FabSwingers.com forum: Being followed in a club.

By *inkyandthebrain2017 OP Couple
over a year ago

Swindon

Good morning fabland, well last night we decided to try our very local club. Now we've been to a few now all down south and have really enjoyed every experience we've encountered.

Accept for last night we paid to enter this club, we stated we havent been before, which was greeted "through that door everyone's that way".

Anyway we went "that way",

We got a drink and decided to look around the club, however, wherever we went we were followed by 4 or 5 guys, about 4 feet back from us.

We couldn't look at the equipment or turn a corner or anything without feeling uncomfortable.

No matter where we went and when (kept trying through the night to have a proper look).

We couldn't be alone to see the facilities.

We ended up locking ourselves in a room just for a breather.

Now we are fully aware that not all guys done this and most were very respectful.

My issue was we paid for us to have a great night but yet we felt like we were the entertainment for these guys and made me very self aware and anxious.

With the single guys outnumbering the couples there by 4 to 1.

We gave it a try but not for us.

We've never had it before and genuinely have no issues with guys in clubs who chat before etc but never going back there again.

Sorry for the rant

Amy

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By *iversong321Woman
over a year ago

Preston/Merseyside

Did you tell them to stop following you? I find the direct 'why are you following me? (i'm a single fem) usually works. If it doesn't I get more vocal. If that doesnt work then I report to management. Most men don't want to be made to look a dick so usually heed my first warning.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

"Did you tell them to stop following you? I find the direct 'why are you following me? (i'm a single fem) usually works. If it doesn't I get more vocal. If that doesnt work then I report to management. Most men don't want to be made to look a dick so usually heed my first warning."

Exactly this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, what happened when you said " can you back off please?"

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By *ngeluk69Woman
over a year ago

Near enough

At any point did you either tell the guys to back off or point out your discomfort to anyone working at the club??

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

OP, i think that I may have been at the same club (if it the Swindon one). I spent a lot of time walking around (so few seats) but didn't follow anyone. I too found the behaviour of some of the male guests off putting. Such a shame that you didn't enjoy yourselves, clubs shouldn't make you feel that way.

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By *inkyandthebrain2017 OP Couple
over a year ago

Swindon

Thanks for the response.

Matt said several times to back off and give us some space and some did, some just looked at the ground as if they wete being told off. But it was everytime we moved from our seats.

We didn't mantion to staff as we thought the welcome we recieved set the tone for helpfulness.

Our mistake really we should have said to them about it.

As mentioned we've been to several clubs now, but we've only ever experienced well mannered guys before. It was very uneasy to be in that position.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

"OP, i think that I may have been at the same club (if it the Swindon one). I spent a lot of time walking around (so few seats) but didn't follow anyone. I too found the behaviour of some of the male guests off putting. Such a shame that you didn't enjoy yourselves, clubs shouldn't make you feel that way."

It's not the clubs fault if they don't know there's a problem. If the OP didn't say anything at the time they couldn't help.

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By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

We have had similar but usually it's just one dillusional guy who seems to hang around like a bad smell and invade our personal space.

Hubby usually has a word and they soon back off.

Know what you mean about it ruining it completely.

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

It's not the clubs fault if they don't know there's a problem. If the OP didn't say anything at the time they couldn't help. "

I totally, I wasn't blaming the club; it's a fantastic venue, well run and very clean. I had an amazing time.

My point was, that it was a shame that the OP's evening had been spoilt by a some of those attending the the club. NOT THE CLUBS FAULT!

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

It's not the clubs fault if they don't know there's a problem. If the OP didn't say anything at the time they couldn't help.

I totally, I wasn't blaming the club; it's a fantastic venue, well run and very clean. I had an amazing time.

My point was, that it was a shame that the OP's evening had been spoilt by a some of those attending the the club. NOT THE CLUBS FAULT!"

Also a word to back off possibly would have helped, with some guys unless the have it made crystal clear that their behaviour is unacceptable they will continue with it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks for the response.

Matt said several times to back off and give us some space and some did, some just looked at the ground as if they wete being told off. But it was everytime we moved from our seats.

We didn't mantion to staff as we thought the welcome we recieved set the tone for helpfulness.

Our mistake really we should have said to them about it.

As mentioned we've been to several clubs now, but we've only ever experienced well mannered guys before. It was very uneasy to be in that position. "

Personally, if the man I was with didnt have the required effect, I would have taken matters into my own hands

In fact, I wouldnt have waited for him in the first place

But thats just me

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By *inkyandthebrain2017 OP Couple
over a year ago

Swindon

Thank you, yes it was the same club and im glad it was seen by others too.

By no way are we blamimg the club or slating it. In fact we thought it wad a lovely place and very well maintianed and we would return perhaps with people before heading in.

Please don't think it was a slam at the club its not. it was more about the situation.

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By *incoln coupleCouple
over a year ago

lincoln

We had a similar experience in a club in Sheffield, needless to say we won't be going back again

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By *4tCouple
over a year ago

warrington

At six foot four and built like a brick outhouse they tend to listen to my Hubby when he tells them.

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Actually I disagree with some of these comments.

A couple or female should not have to tell people to back off.

It's totally the club's fault for not explaing to people as they enter and staff not being proactive enough in policing the patrons.

We had several bar experiences at abfabs before it shut.

We go to enjoy ourselves not feel intimidated and have to aggressively tell people to back off!

Where else in any social setting is this acceptable behaviour?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm thinking they have paid for a great time in a club too, and they will do whatever to get it.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Our first club visit was a tad like this, felt like if the wife mived the bar area moved with her.

She liked the attention, me being the type of person, made me growl.

Wrong club at the wrong time.

Only other time “we” felt this way was with a certain Central European man.

Suppose experience helps with how to deal with this.

Hasn’t stopped us.

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

Every club we have attended (20+) have explained to single males what is appropriate. That doesn't mean that they took it on board though.

Staff cannot be everywhere all the time, nor would you wish for them to be. If a word from you doesn't help - staff will act if you speak to them.

Being followed in itself doesn't bother me - I find it sad and slightly amusing. On the rare occasions we have been unhappy with the behaviour of a single male, a word with the chap has resolved it, where a hard stare from me hasn't done the trick.

The easiest solution, is to simply avoid attending a club on a night that single men are not allowed.

Nita

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

"Every club we have attended (20+) have explained to single males what is appropriate. That doesn't mean that they took it on board though.

Staff cannot be everywhere all the time, nor would you wish for them to be. If a word from you doesn't help - staff will act if you speak to them.

The easiest solution, is to simply avoid attending a club on a night that single men are not allowed.

Nita"

Attend when single guys aren't allowed...

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"Every club we have attended (20+) have explained to single males what is appropriate. That doesn't mean that they took it on board though.

Staff cannot be everywhere all the time, nor would you wish for them to be. If a word from you doesn't help - staff will act if you speak to them.

The easiest solution, is to simply avoid attending a club on a night that single men are not allowed.

Nita

Attend when single guys aren't allowed...

First time at a club, one has to learn, no blame, other than being slightly naive.

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By *ccasionalfunCouple
over a year ago

hereandthere

We have had it before . We loop back on ourselves and wait around corners and make it obvious we know. We will act like we are going to play then stop and move away again

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By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

We prefer it when single guys are there but it just takes one idiot to spoil it.

It doesn’t have to be a guy either, we experienced a very d*unk lady one evening and she was out of control.

Everyone was avoiding the bar because of her.

Lucky only happens on the odd rare ocassion and it can happen anywhere, not just at a club.

Mrs

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By *lubPartyPeepsCouple
over a year ago

London

"Actually I disagree with some of these comments.

A couple or female should not have to tell people to back off.

It's totally the club's fault for not explaing to people as they enter and staff not being proactive enough in policing the patrons.

We had several bar experiences at abfabs before it shut.

We go to enjoy ourselves not feel intimidated and have to aggressively tell people to back off!

Where else in any social setting is this acceptable behaviour?"

We agree with this 100 percent. Having to tell other patrons to modify their behaviour which they should already be well aware is unacceptable should be the responsibility of the people hosting. While club staff cannot be everywhere all of the time and indeed may well need to be made aware there is a problem, its a sign of a well run club if they are observant of others behaviour and can act before you have to even say anything. We've seen this happen at clubs before with little fuss that are extremely well run. One example was when two new couples arrived at a venue and the two males left the females at the bar and wandered around the club on their own eventually ending up in the Jacuzzi where several other couples we're sitting. (This was on a couples night btw) Within minutes the club owner actually appeared at the Jacuzzi and asked to speak to the gentleman outside. What the club had picked up on was that these people had used the women as tickets, to get into the venue on a couples night and then intended to wander round and attempt to get a shag on their own while leaving them at the bar. Its a fairly common tactic and known as 'ticketing' - we could give other examples, aggressive male groups following people round on any given night at RIOS in London is incredibly common and I for one don't want to have to tell them to fuck off, which doesn't exactly make for a great atmosphere for a night (We've been hounded to the point where we've left) so we vote with our wallets and don't go back there. People seem to forget that the scene does come with a basic degree of etiquette and isn't just a freebie for socially inept and impolite people to get a shag with no effort. A well run club will always be on the ball with this sort of thing and as the OP stated, the greeting at the door set the tone for them, which didn't encourage them to report any issues. So the problem started there straight away.

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By *tuartsCelloCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

"We prefer it when single guys are there but it just takes one idiot to spoil it.

It doesn’t have to be a guy either, we experienced a very d*unk lady one evening and she was out of control.

Everyone was avoiding the bar because of her.

Lucky only happens on the odd rare ocassion and it can happen anywhere, not just at a club.

Mrs"

Actually we have only ever experienced a problem with a female that tried to butt in ! never had an issue with any single men x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We have had it before . We loop back on ourselves and wait around corners and make it obvious we know. We will act like we are going to play then stop and move away again "

We had a guy kept trying to touch my partner in the jacuzzi at a club, had to tell him several times to stop, once included a threat of what would happen if he didn’t. He then started watching us on the open play area at the club, he kept getting closer and closer without touching this time or speaking and then suddenly got a condom out. We waited until he had put it on before we asked him what he was doing and then we stopped and moved away... his face was priceless. We reported him to the club

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

it is surely a collective responsibility to ensure good behaviour.

Firstly. A personal responsibility to not behave like a total dickwad forgetting all social norms just because you’re in a place where sex might happen. People who cannot do this should be barred from clubs.

Secondly. A personal responsibility to ensure your own comfort. By being able to clearly, directly and (relatively) politely make your position known to the dickwad and also to the club.

Thirdly. Club owners who consistently allow dickwads to their nights will ultimately pay the price because the women and couples will vote with their feet.

I love that club a lot. They do need to keep something of a check on the guys they invite. I’ve even mentioned it in my verifications and reviews.

V x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s not just men who follow people around, couples and single women do it too, the reality is that most people wouldn’t have a problem if people communicated, if someone starts to follow us and we are not interested, very early on we will just say “sorry we are not interested” this normally kills it off, trouble is too many people just don’t engage with others to say if they are interested or not, they just clam up.

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By *inkywife1981Couple
over a year ago

A town near you

Hi, we have never been to a club before but always assumed that there were hosts/hostesses roaming around to ensure club rules and etiquette were followed, the same way vanilla clubs have security or bouncers wandering around

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By *laytime 100Couple
over a year ago

...

"Hi, we have never been to a club before but always assumed that there were hosts/hostesses roaming around to ensure club rules and etiquette were followed, the same way vanilla clubs have security or bouncers wandering around "

Not as such as clubs tend to be smaller. It's more a case of the staff in the club having to deal with issues like this. To be honest most people in clubs (including single guys) don't act badly or at least will back off when told. It's just the few that spoil it.

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By *iverpool 2Couple
over a year ago

Liverpool

We went to one club on the spur of the moment, as soon as we got there it wasn’t for us and here are the reasons why..

1. During the tour of the club we were being followed by a guy in a towel with questionable personal hygiene, he was that close behind me I could feel his breath on my neck, we were fully clothed too, the person giving us the tour didn’t bat an eye lid

2. It was filthy and I mean absolutely hanging, the kind of place you wanted wipe your feet on the way out

3. We were constantly being asked to dress down by staff and make use of the play rooms, we kept declining as we were the only couple there and felt like they wanted us to entertain the group of single guys litterly sitting looking at us!

We left and vowed never ever to go back

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By *ownhouseTwosomeCouple
over a year ago

Birkenhead/Liverpool

"We went to one club on the spur of the moment, as soon as we got there it wasn’t for us and here are the reasons why..

2. It was filthy and I mean absolutely hanging, the kind of place you wanted wipe your feet on the way out

We left and vowed never ever to go back"

I don't understand why the person doing the tour would even allow the guy to follow you?! Surely they had the ideal opportunity to deal with the guy there and then?

To be honest, over the years, my main problems have been with females! Guys seem to be terrified of me (

) lol so it's been a while since I've had the Pied Piper effect, but I've had at least 4 instances where females just wouldn't take no for an answer and one of those were part of a couple. One female was predatory! I was playing with a couple with my backside in the air (the shame) and this woman thought it was ok to just stick her fingers inside me!!!!!!! I swung around so quick and jumped off the bed to her, I think she realised without me even opening my mouth that she had gone too far. I asked the room 'did you see that?'. The shocked faces nodded. I went to the management and asked that she was turfed out as she literally assaulted me and had been a nightmare. They were funny at first until other people came to back me up and she was barred there and then. I told her on the way out that she was lucky I wasn't having her done for sexual assault!

She tried getting into Townhouse not long after we took over in 2012 and didn't realise we were the owners. She went white and turned on her heels! lol

So the following around phenomenon isn't just a single guy issue.

I always say to people when they come to our club that they are joining a members club. The members have as much right as I do to question the actions of other people around them in a diplomatic way. Everybody in the venue is responsible for their own safety and the safety of those around them and if they see someone breaking rules or just being an arsehole, then as a member, they can intervene. Most people let us deal with things as they don't want to get into a wrangle which is more than ok, but we do try to encourage people to take their membership seriously and look after the greater good.

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

A valid point about everyone looking out for each other.

On a recent(ish) night at a slightly more kinky club night I watched a guy flick his woman with his whip. Nothing untoward there except he did it a few times. Each time harder. But it was the look on his face that alerted me. Others said “it’ll be part of their play”. I said I didn’t care and if I’d made a mistake I’d apologise so I wandered over to the woman all casually and whispered “are you ok? Is this cool”? When she fell at my feet in sobs I realised not and got her out the situation amid much drama.

Another time I was in the middle of some quite rough sex at the VA (it was cool) and a woman gently asked me if I was ok? Probably alerted by the hand round my throat. I told her it was all fine and thanked her for looking out for me.

So people... if you see shit going on. Say something. You might be wrong and it’s ok and no harm done. These are our clubs. We make them what they are. We should look after them and each other.

V x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a single guy my first experience at a club in London was fun but also eye-opening to the behaviour of single men and I understood where the negative reputation stemmed from.

I'd begun chatting to an Australian couple who were attending the club for the first time too. As more drinks and chats were had I was invited to join them. We went for walk and ended up upstairs. It was while we were walking around that I noticed we had a following. Once in the room, the couple sat down on the bed and all the followers we'd acquired surrounded the bed. One guy seem to appear out of thin air, trousers down, knocking one out. I felt supremely uncomfortable and left, MMF be damned.

Fortunately after meandering around the club, wondering if swinging was for me I once again bumped into the Aussie couple who'd left the room as they too had felt creeped out. They suggested we find a private room.

Luckily we found an open one and went in ignoring some of the loiterers. It was only once we closed the door that we noticed two of them had snuck in. They were asked to leave with the promise we would let them back in in a bit and that we wouldn't lock the door.

They left and we promptly locked the door. We came out when it was almost time for the club to close and hardly anyone else left.

All in all it was a fun experience and while all single guys don't behave as described above it did make me second guess as to whether I'd return.

To echo the above comment, speak out if something seems wrong and make the club owners/hosts aware so they can police it.

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By *iversong321Woman
over a year ago

Preston/Merseyside

"A valid point about everyone looking out for each other.

So people... if you see shit going on. Say something. You might be wrong and it’s ok and no harm done. These are our clubs. We make them what they are. We should look after them and each other.

V x "

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By *addyAndKitten9Couple
over a year ago

Oxfordshire

Townhouse was in the top 3 list; seeing this sort of attitude has it at the very top now! Really excited to see the place at the earliest opportunity.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

To me, the thing is 99.9 % are stunning fun, the again that percentage is probably across all sexes, we encountered an account between a gay lady’s, alcohol fused.

Take fun with you and (in our experience) you get out what you put in.

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By *ownhouseTwosomeCouple
over a year ago

Birkenhead/Liverpool

Townhouse was in the top 3 list; seeing this sort of attitude has it at the very top now! Really excited to see the place at the earliest opportunity. "

You are very welcome to join us!! You should try our under 39 event 'Allure'! It's AMAZING! Busy with lots of sexy people. Hope to see you at Townhouse in the near future then! xx

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By *evaquitCouple
over a year ago

Catthorpe

I (he) would have said, "any chance you lot can let us look around for our first club experience and fuck off a bit". Hopefully that would've worked?

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By *elsosreyxCouple
over a year ago

Southminster

We only started going to a club recently and unfortunately the nights weve been when.single guys are there have been horrible. Almost to the point of putting us off all together.

We felt like we were being circled like sharks.

We had one single guy get his cock out and try to join in when we were playing with another couple. In the couples only area. And he wouldnt take no for an answer. Until hubby got hold of him and three his.clothes out of the room

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi O.P sorry to hear that your recent club experience wasn’t a good one. I’d always recommend telling the staff/management if this behaviour happens. Us single guys are given advice on club etiquette when attending for first time and sadly some forget or just ignore it. Single males like that piss me off as give genuine and respectful single guys a bad rep. I’ve named them wanking zombies as most just stand there not engaging in any convo with their hand down their towel!

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By *unwithus2.Couple
over a year ago

south kent

We have had the same problem, we have been to kestrel hydro an abfabparties, & had the same thing happen to us on many occasions,

we took it up with management and no one seemed to care, the attitude was if you didn't like it, leave,

but i suppose they got there money so they are not bothered in what happens,

we have been several times and on each occasion we have had at least 5 or more guys following us,some really hanging,with smell of drink etc. some in there own dirty looking dressing gowns , some in towels, and some fully clothed,

the wife felt very uncomfortable

we stopped of at the tea room to have a coffee to shake them off, we had a coffee and was in the tea hut for about half an hour to find this guys started to hang around outside, waiting for us to come out then after getting bored with us not coming out so they moved on,

within the half an hour of having a coffee they walked the hole venue at least 5 times while we sat having a coffee !

to find the same guys would walk the whole of the venue from the dungeons to the huts,from the huts to the swimming pool and back through the disco room to the cinema back down to the dungeon, it was like a circle checking every crevice of the building to make sure they haven't missed anything, basically wearing the carpet out, back and fourth, even to the point of them trying to open the private door to try and come in, while we was having time to ourselves

Don't get us wrong she loves the guys looking her up and down thinking naughty things and i enjoy them looking and admiring her with what she has on etc, but to be stalked really, really is not unacceptable

we went there for our pleasure and excitement not for the guys to spoil it as if they dont give a fling hoot,

walking down the narrow path to the dungeons some guys walking back, use to barge there way past us as if its there path get out the way, pushing you into the shingle on both sides of the path, as they walk past,

talking in there own different languages and laughing,

arrogant sprung to mind and i was told to calm down by the wife,

later on in the evening we decided to have a naked romantic swim together as it looked very inviting in the pool,

noticing green slime and stagnant green water marks around the pool where its not been fully cleaned properly

we couldn't even believe that the guys was walking into the pool side fully dressed walking up to the other hot tub to see who is in there, so other couples was telling them to get out or get undressed and come in,so some couples decided to make lots of splashes to get them wet, lol

when it quite obviously stated outside the door way, swimming area please leave your clothing in the changing rooms. the second time we went along the sign was missing,

we found out that 2 of the guys following us around,fully clothed had only just got of a plane at heathrow and went to the venue, sticking, how can they surely let guys like this in,

if the guys spoke to us and and mingled in and be naked , im sure a lot more things would happen in a better surrounding

we decided to leave but when we did 2 guys stood by the loo and watched us both get dressed .

it got to a stage where the wife has declined to go back on several occasions now because of it,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We had similar experience at infusions blackpool on a Friday. We decided we prefer couples night

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By *addyAndKitten9Couple
over a year ago

Oxfordshire

We visited infusion a few Fridays back and whilst there were a lot of guys they seemed very respectful and we experienced no 'following'. We actually experienced more of that on the Saturday but it was light and harmless.

K was dressed to attract attention as well, so I had expected to have to tell some people off, but never had to. Permission was always sought from me for anything regarding touching, although maybe the dom/sub nature meant people knew there were strict boundaries.

I guess maybe it's a bit pot luck with single guys.

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By *ethnmelvCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

It is interesting to hear other people’s experiences. We have been to a number of clubs - OP4f, The Lodge, Angels, AbFab, Le Boudoir, VA, Decadent Nights, Xtasia and Secrets. The only time we ever had an issue was in the dark room/grope room at AbFabs, but it was doing what it said on the tin!

At all other times guys and couples have been totally responsible and never left us feeling uncomfortable.

We were told at OP4f that M can intimidate single guys approaching us as he is a tall guy, but he is a pussycat - sometimes! We generally wander round and want to chat with people before we leap into anything else,

Advice to single guys - talk to couples before play starts, you just might find people are interested and strangely you move from being an unlikely to a possible

Advice to couples, talk to Staff/Management if you feel uncomfortable. If they ignore you, leave a review pointing this out. All the clubs we have been to seem to react positively when issues have been pointed out.

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By *rHornyGentMan
over a year ago

South East London

I’ve been to a few clubs in my time and had different experiences at most of them.

One club did have a problem with single guys wandering around and despite people telling the management they really didn’t care. If one of them had multiple reports then they were asked to leave, but another single guy would simply take his place.

I’ve seen ‘ticketing’ in action from both sides where the same club couldn’t care less while at other clubs the ‘couple’ were thrown out for splitting up once indoors.

Members need to self police and I’ve asked before if someone in a scene is OK. It’s been appreciated then and afterwards.

Single guys are a great addition to club nights if and when they arrive with an open mind and don't assume every lady is a meal ticket just because she’s there.

The good single guys are on Fabs. You don’t have to look very hard to find us

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a single female who’s often going on her own I experience this with regularity even when I’m

Not on my own lol even after a five year break from

The scene it appears manners haven’t improved but I’m pretty vocal and can happily tell someone to get to, I’m often found in kitchen or bar areas anyway chatting to all the men I go to socialise not to play and male that clear from

The offset

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