do anything about it, we often thought that they should be able to be a black asterisk placed against their profile by admin if they have say more than 5 complaints- we rely on the verification system as well as gut instincts, both of which sadly can be a letdown- we find now its easier to just meet within a club environment or private parties, but I must add that every now & then the system works & you get to meet genuine playmates

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By *oufou OP Couple
7 days ago

Somerset

"we often thought that they should be able to be a black asterisk placed against their profile by admin if they have say more than 5 complaints- we rely on the verification system as well as gut instincts, both of which sadly can be a letdown "

A cumulative complaint system would eliminate any biases … we fully approve!

Judging from our anecdotal experiences here, single guys also see similar issues with couples, so everyone should benefit from a system like this…

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By *an1978Woman
7 days ago

Gwynedd/ Powys Border

There may have been a genuine reason, and he is embarrassed that he has blown his chance.

Also, Fab has a knack of throwing up

"Website unavailable" in the hour before a meet. When I've wanted to message where I'm sitting in a venue etc, and I can't contact them.

Presumably you had exchanged face pics and it wasn't that he realised he knew you and ran away

Apologies for being daft.

I know it would be frustrating.

But don't take it personally.

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By *WB85Man
7 days ago

Staffordshire

Life happens and plans can change, but theres no excuse for not messaging you and apologising.

It is a difficult process to navigate, but I hope you figure it out.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
7 days ago

East Sussex

"Its a against site rules to name and shame.

Isn't there a report button on their profile where you can report a no show?

The Report button exists to give you a sense of agency. No action is taken. No users are informed. It’s useless. "

Naming and shaming isn't allowed, it would be impossible to police and open to misuse. Anyone could very easily name and shame you, it would be very difficult for you to disprove the accusation.

All reports are actioned.

Since admin don't give feedback on any action they do take I'm not sure how you come to the conclusion that none is.

My next post explains how admin deal with reports

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
7 days ago

East Sussex

Here is an explanation from Admin from another thread on how they deal with reports.

******Just a quick note. If people report others and we can verify that they have broken site rules, we always take action (either a first and final warning, partially suspended account, fully suspended, mixture of the above).

Every single report sent via the REPORT link is reviewed. Clearly it's not in our interests to have people on here who are bad for the site. Equally we need to verify what has been reported and be fair to those who have been reported.

Admin

PS. we never provide feedback on what has happened. It's just not practical given that we get 100s of reports a day.

Here is what the page says after a report has been submitted:

Your feedback has been saved.

A website admin will shortly review your feedback and take the necessary action. After reviewing the evidence available to us, we may disable an account, remove a user, disable certain aspects of that user's account or issue a warning.

By leaving feedback you help improve the site for everyone who uses it. Thank you.******

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By *oufou OP Couple
7 days ago

Somerset

"There may have been a genuine reason, and he is embarrassed that he has blown his chance."

I have no doubt the reason was genuine: his wife said no… 😂

And yes, it’s amazing how shy and embarrassed men can be 24hrs after sharing in explicit (and uninvited) detail just how thoroughly they are going to wreck you… 😸

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By *oufou OP Couple
7 days ago

Somerset

"Here is an explanation from Admin from another thread on how they deal with reports.

Admin

PS. we never provide feedback on what has happened. It's just not practical given that we get 100s of reports a day.

Here is what the page says after a report has been submitted:

Your feedback has been saved.

By leaving feedback you help improve the site for everyone who uses it. Thank you.******"

This is great, but ghosting and standing up other users after agreeing to meet do not form part of the site rules. It’s offline behaviour that goes unchallenged.

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By *eroLondonMan
7 days ago

Mayfair

"There may have been a genuine reason, and he is embarrassed that he has blown his chance.

I have no doubt the reason was genuine: his wife said no… 😂

And yes, it’s amazing how shy and embarrassed men can be 24hrs after sharing in explicit (and uninvited) detail just how thoroughly they are going to wreck you… 😸"

•

Perhaps he wasn't as 'Well Endowed' as he may have previously thought. 😉

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
7 days ago

East Sussex

^^ my personal opinion is that I wouldn't expect legal although impolite behaviour off line to be monitored and censured by a website. However as has been pointed out there is an option to report no shows.

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By *hitelotusMan
7 days ago

london

I’m relatively new compared to people who’ve been here for decades, but I’ve learned not to care too much about verification. A conversation usually reveals a lot about a person. In your case, with him being such a sweet talker, it may have been harder to spot the red flags, but in most situations they do come through eventually. Wishing you a much better match next time 🙂

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By *oufou OP Couple
7 days ago

Somerset

"^^ my personal opinion is that I wouldn't expect legal although impolite behaviour off line to be monitored and censured by a website. However as has been pointed out there is an option to report no shows."

I understand your point. But offline behaviour is absolutely monitored via this website: verifications.

The question we should be asking is why only positive verifications are permitted? And why is the process of reporting poor experiences so opaque and indeterminate?

We are not alone in our experiences. And the question posed here is not about criticism, but improving the engagement, success, and quality of experiences for all users.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
7 days ago

East Sussex

I understand your point. But offline behaviour is absolutely monitored via this website: verifications.

The question we should be asking is why only positive verifications are permitted? And why is the process of reporting poor experiences so opaque and indeterminate?

We are not alone in our experiences. And the question posed here is not about criticism, but improving the engagement, success, and quality of experiences for all users. "

I have moved this to the correct section for admin to read it.

Negative verifications are permitted but the recipient has the choice of displaying them or not.

As to your second question I think it was answered above

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By *e and him 2021Couple
7 days ago

stoke on trent

We’ve had a few no shows from single guys, we’ve lost faith in them, we had one who chatted for weeks, social arrangements made we turned up(we had exchanged mobile numbers) sat in the pub for a hour sent him a text went unread so we left. 3 days later he text and asked for another social, he never even apologised for not showing up.

Some guys definitely ruin it for others that’s for sure.

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By *oufou OP Couple
7 days ago

Somerset

"We’ve had a few no shows from single guys, we’ve lost faith in them, we had one who chatted for weeks, social arrangements made we turned up(we had exchanged mobile numbers) sat in the pub for a hour sent him a text went unread so we left. 3 days later he text and asked for another social, he never even apologised for not showing up.

Some guys definitely ruin it for others that’s for sure. "

Sorry to hear this. It’s frequently been our experience too! Parties seem like the way to go…

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