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To talk or not to talk?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Not a new one but still interesting and discussed by some at clubs.

Single’s (male and female) and couples who do not talk, iv spoken to quite a few in both camps and all are irritated by the lack of engagement from others, but it’s actually harder than you would think!

As a single guy, I know there are some females that don’t wish to talk, they just want you to take control, seduce them by slowly brushing against them in the hot tub and making your move. Others prefer to talk and engage in conversation before play.

But here’s the thing, in some (okay not all) cases I’m quite happy to just talk to people without the intention of “playing” but I do feel it’s assumed that is what I’m after.

I constantly hear people in all camps, complaining that “no ones talking” or single guys are staring! I think it’s a case of lack of confidence from most, should they or shouldn’t they engage in conversation?

Other times couples sit next to each other in tub, very close chatting to each other. Now i was brought up that it’s rude to interrupt, so I’ll wait until their finished and may say hallo! But you then find after they finish their chat they up and leave... or it seems a bit inappropriate somehow to then engage with them after they have been sat there for 10-15mins. Like I’m invading there privacy.

I have seen many single females in a club, first I smile at them and they blatantly look away. So ok your not up for a chat then! Lol

Others I might make a complementary remark about, say the unusual colour of there hair!, but they quickly dismiss this with a “thanks” and scatter off...

I’ve spoken to males and couple groups with similar response.. I assume that as I respectfully look at the male while im talking, they probably think I’m after him!

It’s quite hard out there for all, singles, couples and both sexes. Maybe the answer is a coloured band taken on entrance? Let’s people know what your after?

Ie just fun, chat and fun, female, male, couples etc you get the idea.

Be interested to hear others thoughts, experiences in clubs?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

seriously, don't brush up against women uninvited in a hot tub...

if people aren't talking to you or responding to your approaches with further conversation they're not interested in you

wrist bands may indicate that people are interested in a certain demographic but doesn't oblige anyone to interact with an individual they aren't interested in...

lastly...don't brush up against women in the hot tub uninvited...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"seriously, don't brush up against women uninvited in a hot tub...

if people aren't talking to you or responding to your approaches with further conversation they're not interested in you

wrist bands may indicate that people are interested in a certain demographic but doesn't oblige anyone to interact with an individual they aren't interested in...

lastly...don't brush up against women in the hot tub uninvited..."

But as I have said and found out, there are some females that prefer this approach, I know of two ladies who very much like this. I think it’s the not talking, pure lust that someone has for you, taking control? But what ever, not everyone is the same. That’s the point I guess.

I get your point, that you prefer interaction / attraction first before any possible interaction by either partie.

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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago

Stoke area

I like a guy that introduces themselves and says something like " do you mind if I chat for a few minutes, so I don't look like Billy no mates".

That kind of opener tells me that they want a little natter. If we get on well, it may lead to something later in the evening, but I don't feel awkward.

I do feel sad when a gent chats to a couple and they just turn their backs. Glad to say at the club I attend, the majority of regulars are happy to talk to anyone and it's seen as the norm to talk to anyone there .

Pick your club wisely.

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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago

Chester/Wirral


"Not a new one but still interesting and discussed by some at clubs.

Single’s (male and female) and couples who do not talk, iv spoken to quite a few in both camps and all are irritated by the lack of engagement from others, but it’s actually harder than you would think!

As a single guy, I know there are some females that don’t wish to talk, they just want you to take control, seduce them by slowly brushing against them in the hot tub and making your move. Others prefer to talk and engage in conversation before play.

But here’s the thing, in some (okay not all) cases I’m quite happy to just talk to people without the intention of “playing” but I do feel it’s assumed that is what I’m after.

I constantly hear people in all camps, complaining that “no ones talking” or single guys are staring! I think it’s a case of lack of confidence from most, should they or shouldn’t they engage in conversation?

Other times couples sit next to each other in tub, very close chatting to each other. Now i was brought up that it’s rude to interrupt, so I’ll wait until their finished and may say hallo! But you then find after they finish their chat they up and leave... or it seems a bit inappropriate somehow to then engage with them after they have been sat there for 10-15mins. Like I’m invading there privacy.

I have seen many single females in a club, first I smile at them and they blatantly look away. So ok your not up for a chat then! Lol

Others I might make a complementary remark about, say the unusual colour of there hair!, but they quickly dismiss this with a “thanks” and scatter off...

I’ve spoken to males and couple groups with similar response.. I assume that as I respectfully look at the male while im talking, they probably think I’m after him!

It’s quite hard out there for all, singles, couples and both sexes. Maybe the answer is a coloured band taken on entrance? Let’s people know what your after?

Ie just fun, chat and fun, female, male, couples etc you get the idea.

Be interested to hear others thoughts, experiences in clubs?"
Colour bands are a good icebreaker. There is a lot of tension in clubs. To be a successful single guy you have to be confident and be willing to approach people.

I wouldn't brush up against anybody though. I would always introduce myself first. If they are sitting down I would just ask 'Do you mind if I sit here'. Or make conversation at the bar compliment the lady's lingerie or dress etc.

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By *he riverdeep69Couple
over a year ago

North west ish


"seriously, don't brush up against women uninvited in a hot tub...

if people aren't talking to you or responding to your approaches with further conversation they're not interested in you

wrist bands may indicate that people are interested in a certain demographic but doesn't oblige anyone to interact with an individual they aren't interested in...

lastly...don't brush up against women in the hot tub uninvited..."

This exactly! I don't care if any other fems are into this. Brush up against me uninvited and you will be reported to the club management. Sexual assault is not sexy.

So do not brush up against women uninvited.

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By *umpkinMan
over a year ago

near the sounds of the wimborne quarter jack!

The OP has got this spot on! As for rubbing up against a female in the jacuzzi, I found myself gradually being shunted towards a lady outside of my age range at Chams one night. Not that there was anything wrong with her, she was actually very nice, but I was doing more than my level best to avoid contact as I felt she wouldn`t be interested in me. Surprisingly, she took the initiative and I was able to relax!

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By *orticiaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

I’ve never seen or experienced this at Townhouse. The social side to the club is massive part of it. The bar & lounge area are dress down optional, and it’s usially like any bar or club earlier on - people socialising, having a drink, having fun!

What your describing sounds quite pradatory & more a meat market than a club OP - and not very appealing!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"seriously, don't brush up against women uninvited in a hot tub...

if people aren't talking to you or responding to your approaches with further conversation they're not interested in you

wrist bands may indicate that people are interested in a certain demographic but doesn't oblige anyone to interact with an individual they aren't interested in...

lastly...don't brush up against women in the hot tub uninvited...

But as I have said and found out, there are some females that prefer this approach, I know of two ladies who very much like this. I think it’s the not talking, pure lust that someone has for you, taking control? But what ever, not everyone is the same. That’s the point I guess.

I get your point, that you prefer interaction / attraction first before any possible interaction by either partie.

"

Some people may like you rubbing up to them in a hot tub....agreed....but the vast majority will think your a fucking sex pest and would not touch you with a barge pole....seriously....DO NOT try this approach because it might be in a swingers club but if express permission is not given then it is sexual assault!

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

i say to guys never just up in the hottub and start touching people without asking as a punch in the mouth or a kick in the balls may result....

serious though.... thats how you get the "creepy" tag real quickly.......

look... all good converstaions and all shitty ones all start with the same word.... hello!

you never know which is it likely to lead to if you don't open your mouth and say it!

and.... at the same time saying hello already makes you stand out from the mute silent ninjas.... double bonus!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

WE live in a idyllic area of the Lincs coast. Idyllic as long as you dont want to visit a swingers club. The nearest is 60 miles away in Hull. But we are bored with it and need to try another, So we have narrowed it down to Nottingham or Leeds. Because of the Sunday afternoon opening we have decided to drive 100 miles tomorrow to visit Quest. Will someone please tell us we wont be disappointed and their will be other couples?? please??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"seriously, don't brush up against women uninvited in a hot tub...

if people aren't talking to you or responding to your approaches with further conversation they're not interested in you

wrist bands may indicate that people are interested in a certain demographic but doesn't oblige anyone to interact with an individual they aren't interested in...

lastly...don't brush up against women in the hot tub uninvited...

But as I have said and found out, there are some females that prefer this approach, I know of two ladies who very much like this. I think it’s the not talking, pure lust that someone has for you, taking control? But what ever, not everyone is the same. That’s the point I guess.

I get your point, that you prefer interaction / attraction first before any possible interaction by either partie.

"

That is a very dangerous viewpoint to take in my opinion. If a man brushed up against me in a club uninvited I would be asking management to throw him out

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By *incs_TiggerMan
over a year ago

Ask me


"WE live in a idyllic area of the Lincs coast. Idyllic as long as you dont want to visit a swingers club. The nearest is 60 miles away in Hull. But we are bored with it and need to try another, So we have narrowed it down to Nottingham or Leeds. Because of the Sunday afternoon opening we have decided to drive 100 miles tomorrow to visit Quest. Will someone please tell us we wont be disappointed and their will be other couples?? please?? "

Have you tried Chunkymufins? Really great parties in Lincolnshire. Highly recommended and they're very good hosts. I didn't find Hull very good, Quest can be good depending on who's in, but Dave & Jo have been great hosts for a long while. I must say though, Chunkies has a great mix of social and fun and the atmosphere is inclusive and welcoming. As a single I have had some great welcoming chats from other guests, putting me at my ease and making me feel part of things. In turn this all helps the atmosphere as everyone is chatting and having a good time.

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

I think alot of you have taken op's comment about brushing up against people the wrong way.

Or maybe I did.

I didn't read it as 'rub myself up against them', I read it more as maybe brush his hand against their hand etc. Personally I don't mind that as people do that sort of thing in daily life too, I certainly wouldn't view it as sexual assault.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think alot of you have taken op's comment about brushing up against people the wrong way.

Or maybe I did.

I didn't read it as 'rub myself up against them', I read it more as maybe brush his hand against their hand etc. Personally I don't mind that as people do that sort of thing in daily life too, I certainly wouldn't view it as sexual assault. "

Thank you, that is what I meant by brushing against a female in the hot tub. I wouldn’t dream of brushing up aagainst a female with my whole body! Like a cat around your ankles at dinner time!!! Lol

Iv has it done to me and it lets me know the lady is interested. Brush against the arm, hand or outer thigh... but the situations all vary. The point was that there are no hard and fast rules about interaction. Yes in the hot tub it can be more subtle, while at the bar it has to be more direct in communication and if mutual attraction is there then fine.

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith


"Not a new one but still interesting and discussed by some at clubs.

Single’s (male and female) and couples who do not talk, iv spoken to quite a few in both camps and all are irritated by the lack of engagement from others, but it’s actually harder than you would think!

As a single guy, I know there are some females that don’t wish to talk, they just want you to take control, seduce them by slowly brushing against them in the hot tub and making your move. Others prefer to talk and engage in conversation before play.

But here’s the thing, in some (okay not all) cases I’m quite happy to just talk to people without the intention of “playing” but I do feel it’s assumed that is what I’m after.

I constantly hear people in all camps, complaining that “no ones talking” or single guys are staring! I think it’s a case of lack of confidence from most, should they or shouldn’t they engage in conversation?

Other times couples sit next to each other in tub, very close chatting to each other. Now i was brought up that it’s rude to interrupt, so I’ll wait until their finished and may say hallo! But you then find after they finish their chat they up and leave... or it seems a bit inappropriate somehow to then engage with them after they have been sat there for 10-15mins. Like I’m invading there privacy.

I have seen many single females in a club, first I smile at them and they blatantly look away. So ok your not up for a chat then! Lol

Others I might make a complementary remark about, say the unusual colour of there hair!, but they quickly dismiss this with a “thanks” and scatter off...

I’ve spoken to males and couple groups with similar response.. I assume that as I respectfully look at the male while im talking, they probably think I’m after him!

It’s quite hard out there for all, singles, couples and both sexes. Maybe the answer is a coloured band taken on entrance? Let’s people know what your after?

Ie just fun, chat and fun, female, male, couples etc you get the idea.

Be interested to hear others thoughts, experiences in clubs?"

Going by your veris mate, you’re not doing too badly in the clubs, so keep doing what you’re doing.

I appreciate what you’re saying about the being avoided/ignored, as I have experienced this myself, and it’s put me off clubs altogether.

Never understood the hot tubs in a club, I mean, what’s the point of getting yourself ready to go out for the evening, looking your best, and smelling great, then jumping in a pool of hot water with who knows what in it?

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By *esires of HertsCouple
over a year ago

Herts and London Borders

Say hello and chat in the social areas for a few minutes and then excuse yourself and say having a look around...they will remember you as polite later on...and possibly be more open to taking things further later on in play areas

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I go to clubs now and again i dont have alot of confidence n struggle to talk to people the club i go to is really good thought so i keep going back want to try the gatehouse in bolton and see how it is

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think alot of you have taken op's comment about brushing up against people the wrong way.

Or maybe I did.

I didn't read it as 'rub myself up against them', I read it more as maybe brush his hand against their hand etc. Personally I don't mind that as people do that sort of thing in daily life too, I certainly wouldn't view it as sexual assault.

Thank you, that is what I meant by brushing against a female in the hot tub. I wouldn’t dream of brushing up aagainst a female with my whole body! Like a cat around your ankles at dinner time!!! Lol

Iv has it done to me and it lets me know the lady is interested. Brush against the arm, hand or outer thigh... but the situations all vary. The point was that there are no hard and fast rules about interaction. Yes in the hot tub it can be more subtle, while at the bar it has to be more direct in communication and if mutual attraction is there then fine.

"

I still think touching someone without speaking first is a no-no and shows a distinct lack of social skills

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some one touching without permission is a definitive no no...but the bump of shoulders, arms or even the hip on hip areas in a hot tub can be accidental. We've had this as people move about get in or get out move to allow room for others. It maybe intentional or accidental but if answered by moving away, a glare or comment it soon makes people aware it's not wanted...and we would say this isn't really sexual assault...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've actually had to look up the definition of sexual assault after reading this thread as got a little confused!

Don't get me wrong, if someone brushed against me in an unwanted manner I would let them know but it's not actually sexual assault!

Unwanted physical attention is never recommended tbh and will most likely end the perpetrator in trouble! Just bear that in mind ...

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By *he riverdeep69Couple
over a year ago

North west ish


"I've actually had to look up the definition of sexual assault after reading this thread as got a little confused!

Don't get me wrong, if someone brushed against me in an unwanted manner I would let them know but it's not actually sexual assault!

Unwanted physical attention is never recommended tbh and will most likely end the perpetrator in trouble! Just bear that in mind ... "

The trouble with the brushing up against someone is it is often seen as 'testing the waters' for more sexual behaviour as the OP has said....

"As a single guy, I know there are some females that don’t wish to talk, they just want you to take control, seduce them by slowly brushing against them in the hot tub and making your move." 

However, what about if the initial encounter results in the fem freezing? You can never predict how people will react.

Best to ask. Do not assume that there are women out there that want touching without consent.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Not a new one but still interesting and discussed by some at clubs.

Single’s (male and female) and couples who do not talk, iv spoken to quite a few in both camps and all are irritated by the lack of engagement from others, but it’s actually harder than you would think!

As a single guy, I know there are some females that don’t wish to talk, they just want you to take control, seduce them by slowly brushing against them in the hot tub and making your move. Others prefer to talk and engage in conversation before play.

But here’s the thing, in some (okay not all) cases I’m quite happy to just talk to people without the intention of “playing” but I do feel it’s assumed that is what I’m after.

I constantly hear people in all camps, complaining that “no ones talking” or single guys are staring! I think it’s a case of lack of confidence from most, should they or shouldn’t they engage in conversation?

Other times couples sit next to each other in tub, very close chatting to each other. Now i was brought up that it’s rude to interrupt, so I’ll wait until their finished and may say hallo! But you then find after they finish their chat they up and leave... or it seems a bit inappropriate somehow to then engage with them after they have been sat there for 10-15mins. Like I’m invading there privacy.

I have seen many single females in a club, first I smile at them and they blatantly look away. So ok your not up for a chat then! Lol

Others I might make a complementary remark about, say the unusual colour of there hair!, but they quickly dismiss this with a “thanks” and scatter off...

I’ve spoken to males and couple groups with similar response.. I assume that as I respectfully look at the male while im talking, they probably think I’m after him!

It’s quite hard out there for all, singles, couples and both sexes. Maybe the answer is a coloured band taken on entrance? Let’s people know what your after?

Ie just fun, chat and fun, female, male, couples etc you get the idea.

Be interested to hear others thoughts, experiences in clubs?

Going by your veris mate, you’re not doing too badly in the clubs, so keep doing what you’re doing.

I appreciate what you’re saying about the being avoided/ignored, as I have experienced this myself, and it’s put me off clubs altogether.

Never understood the hot tubs in a club, I mean, what’s the point of getting yourself ready to go out for the evening, looking your best, and smelling great, then jumping in a pool of hot water with who knows what in it? "

Thanks, the thread was just an observation I have made from people who attend clubs and also personal experience. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and of course I take on board comments of unwanted “touching” however I don’t agree that this is tangible to sexual assault? Nor warrants a “#me too” investigation!

I personally like the club I attend, has a variety of wet areas, hot tub, sauna and a steam room. I use the club to unwind, relax and forget the “real” world

Should something happen then hey great, but I’m also happy for nothing, maybe a few conversations and relax...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I've actually had to look up the definition of sexual assault after reading this thread as got a little confused!

Don't get me wrong, if someone brushed against me in an unwanted manner I would let them know but it's not actually sexual assault!

Unwanted physical attention is never recommended tbh and will most likely end the perpetrator in trouble! Just bear that in mind ...

The trouble with the brushing up against someone is it is often seen as 'testing the waters' for more sexual behaviour as the OP has said....

"As a single guy, I know there are some females that don’t wish to talk, they just want you to take control, seduce them by slowly brushing against them in the hot tub and making your move." 

However, what about if the initial encounter results in the fem freezing? You can never predict how people will react.

Best to ask. Do not assume that there are women out there that want touching without consent."

Totally agree, IF I touch a females arm, thigh. That’s it... I wait until further permission is given, maybe a look a smile or a returned touch. I would never grab a ladies intimate parts of her body and just assume anything. I would agree that this would be sexual assault!

As a matter of fact, if I didn’t receive any form of acknowledgement that the interaction is wanted, I stop within a few moments. Just in case... I’d hate for anyone to feel uncomfortable around me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go chat with a couple and ask if they mind talking to you.

At this stage it's only a chat and you need to be able to hold a decent conversation.

Talk to them both as a couple and perhaps pay a compliment without sounding Leary.

I'm a non pushy single male always polite and respectful and seem to do ok in the club's.. Even if you don't get to play it's nice to be nice to people and you never know who they may introduce you to .. I've had many an invite to play just from an introduction from couples I've met that aren't interested in me

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley


"I think alot of you have taken op's comment about brushing up against people the wrong way.

Or maybe I did.

I didn't read it as 'rub myself up against them', I read it more as maybe brush his hand against their hand etc. Personally I don't mind that as people do that sort of thing in daily life too, I certainly wouldn't view it as sexual assault.

Thank you, that is what I meant by brushing against a female in the hot tub. I wouldn’t dream of brushing up aagainst a female with my whole body! Like a cat around your ankles at dinner time!!! Lol

Iv has it done to me and it lets me know the lady is interested. Brush against the arm, hand or outer thigh... but the situations all vary. The point was that there are no hard and fast rules about interaction. Yes in the hot tub it can be more subtle, while at the bar it has to be more direct in communication and if mutual attraction is there then fine.

I still think touching someone without speaking first is a no-no and shows a distinct lack of social skills"

So have you ever tapped someone on the arm to get their attention? Tried to get round someone and maybe put your hand on their back to squeeze round?

(this next part isn't aimed at the quotee)

Just because it's a swingers club it doesn't mean that any form of touching is sexual assault. If someone touched your arm etc to get your attention that is most definitely not sexual assault.

Some people make a mockery of real victims of sexual assault by carrying on with this nonsense.

Just to clarify, I am completely against sexual assault and diving in without asking in swingers clubs but come on, it's getting silly saying if someone brushes up against you it is assault of any kind and they should be removed and/or banned.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks Keeley.

I have heard of guys just jumping in between obvious couples and witnessed a chap, obviously worse for wear, “stumbling” in hot tub and feeing a laddies boobs! I’m glad the male half said something as I would have. It’s that behavior I think is unacceptable and tangible to sexual assault. Touching a hand / arm or outer thigh isn’t. But agreed talk first

Thought it would be an interesting topic, didn’t realize it would stir up so much issues!

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley


"Thanks Keeley.

I have heard of guys just jumping in between obvious couples and witnessed a chap, obviously worse for wear, “stumbling” in hot tub and feeing a laddies boobs! I’m glad the male half said something as I would have. It’s that behavior I think is unacceptable and tangible to sexual assault. Touching a hand / arm or outer thigh isn’t. But agreed talk first

Thought it would be an interesting topic, didn’t realize it would stir up so much issues!

"

Alot of people have strong views on this, as they should if it is legitimate assault.

I have been groped without permission before in a club, several times, this has been reported and dealt with by the club staff. I've also been gently touched on the arm or the leg as an expression of interest and I've either said no thankyou or shown interest in return, there's a massive difference between the two.

I personally don't see anything wrong with a gentle touch in a non sexual area to gauge interest. As long as that's where it ends if told no thankyou or ignored.

Men are damned if they do and damned if they don't, I honestly feel so sorry for some single men here, they jump through hoops alot of the time and still can't win

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By *Carver-Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

[Removed by poster at 03/03/19 17:56:17]

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By *Carver-Man
over a year ago

Glasgow


"seriously, don't brush up against women uninvited in a hot tub...

if people aren't talking to you or responding to your approaches with further conversation they're not interested in you

wrist bands may indicate that people are interested in a certain demographic but doesn't oblige anyone to interact with an individual they aren't interested in...

lastly...don't brush up against women in the hot tub uninvited..."

Read this and then read this again!

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith


"Thanks Keeley.

I have heard of guys just jumping in between obvious couples and witnessed a chap, obviously worse for wear, “stumbling” in hot tub and feeing a laddies boobs! I’m glad the male half said something as I would have. It’s that behavior I think is unacceptable and tangible to sexual assault. Touching a hand / arm or outer thigh isn’t. But agreed talk first

Thought it would be an interesting topic, didn’t realize it would stir up so much issues!

Alot of people have strong views on this, as they should if it is legitimate assault.

I have been groped without permission before in a club, several times, this has been reported and dealt with by the club staff. I've also been gently touched on the arm or the leg as an expression of interest and I've either said no thankyou or shown interest in return, there's a massive difference between the two.

I personally don't see anything wrong with a gentle touch in a non sexual area to gauge interest. As long as that's where it ends if told no thankyou or ignored.

Men are damned if they do and damned if they don't, I honestly feel so sorry for some single men here, they jump through hoops alot of the time and still can't win "

That’s why I gave up with the club scene; too much like hard work

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By *Carver-Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

[Removed by poster at 03/03/19 18:00:09]

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

I always try to talk to as many people as possible. Sometimes where someone sits in a club makes it harder to initiate chat.

I once saw a couple in Quest. They had put a meet up and a status update about attending. I recognised them from their pics. They were in a really awkward place to get to in terms of where they were sat. Not easy to go up and approach.

Next day they put up a club review saying how unfriendly they found Quest. Nobody wanted to talk. They wouldn’t be going back.

They did themselves no favours at all. Interestingly I didn’t see them leave the couch in the corner to attempt to chat to anyone themselves all night.

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley


"I always try to talk to as many people as possible. Sometimes where someone sits in a club makes it harder to initiate chat.

I once saw a couple in Quest. They had put a meet up and a status update about attending. I recognised them from their pics. They were in a really awkward place to get to in terms of where they were sat. Not easy to go up and approach.

Next day they put up a club review saying how unfriendly they found Quest. Nobody wanted to talk. They wouldn’t be going back.

They did themselves no favours at all. Interestingly I didn’t see them leave the couch in the corner to attempt to chat to anyone themselves all night. "

I completely agree, often the people that complain about being ignored won't try to interact with anyone and expect people to flock to them.

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith


"I always try to talk to as many people as possible. Sometimes where someone sits in a club makes it harder to initiate chat.

I once saw a couple in Quest. They had put a meet up and a status update about attending. I recognised them from their pics. They were in a really awkward place to get to in terms of where they were sat. Not easy to go up and approach.

Next day they put up a club review saying how unfriendly they found Quest. Nobody wanted to talk. They wouldn’t be going back.

They did themselves no favours at all. Interestingly I didn’t see them leave the couch in the corner to attempt to chat to anyone themselves all night. "

I’m guessing they were first timers in Quest, so knew nobody in there? But at least, being a couple, they had each other to keep them company.

And you, as a regular to that club, comfortable in the surroundings, happy to chat with anyone, but chose instead to just watch them from a distance? What was stopping you from approaching nervous newbies with a friendly welcome?

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley


"I always try to talk to as many people as possible. Sometimes where someone sits in a club makes it harder to initiate chat.

I once saw a couple in Quest. They had put a meet up and a status update about attending. I recognised them from their pics. They were in a really awkward place to get to in terms of where they were sat. Not easy to go up and approach.

Next day they put up a club review saying how unfriendly they found Quest. Nobody wanted to talk. They wouldn’t be going back.

They did themselves no favours at all. Interestingly I didn’t see them leave the couch in the corner to attempt to chat to anyone themselves all night.

I’m guessing they were first timers in Quest, so knew nobody in there? But at least, being a couple, they had each other to keep them company.

And you, as a regular to that club, comfortable in the surroundings, happy to chat with anyone, but chose instead to just watch them from a distance? What was stopping you from approaching nervous newbies with a friendly welcome? "

There's the other side of the coin there though, why should people be expected to go and hold someone's hand? They are fully grown adults.

I tend to just talk to everyone and anyone, new or not lol

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith


"I always try to talk to as many people as possible. Sometimes where someone sits in a club makes it harder to initiate chat.

I once saw a couple in Quest. They had put a meet up and a status update about attending. I recognised them from their pics. They were in a really awkward place to get to in terms of where they were sat. Not easy to go up and approach.

Next day they put up a club review saying how unfriendly they found Quest. Nobody wanted to talk. They wouldn’t be going back.

They did themselves no favours at all. Interestingly I didn’t see them leave the couch in the corner to attempt to chat to anyone themselves all night.

I’m guessing they were first timers in Quest, so knew nobody in there? But at least, being a couple, they had each other to keep them company.

And you, as a regular to that club, comfortable in the surroundings, happy to chat with anyone, but chose instead to just watch them from a distance? What was stopping you from approaching nervous newbies with a friendly welcome?

There's the other side of the coin there though, why should people be expected to go and hold someone's hand? They are fully grown adults.

I tend to just talk to everyone and anyone, new or not lol "

It wasn't about holding anyone's hand, it was about being friendly and welcoming to new faces in the club, something I've often found lacking, and interested to see it happens to couples, as well as single males

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By *east88Couple
over a year ago

darlington

It's just nice manners, we always talk to single men at clubs if they say hi to us, normally it's the wife that's the chatty one, it's quite refreshing to chat with guys, that's why we are there on single guy nights, we find that more appealing, especially then if later in the evening we want someone to play with, they stand a better chance, we do get a little pissed of with guys that just make no effort at all.

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley


"I always try to talk to as many people as possible. Sometimes where someone sits in a club makes it harder to initiate chat.

I once saw a couple in Quest. They had put a meet up and a status update about attending. I recognised them from their pics. They were in a really awkward place to get to in terms of where they were sat. Not easy to go up and approach.

Next day they put up a club review saying how unfriendly they found Quest. Nobody wanted to talk. They wouldn’t be going back.

They did themselves no favours at all. Interestingly I didn’t see them leave the couch in the corner to attempt to chat to anyone themselves all night.

I’m guessing they were first timers in Quest, so knew nobody in there? But at least, being a couple, they had each other to keep them company.

And you, as a regular to that club, comfortable in the surroundings, happy to chat with anyone, but chose instead to just watch them from a distance? What was stopping you from approaching nervous newbies with a friendly welcome?

There's the other side of the coin there though, why should people be expected to go and hold someone's hand? They are fully grown adults.

I tend to just talk to everyone and anyone, new or not lol

It wasn't about holding anyone's hand, it was about being friendly and welcoming to new faces in the club, something I've often found lacking, and interested to see it happens to couples, as well as single males "

I do see your point and I agree with welcoming people but there has to be effort on both sides I think.

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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago

Chester/Wirral


"I always try to talk to as many people as possible. Sometimes where someone sits in a club makes it harder to initiate chat.

I once saw a couple in Quest. They had put a meet up and a status update about attending. I recognised them from their pics. They were in a really awkward place to get to in terms of where they were sat. Not easy to go up and approach.

Next day they put up a club review saying how unfriendly they found Quest. Nobody wanted to talk. They wouldn’t be going back.

They did themselves no favours at all. Interestingly I didn’t see them leave the couch in the corner to attempt to chat to anyone themselves all night.

I’m guessing they were first timers in Quest, so knew nobody in there? But at least, being a couple, they had each other to keep them company.

And you, as a regular to that club, comfortable in the surroundings, happy to chat with anyone, but chose instead to just watch them from a distance? What was stopping you from approaching nervous newbies with a friendly welcome?

There's the other side of the coin there though, why should people be expected to go and hold someone's hand? They are fully grown adults.

I tend to just talk to everyone and anyone, new or not lol

It wasn't about holding anyone's hand, it was about being friendly and welcoming to new faces in the club, something I've often found lacking, and interested to see it happens to couples, as well as single males "

Mate, for swingers some of these people that go to clubs are so shy. I think the real world would be surprised by it too.

Although there is a difference between not talking because of not being interested or wanting to give false hope.

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By *he riverdeep69Couple
over a year ago

North west ish


"I always try to talk to as many people as possible. Sometimes where someone sits in a club makes it harder to initiate chat.

I once saw a couple in Quest. They had put a meet up and a status update about attending. I recognised them from their pics. They were in a really awkward place to get to in terms of where they were sat. Not easy to go up and approach.

Next day they put up a club review saying how unfriendly they found Quest. Nobody wanted to talk. They wouldn’t be going back.

They did themselves no favours at all. Interestingly I didn’t see them leave the couch in the corner to attempt to chat to anyone themselves all night.

I’m guessing they were first timers in Quest, so knew nobody in there? But at least, being a couple, they had each other to keep them company.

And you, as a regular to that club, comfortable in the surroundings, happy to chat with anyone, but chose instead to just watch them from a distance? What was stopping you from approaching nervous newbies with a friendly welcome?

There's the other side of the coin there though, why should people be expected to go and hold someone's hand? They are fully grown adults.

I tend to just talk to everyone and anyone, new or not lol

It wasn't about holding anyone's hand, it was about being friendly and welcoming to new faces in the club, something I've often found lacking, and interested to see it happens to couples, as well as single males "

I think it takes effort on both sides. I took a newbie lady to a club once. She was a nightmare! I introduced her to all my friends, who were all welcoming and friendly, she did not make any effort. Just stoid there wuth a stoney look on her face. She left early and had the cheek to blame me for not helping her enough. Sorry but I was not responsible for her total lack of social skills. It's a 2 way street and if you tuck yourself away in a corner and expect people to come to you then you only have yourself to blame. If that keeps happening at different clubs then it's your issue, nobody elses.

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley


"I always try to talk to as many people as possible. Sometimes where someone sits in a club makes it harder to initiate chat.

I once saw a couple in Quest. They had put a meet up and a status update about attending. I recognised them from their pics. They were in a really awkward place to get to in terms of where they were sat. Not easy to go up and approach.

Next day they put up a club review saying how unfriendly they found Quest. Nobody wanted to talk. They wouldn’t be going back.

They did themselves no favours at all. Interestingly I didn’t see them leave the couch in the corner to attempt to chat to anyone themselves all night.

I’m guessing they were first timers in Quest, so knew nobody in there? But at least, being a couple, they had each other to keep them company.

And you, as a regular to that club, comfortable in the surroundings, happy to chat with anyone, but chose instead to just watch them from a distance? What was stopping you from approaching nervous newbies with a friendly welcome?

There's the other side of the coin there though, why should people be expected to go and hold someone's hand? They are fully grown adults.

I tend to just talk to everyone and anyone, new or not lol

It wasn't about holding anyone's hand, it was about being friendly and welcoming to new faces in the club, something I've often found lacking, and interested to see it happens to couples, as well as single males

I think it takes effort on both sides. I took a newbie lady to a club once. She was a nightmare! I introduced her to all my friends, who were all welcoming and friendly, she did not make any effort. Just stoid there wuth a stoney look on her face. She left early and had the cheek to blame me for not helping her enough. Sorry but I was not responsible for her total lack of social skills. It's a 2 way street and if you tuck yourself away in a corner and expect people to come to you then you only have yourself to blame. If that keeps happening at different clubs then it's your issue, nobody elses."

This

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith


"I always try to talk to as many people as possible. Sometimes where someone sits in a club makes it harder to initiate chat.

I once saw a couple in Quest. They had put a meet up and a status update about attending. I recognised them from their pics. They were in a really awkward place to get to in terms of where they were sat. Not easy to go up and approach.

Next day they put up a club review saying how unfriendly they found Quest. Nobody wanted to talk. They wouldn’t be going back.

They did themselves no favours at all. Interestingly I didn’t see them leave the couch in the corner to attempt to chat to anyone themselves all night.

I’m guessing they were first timers in Quest, so knew nobody in there? But at least, being a couple, they had each other to keep them company.

And you, as a regular to that club, comfortable in the surroundings, happy to chat with anyone, but chose instead to just watch them from a distance? What was stopping you from approaching nervous newbies with a friendly welcome?

There's the other side of the coin there though, why should people be expected to go and hold someone's hand? They are fully grown adults.

I tend to just talk to everyone and anyone, new or not lol

It wasn't about holding anyone's hand, it was about being friendly and welcoming to new faces in the club, something I've often found lacking, and interested to see it happens to couples, as well as single males

I think it takes effort on both sides. I took a newbie lady to a club once. She was a nightmare! I introduced her to all my friends, who were all welcoming and friendly, she did not make any effort. Just stoid there wuth a stoney look on her face. She left early and had the cheek to blame me for not helping her enough. Sorry but I was not responsible for her total lack of social skills. It's a 2 way street and if you tuck yourself away in a corner and expect people to come to you then you only have yourself to blame. If that keeps happening at different clubs then it's your issue, nobody elses."

As you can see from my verifications, I have no problem talking to people in clubs. Those people open to single guys approaching them, I mean

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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago

Chester/Wirral


"I always try to talk to as many people as possible. Sometimes where someone sits in a club makes it harder to initiate chat.

I once saw a couple in Quest. They had put a meet up and a status update about attending. I recognised them from their pics. They were in a really awkward place to get to in terms of where they were sat. Not easy to go up and approach.

Next day they put up a club review saying how unfriendly they found Quest. Nobody wanted to talk. They wouldn’t be going back.

They did themselves no favours at all. Interestingly I didn’t see them leave the couch in the corner to attempt to chat to anyone themselves all night.

I’m guessing they were first timers in Quest, so knew nobody in there? But at least, being a couple, they had each other to keep them company.

And you, as a regular to that club, comfortable in the surroundings, happy to chat with anyone, but chose instead to just watch them from a distance? What was stopping you from approaching nervous newbies with a friendly welcome?

There's the other side of the coin there though, why should people be expected to go and hold someone's hand? They are fully grown adults.

I tend to just talk to everyone and anyone, new or not lol

It wasn't about holding anyone's hand, it was about being friendly and welcoming to new faces in the club, something I've often found lacking, and interested to see it happens to couples, as well as single males

I think it takes effort on both sides. I took a newbie lady to a club once. She was a nightmare! I introduced her to all my friends, who were all welcoming and friendly, she did not make any effort. Just stoid there wuth a stoney look on her face. She left early and had the cheek to blame me for not helping her enough. Sorry but I was not responsible for her total lack of social skills. It's a 2 way street and if you tuck yourself away in a corner and expect people to come to you then you only have yourself to blame. If that keeps happening at different clubs then it's your issue, nobody elses.

As you can see from my verifications, I have no problem talking to people in clubs. Those people open to single guys approaching them, I mean "
It's why them wristbands are a good idea. Saves time and bothering people. Generally though, you can just tell by looking if your attention might be received well.

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By *aughtius MaximiusMan
over a year ago

Cambridge

I go to clubs semi regularly and even if i don’t know anyone i will chit chat with people. Smiling is always good. Be open and natural.

Make general conversation. Have you been to this club before or other clubs. Then say would you like to play later then leave them so they have a chance to discuss between themselves if they want to or not.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I'd be extremely put off if someone just started touching me in a club. At the very least. I think it's a terrible way to establish if someone is interested.

I assume if someone doesn't want to talk to me, they don't want to fuck me. I'm not taking chances with consent.

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By *orticiaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral


"I've actually had to look up the definition of sexual assault after reading this thread as got a little confused!

Don't get me wrong, if someone brushed against me in an unwanted manner I would let them know but it's not actually sexual assault!

Unwanted physical attention is never recommended tbh and will most likely end the perpetrator in trouble! Just bear that in mind ...

The trouble with the brushing up against someone is it is often seen as 'testing the waters' for more sexual behaviour as the OP has said....

"As a single guy, I know there are some females that don’t wish to talk, they just want you to take control, seduce them by slowly brushing against them in the hot tub and making your move." 

However, what about if the initial encounter results in the fem freezing? You can never predict how people will react.

Best to ask. Do not assume that there are women out there that want touching without consent.

Totally agree, IF I touch a females arm, thigh. That’s it... I wait until further permission is given, maybe a look a smile or a returned touch. I would never grab a ladies intimate parts of her body and just assume anything. I would agree that this would be sexual assault!

As a matter of fact, if I didn’t receive any form of acknowledgement that the interaction is wanted, I stop within a few moments. Just in case... I’d hate for anyone to feel uncomfortable around me. "

I would not be happy if some random who had never even had the decency to speak to me started touching my leg in a hot tub. If they brushed my arm, I’d assume it was accidental. In no situation would I think it was someone seeing if I was interested.

That’s what conversation is for.

I don’t understand why anyone would choose this as an approach over actual words?!

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By *moelmoCouple
over a year ago

slough

This happened to me at the weekend naked in a hot tub a guy joins me and hubby. Me and hubby in our own world chatting to each other. Guy starts moving closer, stroked my leg with his finger thought nothing of it as he was close and these things happen. I tell hubby to keep an eye out. He then uses his foot to penetrate me whilst stroking my leg and arm. Hubby says no touching unless you ask. He’s not said a word to us yet. After a while he try’s again and happens again. We leave the tub but asks how much we charge. He assumed it was a free for all as we were naked and thought I was a prostitue and hubby was a punter

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By *moelmoCouple
over a year ago

slough

So always ask that way everyone knows where they stand

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