FabSwingers.com forum: Confidence at clubs

By *rincess Phoenix OP Woman
over a year ago

Southampton

Any tips on approaching people in clubs as a single lady?

I was at Libs last night and felt a bit awkward as I wasn't sure how to approach anyone as I've always gone as part of a play couple so I didn't have a great time

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

"Hi

Any tips on approaching people in clubs as a single lady?

I was at Libs last night and felt a bit awkward as I wasn't sure how to approach anyone as I've always gone as part of a play couple so I didn't have a great time

I just walk over to people, but I have no shame and no filter so I just introduce myself.

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By *tingly ByronMan
over a year ago

In a town Fab forgot

"Hi

Any tips on approaching people in clubs as a single lady?

I was at Libs last night and felt a bit awkward as I wasn't sure how to approach anyone as I've always gone as part of a play couple so I didn't have a great time

Welcome to my world.

I know we're all at a club for similar reasons, and yet I still find it awkward to break the ice......

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I think you treat it much like you'd treat starting a conversation with someone not in a sex club. Take a deep breath to calm yourself if needed, smile and walk over to the person/people. Talk about anything. Even if it's just to say "Hi... so this is a bit awkward *cue nervous laugh*

Most people are far more willing to engage in conversation than you might think initially.

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By *tingly ByronMan
over a year ago

In a town Fab forgot

"I think you treat it much like you'd treat starting a conversation with someone not in a sex club. Take a deep breath to calm yourself if needed, smile and walk over to the person/people. Talk about anything. Even if it's just to say "Hi... so this is a bit awkward *cue nervous laugh*

Most people are far more willing to engage in conversation than you might think initially."

I wonder if that approach would work so well as a chap...

I can see it working for a woman though.

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

Most people are far more willing to engage in conversation than you might think initially.

I wonder if that approach would work so well as a chap...

I can see it working for a woman though.

If a man cones over to talk to me, even if I'm not interested, I still chat to them, introduce them to my friends etc.

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

"Hi

Any tips on approaching people in clubs as a single lady?

I was at Libs last night and felt a bit awkward as I wasn't sure how to approach anyone as I've always gone as part of a play couple so I didn't have a great time

Just talk to people at the bar like you normally would, name, where come from, I'm here on my own, blah blah, let the conversation flow my padawan.

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

"Hi

Any tips on approaching people in clubs as a single lady?

I was at Libs last night and felt a bit awkward as I wasn't sure how to approach anyone as I've always gone as part of a play couple so I didn't have a great time

Two things amaze me here; considering you're no stranger to the club scene (albeit as a couple), you didn't feel comfortable enough in a club you've visited before to approach others? Also, I can't think of any club I've been in, where a single woman was without company for any amount of time. Perhaps you were wearing a prosthetic male suit?

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

I always pick something like a dress, tattoo or shoes to comment on. Then if they’re interested between us we usually carry on the conversation from there!

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By *andKBCouple
over a year ago

Plymouth

We struggle to approach in clubs mind you last time we went to xtasia and people literally turned their backs if you tried to speak put us off!!

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

"We struggle to approach in clubs mind you last time we went to xtasia and people literally turned their backs if you tried to speak put us off!! "

Oh off putting! I’m meant to be going next weekend for the first time...

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By *rof_cplCouple
over a year ago

Gerrards Cross

It's no easier as a couple.

Starting conversations with random strangers just isn't a natural thing and we've been known to spend 3 or 4 hours walking round a club trying to work out how to introduce ourselves, trying to catch people's eyes and throwing people the odd smile whist trying not to look like a grinning maniac. All the while thinking "wouldn't it be easier to just grow some balls and walk over and talk to the hot couple in the corner".

You're not alone.

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By *inja 636Man
over a year ago

Grays

"Hi

Any tips on approaching people in clubs as a single lady?

I was at Libs last night and felt a bit awkward as I wasn't sure how to approach anyone as I've always gone as part of a play couple so I didn't have a great time

It's not great but I just sit and be shy making eye contact with people and if they come over then I come out of my shell dont be put off by the experience I'm sure it will get easier hope this has helped x

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By *cottish guy 555Man
over a year ago

London

Oddly I find it much easier to start a conversation in a club than in any other situation. I do suffer with social anxiety but in a club it seems to bother me less

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Most people are far more willing to engage in conversation than you might think initially.

I wonder if that approach would work so well as a chap...

I can see it working for a woman though.

I think it should work. Even if I'm not interested I'll still talk to people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Without a doubt, as someone else has mentioned, keep it vanilla with a quick 'oooo, I really like your shoes/outfit/makeup/tattoos ' etc it's a really easy ice breaker and if you follow it up with a question (how long did it take, where did you find it etc) you'll soon be chatting away

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

You guys need some of my 'who gives a shit?' attitude. I will go and talk to anyone. I'll even go into a big group of people and just start nattering.

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By *ethnmelvCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

"It's no easier as a couple.

You're not alone."

Ditto! Sometimes when we go to Clubs we are more forthright, sometimes we are less so, but we are always happy to chat

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"You guys need some of my 'who gives a shit?' attitude. I will go and talk to anyone. I'll even go into a big group of people and just start nattering. "

I give a shit when I'm doing the approaching (getting better at it) but being approached, as long as you don't start with sex immediately, I'll probably be open to conversation. And anyone who's rude enough to just dismiss your polite attempt at conversation... That's about them, not you.

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By *adame 2SwordsWoman
over a year ago

Victoria, London

You probably won't need to approach anyone. The guys will be super nice because they see fresh meat to fuck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Interesting question

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By *tingly ByronMan
over a year ago

In a town Fab forgot

"You guys need some of my 'who gives a shit?' attitude. I will go and talk to anyone. I'll even go into a big group of people and just start nattering. "

This 'who gives a shit attitude', could you bottle it and send a few litres my way....

Please!

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

"You guys need some of my 'who gives a shit?' attitude. I will go and talk to anyone. I'll even go into a big group of people and just start nattering.

This 'who gives a shit attitude', could you bottle it and send a few litres my way....

Please!

Yep!

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Just because it's a place that you might have sex, it's fine to chat as if it's someone in any public place - unless someone was actively engaged sexually. I'm guessing you'd not be doing the latter generally... though feel free to introduce yourself anywhere appropriately.

I'm not everyone's cup of tea but I'll say hello to anyone. It's fine to be awkward or nervous but most people will chat. Those not particularly wanting to will keep it brief - you don't need more time with them. I think if you show you are open and are just engaging socially, you can then chat about anything. Asking them how they are, comments about the night, the club, whatever.

Most people are not super confident and appreciate others starting a chat. They'll be there to increase their circle of contacts too. Hanging out in the more socially active parts, such as the cafe/bar is where people expect and are most open to talking to most people.

If you have moved around the place a bit, you will have been spotted by others and so already somewhat familiar. There will be people wanting to talk to you and some will make the first move. Men especially will want to chat. Be open about making eye contact with everyone, smile if you feel comfortable and relax. Another time you could post a meet for some of us to meet you there, so you'll have a pre-arranged back-up too.

Have fun!

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By *tingly ByronMan
over a year ago

In a town Fab forgot

"You guys need some of my 'who gives a shit?' attitude. I will go and talk to anyone. I'll even go into a big group of people and just start nattering.

This 'who gives a shit attitude', could you bottle it and send a few litres my way....

Please!

Yep!"

Ta, it's really appreciated.

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

"You guys need some of my 'who gives a shit?' attitude. I will go and talk to anyone. I'll even go into a big group of people and just start nattering.

This 'who gives a shit attitude', could you bottle it and send a few litres my way....

Please!

Yep!

Ta, it's really appreciated.

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By *irlintheRedRed dressWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow

"You probably won't need to approach anyone. The guys will be super nice because they see fresh meat to fuck"

Sadly I completely agree with this poster. I was perplexed on my first few club visits why lots of very attractive women were being ignored. Soon realised it was because a lot of the guys had already played with them.

Just smile at people or get friendly with the staff/hosts who can introduce you to people.

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By *inkyman1964Man
over a year ago

Stoke-on-Trent

Chat to the barman and let him introduce you to others.

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

"You guys need some of my 'who gives a shit?' attitude. I will go and talk to anyone. I'll even go into a big group of people and just start nattering.

This 'who gives a shit attitude', could you bottle it and send a few litres my way....

Please!

I’ve found it easier to visit a club when I have LITERALLY nothing better to do that night. This way, I have ZERO expectations, don’t care who I talk to, and whatever happens on the night, it’s better than watching Graham Norton

Although; if it was a crap night, I can always watch Graham on catch-up

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By *lex D.Man
over a year ago

London

"Hi

Any tips on approaching people in clubs as a single lady?

I was at Libs last night and felt a bit awkward as I wasn't sure how to approach anyone as I've always gone as part of a play couple so I didn't have a great time

Sitting down, relaxing, having a drink and a chat in clubs is the best part. Anything above that is indeed thrilling however I'd have thought as a lady you hold many aces tucked,...inside, well...whatever your sporting.

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

The advice is the same for women and men. Go to an organised social near where the club is first. That way you should meet some people that are attendees at the club. Now you are at least on nodding terms with some of the guests.

You don't have to fancy them, it's all about networking.

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

"You probably won't need to approach anyone. The guys will be super nice because they see fresh meat to fuck"

Difficult to rely on during a night for couples and single women.

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

The Wild Wetness

"Hi

Any tips on approaching people in clubs as a single lady?

I was at Libs last night and felt a bit awkward as I wasn't sure how to approach anyone as I've always gone as part of a play couple so I didn't have a great time

I think it's always good to have a couple of standard lines. Yes they are the same as everyone else's, but it gets you over the initial hurdle. Then conversions can grow organically.

Hi, have you been here before...

Hi, that is a lovely outfit (or varient).....

Hi, its busy/quiet tonight....

Hi, do you mind if we/I sit here...

Do you want to join us for a game of pool?

If there is a tour for newbies we will try and hop on that.

Or if something is going on, stripper, activity etc that is always a good talking point.

But in the end hi is usually enough to get people started.

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By *tingly ByronMan
over a year ago

In a town Fab forgot

If you spot someone on their way back from the loo, try;

"i was worried you'd gone home early, have you been for a shit?"

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

"If you spot someone on their way back from the loo, try;

"i was worried you'd gone home early, have you been for a shit?"

this is a great opener!

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By *onderWomanWlvWoman
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

I agree with the having a few standard Qs up your sleeve. You can even go for "hi, I'm X, would you like to chat?" If they are totally not in to you physically, or not looking to play, then they'll say no..but most people will say yes and then you can launch in to some standard "that's a lovely outfit, are you having a good night, have you been here before" etc. Once you have a few mins casual chatting under your belt, everyone will relax and then if there's a spark the real conversation will flow.

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By *tingly ByronMan
over a year ago

In a town Fab forgot

"If you spot someone on their way back from the loo, try;

"i was worried you'd gone home early, have you been for a shit?"

this is a great opener! "

I soooooooo want to use it.

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

"If you spot someone on their way back from the loo, try;

"i was worried you'd gone home early, have you been for a shit?"

this is a great opener!

I soooooooo want to use it.

I'm going to try it next time I go out

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By *tingly ByronMan
over a year ago

In a town Fab forgot

"If you spot someone on their way back from the loo, try;

"i was worried you'd gone home early, have you been for a shit?"

this is a great opener!

I soooooooo want to use it.

I'm going to try it next time I go out "

Please report back.

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

"If you spot someone on their way back from the loo, try;

"i was worried you'd gone home early, have you been for a shit?"

this is a great opener!

I soooooooo want to use it.

I'm going to try it next time I go out

Please report back.

I will, to be fair, I've probably said worse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just sit and have a drink in the bar, it is never long before I am approached.

Good luck and enjoy x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think I will go with I think need new glasses, I thought this was the chip shop - hi I'm Gordon

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By *assage_MusicCouple
over a year ago

South East

"It's no easier as a couple.

You're not alone."

It's natural for us to speak to people. We walk around and talk freely about anything - there's always something to pick on to start a conversation.

We don't like swinging clubs but it's much easier to approach people there than in other settings.

Best of luck!

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By *ethany10Couple
over a year ago

falkirk

Must admit I am v nervous in club, my wife is much more confident. I did enjoy the Rocky Horror show social a few months ago at our local club. No pressure I suppose.

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

I think people underestimate and are surprised how hard it can be a single lady clubs. The school disco effect applies just as much in swinger clubs as it does in the vanilla world. I think most of us are just a bit shy and/or risk adverse when it comes to chatting people up.

Also I think sometimes couples can be a bit closed and intimidating to single ladies, maybe without realising it. After all a couple is already it's own little clique.

As to practice advise, since we are all as bad a each other all I can suggest if you fancy someone/s then you may just need to be a bit more brave and be a bit more obvious in your intention to get to know people. I also know if it were me or someone like me you'd need to practically spell things out to me as I find it very hard to read that someone is coming on to me. And to be fair there is nothing wrong or uncouth about being very open and making your intentions clear in a club enviroment. Plus the more you push your self and your social skill the better and more confident youll get.

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By *ightDiversionMan
over a year ago

Sevenoaks

It is difficult for all of us to make the first move- it’s our upbringing no doubt.

Eye contract is key as far as I am concerned - hold that gaze a little longer than normal - if they don’t smile back move on !

Or you could try the more direct approach used on me a few months back - watching some play in the cinema at Chams the lady next to me grabbed my cock and whispered let’s go play, dragging me out by it into the room behind

May not be fitting for all circumstances but I did t complain !

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By *isaAndNicoleTransTV/TS
over a year ago

Southport / Ellesmere Port

This won't help the OP as she is a non smoker but I've found, as a smoker, that many conversations start up in the smoking areas at clubs. Everyone just talks to everyone else there and then this continues on into the club.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have been going to clubs as single F for 2yrs never have had to approach anybody just say hello and I be friendly when people walk in and SMILE and you will find in the clubs there are few sour faces that dont talk Looool oh watch your back lot of gossip in clubs too!

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By *rincess Phoenix OP Woman
over a year ago

Southampton

Thank you for all that advice it's very helpful!

I was sat on the sofa in the lounge area wearing just a towel and a smile tried to catch people's eyes but was ignored.

I'll be more obvious next time and make a move

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

It’s not easy - I have been going to clubs for years but I still struggle with confidence issues. I suppose it’s the dreaded thanks but no thanks. Also my omen

The last time I went to a club actually I didn’t play with anyone but I did have the pleasure of being close and watching a few couples have sex. When they had finished I said thanks for the show I enjoyed it l.

It’s a small thing but it starts a conversation; both couples i had a chat with after. People will get to know you

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By *tingly ByronMan
over a year ago

In a town Fab forgot

"It’s not easy - I have been going to clubs for years but I still struggle with confidence issues. I suppose it’s the dreaded thanks but no thanks. Also my omen

It’s a small thing but it starts a conversation; both couples i had a chat with after. People will get to know you "

It can take time to establish yourself at a club.

In my experience you need to go a few times to get yourself recognised and "known".

Once you've got a few people to chat to, your network grows and it becomes "easier".

I'm quite shy, I find it a challenge sometimes to reach out to strangers. Knowing a few people certainly helps.

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By *arkhorse7Man
over a year ago

birmingham

"Thank you for all that advice it's very helpful!

I was sat on the sofa in the lounge area wearing just a towel and a smile tried to catch people's eyes but was ignored.

I'll be more obvious next time and make a move"

Should have gone into the main open area with large round bed, and sat in the bed, that's a sure sign you want playtime !!!

Next eh enjoy x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have never been to a club...thought about it but never done it.

I would probably wear a t-shirt saying " here to chat, not to play" as i enjoy talking to people about anything and everything.

If we were to meet again....then who knows

I would be mortified if someone thought i was disrespectful or following people around like some of the stories i have read......but at the same time would feel uncomfy sat all alone...hence why i have never visited a club yet.

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

"I have never been to a club...thought about it but never done it.

I would probably wear a t-shirt saying " here to chat, not to play" as i enjoy talking to people about anything and everything.

If we were to meet again....then who knows

Don't overthink it, it looks like you already aware of the etiquette it's just like going to a pub that's a more adult orientated and friendlier

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

I can be quite shy about approaching people at clubs but I tend to hang around the bar areas and just say hello to anybody who is near enough to hear me.

It often starts conversations going. Even if it doesn't go any further, it's good to get to know people and be in the liberated environment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks for that advice

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By *mm and HerCouple
over a year ago

Hertfordshire

We think it is quite hard too, and probably as a result, probably not the best people to be giving advice!

But as you asked...Our best tips would be to message someone who's going beforehand and say would they mind being a friendly face. And at least 2 clubs, when they found out it was our first time there, got regulars to do a tour and to introduce us to a few people. Jaydees had a thread running for just this purpose I think.

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

It was interesting I was with a friend at a club Friday and couples approached us!!!! I was shocked very different dynamic that when I am a single guy. Was speaking to a couple and we explained that we were a couple who were just playing tonight and they said that they wouldn’t speak to me as a single guy lol

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

The Wild Wetness

"It was interesting I was with a friend at a club Friday and couples approached us!!!! I was shocked very different dynamic that when I am a single guy. Was speaking to a couple and we explained that we were a couple who were just playing tonight and they said that they wouldn’t speak to me as a single guy lol "
I can understand that they might not approach you if you were a single guy as mmf may not be their thing.

Same way we would approach a single guy, but would not approach or try to talk to a group of men as we are not looking for a gang bang.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You probably won't need to approach anyone. The guys will be super nice because they see fresh meat to fuck"

Not my experience at all as a single fem in a club...people ignore you mostly, probably worried about how to approach...Or worried you will reject them

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

I had similar again on Friday night mate, only managed conversation with one couple at the bar, and although the wife seemed keen to chat, her hubby stood firmly between us keeping his back to me, so his body language told me all I needed to know. The rest of the place was basically couples only, with only 4 other single guys in. I watched two women play with one guy in an open room, and then down in the dungeon enjoyed watching a woman being flogged and teased. I left shortly after 11:30 though

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By *ollycouple71Couple
over a year ago

manchester

"You guys need some of my 'who gives a shit?' attitude. I will go and talk to anyone. I'll even go into a big group of people and just start nattering. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not my experience at all as a single fem in a club...people ignore you mostly, probably worried about how to approach...Or worried you will reject them "

I go to clubs with my FB and see single ladies there but find it harder to approach and chat to them unless conversation is made for us by e.g. waiting at the bar. Even as a couple I don't want to seem intimidating or that I'm looking for our next 'victim'; I've seen ladies sitting on their own and would happily chat to them if it wasn't for that. After all some of us are happy just chatting sometimes so it isn't always about the sex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes totally agree..have seen it happen many times..no one wants to come across as pushy or give the wrong impression

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi

Any tips on approaching people in clubs as a single lady?

I was at Libs last night and felt a bit awkward as I wasn't sure how to approach anyone as I've always gone as part of a play couple so I didn't have a great time

With curves like yours I don't think you should fear approaching ppl

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi

Any tips on approaching people in clubs as a single lady?

I was at Libs last night and felt a bit awkward as I wasn't sure how to approach anyone as I've always gone as part of a play couple so I didn't have a great time

Welcome to my world.

I know we're all at a club for similar reasons, and yet I still find it awkward to break the ice......

This is me. If I'm approached great. Someone I like, total freeze.

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