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Couples Club Etiquette

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Hello, I was wondering if we could gather some advice from you lovely club go'ers regarding etiquette in a club?

We're both new to attending clubs and went to our first one on Tuesday. We found everyone to be very friendly and welcoming. Most people were chatty, we which really enjoyed.

We are just curious about etiquette, for example a couple started playing which each other on a sun lounger on the top deck. We were also up there and wanted to watch but weren't sure whether it is appropriate to do so? We wanted to move closer but didn't know how to initiate that respectfully.

We thought about asking but did not want to interrupt in case we ruined the mood.

Similarly, a couple were in one of the play rooms with the door open, is it appropriate for us to watch in that situation?

We also had an incident where the female of another couple came over while we were playing and immediately got between my partners legs (her). It took us both by surprise which briefly delayed our response. I then had to physically block her and they moved to a different part of the room. This naturally upset my partner who questioned whether she had given off any signals however as far as I'm concerned that required some form of communication.

Apologies for length and thank you in advice.

TL:DR - We're new to clubs, advice?

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

If someone is playing in public they’ll certainly have no issues with you watching so no worries there. In terms of joining in, I’m of the view that you should always seek consent - which doesn’t have to be verbal! So to just help herself, I think is wrong of the woman who decided she was joining in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Agreed. Watching is perfectly fine. We would have been very upset if someone just helped themselves. Fella isn’t known for playing nice in them situations.

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth


"Agreed. Watching is perfectly fine. We would have been very upset if someone just helped themselves. Fella isn’t known for playing nice in them situations. "

I was chilling on a bed in an open play area once, eyes closed, relaxing and waiting for my friends to return and carry on play. Next thing you know, I feel a hand pinching my nipple. I think I made my feelings nice and clear!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Agreed. Watching is perfectly fine. We would have been very upset if someone just helped themselves. Fella isn’t known for playing nice in them situations.

I was chilling on a bed in an open play area once, eyes closed, relaxing and waiting for my friends to return and carry on play. Next thing you know, I feel a hand pinching my nipple. I think I made my feelings nice and clear!"

We had a similar experience in a hot tub with a bloke just thinking he can have a grab. We avoid nights when single blokes can go as much as we can.

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

I think for me and my partner it gets better with experience and feel. You kind of just get better with reading people and the sitution. Rule one is always consent. It's doesn't have to be in writing or even verbal. You just have to know that everyone is happy. So if in doubt always play it safe and never assume. I'd say your attitude is right. But likewise don't be shy if something interests you, especially in an open/public area. Go and get closer. See if you can make eye contact. If people are interested in you they will (especially if their fairly experiance) say something or gesture to you when their aware of your presence. Also with eye contact that may be an oppertunity to simply ask nicely can we watch or can we play next to you or something like that. People wont mind you politely asking. Even if its a no, it will be a nice no thank you. They may of course be too lost im each other but chances are if they are looking for others to watch in an open space they will have one eye out for the who's around them. If it's say a couples room or space like that there is no harm in the both of you getting it on together and seeing where that goes in relation to the others around you.

Basicly don't be shy, but be respectful, polite and listen to their eye contact and vibe as well as words. If ever in doubt just seek a bit of clarity, people won't mind.

And when you start to get the feel for it, it's hot. When we started out we always thought you had to get to know people before hand. But as we've got more into it we've found we've had some really hot times with people who we've never talked to but were just there at the time in the room. Sometimes we've never said a word to them (Not that there wasn't plenty of communication going on).

As for the experience with the other lady, sorry to hear that. It's wrong and she should have done more to get consent. Not a justification, but in our experience it's kind of assumed in clubs by many that a woman is bi unless stated otherwise. A lot of women tend to just think if a woman is freindly to them then they are also sexually intrested. So hopefully this woman tries better next time to gain consent before touching. I would assume it's a genuine miss read of the situation. Totally her fault, she should have never assumed it was ok to dive in there. Although I always find it helps if your aware of someone who may want to join in or do something you don't want them to, a polite comment could head the situation off at the pass. Thus saving all parties grief as most people are respectful and will thank you for it.

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By *itsAndTaffCouple
over a year ago

Grays, Essex


"Agreed. Watching is perfectly fine. We would have been very upset if someone just helped themselves. Fella isn’t known for playing nice in them situations.

I was chilling on a bed in an open play area once, eyes closed, relaxing and waiting for my friends to return and carry on play. Next thing you know, I feel a hand pinching my nipple. I think I made my feelings nice and clear!

We had a similar experience in a hot tub with a bloke just thinking he can have a grab. We avoid nights when single blokes can go as much as we can. "

I find couples way more entitled than single guys when it comes to touching without asking in clubs, especially those that if we’ve had conversations with and have told them we are fairly new to clubs have told us they are experienced club goers, you can practically guarantee 10 minutes later they’ll be having an uninvited grope especially if you’re in a hot tub

It’s not right but I’ve come to realise you just have to accept you’re gonna get touched without an invite and be prepared to say no (something I’m not good at)

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By *oved Up 2Couple
over a year ago

nottingham

We always play in the open so expect (and enjoy) people to watch.

Nobody should ever just jump in without asking first. Sometimes one of us will feel the touch of a hand by way of request. If we're not interested we will move the hand away. If they are persistent neither of us have qualms about telling them to leave us alone.

From your description of amenities I wonder if you were at Chams? If so the staff there are brilliant if you have major issues and will revoke membership of the offender if necessary

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By *eastAndTheHarlotCouple
over a year ago

Hartlepool

If someone is playing in the open then watching is fine.

If they're in a room and the door is open it's an invite to watch.

Check for markings on the floor at the door. That means you ask before entering.

We also put a towel across the threshold of the door so that people know to stay behind. Some people don't but we will happily point out the 'line' we made and they're always respectful and stay behind it.

We play at clubs all of the time and we're used to people asking. Sometimes it's to play beside us, sometimes its to watch up close and sometimes they ask to join in. It's expected at a club and doesn't break the mood.

Not asking (like that woman did with your partner) is what breaks and sours the mood.

Closed doors are the only big no no. If the door is closed leave it and move along. Don't knock. They want privacy.

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth


"Agreed. Watching is perfectly fine. We would have been very upset if someone just helped themselves. Fella isn’t known for playing nice in them situations.

I was chilling on a bed in an open play area once, eyes closed, relaxing and waiting for my friends to return and carry on play. Next thing you know, I feel a hand pinching my nipple. I think I made my feelings nice and clear!

We had a similar experience in a hot tub with a bloke just thinking he can have a grab. We avoid nights when single blokes can go as much as we can. "

It was actually the guy from a couple! I've found more issues with couples surprisingly - not that I've had many issues at all in clubs. It's almost like a very small minority think because they're a couple they're not threatening and can therefore do what they like.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Agreed. Watching is perfectly fine. We would have been very upset if someone just helped themselves. Fella isn’t known for playing nice in them situations.

I was chilling on a bed in an open play area once, eyes closed, relaxing and waiting for my friends to return and carry on play. Next thing you know, I feel a hand pinching my nipple. I think I made my feelings nice and clear!

We had a similar experience in a hot tub with a bloke just thinking he can have a grab. We avoid nights when single blokes can go as much as we can.

It was actually the guy from a couple! I've found more issues with couples surprisingly - not that I've had many issues at all in clubs. It's almost like a very small minority think because they're a couple they're not threatening and can therefore do what they like. "

I must say we’ve only had a toucher the once. Seem at the moment to meet couples where the lady is at least 10 years old than her profile says.

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth


"Agreed. Watching is perfectly fine. We would have been very upset if someone just helped themselves. Fella isn’t known for playing nice in them situations.

I was chilling on a bed in an open play area once, eyes closed, relaxing and waiting for my friends to return and carry on play. Next thing you know, I feel a hand pinching my nipple. I think I made my feelings nice and clear!

We had a similar experience in a hot tub with a bloke just thinking he can have a grab. We avoid nights when single blokes can go as much as we can.

It was actually the guy from a couple! I've found more issues with couples surprisingly - not that I've had many issues at all in clubs. It's almost like a very small minority think because they're a couple they're not threatening and can therefore do what they like.

I must say we’ve only had a toucher the once. Seem at the moment to meet couples where the lady is at least 10 years old than her profile says. "

That's not ideal! I don't get that - surely it's going to be obvious in person?

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By *eviant and BemusedCouple
over a year ago

Burton

We find that the woman is the groper, especially in a hot tub situation Mrs usually has to firmly say no.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Agreed. Watching is perfectly fine. We would have been very upset if someone just helped themselves. Fella isn’t known for playing nice in them situations.

I was chilling on a bed in an open play area once, eyes closed, relaxing and waiting for my friends to return and carry on play. Next thing you know, I feel a hand pinching my nipple. I think I made my feelings nice and clear!

We had a similar experience in a hot tub with a bloke just thinking he can have a grab. We avoid nights when single blokes can go as much as we can.

It was actually the guy from a couple! I've found more issues with couples surprisingly - not that I've had many issues at all in clubs. It's almost like a very small minority think because they're a couple they're not threatening and can therefore do what they like.

I must say we’ve only had a toucher the once. Seem at the moment to meet couples where the lady is at least 10 years old than her profile says.

That's not ideal! I don't get that - surely it's going to be obvious in person? "

Is this the same lady you mentioned previously in another post? Would have thought you would have made it clear to her that you weren’t interested and she’d have left you well alone! But some people eh?

Communication is the key, the reality is that people playing on there own haven’t plucked up the courage to engage with people they fancy in a club so are hoping if they start playing some hotties will want to join them! Apart of course the peacocks who want to be just watched of course.

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By *itsAndTaffCouple
over a year ago

Grays, Essex


"Agreed. Watching is perfectly fine. We would have been very upset if someone just helped themselves. Fella isn’t known for playing nice in them situations.

I was chilling on a bed in an open play area once, eyes closed, relaxing and waiting for my friends to return and carry on play. Next thing you know, I feel a hand pinching my nipple. I think I made my feelings nice and clear!

We had a similar experience in a hot tub with a bloke just thinking he can have a grab. We avoid nights when single blokes can go as much as we can.

It was actually the guy from a couple! I've found more issues with couples surprisingly - not that I've had many issues at all in clubs. It's almost like a very small minority think because they're a couple they're not threatening and can therefore do what they like.

I must say we’ve only had a toucher the once. Seem at the moment to meet couples where the lady is at least 10 years old than her profile says.

That's not ideal! I don't get that - surely it's going to be obvious in person?

Is this the same lady you mentioned previously in another post? Would have thought you would have made it clear to her that you weren’t interested and she’d have left you well alone! But some people eh?

Communication is the key, the reality is that people playing on there own haven’t plucked up the courage to engage with people they fancy in a club so are hoping if they start playing some hotties will want to join them! Apart of course the peacocks who want to be just watched of course."

I must admit where we are new to clubs we really struggle to read the signs other than an open door meaning it’s ok to watch, with regards to touching we need a spoken invite before we make a move there’s been a few occasions where we’ve been told later in the nite that a smile was an invite to play, obviously I understand that they were a little busy but we definitely wouldn’t touch without a firm invite & I expect others to act the same before touching us

MrsB

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Agreed. Watching is perfectly fine. We would have been very upset if someone just helped themselves. Fella isn’t known for playing nice in them situations.

I was chilling on a bed in an open play area once, eyes closed, relaxing and waiting for my friends to return and carry on play. Next thing you know, I feel a hand pinching my nipple. I think I made my feelings nice and clear!

We had a similar experience in a hot tub with a bloke just thinking he can have a grab. We avoid nights when single blokes can go as much as we can.

It was actually the guy from a couple! I've found more issues with couples surprisingly - not that I've had many issues at all in clubs. It's almost like a very small minority think because they're a couple they're not threatening and can therefore do what they like.

I must say we’ve only had a toucher the once. Seem at the moment to meet couples where the lady is at least 10 years old than her profile says.

That's not ideal! I don't get that - surely it's going to be obvious in person?

Is this the same lady you mentioned previously in another post? Would have thought you would have made it clear to her that you weren’t interested and she’d have left you well alone! But some people eh?

Communication is the key, the reality is that people playing on there own haven’t plucked up the courage to engage with people they fancy in a club so are hoping if they start playing some hotties will want to join them! Apart of course the peacocks who want to be just watched of course.

I must admit where we are new to clubs we really struggle to read the signs other than an open door meaning it’s ok to watch, with regards to touching we need a spoken invite before we make a move there’s been a few occasions where we’ve been told later in the nite that a smile was an invite to play, obviously I understand that they were a little busy but we definitely wouldn’t touch without a firm invite & I expect others to act the same before touching us

MrsB"

Jesus, a smile was an invite to play! Why they couldn’t just ask you “would you like to play with us?” And conversely forget the fear of rejection you could always ask them, what have you got to loose? Have clubs become a hotbed of mute, uncommunicative people?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Apologies for the delay in responding (I thought we would get notifications)

Thank you all for your responses, very much appreciated and in keeping with my thoughts on the matter.

I think with time and experience we will become more accustom to reading signals and also saying no before incidents happen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Set your boundaries with each other likes dislikes etc.. when i played in a couple for me... guy to be in my eyeline or somewhete i can touch him.. 2 taps squeeze of hand or stare means help.. code word between us can be enough . Traffic lights are good use of code.

Time n lots of visits will gain confidence in all aspects. But no is no

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

Watching us fine, but what that woman did was totally out of order. Unfortunately some will prey on new people in clubs. Hope you reported her to management.

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