FabSwingers.com forum: No chance if you are shy?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

At a club?

Ok admit I'm a very shy guy, would love to go to a club to meet others but my shyness may obviously hold me back. My question to all experienced clubbers, does a shy guy put you off approaching him? Are you doomed if you are his way?

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By *entralscotscpl7Couple
over a year ago

Falkirk

Just our opinion but we probably wouldn’t engage with someone who didn’t make the effort to talk to us.

You still need a bit of chatting and flirting to see if you are really compatible but that’s just our preference.

However saying that most of the clubs we have been to give you a full tour and introduce you to the staff if it’s your first time.

Makes the experience much better for all newcomers and will help you get over your shyness issue.

All I can say is go and try it. If you don’t like it you just leave.

Might be the best move you make

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've got nothing against shyness, but I've sometimes encountered people who are shy but also creepy.

If someone is just shy, I'll often go up and introduce myself and chat for a while to out them at ease. If they're also creepy, then I'll avoid them like the plague.

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

Hiding in the shadows or just being there but not interacting will do you no good. I'm socially awkward and shy (until I feel ok with someone then quite the opposite). But I realised the first time I went to a club the only way forward was to be brave and just start talking and socialising with strangers. Some people take this for granted and just talk to folk but for me it was a huge step outside my comfort zone. But there are times in life you just need to push yourself. Turns out it went really well. My fears of rejection where unfounded. Seems if you approach people in a friendly, respectful way its reciprocated. Granted not everyone one will want to chat but no one was overtly rude and I found my self making freinds with lots of people. Also not everyone will want to have sex with you just because they enjoy your company and likewise wasn't interested in sleeping with every woman I got on with. But it worked for me and your far more likely to get somewhere by socialising than hiding by yourself in a corner or wondering around following and staring at people. Oh and another thing the more you say hello and chat to people the easier it gets and the more your self confidence grows. I guess it's the same as developing any skill.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is swinging the thing for shy people? It’s an activity that requires being social and outward.

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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago

Stoke area

On arrival you should get a tour and chance to ask questions. Mention you are shy and ask to be introduced to some friendly regulars. Tell them you have difficulty with being shy initially.

I have a friend who advised someone to pretend they were confident. Smile and have a rehearsed introduction. Something like hi , I'm Chris. Its my first time here and i am a bit shy. Mind if I talked to you for a few minutes ?

Once he has said this to 3 or 4 people , he felt much easier. He came to the club a week later and lots of people made an effort to go to chat to him.

Take some slow deep breaths, smile, be aware of your body language. Act relaxed and happy and you will be fine .

Swingers club's tend to have friendly customers. Very different from nightclubs or normal pubs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We regularly attend clubs. Sometimes a guy will instigate the conversation with us but to be honest if I like someone I am more than happy to go over and say hi. So chances are if I don’t go over to the guy then I’m not interested. Also as a couple we really wouldn’t expect a single to make the first move....we understand that that is a really difficult thing to do. The majority of our play in clubs is very spontaneous and no conversation takes place beforehand. So your shyness really shouldn’t be a problem.

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

I am quiet lucky I have bondage kit with me, which always gets people talking. Though i wouldn’t say I am shy just I am shy in asking people to play.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not so much shyness, it's whether or not you wish to forfeit a certain amount of anonymity. Who with, how, where when etc. Which can be avoided up to a point, whereupon you must encounter someone. But by then you may well have observed or felt each other out and less likely to commit a faux Pas.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know how you feel. Same thing holding me back from going to a club, even though one club is literally a 5 minute drive away!

My shyness is down to social anxiety though. Unfortunately, I have to be on the booze to feel a little more at ease in these kinds of social situations.

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By *sm81Couple
over a year ago

warwickshire

It shouldn't hold you back from going to a club. I would say try and start a conversation with a couple/woman and fake your confidence till you have a little bit. Saying that though couples shouldnt expect the guys to start the conversation either

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By *lanemikeMan
over a year ago

Bolton

"I've got nothing against shyness, but I've sometimes encountered people who are shy but also creepy.

If someone is just shy, I'll often go up and introduce myself and chat for a while to out them at ease. If they're also creepy, then I'll avoid them like the plague. "

Can I ask how you differentiate between being shy and being "creepy" ?? Just curious...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We tend to chat to people at clubs and as long as they are polite it's all good.

Boo is shy until she gets to k ow someone so we k ow it's difficult sometimes going to a club

But it's one of those things until you try it who knows how you will do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fake it till you make it...good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i think if your shy then a club could be the best way to start off ive never been to a club night yet where no one talks to no one ..unless they are creepy or pushy ....

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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago

Stoke area

"I've got nothing against shyness, but I've sometimes encountered people who are shy but also creepy.

If someone is just shy, I'll often go up and introduce myself and chat for a while to out them at ease. If they're also creepy, then I'll avoid them like the plague.

Can I ask how you differentiate between being shy and being "creepy" ?? Just curious..."

Shy people often avoid eye contact and creepy people avoid eye contact AND stare at your boobs .

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By *hilledout-coupleCouple
over a year ago

telford

I would rather someone said hi introduced themselves and go from there rather a polite conversation than just lurking around or following as that looks creepy we recently had our first time at xtasia last night , we were very nervous and I would suggest to anyone who sees someone who’s shy to go up to them and break the ice as it’s quite scary being the new guys most people we did speak to were friendly and polite even if they are not your type a polite hi thanks for chatting but your not our type is fine we wouldn’t have took offence hope this helps x

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By *hilledout-coupleCouple
over a year ago

telford

Could I also ask how do you fake confidence? Would love to be able to do this

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By *inky kissersCouple
over a year ago

South East

Male half suffers with shyness and social anxiety on occasion, but in a club I find it so much easier to talk to people.

Just be yourself and be polite and you may end up with a friend

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good luck to you if you do, I couldn't do it. My weakness.

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By *hilledout-coupleCouple
over a year ago

telford

[Removed by poster at 26/10/19 22:44:54]

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By *hilledout-coupleCouple
over a year ago

telford

"Male half suffers with shyness and social anxiety on occasion, but in a club I find it so much easier to talk to people.

Just be yourself and be polite and you may end up with a friend "

My partner is same he is very shy but does come out his shell after awhile he lacks confidence x

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"At a club?

clubs are not for everyone.... but if you are going to meet people then at some point you are going to have to flap them gums and words will need to come out!

its as much about at least making the effort to talk to people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"At a club?

If you're shy you're fucked (or not). Similar to real life tbh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s easy to go into a shell even if you are usually extrovert. Sometimes it’ll even depend on your mood on the day. Unfortunately there is little option other than to force yourself out of it.

I find a good trick to get me back into a sociable mood is to try and say at least one sentence to everyone I see when I get to the club, even if it’s a short comment about the weather.

There is very little chance these small interactions will go badly so each interaction will make you feel a little more confident, as more serotonin is released you’ll find yourself more and more relaxed as time passes, your small comments will turn into large conversations.

If you’ve already said something small to someone previously if you start to feel lonely or one of your interactions fizzles out, now you are more likely to be able to easily go and fit in with someone you’ve already spoken with, however briefly, and your anxiety about going up to a stranger won’t be there, as you’ve already spoken to them.

There are lots of other reasons this works well but we’d be here all day.

Also stand up straight and keep your head up.

Hope some of this helps!!

Happy Fabbing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can depend massively on where you go. I always get nervous and feel shy compared to my usual outgoing self. Smile at people and see if they approach you or try and find some one to go with that you have met first.

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By *lirtykentCouple
over a year ago

Kent

As others have said, you are likely to get a tour and often single guys bump into each other on the way in and chat to each other for a while.

My advice would be to people watch from near somewhere people have to go such as the bar. Smile at people, see who gives you more than a passing glance. Look for eye contact. And have a few ‘lines’ to use. Let people know it’s the first time you’ve been to a club and that you are on your own. If they think you look their sort they are likely to chat and think you have balls for showing up alone!!

At the end of the day most clubs have an area no different to going into a bar so just try and relax and enjoy the experience!

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By *rettyLittleThingWoman
over a year ago

Swansea

Some great advice on here.

I get quite nervous and shy at first but tend to relax more as I get to know a person. From a club point of view, I found it easier to sit by the bar, that way staff often introduced people to me/us and I felt familiar with the staff to talk to too.

Wandering round watching too, people often strike up a conversation.

Other than that I just learned to push myself through it and just sucked it up to initiate conversation first.

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By *xhib12Man
over a year ago

Blyth

"Hiding in the shadows or just being there but not interacting will do you no good. I'm socially awkward and shy (until I feel ok with someone then quite the opposite). But I realised the first time I went to a club the only way forward was to be brave and just start talking and socialising with strangers. Some people take this for granted and just talk to folk but for me it was a huge step outside my comfort zone. But there are times in life you just need to push yourself. Turns out it went really well. My fears of rejection where unfounded. Seems if you approach people in a friendly, respectful way its reciprocated. Granted not everyone one will want to chat but no one was overtly rude and I found my self making freinds with lots of people. Also not everyone will want to have sex with you just because they enjoy your company and likewise wasn't interested in sleeping with every woman I got on with. But it worked for me and your far more likely to get somewhere by socialising than hiding by yourself in a corner or wondering around following and staring at people. Oh and another thing the more you say hello and chat to people the easier it gets and the more your self confidence grows. I guess it's the same as developing any skill."

Summed up perfectly

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Fancy dress parties in clubs are great I've breakers. I got chatted up this weekend and told that I looked amazing, with all the make up and she really wanted to take my picture. But club rules don't allow cameras. Luckily I had my picture taken by my partner earlier on.

This was a huge ego boost! You can pick up cheap fancy dress outfits in car boots and charity shops. My oufit cost me £3.00.

Women will always comment on easily dressed people...it's all about putting in the effort!

Smiles and a simple hello are always welcome.

Yes I am painfully shy too.

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By *herryblossom_BJWoman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

"I am quiet lucky I have bondage kit with me, which always gets people talking. Though i wouldn’t say I am shy just I am shy in asking people to play. "

I'm shy with people so if i bring my whip... I might get more lucky with men?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've got nothing against shyness, but I've sometimes encountered people who are shy but also creepy.

If someone is just shy, I'll often go up and introduce myself and chat for a while to out them at ease. If they're also creepy, then I'll avoid them like the plague.

Can I ask how you differentiate between being shy and being "creepy" ?? Just curious...

Shy people often avoid eye contact and creepy people avoid eye contact AND stare at your boobs . "

This, among other things. Hadn't had a chance to reply, so thank you!

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By *adetMan
over a year ago

South of Ipswich

Shyness is quite attractive to me

I'd make a point of finding the shy ones and make them feel welcome

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"I am quiet lucky I have bondage kit with me, which always gets people talking. Though i wouldn’t say I am shy just I am shy in asking people to play.

I'm shy with people so if i bring my whip... I might get more lucky with men?

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By *bw_lover33Man
over a year ago

Twickenham

Some women like that mate. Ive been told im too loud and confident, it can put others off. Having dmsaid that its a good way to find out if Some one likes you quick xx

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By *harliebbwWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Some women like that mate. Ive been told im too loud and confident, it can put others off. Having dmsaid that its a good way to find out if Some one likes you quick xx"

you entertained us for a bit last night

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

"Is swinging the thing for shy people? It’s an activity that requires being social and outward. "

We don't think so!

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