FabSwingers.com forum: Best way to let someone know you're interested?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi guys,

I've only ever been to a couple of club nights before, but never ended up playing with anyone.

I guess I'm chalking it up to my inexperience of the club scene for the first time, but the second time I just didn't know how to tell if someone was interested in me, or how to let someone know I was interested in them. That put me off going back for a long time as I just didn't know what to do.

Now I find myself going along to an event on Friday and don't want to find myself in the same boat again, stuck drinking alone while everyone else is having a good time without me

Any tips?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

Just politely tell them you fancy them

Worst they can really say is no

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ucky78Woman
over a year ago

liverpool

Talk to us

it helps or go in the hot tub

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Done the hot tub thing both times and never got anywhere. Even ended up alone in there after everyone got out and left me... that wasn't much fun.

As for just saying "I fancy you", I've never been good at that. I tried it once with a girl at school and she recoiled in shock and screamed, and naturally everyone laughed when she said what had happened.

Did wonders for my self confidence that (!)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ucky78Woman
over a year ago

liverpool

Say hi or smile ?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Oh I can do that, I can talk someone's leg off for hours!

Just can't seem to do the next bit

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *heGreatBritishBonkOffCouple
over a year ago

a decent hotel around there

"Oh I can do that, I can talk someone's leg off for hours!

Just can't seem to do the next bit"

Nice to know we aren't the only ones in the same boat....we end up chatting with great people, but not sure how to take it to the next level, and end up playing with each other, which is great

but sort of defeats the object ....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh I can do that, I can talk someone's leg off for hours!

Just can't seem to do the next bit"

If you have the confidence to chat to people then you are half way there. After a whike chatting just take a deep breath and say would you like to play. The worst that could happen is they say no and you move on. You have to be prepared for rejection. It happens to everyone. If you can't do that then swinging is not for you.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What I find is if your warm, open and smiling then people will relax with your character.

After a bit of chat just openly say something like "if you fancy playing later I'd be really up for that" if you ask for play right there and then they might be just feeling the place out.

I think the most common reason for guys not playing at clubs is way more to do with the approach that their physical attributes.

Wish you luck

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *habsMan
over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex

It also doesn't help with a lot of clubs establishing "rules for single guys" as though couples and singles ladies can't break the same rules (i.e, no presumptuous touching).

Most reasonable guys get the point, no one wants to be hounded, followed or harassed. Sadly it sometimes goes the other way the guys end up standing one side of the club most of the night leaving the couples and singles ladies that are interested wondering why they won't come over to chat.

It can be quite daunting.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ethnmelvCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

"What I find is if your warm, open and smiling then people will relax with your character.

After a bit of chat just openly say something like "if you fancy playing later I'd be really up for that" if you ask for play right there and then they might be just feeling the place out.

I think the most common reason for guys not playing at clubs is way more to do with the approach that their physical attributes.

Wish you luck"

excellent advice, nothing beats a smile

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What I find is if your warm, open and smiling then people will relax with your character.

After a bit of chat just openly say something like "if you fancy playing later I'd be really up for that" if you ask for play right there and then they might be just feeling the place out.

I think the most common reason for guys not playing at clubs is way more to do with the approach that their physical attributes.

Wish you luck

excellent advice, nothing beats a smile

Yes totally agree with this. I wouldn't have the nerve to chat people up in a pub. But in a club most people are there for the same thing. After some chit chat just ask what they are looking for and take it from there. It seems not enough single males even try to speak to others in clubs.

Good luck with it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been to clubs and only person I've ever played with is the person I went with, don't think it's that unusual tbh.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire

"Hi guys,

I've only ever been to a couple of club nights before, but never ended up playing with anyone.

Now I find myself going along to an event on Friday and don't want to find myself in the same boat again, stuck drinking alone while everyone else is having a good time without me

Any tips?"

Tips? If you find yourself alone...Go and find your friend Lilac... and she'll introduce you to people.

You'll be fine on Friday. Glad you're choosing to spend the evening with us!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oul BrothaMan
over a year ago

A Galaxy far far away

"What I find is if your warm, open and smiling then people will relax with your character.

After a bit of chat just openly say something like "if you fancy playing later I'd be really up for that" if you ask for play right there and then they might be just feeling the place out.

I think the most common reason for guys not playing at clubs is way more to do with the approach that their physical attributes.

Wish you luck"

Great advice

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks for all the advice guys... here's hoping Friday goes well!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ownhouseTwosomeCouple
over a year ago

Birkenhead/Liverpool

Well helllooooo

I prefer people to just tell me outright but there's nothing better than some cheeky, flirtatious banter and chatter. You can usually tell if they're interested by how they respond to your banter.

I'll be working the counter on Friday and you can flirt with me all you like!!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *issVeryWoman
over a year ago

streatham

Or come to a club down south on a night I'm there, say hi to me, and see what happens

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"Done the hot tub thing both times and never got anywhere. Even ended up alone in there after everyone got out and left me... that wasn't much fun."

I once went into the round room at Chams and everyone buggered off. Did wonders for my self image that did.

Never go with the intention of having to shag. You'll have a much more relaxing evening that way.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

"Done the hot tub thing both times and never got anywhere. Even ended up alone in there after everyone got out and left me... that wasn't much fun.

I once went into the round room at Chams and everyone buggered off. Did wonders for my self image that did.

Never go with the intention of having to shag. You'll have a much more relaxing evening that way."

Actually this is so true, the nights I want a shag I get nothing, but the nights I am chilled then I get loads

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

Go up to people and introduce yourself. Have a conversation starter up your sleeve.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh I can do that, I can talk someone's leg off for hours!

Just can't seem to do the next bit"
just talk and show interest.. we find so few single guys will actually talk to people x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi guys,

I've only ever been to a couple of club nights before, but never ended up playing with anyone.

Now I find myself going along to an event on Friday and don't want to find myself in the same boat again, stuck drinking alone while everyone else is having a good time without me

Any tips?"

Get you Cock out and give it the windmill, never fails.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Well guys, thought I'd give you an update

Went along, spoke to some folks, had a really nice time... but never ended up playing.

Took everyone's advice, was chatty and flirty and did outright ask some folks only to be turned down. Guess it's not meant to be for me in clubs ha

Either way I still had a good night and a lot of laughs

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

"I've been to clubs and only person I've ever played with is the person I went with, don't think it's that unusual tbh."

That's what I usually do too. When I go with friends I usually keep it social. Never easy approaching a guy and seeing if he's interested.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's always difficult approaching someone whether you're male or female. Chatting, socialising, dancing is the way I play it in a club, and if something's meant to happen, it will

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Which ones

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oneDoeWoman
over a year ago

socially distanced

I've only just seen this thread, I love to chat and flirt and prefer to be ask 'do you want to play' and 90% of the time I always say yes. Just depends on the night but it's very rare for me to say no thank you x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I'm in a wet club I find behaving like a seal by clapping hands together and making honking noises always gets across the message that you're interested

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Done the hot tub thing both times and never got anywhere. Even ended up alone in there after everyone got out and left me... that wasn't much fun.

Did wonders for my self confidence that (!)"

In the swinging scene a conversation is worth pure gold. chatting to someone about just about anything is more likley to put you in a situation where play is possible.

Just be relaxed, be yourself and don't act like you're only there to get laid.

Some of our best playtimes have come from starting a conversation about the weather or the news...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Losing your fear of rejection is the key, be upfront, non pushy and just chat, it will come x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

Men are still not getting it. Talk to people and mingle.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Men are still not getting it. Talk to people and mingle. "

Did you not read my update? That's what I was doing

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If I'm in a wet club I find behaving like a seal by clapping hands together and making honking noises always gets across the message that you're interested"

I tried that. Didn't get to play with anyone but on the plus side I had some lovely fresh mackerel for my tea.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

what works for us is this......smile, relaxed body language, chat in general for a few minutes, pay attention to them, eye-contact/compliments then turn the chat towards swinging experiences and likes....then we say ....we really like you, if you would like to play we will be very happy to take it at your pace, just let us know.....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *alfSmileMan
over a year ago

Yate

Find a comfy corner and have a nap

If you have a lovely chat with someone, and the next time you see them they greet you/hug etc etc. That is a success in my book.

I mainly go to clubs just to socialise.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What I find is if your warm, open and smiling then people will relax with your character.

After a bit of chat just openly say something like "if you fancy playing later I'd be really up for that" if you ask for play right there and then they might be just feeling the place out.

I think the most common reason for guys not playing at clubs is way more to do with the approach that their physical attributes.

Wish you luck"

Good advice, that approach would go down well, nice and clear but not pushy

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *obin_and_marionMan
over a year ago

Beaconsfield

"Well guys, thought I'd give you an update

Went along, spoke to some folks, had a really nice time... but never ended up playing.

Took everyone's advice, was chatty and flirty and did outright ask some folks only to be turned down. Guess it's not meant to be for me in clubs ha

Either way I still had a good night and a lot of laughs"

I'd say carry on as you are and try not to rush in.

TBH at a club with singles and couples there are likely to be a lot more guys than couples.

Some couples find that off putting and would much rather have a nice friendly chat with one guy rather than have a big pack hanging around - even though the attention is quite nice it can be overwhelming.

Odds are probably set against you so enjoy the chatting and flirting, enjoy the show if there is some playing to watch (its always worth asking if its ok to watch - most couples will say yes and maybe after a while suggest you join in).

You may not get to play every time or even for a few times but you will get lucky, and you'll get more comfortable and familiar with how to engage with people. And if you chat to people on more than one occasion then you're more likely to play.

Also think about letting people know your fab ID if they're on fabswingers and ask if you can get in touch. We've met people at clubs and then met them separately another time either at the club or elsewhere.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

"Well guys, thought I'd give you an update

Went along, spoke to some folks, had a really nice time... but never ended up playing.

Took everyone's advice, was chatty and flirty and did outright ask some folks only to be turned down. Guess it's not meant to be for me in clubs ha

Either way I still had a good night and a lot of laughs

I'd say carry on as you are and try not to rush in.

TBH at a club with singles and couples there are likely to be a lot more guys than couples.

This is so true a great bit of advice

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we used to stand by the bar - people at least have to say excuse me and then you can exhange a few words whilst theyre being served - take it from there -

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread