FabSwingers.com forum: Message Control For Females

By *ettaMan OP Man
over a year ago

Kerry and Dublin

Chatting to some of the women in here and it seems like a bit of an issue [for those ladies] that they receive [almost] too many messages, to the point that it has a negative impact on interactions for both the men and women.

Would it be something that the women on here would welcome that only men on your hot list can message, or only men that you've winked at? Those are just off the top of my head, so it's not an exhaustive list.

For as much stick as it gets, that's one thing I feel that Tinder has gotten right, the mutual consent to message.

There could still be a system whereby people can message each other without matching, but instead of the message going straight into the inbox, you would get a notification that someone has messaged you. You could then check out their profile.

Just a thought.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Or, women could use the message filter system to block all contact and send a message to the guys they're interested in first.

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By *ettaMan OP Man
over a year ago

Kerry and Dublin

"Or, women could use the message filter system to block all contact and send a message to the guys they're interested in first. "

Doesn't need to be either or

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The problem that I see with your suggestion OP, is that if messaging were restricted to people on their hotlists, they might end up missing out on messages from people that they wouldn't know are out there - people they've missed.

For example, what if their search radius was, say 20 miles, and someone within a 30 mile radius (but outside 20 mile radius) wants to get in touch and would be someone that the lady in question might actually be interested in hearing from, can't message because they're not on her hot list.

It would also mean that they'd have to spend much more time browsing through profiles etc to identify such people - and let's face it, a lot of ladies on here don't do that. They don't need to.

I can appreciate that some people are trying to come up with suggestions to address the high ratio of men to women and the resulting Tsunami of messages that some of them get though.

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By *udewhennudeMan
over a year ago

newport

Why do people continually want to fix something that isn’t broken and works well for the vast majority. As has been said many times if women don’t want to receive so many messages they can block single men and message them themselves. Effectively there is little difference between that and what you’re suggesting. How are guy going to know if they are on someone’s hotlist, without having an alert or perhaps a message. Women Jean easily just send a “hi” to anyone they wish to speak to.

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By *udewhennudeMan
over a year ago

newport

Can

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By *ettaMan OP Man
over a year ago

Kerry and Dublin

"They might end up missing out on messages from people that they wouldn't know are out there "

As mentioned, people could still message them, the message just wouldn't go directly in into the inbox. They would get a notification that someone has tried to contact them. There could be an 'other messages' folder like there is with FB messenger.

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By *ettaMan OP Man
over a year ago

Kerry and Dublin

"Why do people continually want to fix something that isn’t broken and works well for the vast majority. As has been said many times if women don’t want to receive so many messages they can block single men and message them themselves. Effectively there is little difference between that and what you’re suggesting. How are guy going to know if they are on someone’s hotlist, without having an alert or perhaps a message. Women Jean easily just send a “hi” to anyone they wish to speak to."

Just bcos something ain't broke, doesn't mean to say it can't be improved.

I'm just going on the complaints that I've heard about it. Perhaps the majority of women on here are actually more than happy with it.

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

Or they could just tighten their filters right up it's what I do and I don't get many messages at all.They could also actually go looking for profiles they like themselves and message them .

The site provides plenty of ways for women to control the amount of messages they get if they really want to .

Of they want messages from their hotlist then just message those guys and block others from messaging them.

Quite often you get the gist of a message from the bit you can read it's easy to delete the ones you can see don't interest you without opening them.

It's actually not that difficult to control the messages that you get as woman if you actually want to but a lot would rather not do that especially if it means they have to make the first move on here.

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By *ettaMan OP Man
over a year ago

Kerry and Dublin

"a lot would rather not do that especially if it means they have to make the first move on here. "

That might be the crux of the issue.

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By *lceeWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

I don’t tend to read the messages I get anyway - I browse and then message the guys I like. The messages I do read are the ones that really stand out from the first line...put them in another folder and that extra step means I will never see them as I’ll never check in there.

So, for me, that wouldn’t work. Not to say the idea doesn’t have merit and might be a brilliant setting to have for some women. Applaud the gumption, sah!

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By *wingingGuy79Man
over a year ago

Nottinghamshire

I was thinking it might be good to have something along the lines of what the OP has suggested, just thought I'd check it hadn't been mentioned already.

However I was thinking more along the lines of a system to perhaps highlight messages though rather than blocking. Like the priority folders you have on various email services, the user(s) flag that person(s) as an interest. Or like the OP said, messages from people on the hotlist or you've winked at go to the top of the list. Messages can get lost or missed, despite there being a conversation history.

I also understand what's being said about the filters, it's certainly one way to deal with it, but it's at the cost of potentially missing out.

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By *uietlykinkymeWoman
over a year ago

kinky land

Use message filters. Even with message filters on, if a profile interacts with another profile, outside the message filters, the message filters no longer apply.

There's a selection of filters so it's often just a case of tinkering with the filters until you find your own personal balance

Or as suggested, stick all message filters on and search for what appeals to you

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

Any woman who has been on the site for a certain period of time and is still whinging about the amount of mail she is getting is either lazy or has a fear of missing out so introducing additional mail restrictions won't solve those problems.

As others have said it's already a very simple process but one which some can't be bothered embracing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Would it be something that the women on here would welcome that only men on your hot list can message, or only men that you've winked at? L"

That’s how it currently works right?

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