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Club etiquette help

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By *heIcebreakers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Cramlington

So here's a thing. We're a sub dom couple who like to play in clubs. Occasionally guys assume they can go beyond fucking her to start playing as if they are her dom - which isn't what we're looking for and sometimes breaches our rules on consent.

So talking about this today we wondered if her wearing a collar would help guys understand this - we generally don't collar her in public because we're not averse to vanilla play when clubbing and we don't like flaunting our way of playing in spaces where not everyone present may be cool with it.

So what's the consensus - would the collar help people understand or would it just confuse even more the guys who don't do informed consent and negotiation?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So here's a thing. We're a sub dom couple who like to play in clubs. Occasionally guys assume they can go beyond fucking her to start playing as if they are her dom - which isn't what we're looking for and sometimes breaches our rules on consent.

So talking about this today we wondered if her wearing a collar would help guys understand this - we generally don't collar her in public because we're not averse to vanilla play when clubbing and we don't like flaunting our way of playing in spaces where not everyone present may be cool with it.

So what's the consensus - would the collar help people understand or would it just confuse even more the guys who don't do informed consent and negotiation? "

People not into bdsm could possibly not know what the collar means so it would leave you back at square one potentially.

I suppose the flip side of that would be that if they aren't into bdsm then they wouldn't try anything you are describing anyway.

Maybe try a collar for the next few times you go and see if it makes a difference.

We are a dom sub couple too and I know if someone tried domming her or starting any form of impact play, humiliation or anything like that without asking I would have to have a polite but firm conversation about consent and lack of respect

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So here's a thing. We're a sub dom couple who like to play in clubs. Occasionally guys assume they can go beyond fucking her to start playing as if they are her dom - which isn't what we're looking for and sometimes breaches our rules on consent.

So talking about this today we wondered if her wearing a collar would help guys understand this - we generally don't collar her in public because we're not averse to vanilla play when clubbing and we don't like flaunting our way of playing in spaces where not everyone present may be cool with it.

So what's the consensus - would the collar help people understand or would it just confuse even more the guys who don't do informed consent and negotiation? "

I think some would see the collar as a green light rather than your hoped for reaction

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

Talk to them before play and set boundaries. Simple.

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By *heIcebreakers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Cramlington


"So here's a thing. We're a sub dom couple who like to play in clubs. Occasionally guys assume they can go beyond fucking her to start playing as if they are her dom - which isn't what we're looking for and sometimes breaches our rules on consent.

So talking about this today we wondered if her wearing a collar would help guys understand this - we generally don't collar her in public because we're not averse to vanilla play when clubbing and we don't like flaunting our way of playing in spaces where not everyone present may be cool with it.

So what's the consensus - would the collar help people understand or would it just confuse even more the guys who don't do informed consent and negotiation?

People not into bdsm could possibly not know what the collar means so it would leave you back at square one potentially.

I suppose the flip side of that would be that if they aren't into bdsm then they wouldn't try anything you are describing anyway.

Maybe try a collar for the next few times you go and see if it makes a difference.

We are a dom sub couple too and I know if someone tried domming her or starting any form of impact play, humiliation or anything like that without asking I would have to have a polite but firm conversation about consent and lack of respect"

Thanks for your reply (Kaz here) Carter does step in, it's more trying to find a way to prevent that having to happen especially around stuff like hair pulling and bjs/deep throating.

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By *heIcebreakers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Cramlington


"So here's a thing. We're a sub dom couple who like to play in clubs. Occasionally guys assume they can go beyond fucking her to start playing as if they are her dom - which isn't what we're looking for and sometimes breaches our rules on consent.

So talking about this today we wondered if her wearing a collar would help guys understand this - we generally don't collar her in public because we're not averse to vanilla play when clubbing and we don't like flaunting our way of playing in spaces where not everyone present may be cool with it.

So what's the consensus - would the collar help people understand or would it just confuse even more the guys who don't do informed consent and negotiation?

I think some would see the collar as a green light rather than your hoped for reaction"

That's one of our concerns and part of why we posted. Thanks for your reply

(Kaz)

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By *heIcebreakers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Cramlington


"Talk to them before play and set boundaries. Simple. "

We tend to do a lot of group play where that isn't always possible.

Thanks for your reply

(Kaz)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve never had problems when Ali has had a collar on in clubs some ppl have no idea what it means anyway.. Ali’s only to give me a certain look and I intervene no second chances the dom sub side of are relationship is just for us

And who we invite into are little word of BDSM it’s an amazing journey

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry


"Talk to them before play and set boundaries. Simple. "

This

Plus I think if anything her wearing a collar would give disrespectful guy more of a green light to try playing dom rather than sending the message that this play is your sole domain. This shouldn't put you off her wearing a collar in the club if that what you want. Just means to need to be more selective and be very clear about boundries with tgose you play with.

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By *olliPineCouple
over a year ago

swingers clubs

I think the discussing rules and boundaries thing before entering a play room would be the most helpful.

We're not into bdsm one jot, doesn't stop some guys trying to dominate sometimes just xx; sometimes both of us. We're not averse to walking out of a meet if it's not a good fit for us.

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