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The great message dilemma

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By *aughty_builder87 OP   Man
over a year ago

Keston

Hey all,

So I have been wondering about how to solve the issue where men feel ignored because there messages don’t get read and women feel overwhelmed by the sheer number of messages that they get on a daily basis. I think I have a solution that would work (this may be the case already but I can’t find documentation to say).

1) more restraints on messages for new members or non site supporters - limit new messages to say 10 a day but make replies unlimited. Then make sure supporters say 50 a day.

2) make inboxes limited- only allow say 50 message threads at a time then like a voicemail inbox the user must delete some to receive more.

3) block people from sending the same person multiple messages - so if someone doesn’t reply to a message then you can’t send a new message for 3 months.

I think this will help massively. I’d love some feedback to see what people think as I may be massively off the mark

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If a woman isn't interested she's not going to reply regardless of whether men get to send 10 or 50 messages a day

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By *aughty_builder87 OP   Man
over a year ago

Keston


"If a woman isn't interested she's not going to reply regardless of whether men get to send 10 or 50 messages a day "

I not saying they would do that what I’m saying is that women I know say they have 100s of messages to go through and just end up bulk deleting them without reading them.

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

You do realise OP that someone could set up a female profile with no veris, no photos and "I'll fill in later" as the profile text and still get messages saying how awesome they look?

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By *aughty_builder87 OP   Man
over a year ago

Keston


"You do realise OP that someone could set up a female profile with no veris, no photos and "I'll fill in later" as the profile text and still get messages saying how awesome they look?"

I’m sure that does happen with people doing copy and paste messages. The idea is by limiting the amount of messages you can send people should have to be more thoughtful with who they message and what they send in those messages.

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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago

Durham

How about a site rule where men can send no more than three messages a day? I could get behind that.

Or, of course, horny single men could start reading profiles and ruling out the people who don’t accommodate, only want club meets, etc., instead of indiscriminately pestering every woman on the site with “impressive tits hun” or “hi how r u” instead of making other people do the work for them.

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By *iss DevilWoman
over a year ago

Bedford


"How about a site rule where men can send no more than three messages a day? I could get behind that.

Or, of course, horny single men could start reading profiles and ruling out the people who don’t accommodate, only want club meets, etc., instead of indiscriminately pestering every woman on the site with “impressive tits hun” or “hi how r u” instead of making other people do the work for them."

Unfortunately, cocks only have one eye and can't read

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By *ickdasterdly51Man
over a year ago

Lingfield

How about when someone can only message someone else when they've been winked by them?

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By *aughty_builder87 OP   Man
over a year ago

Keston


"How about a site rule where men can send no more than three messages a day? I could get behind that.

Or, of course, horny single men could start reading profiles and ruling out the people who don’t accommodate, only want club meets, etc., instead of indiscriminately pestering every woman on the site with “impressive tits hun” or “hi how r u” instead of making other people do the work for them."

I refer you to my first point about message limits. Yes this is a problem that needs to be fixed but short of implementing a bumble system where women have to send the first message then I think limited messages would help this.

Personally I have never sent a message like this so I can’t speak on there behalf

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By *aughty_builder87 OP   Man
over a year ago

Keston


"How about when someone can only message someone else when they've been winked by them?"

Personally I think that would be too restrictive but would be a good optional message filter that you could turn on and off to suit what you want

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All it needs is for people (mainly men) to read profiles, understand that no reply is a no thanks, and not to keep messaging people who've eother turnwd them down or ignored them

Or maybe im just being logical

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"All it needs is for people (mainly men) to read profiles, understand that no reply is a no thanks, and not to keep messaging people who've eother turnwd them down or ignored them

Or maybe im just being logical "

Too logical!

We're supposed to be the illogical gender remember

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By *aughty_builder87 OP   Man
over a year ago

Keston


"All it needs is for people (mainly men) to read profiles, understand that no reply is a no thanks, and not to keep messaging people who've eother turnwd them down or ignored them

Or maybe im just being logical "

Again this would be ideal but you aren’t going to change the men that do what they do. I read profiles so I can’t speak on there behalf.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"All it needs is for people (mainly men) to read profiles, understand that no reply is a no thanks, and not to keep messaging people who've eother turnwd them down or ignored them

Or maybe im just being logical

Too logical!

We're supposed to be the illogical gender remember "

Damn my female brain for forgetting we cant handle logic

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By *otBrunetteHimCouple
over a year ago

birmingham

The “warning” which lets you know you’ve already messaged someone should put a time limit on when you can message again say a month or something

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By *aughty_builder87 OP   Man
over a year ago

Keston


"All it needs is for people (mainly men) to read profiles, understand that no reply is a no thanks, and not to keep messaging people who've eother turnwd them down or ignored them

Or maybe im just being logical

Too logical!

We're supposed to be the illogical gender remember

Damn my female brain for forgetting we cant handle logic "

Sometimes you can’t expect people do logical things so you have to force them to.

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By *aughty_builder87 OP   Man
over a year ago

Keston


"The “warning” which lets you know you’ve already messaged someone should put a time limit on when you can message again say a month or something "

That sounds like a good idea

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By *andi_kinkygramTV/TS
over a year ago

Edinburgh


"How about a site rule where men can send no more than three messages a day? I could get behind that.

Or, of course, horny single men could start reading profiles and ruling out the people who don’t accommodate, only want club meets, etc., instead of indiscriminately pestering every woman on the site with “impressive tits hun” or “hi how r u” instead of making other people do the work for them."

I like those ideas

Cx

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By *anshee99Woman
over a year ago

all over

I'd be annoyed if 50 idiots blocked my mailbox from receiving good messages.

This is only a problem for the single guys. If they wanted to read/reply, they would. Its that simple.

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By *anshee99Woman
over a year ago

all over


"If a woman isn't interested she's not going to reply regardless of whether men get to send 10 or 50 messages a day

I not saying they would do that what I’m saying is that women I know say they have 100s of messages to go through and just end up bulk deleting them without reading them. "

Multiple from the same person stack up in one thread so doesn't really fill the list up

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By *udeNTw1stedMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

.......

This type of thread comes up alot.

Mainly started by single males who say I know women who say it is a problem.

There aren't many women who raise this issue by creating their own thread.

If a single female or couple get overrun with messages. The answer is simple.

Use message filters.

The site provides the tools to stop things like this.

If more people use them. Then it wouldn't be an issue.

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By *obletonMan
over a year ago

A Home Among The Woodland Creatures


" understand that no reply is a no thanks "

Thing is, no reply most definitely not a no thanks - a no thanks is a no thanks.

There have been loads of occasions where a second message to a profile which didn't reply to the first message has yielded positive results - and loads of reasons why that might happen.

At best a no reply is a "not now"

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Men would probably set up even more multiple accounts, if they were more restricted on messaging. It may make little difference overall, except to make things more complicated.

Fab does implement some message restrictions, typically for newer accounts.

Users can implement their own restrictions, such as blocking new or unverified/non site-supporter etc, if they want to limit things already. We can also block all men and just search for those we fancy and match our preferences.

Better to have a bigger choice, than to be limited, when we already have tools that put us in charge, to a great extent.

The site intends to be free to use and fairly unrestricted generally, from what is stated overall. More duplicated accounts seems like a complex overload of messiness

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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago

Durham


"How about when someone can only message someone else when they've been winked by them?"

Winking someone means they can get past a message filter which excludes them. It’s a handy tool. Unfortunately, the only way you can make them go away later is by blocking them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Probably best to use all the tools provided first before adding more to stop most unwanted messages.

To add more restrictions would be the end of fab, without the thousands of males paying for the membership, its unlikely to survive unless it raises it membership fees.

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By *uliette500Woman
over a year ago

Hull

So by your rules when I'm at work and can't check my messages. 50 guys don't read my profile message me to just say 'hi' or 'how are you?' but because I haven't been on and deleted these waste of time messages my proper friends who I do want to get messages from can't contact me.

No thanks.

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

I have a fantastic idea how about we keep things simple as they are.given all the filters are available to use isn't really anything else that would be suitable

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

no because we need 200 message just to get one decent one that might interest us and we play weekly ... if the messages are limited we will never get to see the one good one

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

I don't see the need for any changes if I'm honest. Fab works just fine for me as it is. I don't get 100s of messages I have tight filters I might get a couple a day sometimes none and that suits me perfectly.I don't want or need 100s of messages that I probably won't even read. It makes no difference the amount of mail I get tho I still won't answer some mails. If someone has cheated through my filters,or does the faf type message etc they will get deleted anyhow.Or if I don't like their profile then the chances of a reply are slim especially profiles that have made almost zero effort. I look at profiles before I even open a new message.

I don't see why new people should be limited in the amount of messages. If people don't want to hear from them use the filter provided.

And some people have quite a few conversations going on so why limit their amount they can have at any time. Plus it would mean they might miss messages from people they actually want to hear from.

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By *ackflyingsoloMan
over a year ago

Carrickfergus

To be honest, fab isn’t what it was. It’s become full of fake profiles and web wankers. I think it’s time for a meeting site. That’s my only solution to this problem of time wasting, fake profiles who ask to meet then disappear.

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By *wholeLotOfRosieWoman
over a year ago

Pontypridd

Easiest option is what we have - if a man keeps bugging me, I block him. There are also filters. I usually apply the ones blocking new profiles, profiles without a pic, and non supporters. It definitely reduces the number of garbage messages.

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By *awpleasureMan
over a year ago

Sutton Coldfield


"The “warning” which lets you know you’ve already messaged someone should put a time limit on when you can message again say a month or something "

This also has flaws e.g

I've messaged a couple before and noticed it was deleted. Whether or not it was read first, I'm not sure. Two weeks later I get a wink from same couple. I go to message to say thanks for the wink and am warned that they haven't replied to previous message. I ignore site message, send mine and get a reply.

My first message was probably a bulk delete. But if second messages were prohibited, I wouldn't have ever met said couple.

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By *hancer666Man
over a year ago

Redbourn


"Hey all,

So I have been wondering about how to solve the issue where men feel ignored because there messages don’t get read and women feel overwhelmed by the sheer number of messages that they get on a daily basis. I think I have a solution that would work (this may be the case already but I can’t find documentation to say).

1) more restraints on messages for new members or non site supporters - limit new messages to say 10 a day but make replies unlimited. Then make sure supporters say 50 a day.

2) make inboxes limited- only allow say 50 message threads at a time then like a voicemail inbox the user must delete some to receive more.

3) block people from sending the same person multiple messages - so if someone doesn’t reply to a message then you can’t send a new message for 3 months.

I think this will help massively. I’d love some feedback to see what people think as I may be massively off the mark"

Hope haven't been wondering for long on this as unless your fucking one of the owners of fab it's irrelevant as they won't change a thing. If its just Hypothetical and wishful thinking, crack on

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By *itygamesMan
over a year ago

UK

The biggest problem is you can have as many profiles as you like ,just need a different e mail address for each one

I,m allowed 10 e mail addresses.....wheres with my broadband supplier and could get more.

It makes the ban system in place wortless

I chat with people operating 3 or more profiles....

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By *r WhispererMan
over a year ago

brynmawr


"How about a site rule where men can send no more than three messages a day? I could get behind that.

Or, of course, horny single men could start reading profiles and ruling out the people who don’t accommodate, only want club meets, etc., instead of indiscriminately pestering every woman on the site with “impressive tits hun” or “hi how r u” instead of making other people do the work for them."

3 messages a day? I’ve friends here who I have conversations with , maybe 3-4 messages each and 4-5 friends a day.. to restrict us to 3 a day will only push us off fab onto other messenger apps.

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By *otBrunetteHimCouple
over a year ago

birmingham


"The “warning” which lets you know you’ve already messaged someone should put a time limit on when you can message again say a month or something

This also has flaws e.g

I've messaged a couple before and noticed it was deleted. Whether or not it was read first, I'm not sure. Two weeks later I get a wink from same couple. I go to message to say thanks for the wink and am warned that they haven't replied to previous message. I ignore site message, send mine and get a reply.

My first message was probably a bulk delete. But if second messages were prohibited, I wouldn't have ever met said couple. "

Yeah this was more aimed at the repetitive effortless messages. We received a “hey there” 6 times in about a week from one account

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

1) more restraints on messages for new members or non site supporters - limit new messages to say 10 a day but make replies unlimited. Then make sure supporters say 50 a day.

Unwanted messages will still get through, just more slowly.

2) make inboxes limited- only allow say 50 message threads at a time then like a voicemail inbox the user must delete some to receive more.

It's currently 75 so no change needed

3) block people from sending the same person multiple messages - so if someone doesn’t reply to a message then you can’t send a new message for 3 months.

We can block the people we do not want to hear from. And we can set filters.

The only way to fix the 'problem' is for people to read profiles and only message those that would like to hear from them.

It's that simple

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By *riving_Home_For_MimiWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

Minimum word count might be useful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" understand that no reply is a no thanks

Thing is, no reply most definitely not a no thanks - a no thanks is a no thanks.

There have been loads of occasions where a second message to a profile which didn't reply to the first message has yielded positive results - and loads of reasons why that might happen.

At best a no reply is a "not now""

Totally this!

We have meet people who have only responded to our 2nd message months later as the 1st was missed, not what they wanted at that point in time etc.

Like wise we have responded to people's 2nd messages months after there 1st message was not what we were looking for at the time, lost in a bulk delete etc.

Those who block when they don't get a reply really are potentially shooting themselves in the foot.

KJ

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By *rGreeyMan
over a year ago

halifax/ Middlesbrough

What about a filter for women who are not interested in BBC, it would help alot

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham


"Hey all,

So I have been wondering about how to solve the issue where men feel ignored because there messages don’t get read and women feel overwhelmed by the sheer number of messages that they get on a daily basis. I think I have a solution that would work (this may be the case already but I can’t find documentation to say).

1) more restraints on messages for new members or non site supporters - limit new messages to say 10 a day but make replies unlimited. Then make sure supporters say 50 a day.

2) make inboxes limited- only allow say 50 message threads at a time then like a voicemail inbox the user must delete some to receive more.

3) block people from sending the same person multiple messages - so if someone doesn’t reply to a message then you can’t send a new message for 3 months.

I think this will help massively. I’d love some feedback to see what people think as I may be massively off the mark"

No. Stop forcing women to reply to messages they have no interest in.

One of the great things about this site is that you don't have to be a member to message people. To put restrictions on messages and responses would actually increase people's entitlements. The whole 'I've used one of my previous message allowance in you so you'd better respond positively ' mentality will take over.

There's already a warning that comes up if someone has messaged someone before and not had a reply. Not replying to a previous message doesn't necessarily mean you won't respond to the next one.

I run a very popular social night and have lots of people message me so having a 50 thread limit would not work for me.

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By *osexyCouple
over a year ago

ST AUSTELL

Never had a problem with messages . We don’t get that many and try to reply to all polite messages . We accept that single ladies will be inundated so if we don’t get a reply we move on. If we get someone who keeps messaging we block .

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

Op, it seems to me that your solution is effectively to FORCE people to delete swathes of messages (in order to, hopefully, then be allowed to see some "good" ones), where currently they can entirely ignore them.

Plus, isn't that a workaround in any case? Shouldn't problems be fixed at source, ie preventing unimaginative spammers from sending "phwoar" and a pic of their cock taken in the toilet at work?

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By *aughty_builder87 OP   Man
over a year ago

Keston


"Op, it seems to me that your solution is effectively to FORCE people to delete swathes of messages (in order to, hopefully, then be allowed to see some "good" ones), where currently they can entirely ignore them.

Plus, isn't that a workaround in any case? Shouldn't problems be fixed at source, ie preventing unimaginative spammers from sending "phwoar" and a pic of their cock taken in the toilet at work?

"

I was simply trying to think of a way to improve the experience for everyone. Yes ideally we would fix the issues at source but how do you do that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I was simply trying to think of a way to improve the experience for everyone. Yes ideally we would fix the issues at source but how do you do that"

The "issue" I that a lot of men (and couples) don't read profiles. Mine is crystal clear, and kept brief for those who find it hard to spend longer than 20 seconds reading a profile, but I still get messages daily asking to meet (I meet at clubs only), asking if I'll play with with wife (I'm straight), saying nice photos (I don't share any publically), and the dozens of "how are you" ones.

It takes me about 2 mins per day to skim thru and just delete them all.

Blokes getting shitty about people not replying to their messages need to take the responsibility - if your own profile is unappealing/poor or you have banged out your standard copy and paste message to every vagina in a 200 mile radius without even reading the lady's profile, the problem lies with you, not the recipient.

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By *aughty_builder87 OP   Man
over a year ago

Keston


"

I was simply trying to think of a way to improve the experience for everyone. Yes ideally we would fix the issues at source but how do you do that

The "issue" I that a lot of men (and couples) don't read profiles. Mine is crystal clear, and kept brief for those who find it hard to spend longer than 20 seconds reading a profile, but I still get messages daily asking to meet (I meet at clubs only), asking if I'll play with with wife (I'm straight), saying nice photos (I don't share any publically), and the dozens of "how are you" ones.

It takes me about 2 mins per day to skim thru and just delete them all.

Blokes getting shitty about people not replying to their messages need to take the responsibility - if your own profile is unappealing/poor or you have banged out your standard copy and paste message to every vagina in a 200 mile radius without even reading the lady's profile, the problem lies with you, not the recipient."

I don’t believe anything personally applies to me but I understand the frustration and I know what the issues are, but how do we solve it for the benefit of everyone

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By *orkcoastguyMan
over a year ago

Bridlington.

There is an even more simple answer.

Solo women and couples are bombarded by optimistic lone guys and most if not all of their mails get ignored/deleted. Having been on here and elsewhere as a couple I speak from experience.

If however those guys post on the forum, showing a bit of wit, have a good profile and attractive pictures those same people will contact them when they are seeking what you offer.

Believe me, it works........

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A limit on number of messages could work, perhaps say 5 and each time you send the same message you lose 1 of those. Also paying members get +1 to that number per month. The problem is that Fab could be prosecuted for sexism if it was only men.

A few additional filters such as ethnicity, sexuality, face pics etc could help to narrow the amount of posts received too.

Emma1973 we read the profiles and rarely contact anyone. When we receive messages we'll check the profile and the message and if we don't like either then we block and delete unless we feel like wasting their time as they do ours.

How about someone educates men on how to behave like human beings?

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"

I was simply trying to think of a way to improve the experience for everyone. Yes ideally we would fix the issues at source but how do you do that"

I don't think there is a solution, until someone proves me wrong.

The problem has existed for years, though, so not going to hold my breath.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How about when someone can only message someone else when they've been winked by them?"

You might have it there!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Or spelling

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This type of thread comes up alot.

Mainly started by single males who say I know women who say it is a problem.

There aren't many women who raise this issue by creating their own thread.

If a single female or couple get overrun with messages. The answer is simple.

Use message filters.

The site provides the tools to stop things like this.

If more people use them. Then it wouldn't be an issue. "

This for me....

I'd love to see their filters and how they are using them

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By *host63Man
over a year ago

Bedfont Feltham

I answer profiles on here I may get a reply once in a while.

This is a very niche lifestyle and many women won't remotely be interested in it.

Thise that are who are single rare to the point of extinction.

Just ho to socials chat on the forums answer profiles. And hope for the best.

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By *roticskyMan
over a year ago

Twickenham

I definitely support this idea

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