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Advice for single man new to a club

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By *urhamjay OP   Man
over a year ago

Durham

My post is not about having sex, it's about talking to strangers.

I've started going to a club which has a great reputation and I find the staff friendly.

But I'm a single man and I find it very daunting trying to talk to people in the club. Most groups in the club are couples.

I'd feel uncomfortable talking to younger groups but there's a few my age and seem to be having a great time laughing and chatting. I'd love to join them but just don't know how to get involved. I almost feel rude or plain oddball.

If I went to a pub or nightclub then I'd be with others.

It's been a long time since I've had to socialise on my own and I do wonder when I'm there how I avoid coming across as a sex seeking male. I'm also not very attractive and I start feeling I'm being judged against other single men.

Right now, it's not sex I want, just a laugh with new people.

It's very easy for me to be a loner but it's not what I want in this club. I'm not joking if I said I needed a wingman or wingwoman.

So any advice on what to do when you're new to a club?

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

This club you’ve visited, does it have a ‘great reputation’ with single guys? If it’s the same club in the North East I visited, then I’m not surprised you’ve had a less than positive experience. Have a look at other clubs not too far from you, and try to pick a ‘party’ event, which is more likely to be busy on the night, and more single guy friendly

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead


"This club you’ve visited, does it have a ‘great reputation’ with single guys? If it’s the same club in the North East I visited, then I’m not surprised you’ve had a less than positive experience. Have a look at other clubs not too far from you, and try to pick a ‘party’ event, which is more likely to be busy on the night, and more single guy friendly "

jesus every time you like to put down the experience you had and put down the clubs......

now back to the OP....

sometimes i feel that sometimes you just have to be brave and actually just go up and say "mind if i join you?" rather than just sitting at the bar (like some) ... or not saying boo to a goose and then complaining

it takes two... and you have to go up to people as much as people come up to you...

fortune favours the brave.... be that chatting in and around the bar, or just in the outside areas

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Try a club with a hot tub. As a single person I find it easier to start chatting in there than at the bar.

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By *urhamjay OP   Man
over a year ago

Durham


"This club you’ve visited, does it have a ‘great reputation’ with single guys? If it’s the same club in the North East I visited, then I’m not surprised you’ve had a less than positive experience. Have a look at other clubs not too far from you, and try to pick a ‘party’ event, which is more likely to be busy on the night, and more single guy friendly

jesus every time you like to put down the experience you had and put down the clubs......

now back to the OP....

sometimes i feel that sometimes you just have to be brave and actually just go up and say "mind if i join you?" rather than just sitting at the bar (like some) ... or not saying boo to a goose and then complaining

it takes two... and you have to go up to people as much as people come up to you...

fortune favours the brave.... be that chatting in and around the bar, or just in the outside areas"

I do sit at the bar, although I've moved to the middle

The idea of joining a group and getting rejected would just gut me but there is no obvious way.

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By *urhamjay OP   Man
over a year ago

Durham


"Try a club with a hot tub. As a single person I find it easier to start chatting in there than at the bar. "

This one has a hot tub. I must admit I do like the hot tub. I tried it once. My timing sucked and I was there on my own.

But I would use the tub. I love it.

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By *urhamjay OP   Man
over a year ago

Durham


"This club you’ve visited, does it have a ‘great reputation’ with single guys? If it’s the same club in the North East I visited, then I’m not surprised you’ve had a less than positive experience. Have a look at other clubs not too far from you, and try to pick a ‘party’ event, which is more likely to be busy on the night, and more single guy friendly "

There's only one club near me.

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

When you are at the bar, dare yourself to talk to the person or persons on either side weather it will be a simple good evening or hello are you new to the club then introduced yourself then hopefully the conversation will flow.

It is daunting to make the first move or to start a conversation, but you are allowed too and while they wait for their drinks you can hopefully share and chat

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island


"Try a club with a hot tub. As a single person I find it easier to start chatting in there than at the bar. "

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

I am afraid there's no other way than chatting to people and risking rejection.

If people like you they will keep talking, if not, not.

Single men are continually rejected in the swinging world. If that's a big issue, then perhaps swinging isn't for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's so easy right now! Talk about the glorious weather, or the football! You say you're not looking for sex, just a laugh, so try a joke?

You're overthinking this - just start talking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you haven't planned to meet existing friends there, don't waste your time. Without someone to give you an in, you'll be treated like a diseased pariah.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Try a club with a hot tub. As a single person I find it easier to start chatting in there than at the bar. "

Totally agree. Seems easier to strike up a conversation in the hot tub. Also, try chatting to people on here who will also be at the club on the night you are going.

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By *urhamjay OP   Man
over a year ago

Durham


"Try a club with a hot tub. As a single person I find it easier to start chatting in there than at the bar.

Totally agree. Seems easier to strike up a conversation in the hot tub. Also, try chatting to people on here who will also be at the club on the night you are going."

Ah - so check profile status?

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead


"If you haven't planned to meet existing friends there, don't waste your time. Without someone to give you an in, you'll be treated like a diseased pariah."
.

See ... this type of negativity breeds negativity,

Why do you feel you need an in? If you are adult enough to go to a club then surely you should be adult enough to go up to people and say “mind if I just sit down with you?”

What would you do if heaven forbid you wanted to play with people? Do you just hang around or do you actually ask!

See being proactive helps... sitting at the bar not saying boo to a goose isn’t being proactive!!!

See I guess more people would say yes than no because chatting is chatting.... it’s not anything else ... sometimes you have to just take a big breath and be brave

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If you haven't planned to meet existing friends there, don't waste your time. Without someone to give you an in, you'll be treated like a diseased pariah..

See ... this type of negativity breeds negativity,

Why do you feel you need an in? If you are adult enough to go to a club then surely you should be adult enough to go up to people and say “mind if I just sit down with you?”

What would you do if heaven forbid you wanted to play with people? Do you just hang around or do you actually ask!

See being proactive helps... sitting at the bar not saying boo to a goose isn’t being proactive!!!

See I guess more people would say yes than no because chatting is chatting.... it’s not anything else ... sometimes you have to just take a big breath and be brave "

And you'd be wrong. The typical response to saying hello is a death glare and a retreating back.

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith


"This club you’ve visited, does it have a ‘great reputation’ with single guys? If it’s the same club in the North East I visited, then I’m not surprised you’ve had a less than positive experience. Have a look at other clubs not too far from you, and try to pick a ‘party’ event, which is more likely to be busy on the night, and more single guy friendly

jesus every time you like to put down the experience you had and put down the clubs......"

In equal measure, and for entirely opposite reasons, I will never forget my worst club night experience, or my best

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By *orthwest_cplCouple
over a year ago

Stretford


"And you'd be wrong. The typical response to saying hello is a death glare and a retreating back."

Certainly not the case for everyone. There are plenty of guys who are very successful at clubs both socially and sexually. They are often not the best looking guys there. The secret appears to be, as others have said, a willingness to mix, but in a 'non-forced' way.

If you can go to a strange pub and immediately strike up a meaningful two-way conversation with strangers you will do well. Otherwise it's best to pick a club and keep going back until you are no longer a stranger. If you can't do that then probably the club scene isn't for you.

Also the best way to appear to be sociable is by chatting to the other single guys. You learn a lot about how that club works and you don't appear as the weird guy who sits at the bar alone muttering into his beer.

The best places to start a random, but sensible, converstaion is the wet area or the smoking area. We don't smoke but club smoking areas now seem to be where a lot of the chat happens and if we are at a new place that is an area we will head to.

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By *urhamjay OP   Man
over a year ago

Durham

Thanks for these responses so far. This really has been useful. I'm going to start a different thread for my benefit and other single men.

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By *urhamjay OP   Man
over a year ago

Durham


"And you'd be wrong. The typical response to saying hello is a death glare and a retreating back.

Certainly not the case for everyone. There are plenty of guys who are very successful at clubs both socially and sexually. They are often not the best looking guys there. The secret appears to be, as others have said, a willingness to mix, but in a 'non-forced' way.

If you can go to a strange pub and immediately strike up a meaningful two-way conversation with strangers you will do well. Otherwise it's best to pick a club and keep going back until you are no longer a stranger. If you can't do that then probably the club scene isn't for you.

Also the best way to appear to be sociable is by chatting to the other single guys. You learn a lot about how that club works and you don't appear as the weird guy who sits at the bar alone muttering into his beer.

The best places to start a random, but sensible, converstaion is the wet area or the smoking area. We don't smoke but club smoking areas now seem to be where a lot of the chat happens and if we are at a new place that is an area we will head to.

"

Smoking areas, though uncomfortable for non smokers, are usually quiet so easier to listen, compared to normal club areas.

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By *ty31Man
over a year ago

NW London


"It's so easy right now! Talk about the glorious weather, or the football! You say you're not looking for sex, just a laugh, so try a joke?

You're overthinking this - just start talking "

I agree with the overthinking part. Make an observation or give a (sincere) compliment. Too many guys are too afraid to break the ice and end up looking awkward. Most people that go to clubs are very friendly, if they want to be rude simply cos your a single guy it says more about them than it does you.

I've found that the smoking areas are a good place to start a conversation simply because it's a bit quieter.

Otherwise try a newbie night or tell the owners or hosts that you are a newbie and they may help to introduce you to some others.

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By *urhamjay OP   Man
over a year ago

Durham


"It's so easy right now! Talk about the glorious weather, or the football! You say you're not looking for sex, just a laugh, so try a joke?

You're overthinking this - just start talking

I agree with the overthinking part. Make an observation or give a (sincere) compliment. Too many guys are too afraid to break the ice and end up looking awkward. Most people that go to clubs are very friendly, if they want to be rude simply cos your a single guy it says more about them than it does you.

I've found that the smoking areas are a good place to start a conversation simply because it's a bit quieter.

Otherwise try a newbie night or tell the owners or hosts that you are a newbie and they may help to introduce you to some others."

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead


"

The idea of joining a group and getting rejected would just gut me but there is no obvious way."

... okay.. so quick question!

"how would you know unless you actually asked?"

so unless you are the worlds best mindreader (which i am assuming you are not!) at some point you are going to have to open your mouth and let words come out of them!

and i am guessing the other people aren't champion mindreaders either!.... so you reach an impass!

call it a small point to illustrate a big point.... which again is if you are adult enough to step thru the doors of a club, and you are adult enough to communicate and have a profile on here, then why are you not adult enough to talk to people

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By *urhamjay OP   Man
over a year ago

Durham


"

The idea of joining a group and getting rejected would just gut me but there is no obvious way.

... okay.. so quick question!

"how would you know unless you actually asked?"

so unless you are the worlds best mindreader (which i am assuming you are not!) at some point you are going to have to open your mouth and let words come out of them!

and i am guessing the other people aren't champion mindreaders either!.... so you reach an impass!

call it a small point to illustrate a big point.... which again is if you are adult enough to step thru the doors of a club, and you are adult enough to communicate and have a profile on here, then why are you not adult enough to talk to people"

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