FabSwingers.com forum: Homophobic app settings

By *annyxx4u OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Athlone

Right - let me set the scene from a user experience of how I face what I think is homophobia in Fab's message settings:

1) I receive a message from a sexy boy who identifies as straight. I check out their profile, bio, pictures etc. "Nice," I think to myself.\

2) Accidentally, I will press the *message* button rather than reply in messages. I am presented with the yellow banner that informs me this user has not specified he wants to receive messages from tv / ts. I check myself.

Can I ask for this user experience to be reviewed? The user's individual settings are sufficient to screen unwanted messages from age range, gender and sex. The warning message is not necessary IMO.

As a cd, I am already facing a considerable amount of homophobia and fetishisation on Fab without receiving an error message when I go to REPLY to a user who contacted me. The world is hard enough for non-straights without yellow banners and warning messages popping up to keep us in check. The app does not need to have this in place.

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By *ischiefManaged69Couple
over a year ago

Preston

"Right - let me set the scene from a user experience of how I face what I think is homophobia in Fab's message settings:

1) I receive a message from a sexy boy who identifies as straight. I check out their profile, bio, pictures etc. "Nice," I think to myself.\

Can I ask for this user experience to be reviewed? The user's individual settings are sufficient to screen unwanted messages from age range, gender and sex. The warning message is not necessary IMO.

I'm having trouble understanding how that makes the message homophobic.

A male profile who has chosen to be listed as straight, is by definition, looking to interact with females.

I know there's another conversation that needs to be had around the need to separate TV, TS and CD to make it a better experience for those groups.

But in this case, if you identify as a male CD, you don't match that profiles filters.

Unless you don't identify as male and I've missed something in the post?

Genuine question from an open minded fabber, absolutely no offence intended.

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By *annyxx4u OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Athlone

There is an applied double standard that it is OK for a straight user to message me and not OK for me to message him.

I think a user managing their communication preferences is sufficient to block unwanted attention. If I were to message a straight person, who has their settings configured accordingly, I am simply informed "the user has chosen to not allow persons of your gender" communicate with them.

The fact there is a different treatment based on gender preferences with straight identifying men having more freedom feels like an issue in and of itself in my view.

And yes, the banner "homophobic" is controversial but there is extreme bias towards straight users over cds.

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By *uliette500Woman
over a year ago

Hull

"There is an applied double standard that it is OK for a straight user to message me and not OK for me to message him.

The fact there is a different treatment based on gender preferences with straight identifying men having more freedom feels like an issue in and of itself in my view.

And yes, the banner "homophobic" is controversial but there is extreme bias towards straight users over cds. "

A lot of women block single men but then contact them themselves. I do see your point but this setting works the same way for everyone regardless of who they filter from messaging them. People can choose to contact outside their own filters if they wish to.

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By *ischiefManaged69Couple
over a year ago

Preston

"There is an applied double standard that it is OK for a straight user to message me and not OK for me to message him.

That's the bit I was missing.

Since the filters apply to messages received, everyone on the site can manipulate who they message, and set their search filters to contradict them.

Only solution I can see would be for filters and preferences to be matched across search and receive so you can only message someone you'd also be open to receive a message from.

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By *annyxx4u OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Athlone

I am not a woman, so I cannot talk to that perspective, however, I am aware that dating apps like Bumble have considerable success by granting female users preference when it comes to interacting with men.

I will refrain from mentioning patriarchal structures.

I maintain that the yellow banner and red triangle warning message is excessive and frankly makes me feel like crap.

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By *annyxx4u OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Athlone

[Removed by poster at 09/02/23 15:07:57]

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By *ischiefManaged69Couple
over a year ago

Preston

"I am not a woman, so I cannot talk to that perspective, however, I am aware that dating apps like Bumble have considerable success by granting female users preference when it comes to interacting with men.

I will refrain from mentioning patriarchal structures.

I maintain that the yellow banner and red triangle warning message is excessive and frankly makes me feel like crap."

Bumble does seem to have raised the bar for interaction settings no doubt

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By *annyxx4u OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Athlone

"There is an applied double standard that it is OK for a straight user to message me and not OK for me to message him.

That's the bit I was missing.

Since the filters apply to messages received, everyone on the site can manipulate who they message, and set their search filters to contradict them.

Only solution I can see would be for filters and preferences to be matched across search and receive so you can only message someone you'd also be open to receive a message from.

I don’t understand.

If I set my filters to not receive messages from particular men, I will not receive those messages; the sender is not able to send me messages. The intended sender in this case is softly notified of my preferences. They do not receive a big, yellow banner and a red warning triangle, as I do.

There is a clear distinction between user preferences and site generated notifications based on the tv / ts category.

I wish I could attach screenshots to illustrate.

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By *ischiefManaged69Couple
over a year ago

Preston

"There is an applied double standard that it is OK for a straight user to message me and not OK for me to message him.

That's the bit I was missing.

Since the filters apply to messages received, everyone on the site can manipulate who they message, and set their search filters to contradict them.

Only solution I can see would be for filters and preferences to be matched across search and receive so you can only message someone you'd also be open to receive a message from.

I don’t understand.

There is a clear distinction between user preferences and site generated notifications based on the tv / ts category.

I wish I could attach screenshots to illustrate."

I thought we all got the same warning triangle to say this user doesn't want to meet xxxx?

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By *annyxx4u OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Athlone

"There is an applied double standard that it is OK for a straight user to message me and not OK for me to message him.

That's the bit I was missing.

Since the filters apply to messages received, everyone on the site can manipulate who they message, and set their search filters to contradict them.

Only solution I can see would be for filters and preferences to be matched across search and receive so you can only message someone you'd also be open to receive a message from.

I don’t understand.

There is a clear distinction between user preferences and site generated notifications based on the tv / ts category.

I wish I could attach screenshots to illustrate.

I thought we all got the same warning triangle to say this user doesn't want to meet xxxx?"

OK so this I don’t know since I thought it only applied to TV / TS. Thanks for enlightening me.

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By *annyxx4u OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Athlone

I still maintain, drop the yellow banners and triangle. If a message falls outside of user’s prefer ence, notify user to update message filters to prevent future messages.

I have personalised this very much, I appreciate. The amount of homophobia I get on Fab has been upsetting. The few good guys make it worthwhile.

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By *ustamanMan
over a year ago

weymouth

Wasn't aware this was a thing if you responded to a received message, I've certainly not noticed it responding to messages I've received that I'd normally be filtered out. Perhaps I've been lucky or more likely unobservant

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Do you mean this message?

( insert warning triangle here )STOP. THINK.

****** is not looking to meet Couples

Although ****** has not blocked Couples, Couples are not listed as who they are looking for. You are much more likely to get a reply from people who are looking for Couples.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

It happens for everyone if you are not what the person you are trying to mail is looking for.

If you had answered the mail that came in you won't see that message

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nothing will be perfect ,carry on with your day !

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By *ablo minibar123Woman
over a year ago

"There is an applied double standard that it is OK for a straight user to message me and not OK for me to message him.

That's the bit I was missing.

Since the filters apply to messages received, everyone on the site can manipulate who they message, and set their search filters to contradict them.

Only solution I can see would be for filters and preferences to be matched across search and receive so you can only message someone you'd also be open to receive a message from.

I don’t understand.

There is a clear distinction between user preferences and site generated notifications based on the tv / ts category.

I wish I could attach screenshots to illustrate.

I thought we all got the same warning triangle to say this user doesn't want to meet xxxx?"

We do, if I choose to message a female friend and they have not looking for single women set then I too get a big warning triangle, but I don't lose sleep over it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This isn’t homophobia. At all. But it is hypocrisy.

Rule of thumb, someone messages you but on their profile you are not what they are looking for (or prepared to say they are looking for) - delete the message.

If someone is not saying they into tv/ts or whatever on their profile but are messaging same they are trying to hide it. I fir one don’t do other peoples closets.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m really and truly sorry that this event makes you feel that way but I have to say in the grand scheme of things, you may want to be tackling more pressing issues.

There’s actual and damaging *-phobic issues all around us and trying to get people on Baird with smaller issues like this doesn’t exactly help.

The messaging system here is just setup to try and help avoid unwanted messages from certain demographics based on the other person’s “looking for” categories.

It’s certainly not designed to be divisive.

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By *annyxx4u OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Athlone

The app comms setting in itself is not “homophobic”. When you take the overall experience of the site

A straight man is unlikely to publicly verify a meet with a ts / tv, in my experience. Hypocritical, yes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Upon reading back my post I think it came across a little too mean.

What I mean is that everyone has things that upset them and I am genuinely sorry that this did for you but it can get hard to defend your position for issues that aren’t as obvious to others ( not that I wouldn’t try to , it’s just difficult to ) and sometimes we’ve got to focus on the larger issues and develop a bit of a thicker skin for the smaller ones.

Again, sorry you felt the way you did about it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a crazy country we live in, OP. When watching TV, for example, I feel as if I live in a country that is circa 50% black and about 25% gay/ts. Our demography isn't like that at all and it makes me feel like shit. If I say anything about it though - I`m racist, homophobic etc.

I`m definitely not lol!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's a crazy country we live in, OP. When watching TV, for example, I feel as if I live in a country that is circa 50% black and about 25% gay/ts. Our demography isn't like that at all and it makes me feel like shit. If I say anything about it though - I`m racist, homophobic etc.

I`m definitely not lol!"

Why are you telling op that the amount of black, trans and gay people on your telly makes you feel like shit?

If you didn't say things like that to people, you wouldn't have to say clarify that you're not racist or homophobic.

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By *isAdventure69Woman
over a year ago

Hampshire

"There is an applied double standard that it is OK for a straight user to message me and not OK for me to message him.

That's the bit I was missing.

Since the filters apply to messages received, everyone on the site can manipulate who they message, and set their search filters to contradict them.

Only solution I can see would be for filters and preferences to be matched across search and receive so you can only message someone you'd also be open to receive a message from.

I don’t understand.

There is a clear distinction between user preferences and site generated notifications based on the tv / ts category.

I wish I could attach screenshots to illustrate.

I thought we all got the same warning triangle to say this user doesn't want to meet xxxx?

OK so this I don’t know since I thought it only applied to TV / TS. Thanks for enlightening me.

By curiosity I tried to message a woman on this thread who is only looking to meet men , I got the red triangle

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By *illingdon_ladMan
over a year ago

Bicester

Maybe I'm missing the point but if you don't want to see the triangle then look at the little part of their profile that points out want they are looking for. I look at that soon as I see no single men I wouldn't even bother to send a message (unless it's to respond to a post on the forum that is private and their profile allows it).

I'm sure getting a warning triangle is preferable to a shitty response

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

"Right - let me set the scene from a user experience of how I face what I think is homophobia in Fab's message settings:

1) I receive a message from a sexy boy who identifies as straight. I check out their profile, bio, pictures etc. "Nice," I think to myself.\

Can I ask for this user experience to be reviewed? The user's individual settings are sufficient to screen unwanted messages from age range, gender and sex. The warning message is not necessary IMO.

So you make a user error and that morphs into homophobia? Why not just go back and press reply to message? Thus avoiding the warning message.?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I`m definitely not lol!"

Don’t know what you’re watching on tv. Last time I looked positive portrayals of gay or trans people were very very small %, black people still a minority in most tv programme casting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There is an applied double standard that it is OK for a straight user to message me and not OK for me to message him.

That's the bit I was missing.

Since the filters apply to messages received, everyone on the site can manipulate who they message, and set their search filters to contradict them.

Only solution I can see would be for filters and preferences to be matched across search and receive so you can only message someone you'd also be open to receive a message from.

I don’t understand.

There is a clear distinction between user preferences and site generated notifications based on the tv / ts category.

I wish I could attach screenshots to illustrate."

Big yellow banner says I can't message you because I'm outside your age range. Is Fab ageist too?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I thought if a person (who eg blocked all men) messages a man, then that man can reply to the message...?

And all other men are still blocked.

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

"There is an applied double standard that it is OK for a straight user to message me and not OK for me to message him.

That's the bit I was missing.

Since the filters apply to messages received, everyone on the site can manipulate who they message, and set their search filters to contradict them.

Only solution I can see would be for filters and preferences to be matched across search and receive so you can only message someone you'd also be open to receive a message from.

I don’t understand.

There is a clear distinction between user preferences and site generated notifications based on the tv / ts category.

I wish I could attach screenshots to illustrate.

Big yellow banner says I can't message you because I'm outside your age range. Is Fab ageist too?

How are you going to cope.?

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)

"I thought we all got the same warning triangle to say this user doesn't want to meet xxxx?"

We do. So if the OP wasn't looking to meet single men, the single man that sparked this question would get the same warning.

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

Isn't describing yourself as straight when you are clearly not homophobic?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Isn't describing yourself as straight when you are clearly not homophobic?"

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

"Isn't describing yourself as straight when you are clearly not homophobic?

No"

Yeah, right.

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

"Isn't describing yourself as straight when you are clearly not homophobic?"

Not seeing a link? One is sexuality.? One is attitude to others?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a little confused as I was of the understanding that if you receive a message from someone whose message settings prevent you from initiating contact with them, effectively the barrier to messaging was effectively removed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Isn't describing yourself as straight when you are clearly not homophobic?"

Not necessarily.

There should be no pressure on anyone anywhere to out themselves or be outed. That is a decision for them.

True, Fab is probably a more accepting environment than many but choosing to keep one's sexual preferences to oneself is probably more a reaction to wider *phobia than a phobic act in itself.

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

"Isn't describing yourself as straight when you are clearly not homophobic?

Not necessarily.

There should be no pressure on anyone anywhere to out themselves or be outed. That is a decision for them.

True, Fab is probably a more accepting environment than many but choosing to keep one's sexual preferences to oneself is probably more a reaction to wider *phobia than a phobic act in itself."

Now I see it as perpetuating a wider phobia by pandering to it.

I agree it's everyone's choice to put themselves or not but nobody for es anyone to put a profile on a swingers site. I just feel that if you do you owe to the other site users to be honest.

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

Put = out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I see the banner it just tells me to move on, or go back and reply to initial message so it remains in the same conversation. I think too much is being read in to it.

No different from folks saying something in forums and inviting a private response only to find they have block people of your sex or age. Bigger issues in the world and I don't think this one is 'homaphobic' just inconvenient.

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By *issalignedTV/TS
over a year ago

London

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