FabSwingers.com forum: Do you mind single men talking to you

By *urhamjay OP Man
over a year ago

Durham

I asked a question on another thread about talking to people as a single man. Obviously it was for my benefit but there's plenty of men in my position so I thought I'd ask another.

The single man has left his bar stool and now approached you.

So for couples and single women, a single man starts trying to talk to you in a club.

What would make that unwelcome and cause a "death stare" as someone described it? What should they avoid saying or doing - or do you just not like single men talking to you?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orthwest_cplCouple
over a year ago

Stretford

You haven't said who you are approaching - I'm assuming a woman or a couple. We don't mind single guys talking to us. However it depends on how the approach is made. It's no different to a message on here - send a 3 word message and you probably won't get a reply, the same applies with the spoken word in a club. The single guys we might not chat to are the one's whose conversation is stilted or boring. Remember that people go to clubs for their own enjoyment, not to be handholders so you have to make a good impression from the off.

As I said in your other thread, sometimes the best people to start to chat to are the other single guys, especially if they're regulars. That is a good way of getting known and noticed.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I happily chat to anyone so long as they didn't come across as letchy pervs but if I thought they were interested in more than a chat and I wasn't interested I'd be confident enough to tell so.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aven RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"I happily chat to anyone so long as they didn't come across as letchy pervs but if I thought they were interested in more than a chat and I wasn't interested I'd be confident enough to tell so."

I agree with this ^^^^^ x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *urhamjay OP Man
over a year ago

Durham

As I said in your other thread, sometimes the best people to start to chat to are the other single guys, especially if they're regulars. That is a good way of getting known and noticed."

Thanks. I must admit, that never occurred to me. Swingers club is still a meeting place to chat, just like any private member's club.

Just means I'm still sitting at the bar although I'm not staring at my drink.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ethnmelvCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

"I happily chat to anyone so long as they didn't come across as letchy pervs but if I thought they were interested in more than a chat and I wasn't interested I'd be confident enough to tell so."

Certainly agree with this. We have met some lovely guys and couples from either us saying hi or the other way round - we have never met anyone who didn’t at least have a conversation

It’s much more for n chatting to people in Clubs, we just don’t spend too long chatting as we don’t go for socials...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

the biggest problem with chatting to guys is once you start talking to them they think they have scored and don't leave you alone after that

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *0tt0nSu3Woman
over a year ago

London

"the biggest problem with chatting to guys is once you start talking to them they think they have scored and don't leave you alone after that"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ethnmelvCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

"the biggest problem with chatting to guys is once you start talking to them they think they have scored and don't leave you alone after that

We haven’t found this to be so much of a problem. It could just be us putting them off!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *urhamjay OP Man
over a year ago

Durham

"the biggest problem with chatting to guys is once you start talking to them they think they have scored and don't leave you alone after that"

That happens everywhere. How to read signals! How do you put them straight?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aughtycp1Couple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

It's true that single guys can misread a friendly chat as a signal for game on. I think the easiest way for a couple to deal with that kind of situation is to drop into conversation that they are only looking for couples or perhaps they are only looking for a type of guy. That way it puts the single guy straight without being rude and abrupt about the situation.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aptain VMan
over a year ago

Birstall, Leicester

"It's true that single guys can misread a friendly chat as a signal for game on. I think the easiest way for a couple to deal with that kind of situation is to drop into conversation that they are only looking for couples or perhaps they are only looking for a type of guy. That way it puts the single guy straight without being rude and abrupt about the situation. "

Honesty is the best policy I believe and for a couple or single lady if they are not interested then the guy will know where he stands from the beginning. I am happy to chat to any one with out believing I have "scored".

It's nice talking to normal people with out asking how horny one is. It just doesn't do it for me

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ty31Man
over a year ago

NW London

The single man has left his bar stool and now approached you.

So for couples and single women, a single man starts trying to talk to you in a club.

What would make that unwelcome and cause a "death stare" as someone described it? What should they avoid saying or doing - or do you just not like single men talking to you?

Personally I think it's no different from chatting to someone in the "real world".

If someone wants to give a "deathstare" it would say a lot more about them than the guy who's just left his bar stool.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

Flagrante

We will chat to anyone...some turn out to be more interesting than others but we don't spend too much time chatting ad we prefer to be having sex.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you're in a swingers club, ask them politely if they'd like to get a room or go to the play area. After all, that's why the majority of people go to swingers club, to have sex. The couple will hopefully be just as polite with a simple 'yes ok' or a 'no thank you'.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"the biggest problem with chatting to guys is once you start talking to them they think they have scored and don't leave you alone after that"

Yep this

so I only engage with guys I’m interested in

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *urhamjay OP Man
over a year ago

Durham

"the biggest problem with chatting to guys is once you start talking to them they think they have scored and don't leave you alone after that

Yep this

so I only engage with guys I’m interested in "

But a guy doesn't know that unless you tell him.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"the biggest problem with chatting to guys is once you start talking to them they think they have scored and don't leave you alone after that

Yep this

so I only engage with guys I’m interested in

But a guy doesn't know that unless you tell him. "

People shouldn’t assume. Even when you tell them they still try later on

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"the biggest problem with chatting to guys is once you start talking to them they think they have scored and don't leave you alone after that

Yep this

so I only engage with guys I’m interested in

But a guy doesn't know that unless you tell him. "

i would know ,pretty simple , if they dont invite you any further after chatting its a not interested thanks ..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm part of a couple. We have been to clubs all over the place and talk to anyone and everyone... the only time anyone gets the 'death stare' is if they can't keep their hands to themselves... if you can't be sociable then what's the point in attending a club?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you're in a swingers club, ask them politely if they'd like to get a room or go to the play area. After all, that's why the majority of people go to swingers club, to have sex. The couple will hopefully be just as polite with a simple 'yes ok' or a 'no thank you'."

i'd suggest from a mans point of view that its rude to ask and one should wait to be asked.............

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aven RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

[Removed by poster at 09/07/18 10:04:44]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aven RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

i'd suggest from a mans point of view that its rude to ask and one should wait to be asked............."

I don't think it's rude for a man to ask, why we are all there after all. As long as it's done respectfully and politely and took with grace if the answer is no x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *urhamjay OP Man
over a year ago

Durham

"the biggest problem with chatting to guys is once you start talking to them they think they have scored and don't leave you alone after that

Yep this

so I only engage with guys I’m interested in

But a guy doesn't know that unless you tell him.

i would know ,pretty simple , if they dont invite you any further after chatting its a not interested thanks .."

To me, that's a form of communication which is telling me they're not interested. So yes, I could read that sign ok. Remember I'm new to this. I'd rather find out here than in person.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *bonynivoryCouple
over a year ago

market harborough

i'd suggest from a mans point of view that its rude to ask and one should wait to be asked............."

Completely disagree, if a guy hasn't got the balls to approach or ask they probably aren't going to be much fun. Doesn't mean I'll say yes, but as in real life, I believe the guys should do the asking, just respectfully.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago

Stoke area

As a newbie, I would suggest chatting to anybody by introducing yourself and ask is it ok to chat to them for a few minutes. They then know you only want a chat initially. If you seem to get on well, you can always say hope to meet up later and mingle some more.

Then see how the evening goes.

This seems to work well for most guys.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd rather someone came over and chatted, than just sit and stare, whether I was alone or add a couple.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reenleavesCouple
over a year ago

North Wales

We've had some lovely chats with guys in clubs. We've gone over to lone guys who are clearly nervous and are clinging to the bar.

Typically we leave it to them to steer the conversation towards playing. When it does, it's usually gone along the 'so what are you looking for?' line. Usually they take 'we're just here to relax and watch' response pretty well and we leave it at that or move the chat on to other things.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

i believe that unless you are a world class mindreader.... at some point all people on all sides are going to have to open their mouths and ask question...

I believe in being proactive with my approach.... you can sit and wait, or you can go and do!!

if you are expecting the world to come to you, you are probably going to be waiting a long long time!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ife to play withCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

Do we mind single guys chatting to us. No.

Sometimes we would prefer it ( especially later on in the evening) if a guy would just come up and ask to fuck the wife, but most just chat so never get anywhere.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ightDiversionMan
over a year ago

Sevenoaks

"Do we mind single guys chatting to us. No.

Sometimes we would prefer it ( especially later on in the evening) if a guy would just come up and ask to fuck the wife, but most just chat so never get anywhere. "

Now he tells us .... lol !

It’s clear that it’s a fine line - pushy or never getting to the point . All about a happy balance. Personally I seem to err on the side of too laid back - having been told later on in the evening as couples are going ‘ you should had said x wanted to play but you didn’t ask’. ...

It a difficult one - but sociability is part of the club scene. If it’s taken as social first and if you get to help out a couple with pleasure that’s a bonus it should work fine.

Basically be polite and sociable but remember to ask - otherwise you will regret it - maybe not to day maybe not tomorrow......

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eekayCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

Hi, We don't invite single guys to join us intimately as a couple. However, my biggest piece of advice would be to ensure you engage with the male too.

Conversation is an art, as soon as it appears one sided ie single guy just talking to the female, as the male in the couple, that would be me done.

Also, be the one to "end" the discussion, ie something simple like, "lovely talking to you both, perhaps speak to you later".

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread