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Bi male action at bi nights

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By *ung_london OP   Man
over a year ago

London

I thought some others might be interested in a conversation that started when a friend talked about wishing he’d been involved in more bi-male action at a bi-night he attended – he felt none of the guys there were interested in him. Since he’s a good-looking chap, I asked if he’d shown interest in anyone and he said he didn’t feel comfortable ‘making the first move’ to another man, even in conversation or eye contact.

Other friends, male and female, all had different views on what was going on:

Given that he saw plenty of bi-female action are there simply loads more bi-female / straight male couples out there than both bi or straight female / bi-male?

Are women more relaxed about showing and responding to bi-interest than men are?

Do men tend to be more bi-‘curious’ in the sense that they’re intrigued and like the frisson of it being around, but don’t want to be involved themselves?

Does a man tend to be more worried that his wife/girlfriend will think less of him if she sees him show interest in bi male play? (Although I know that’s very much NOT true of plenty of women with bi-male partners!)

Does a man tend to be more worried that other people present will think less of him if he shows interest in bi male play (or indeed be actively hostile)? One guy said that he would never feel comfortable showing interest in another guy, even at a bi night – but that he always hoped a guy would show interest in him!

Guys would prefer to engage in bi-play in a private setting but can’t signal that interest clearly enough to get potential partners to share a private space?

Male-male talk is more ‘bantery’ than flirtatious so it’s harder to indicate sexual interest in a conversation / social context?

My experience has been that people are pretty open and relaxed about what they want, whether male or female, but it did seem to raise a bunch of questions that got us all talking. Does any of this chime with you? Or maybe we’re missing something?

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

Most of my experience as a fem has been there’s very little action in clubs, even on bi nights. Maybe a bit of oral.

But since I’ve met Sir that’s changed! Firstly because he exudes confidence, and is not shy about his sexuality in the slightest.

But we have also attended a couple of clubs and not played and seen full on action. It does seem to be hit and miss though....

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By *ung_london OP   Man
over a year ago

London

That’s really interesting - it’s about us guys being more confident to express our (bi)sexuality maybe?

I’ve certainly been contacted by guys following club nights where we haven’t spoken - maybe because it’s more discreet to make contact online than face to face?

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By *otwife and Him 69Couple
over a year ago

Preston

I’d agree initially that there may be some awkward feelings towards initiating bi play between guys, and maybe that is because as I was a little apprehensive at my wife’s reaction to seeing it despite her wanting it etc.

I think once the first ones out the way and everyone knows where they stand then that initial reluctance disappears maybe and your confidence with what you are and want can be openly expressed.

That’s what we found at least can’t speak for others lol

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By *affquestCouple
over a year ago

Rotherham

My partner just openly says to any guy she is playing with can he suck your cock. Most politely say I’m not into that.

In the dark rooms we find what happens happens. If it’s near , have a suck. Most don’t pull away either

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Having regularly been to VA's bi night (although has been either as part of my couples profile, or when I've been going for a pre-planned meet) I can only go on what I've seen regarding single guys engaging with other guys, and that has largely been furtive touching in the hot tub that has led to further play, as opposed to meeting/chatting/flirting in the social areas and then "moving through" as is the more traditional way.

Not sure if that's down to the whole bi-male thing of guys not "fancying" guys in the same way they do women, a preference for women so they tend to look for those or couples first.

In fact the more I think about it, the more I think pure guy on guy play is a rarity in clubs - is usually MMF, or more some where bi male play just happens to be part of it.

Not sure how I'd be if I went to a bi night on my own, with options open, to be honest - but then I can be a bit of a wallflower so would probably wait to be approached.

Either way I'm open to meeting guys on their own so wouldn't rule it out in a club situation assuming I liked them and felt comfortable with them.

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By *iliciousCouple
over a year ago

Sussex/Surrey

At the Bi Fun Club when we went this year there was loads of MM play and not at all a problem to approach and ask to play. Great fun and very liberating - we had a great time.

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By *taffsfun73Man
over a year ago

Newcastle under lyme

I found it to be a bit hard to know if it is an option or not at bi nights as not all the guys there are go a sauna club and its very much full on a lot more active then any swing club I've been bit like a greedy girls night times 10 lol.

My bi female friend has the same problem not wanting to approach the wrong fem and says it would be miles easier if there was a bi wristband we could wear lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there is still quite a taboo around mm sex. Most men as the op suggests use banter in a male group setting and often it is aimed at sexuality. I have seen lots of men on bi nights be quiet especially when others are present, but one to one or with the initiation of the female partner they seem to really want it. I guess people can use sites like this to arrange a meet at a club though and so both parties Dont have to be afraid of rejection

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville


"I found it to be a bit hard to know if it is an option or not at bi nights as not all the guys there are go a sauna club and its very much full on a lot more active then any swing club I've been bit like a greedy girls night times 10 lol.

My bi female friend has the same problem not wanting to approach the wrong fem and says it would be miles easier if there was a bi wristband we could wear lol"

I went to a club once that used wristbands. Ok it identifies your sexuality but you still have the puzzle of who would want to play with you.

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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

My partner and I have never found it a problem at bi nights - he gets himself laid regularly without any 'help' from me! He just chats to men and then asks if they'd like to do something - just like any other night at a swingers club.

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By *ung_london OP   Man
over a year ago

London

Interesting (but perhaps not surprising!) that some guys are more up for bi-male action when the lights are low.

Although I can have a great time with female or male partners without fucking, if there is fucking involved with a bloke, I'm top - is there a fifty/fifty split between bi-male tops and bottoms, I wonder?

And I've also noticed that when I've been on here with a mate offering an mmm threesome, guys with straight profiles get in touch wanting that to be their first time. Even allowing for the possibility that some people aren't - shock, horror - always completely truthful on fab, I would have thought a threesome was quite a full-on first experience to seek out. But on the couple of occasions it's actually turned into a meet, it does seem to appeal to some guys who see themselves as straight (at least until that night!)

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"Interesting (but perhaps not surprising!) that some guys are more up for bi-male action when the lights are low.

Although I can have a great time with female or male partners without fucking, if there is fucking involved with a bloke, I'm top - is there a fifty/fifty split between bi-male tops and bottoms, I wonder?

And I've also noticed that when I've been on here with a mate offering an mmm threesome, guys with straight profiles get in touch wanting that to be their first time. Even allowing for the possibility that some people aren't - shock, horror - always completely truthful on fab, I would have thought a threesome was quite a full-on first experience to seek out. But on the couple of occasions it's actually turned into a meet, it does seem to appeal to some guys who see themselves as straight (at least until that night!)"

Can't answer the second part as I'm well and truly confirmed as bi

As for the first part, a lot on here seem to be more "bi playful" than "fully bi" i.e. will happily give/receive oral in the right situation (which usually means as part of play where a lady is also involved) but don't go further or wouldn't consider MM meets - so don't identify as either top or bottom if that makes sense?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My partner and I have never found it a problem at bi nights - he gets himself laid regularly without any 'help' from me! He just chats to men and then asks if they'd like to do something - just like any other night at a swingers club."

ha...mine is the same...we still tend to play more with couples at bi nights though...the dynamic suits us better

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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire


"My partner and I have never found it a problem at bi nights - he gets himself laid regularly without any 'help' from me! He just chats to men and then asks if they'd like to do something - just like any other night at a swingers club.

ha...mine is the same...we still tend to play more with couples at bi nights though...the dynamic suits us better"

I regularly find myself having 'lost' him and just chatting to people while he's off entertaining himself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi been to a few "Bi Nights" at clubs and generally have found that any MM contact is very rare or very suttle,My experience has been that there are alot of ST8 guys also there so its difficult to work out whether they are interested,last party i attended a friend of mine thought he had a connection with a guy so approached him by touching his arm and the guy went ballistic,caught up with him in toilets and told him that he wasn't gay so my friend asked why he was at a bi party if he was st8 he was there for FF fun or Couples playing so he could watch or just play with the fem.

I have posted before on here re ST8 guys at Bi Parties as I think they create an atmosphere that doesn't allow genuine Bi people to express themselves.

There are very few "Bi Nights" a month for the LGBT to attend but loads of ST8 parties.

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By *ung_london OP   Man
over a year ago

London

Really great observations - will have the chance to do some practical research this Friday at SpicyMinx's Vanilla Alternative BiNight. I feel she goes to a lot of trouble to set out the vibe for the night and to look after the guest list, with a good atmosphere the couple of times I have been.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"Really great observations - will have the chance to do some practical research this Friday at SpicyMinx's Vanilla Alternative BiNight. I feel she goes to a lot of trouble to set out the vibe for the night and to look after the guest list, with a good atmosphere the couple of times I have been. "

Have to agree - some of the best nights I've had at VA have been Bi Nights where Spicy does indeed go to great lengths to get the I'd right

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By *oo hotCouple
over a year ago

North West

I don’t necessarily think that people who go to bi nights are necessarily looking for 1 on 1 fun with someone of the opposite sex.

We just prefer mmf threesomes with bi guys because the whole thing tends to be more relaxed and intimate when there is no “fear” and no boundaries.

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

I was at a club with my ex boyfriend and a guy approached me and asked if it was cool with me for him to fuck my boyfriend

It was a pretty direct approach.

Worked too.

V x

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

And spicey’s bi night at the VA is one of the best because she gets the right people there. Guys feel very comfortable and ive seen 1 on 1 mm fucking often not just part of mmf.

Bi kink is another and perhaps subversion but that gets into the kinkier side of things, but they’re are clubs where no one would “frown” upon anything else that others were doing.

I have a gorgeous guy coming with me on Friday. I am very much hoping he gets some mm fun (please can I join in though)

V x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We’ve attended a few bi nights at va now and tbh guys don’t seem to make any contact in the bar areas which is a shame as hotwife loves being chatted up . Maybe just us being old fashioned that chat leads to play maybe just guys not being confident ... who knows ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If the couples attendance at these club nights mirrored Fab profiles then I think the amount of bi-females would outnumber the number of bi-males about 10 to 1 proportionately to their actual number of course.

It seems that there's tonnes of couples profiles on here with a bi-female, so much so that they only tend to be looking for other bi-females, but a lot less looking for bi-males for the opposite. Just my own observation.

However the amount of singles may level things up a bit as I've noticed there's also lots of bi single men on here and they'd probably have less hang ups about attending a club on their own than a bi single female?

Like I said though, this isn't a survey using hard data, just my own observations.

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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire


"We’ve attended a few bi nights at va now and tbh guys don’t seem to make any contact in the bar areas which is a shame as hotwife loves being chatted up . Maybe just us being old fashioned that chat leads to play maybe just guys not being confident ... who knows ? "

Perhaps it's because it's a bi night so the guys there aren't really looking to play with women?

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By *cd and scruffCouple
over a year ago

Rochester

We have found that once a woman enters the room all the guys are suddenly straight.

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By *heIcebreakersCouple
over a year ago

Cramlington

We set our expectations carefully. A bi night isn't a queer night and we're not surprised if, for instance, a guy in a pile of bodies on a bed doesn't want to play with carter.

Sometimes it does seem like some of the guys subscribe to 'any holes a goal but women are preferable' - it's not our job to define what other people's bi-Ness means but that's not the same thing as our queerness.

The only solution is talking to people....

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By *heIcebreakersCouple
over a year ago

Cramlington

We set our expectations carefully. A bi night isn't a queer night and we're not surprised if, for instance, a guy in a pile of bodies on a bed doesn't want to play with carter.

Sometimes it does seem like some of the guys subscribe to 'any holes a goal but women are preferable' - it's not our job to define what other people's bi-Ness means but that's not the same thing as our queerness.

The only solution is talking to people....

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