FabSwingers.com forum: Club Dress Code for men.

By *tasia OP Couple
over a year ago

West Bromwich

We've just had a review picking us up on the dress code for men. We actually have one, it's "smart casual" and we also point out we believe the guys should make an effort, seeing how the ladies always do. We do occasionally turn men away for scruffy, dirty clothing, but it is occasional. We also point poor clothing options out to the guest, and ask them to make more of an effort next time, and a note is added to the membership system, so we can check in future.

So, these are the debate points:

If you were a club owner at what point would you turn someone away? Please consider, they may have travelled right across the country, booked hotel rooms, not brought any other clothing, arrived after local shops had shut, etc. They may also be the male half of a couple...these often do let us down more than the single guys, but would you turn away a couple if he had failed to make an effort but she looked lovely?

These days its so difficult as well with styles of clothing. What us older folks think of as "pumps" are now some super stylish footwear, ripped jeans all the rage, T shirts can be Armani etc...so what is stylish to one person, can be totally wrong for another.

Do we as a club decide what is correct, or do we leave it for our guests to be attracted to those they feel match what they're looking for, in appearance?

This might well be interesting!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What about a man in a dress is that part of the dress code.

Sorry just had to ask as it was a man's dress code question

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally I always like to wear a minimum of boots, jeans and shirt and like to wear a suit when I can to make the effort.

I do sometimes see guys in trainers and a scruffy t shirt and wonder why they can't make more of an effort, I'd like to think a minimum standard would be shoes/boots and a smart polo t shirt/shirt

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

I think it depends on the night for one thing. I don't like it sometimes the dress code for women is based on a fantasy men have of what women should dress like. I personally don't mind what men or women wear but I know my OH doesn't like it when the men look like they haven't made any effort, wearing what they would wear shopping, for example. If you use the argument that they have come a long way, etc, would you do the same if they were a new member with no ID. I think if you have rules, you should enforce them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As ex club hosts we have turned people away for poor dress code, trainers, jeans and t-shirts, being the main clothing no no's (We remember vividly the guy who told us " but I've just bought these trainers they cost me over £100) lol, many a conversation was also had with people we let in because there clothing bordered on unacceptable.

Now we just attend clubs for fun, but really we see a distinct lack of effort from men, really! Come on! So say you go to a club once a month, go out buy a really nice shirt & trousers, maybe a casual suit and only wear them when you go to a club, easy! It's not rocket science.....

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By *ternal OptimistMan
over a year ago

London

As an occasional club goer surely it's a sign of respect to approach people with smart shoes, clean fresh shirt and a pair of trousers in the first instance

If your idea of seduction is a hoody, jeans etc the sorry an instant reading of your standards and hygiene will be made

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm of the opinion that ripped jeans and tshirt can look way more "dressed up" than a guy who looks like he's come straight from work in trousers and a badly fitting shirt. That look does nothing for me at all and I find clubs quite boring as a result.

Maybe rather than a dress code it should be more of an effort code. Then let the ladies decide whether they find the look attractive by deciding whether they want to play.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm of the opinion that ripped jeans and tshirt can look way more "dressed up" than a guy who looks like he's come straight from work in trousers and a badly fitting shirt. That look does nothing for me at all and I find clubs quite boring as a result.

Maybe rather than a dress code it should be more of an effort code. Then let the ladies decide whether they find the look attractive by deciding whether they want to play. "

I agree with you

Guys who are wearing jeans and t shirt have mostly still made sure they are shower fresh and their clothes are clean.

Personally my preference is for a guy to wear jeans, converse, casual shirt or t shirt etc than a guy in a suit.

It would be good if there was an effort code rather than a dress code

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Although thinking about dress codes again, i, the fem, wouldnt be let into the club as i dont own any of the type of clothes women are expected to wear hence we only go to clubs that let people wear a towel or sarong

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By *orkie321bWoman
over a year ago

Nottingham

"Although thinking about dress codes again, i, the fem, wouldnt be let into the club as i dont own any of the type of clothes women are expected to wear hence we only go to clubs that let people wear a towel or sarong

Well i'm a regular club goer and i certainly don't own any of the type of clothing you think ladies are expected to wear - I usually wear a dress. There are normally more ladies wearing "normal" dresses than skimpy sexy stuff or fetish wear.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From my limited experience of clubs (sadly) I feel they yes woman do tend to make a real effort in general and reap the rewards for their efforts.

Though when I been the men also made an effort. Generally in suits or shoes and jacket.

To answer your question if you have a clear dress policy on website and make it clear if you don't match the policy you will be refused entry. I'd say yes you do turn them away even if in a couple and travelled.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All the clubs i have contacted in the past regarding the dress code for women have told me that everday wear is not allowed and that women wear "skimpy sexy stuff". The only dresses i own are ordinary everyday wear.

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By *rummiePartyManMan
over a year ago

birmingham

Some of remember the previous owners of Xtasia, who at the outset had a strict "Nightclub" dress code (no jeans no trainers etc) They were persuaded over time by the shabby chic crowd to allow expensive trainers and jeans with designer holes in them, and gradually, over time, the whole dress code went down a slippery slope to downright scruffy.

Running in parallel with the decline in dress standards was a decline in personal standards, (people with a shabby dress sense seemed to have a shabby attitude to other behaviour as well) and ultimately a decline in attendance that stemmed from the overall decline in standards.

From the outside looking in as a casual observer, I was impressed by the amount of positive feedback and reviews that came after your New Years Masquerade Ball, where everyone did have to dress UP. Maybe there is still a silent majority out there who would prefer a higher standard of dress code.

Whatever you decide, as has been said before, communicating your policy is vital. It should be easy to find on the web site, and maybe given as an info sheet accompanying membership cards as well. Perhaps a summary of the dress code on the online membership form, with a tick box to confirm that it's been understood? Hopefully this will prevent many of the cries of "but I didn't know".

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By *earandmonkeyCouple
over a year ago

uxbridge

I also wear day dresses but i feel as long as they are clean etc i look good enough add a bit of jewelry for sparkle andhey presto evening ready

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man who has one poorly fitting cheap suit that they wear to weddings, funerals and swinging clubs in order to meet a dress code will never look smart and never look sexy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally (unless I wear my kilt) I wear smart black jeans, smart shirt and shoes (most likely DMs or brothel creepers), if a club turned me away so be it because I'd rather wear what I was comfortable. I think no trainers should be no sports style trainers, running shows look shit as leisure wear but vans, converse and similar can look good with the right outfit. I think t-shirt are too casual but then again a plain black or plain white one again can sometimes look good depending on physique and the rest of the outfit.

I can't imagine anything worse than a club with a 90s nightclub style dress code and think if a club wants younger clientèle rather than the more typical middle aged swingers then smart casual is the way to go.

Oh an different dress codes for different events us also entirely reasonable

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By *umpkinMan
over a year ago

near the sounds of the wimborne quarter jack!

I reply to those who say "my jeans are expensive", in my younger days, a pair of Levis were only for those with money! £40 for a pair when you could get jeans from Woolworths for £5 (example) They could be brand new and never worn, they were and still are, jeans! I would accept possibly a pair in black but definitely not faded, stone washed or ripped/holed! For those who remember Dexy`s Midnight Runners, they wore bib and braces dungarees which as even worse, fashionable, clean and tidy, but definitely not smart casual!

Cords would be acceptable, chinos would be acceptable, definitely no T shirts, perhaps a plain polo shirt but I also regard "slogans" or advertising in the casual but not smart casual category. "Tidy" casual would probably better describe them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A man who has one poorly fitting cheap suit that they wear to weddings, funerals and swinging clubs in order to meet a dress code will never look smart and never look sexy "

This!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm shuddering at the mention of chinos. A dress code that encourages men to dress like accountants on dress down Friday is the last thing I'd want from a club!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I reply to those who say "my jeans are expensive", in my younger days, a pair of Levis were only for those with money! £40 for a pair when you could get jeans from Woolworths for £5 (example) They could be brand new and never worn, they were and still are, jeans! I would accept possibly a pair in black but definitely not faded, stone washed or ripped/holed! For those who remember Dexy`s Midnight Runners, they wore bib and braces dungarees which as even worse, fashionable, clean and tidy, but definitely not smart casual!

I wear a polo t shirt to work as thats my uniform so i would never think thats smart clothes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm shuddering at the mention of chinos. A dress code that encourages men to dress like accountants on dress down Friday is the last thing I'd want from a club!"

Lol

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By *onny MCMan
over a year ago

Crawley

"A man who has one poorly fitting cheap suit that they wear to weddings, funerals and swinging clubs in order to meet a dress code will never look smart and never look sexy "

And that's why my suit stays in the wardrobe and my swingers club outfit is black shoes, black jeans and a plain, snug fit T-shirt.

I admit I'm not someone who stresses about looking smart or trendy. My idea of smart is a T-shirt that doesn't have tour dates on the back and a good swingers club outfit is one you can remove quickly and easily on the off chance someone actually wants to see me naked.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm shuddering at the mention of chinos. A dress code that encourages men to dress like accountants on dress down Friday is the last thing I'd want from a club!"

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By *onny MCMan
over a year ago

Crawley

I wear a polo t shirt to work as thats my uniform so i would never think thats smart clothes. "

My work uniform is polo shirt and combats and that suits me down to the ground.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm shuddering at the mention of chinos. A dress code that encourages men to dress like accountants on dress down Friday is the last thing I'd want from a club!"

or cords...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm shuddering at the mention of chinos. A dress code that encourages men to dress like accountants on dress down Friday is the last thing I'd want from a club!

or cords..."

My step dad and fil wear cords

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like a night at a wmc. What time is the bingo on?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"regarding greedy girls night"

Just a few guys failed to make an effort on the night,most singles men did make an effort,I think if it was a no trainers and smart shoes only policy for single men. This would solve the issue

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By *tasia OP Couple
over a year ago

West Bromwich

Reading every reply....great to see we're so diverse in opinion...but some good ideas coming out from it all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An ambiguous dress code (such as 'smart casual') fails to address too many issues to be of any real value. It's entirely subjective and arbitrary. Unless there us an actual list of what is not allowed, it will never satisfy its purpose. A more robust solution would be to have a list of what is required - though this is a step towards 'uniform'.

Maybe that's the answer. Tell people what to wear because you're upset by their attire. That seems reasonable.

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By *tasia OP Couple
over a year ago

West Bromwich

"
Only message so far I need to respond to directly....Ladies aren't "expected" to match any dress code as long as clean and tidy.

Probably every number you have in your wardrobe would be welcome at most "dressed" clubs.

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By *cduck and Blue eyesCouple
over a year ago

nr chester

One of the things that stood out the most for us when we made our first visit was the dress code or lack of

I Mrs, always love to get dressed up, as to us nights out are hard to come by

So when we do get one, I love to take the time to really make an effort, mr also will wear a shirt and smart shoes, however he will wear jeans but smart tidy jeans

We haven't been back

although we are considering giving another night a go as to not judge on just one visit, we had other things that I won't go into that spoilt our visit and if I'm being fair to _tasia, they have no knowledge of our visit as we didn't complain and we didn't leave a club reveiw, as we felt it best if we couldn't say anything positive best not say anything at all, so _tasia never had a chance to explain

it seems to us though that _tasia are trying hard to put right a lot of the wrongs we experienced, I say this as I have read many threads and posts to show they are trying, so we may well visit again

but back to the original feeling, well I ( Mrs) felt totally overdressed and uncomfortable and I felt put off by the amount of guys in trainers and tracksuit bottoms or trainers and t-shirts, it for me made it feel a little seedy, even more so as the dress down policy is different to other clubs, so there was a mix of dressed down ladies and guys in trackys and trainers, imho, it's not a good look, so sorry

So anything that improves this would be all good, as like I say we would love to be fair and give _tasia another try, as we have lots of friends who visit and we love townhouse, and are considering the _tasia/ townhouse trek, so to have a better experience at the club would be great

Mrs blue eyes

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By *tasia OP Couple
over a year ago

West Bromwich

"One of the things that stood out the most for us when we made our first visit was the dress code or lack of

I Mrs, always love to get dressed up, as to us nights out are hard to come by

So when we do get one, I love to take the time to really make an effort, mr also will wear a shirt and smart shoes, however he will wear jeans but smart tidy jeans

We haven't been back

it seems to us though that _tasia are trying hard to put right a lot of the wrongs we experienced, I say this as I have read many threads and posts to show they are trying, so we may well visit again

Mrs blue eyes

"
Lets have a natter in private....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't turn people away unless they were *dirty* - like, if they wearing muddy clothes.

One of the things I really, really, really hate about clubs is that I'm expected to either wear fanci feminine clothes, or lingerie. I own neither. Usually I manage to dig out a pair of tight trousers and a vest top which will do, but I would prefer to just be able to go 'smart casual' - i.e. a pair of jeans and a shirt or something.

And I think men should be the same.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't own any dresses and I'm really uncomfortable wearing them. Same with skirts. I wear jeans and hareem pants the vast majority of the time. It's what I feel comfortable AND sexy in. If I 'dress up' to go to a club I inevitably just end up feeling self conscious, vulnerable, and don't play as a result because who the fuck wants to play with someone who has no confidence and hates the way they look that night?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm shuddering at the mention of chinos. A dress code that encourages men to dress like accountants on dress down Friday is the last thing I'd want from a club!

or cords..."

Cords. Awful.

I remember my boss used to wear salmon pink cords.

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By *cduck and Blue eyesCouple
over a year ago

nr chester

"One of the things that stood out the most for us when we made our first visit was the dress code or lack of

I Mrs, always love to get dressed up, as to us nights out are hard to come by

So when we do get one, I love to take the time to really make an effort, mr also will wear a shirt and smart shoes, however he will wear jeans but smart tidy jeans

We haven't been back

it seems to us though that _tasia are trying hard to put right a lot of the wrongs we experienced, I say this as I have read many threads and posts to show they are trying, so we may well visit again

Mrs blue eyes

Lets have a natter in private....

"
. Ok

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wear a suit and tie to work nearly every working day, the shirt with cufflinks. For me a suit is only sexy if it is in a D/S situation and elegant.

When I was clubbing back in the day I remember the same arguments. People's £100 jeans v £20 C&A trousers. At the end of the day hygiene and effort is the backstop and wearers of ripped jeans banned on the basis of being a fashion victim.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know I'm probably in the minority but i find a man in a suit a total turn off a prefer the casual look.

I often think it's unfair of the clubs to expect men to dress smart and say they are making more effort for the ladies as there are many different tastes, likes and wants. I would much rather see a man wearing what he feels most comfortable in.

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By *op gooserMan
over a year ago

chester

"I wouldn't turn people away unless they were *dirty* - like, if they wearing muddy clothes.

And I think men should be the same."
This is thread is for men though especially single guys and they should make an effort. Hipster style can be OK but I have seen a club which I thought had high standards let a guy in wearing a full tracksuit who looked like a scumbag. I guess policies go out the window at times as people won't turn away business.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only message so far I need to respond to directly....Ladies aren't "expected" to match any dress code as long as clean and tidy.

Probably every number you have in your wardrobe would be welcome at most "dressed" clubs. "

So ladies can wear what they like as long as they are clean and tidy but guys can't even if clean and tidy

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By *tasia OP Couple
over a year ago

West Bromwich

Only message so far I need to respond to directly....Ladies aren't "expected" to match any dress code as long as clean and tidy.

Probably every number you have in your wardrobe would be welcome at most "dressed" clubs.

So ladies can wear what they like as long as they are clean and tidy but guys can't even if clean and tidy

"
That's the point of this debate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The way we see it, if it's done properly you shouldn't have to worry. It'll be taken off in no time anyway

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By *reenleavesCouple
over a year ago

North Wales

Maybe instead of a written dress code you could instead have photos of various acceptable and unacceptable standards?

As a couple who don't go out on the weekends, we don't really own a 'going out suit' or ladies day dresses. I have a funeral and wedding suit and steph has a range of summery shopping outfits.

That said, we always make a lot of effort to make sure we're clean and tidy and our clothes are freshly washed and ironed. My usual club wear is a nice pair of Tesco jeans, a Matalan shirt and some converse. That's about as fancy as I'm going to get when we only visit clubs a handful of times a year and we're going to spend most of that time in our pants.

If I had to get trussed up in a suit and tie to visit a club then we wouldn't go. The advice that's always given to women on their first visit is to 'wear what you feel comfortable in'. We take that to be universal advice.

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By *oo hotCouple
over a year ago

North West

Trainers have to be an absolute no, no surely?

You are well known as a Club with a nightclub feel and broadly speaking you do seem to attract a younger, sexier crowd than Clubs where people wander around in towels. Bearing that in mind, trainers, tracksuit bottoms etc are just not on.

Perhaps you should sell men's pants (boxers) and give the offenders (lol) the opportunity to dress down. I am sure not many of your female guests would complain if guys were around in boxers rather than trackies and trainers?

Having said all of that - Over ten years or so, I can count on one hand the number of people we have seen at Xtasia who were dressed like a bag of shit.

From our perspective your guests are invariable well turned out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wear a suit every time or trousers shirt and shoes at least..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry....i lied....i wore a lamp once

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

I think you should enforce a particular standard of at least clean, well turned out and 'made an effort'. Once standards slide, behaviour does.

I've seen men in clubs with their outside jackets on, mooching around and it's creepy and worrying and as for the ones who don't care about first impressions, I won't be getting naked with them anytime soon.

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

Flagrante

We dress how we want to in everyday life and the same would apply to any venue, swinger or vanilla....if that didn't suit the venue then it's probably not a place we would enjoy going to but everyone and every venue makes their own choices....there's something for everyone out there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only message so far I need to respond to directly....Ladies aren't "expected" to match any dress code as long as clean and tidy.

Probably every number you have in your wardrobe would be welcome at most "dressed" clubs.

So ladies can wear what they like as long as they are clean and tidy but guys can't even if clean and tidy

That's the point of this debate

IMO - ladies can't wear 'what they want' so this debate is then being held on false premis.

Certainly I don't feel like I could go to Xtasia wearing 'what I want'.

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By *tasia OP Couple
over a year ago

West Bromwich

Only message so far I need to respond to directly....Ladies aren't "expected" to match any dress code as long as clean and tidy.

Probably every number you have in your wardrobe would be welcome at most "dressed" clubs.

So ladies can wear what they like as long as they are clean and tidy but guys can't even if clean and tidy

That's the point of this debate

IMO - ladies can't wear 'what they want' so this debate is then being held on false premis.

Certainly I don't feel like I could go to Xtasia wearing 'what I want'."
Not turned away a female yet based on dress code, and neither is it something that anyone to date has commented on! Feel free to start a female debate and we'll pop in and add our thoughts on that one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wouldn't turn people away unless they were *dirty* - like, if they wearing muddy clothes.

And I think men should be the same."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only message so far I need to respond to directly....Ladies aren't "expected" to match any dress code as long as clean and tidy.

Probably every number you have in your wardrobe would be welcome at most "dressed" clubs.

So ladies can wear what they like as long as they are clean and tidy but guys can't even if clean and tidy

That's the point of this debate

IMO - ladies can't wear 'what they want' so this debate is then being held on false premis.

Certainly I don't feel like I could go to Xtasia wearing 'what I want'."

Same for me

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By *tasia OP Couple
over a year ago

West Bromwich

Only message so far I need to respond to directly....Ladies aren't "expected" to match any dress code as long as clean and tidy.

Probably every number you have in your wardrobe would be welcome at most "dressed" clubs.

So ladies can wear what they like as long as they are clean and tidy but guys can't even if clean and tidy

That's the point of this debate

IMO - ladies can't wear 'what they want' so this debate is then being held on false premis.

Certainly I don't feel like I could go to Xtasia wearing 'what I want'.

Same for me

"
Why not? We have ladies in jeans and blouses nearly every night. No one expects you to be in a g string and nothing else! We openly suggest you wear what you're comfortable wearing! OK...someone start a gals thread.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jeans and tshirts and trainers if worn well are waaay more attractive to me than a suit/shirt/trousers

I'm definitely the type to find that old fashioned, I don't even like suits in the office and certainly not in a sex club

Ruby

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By *ud and BryanCouple
over a year ago

Boston, Lincolnshire

A massive no no for us is anyone dressed in a football shirt & long shorts or track suit/jogging bottoms & trainers.

Partly because the people who hassle us in the street usually dress this way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only message so far I need to respond to directly....Ladies aren't "expected" to match any dress code as long as clean and tidy.

Probably every number you have in your wardrobe would be welcome at most "dressed" clubs.

So ladies can wear what they like as long as they are clean and tidy but guys can't even if clean and tidy

That's the point of this debate

IMO - ladies can't wear 'what they want' so this debate is then being held on false premis.

Certainly I don't feel like I could go to Xtasia wearing 'what I want'.

Same for me

Why not? We have ladies in jeans and blouses nearly every night. No one expects you to be in a g string and nothing else! We openly suggest you wear what you're comfortable wearing! OK...someone start a gals thread.

I've mostly been to your fetish events in the past - and think you would turn me away on the door if I wore jeans (your website suggests I can't).

Your female dress code is:

"Ladies: As erotic and flirtatious as you dare and are comfortable with."

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

Only message so far I need to respond to directly....Ladies aren't "expected" to match any dress code as long as clean and tidy.

Probably every number you have in your wardrobe would be welcome at most "dressed" clubs.

So ladies can wear what they like as long as they are clean and tidy but guys can't even if clean and tidy

That's the point of this debate

IMO - ladies can't wear 'what they want' so this debate is then being held on false premis.

Certainly I don't feel like I could go to Xtasia wearing 'what I want'.

Same for me

I've mostly been to your fetish events in the past - and think you would turn me away on the door if I wore jeans (your website suggests I can't).

Your female dress code is:

"Ladies: As erotic and flirtatious as you dare and are comfortable with."

I totally agree. The reason I don't go to many clubs is that they enforce a dress code on that I don't feel comfortable in ....my OH doesn't dictate to me, my job doesn't , why should a club?

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By *umpkinMan
over a year ago

near the sounds of the wimborne quarter jack!

"Maybe instead of a written dress code you could instead have photos of various acceptable and unacceptable standards?

As a couple who don't go out on the weekends, we don't really own a 'going out suit' or ladies day dresses. I have a funeral and wedding suit and steph has a range of summery shopping outfits.

haven`t seen anywhere in this thread, the suggestion that suits and ties should be worn! Even I would baulk at a club that demands this! The only exception would be if it was a themed night and suits/ties were part of the theme. I have a plain pair of black trousers a selection of ordinary shirts and a choice of ordinary shoes that I would be more than happy to wear to a club. I even wear this to Chams where I would taking it off to don a towel

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By *ornographic ArtsCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

Maybe rather than a dress code it should be more of an effort code. Then let the ladies decide whether they find the look attractive by deciding whether they want to play. "

Fully agree with you. Really not into that look. Men in suits always make me think of my dad and uncles

I've always wondered why formal clothes are considered more effort? Are they heavier and harder to pull up

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By *tasia OP Couple
over a year ago

West Bromwich

Only message so far I need to respond to directly....Ladies aren't "expected" to match any dress code as long as clean and tidy.

Probably every number you have in your wardrobe would be welcome at most "dressed" clubs.

So ladies can wear what they like as long as they are clean and tidy but guys can't even if clean and tidy

That's the point of this debate

IMO - ladies can't wear 'what they want' so this debate is then being held on false premis.

Certainly I don't feel like I could go to Xtasia wearing 'what I want'.

Same for me

I've mostly been to your fetish events in the past - and think you would turn me away on the door if I wore jeans (your website suggests I can't).

Your female dress code is:

"Ladies: As erotic and flirtatious as you dare and are comfortable with."

Which suggests that casual clothes like jeans and smart trainers (or a pair of casual canvas shoes which I usually wear places) would be out of place, and it would be preferred that women wore 'sexy' and revealing outfits, and almost certainly 'smart' shoes."
turn up and see what happens rather than continue to speculate ?? It says whatever you're comfortable with for a reason!

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By *herealdeal90Man
over a year ago

Huddersfield

Maybe rather than a dress code it should be more of an effort code. Then let the ladies decide whether they find the look attractive by deciding whether they want to play. "
totally agree with you. You go to a nightclub or a trendy bar where the age range is usually lower than that of a swingers clubs. And you'll see skinny or ripped jeans. With a casual shirt or tee. However effort has been made and they look cool

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By *entleman and SassyPussCouple
over a year ago

Never found the dress code at Xtasia an issue. The only thing I'm not keen on, is the guys are allowed to stay dressed in play areas, then at end of a play session, they spend ages looking for their jeans, shoes and loose change.

Women dressed down in sexy lingerie and men fucking with jeans around their ankles, is just pure cringe and off putting when you're having fun and guys are scrambling around on the floor.

It's why we prefer dress down/wet clubs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a guy and do enjoy making the effort to look nice. You wouldn't turn up to a date looking rough, so why turn up to a club looking unkept? On the other hand, I would not like to visit a venue that forces me to dress in a certain way. It's the freedom to choose type of situation.

But everyone, make an effort. Like for real lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 28/03/17 07:53:18]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only message so far I need to respond to directly....Ladies aren't "expected" to match any dress code as long as clean and tidy.

Probably every number you have in your wardrobe would be welcome at most "dressed" clubs.

So ladies can wear what they like as long as they are clean and tidy but guys can't even if clean and tidy

That's the point of this debate

IMO - ladies can't wear 'what they want' so this debate is then being held on false premis.

Certainly I don't feel like I could go to Xtasia wearing 'what I want'.

Same for me

I've mostly been to your fetish events in the past - and think you would turn me away on the door if I wore jeans (your website suggests I can't).

Your female dress code is:

"Ladies: As erotic and flirtatious as you dare and are comfortable with."

I totally agree. The reason I don't go to many clubs is that they enforce a dress code on that I don't feel comfortable in ....my OH doesn't dictate to me, my job doesn't , why should a club? "

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By *entle giraffeMan
over a year ago

Minehead

I like it when clothing expresses someone's personality (both for men and women), so tend to be put off when a particular 'uniform' is required. I like a 'dress as you feel' atmosphere.

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By *addy Bears KittenCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

I almost invariably wear black slim fit jeans to clubs because they show off my legs better and they are not necessarily obviously jeans and always go well with black shoes.

For tops, it is either a nice casual shirt, usually black or white...

...but I also have sparkly type t-shirts, usually black with gold, that would wear to a club too.

So that would mean that I am wearing T-shirt and jeans, but they are "going out clothes" and they look like I have made an effort to look presentable.

Sometimes fashionably smart casual can look better than supposedly "smarter" clothes that are unfashionable or completely nondescript.

Russ

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By *oo hotCouple
over a year ago

North West

"Just make an effort"

This surely sums it up?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you were a club owner at what point would you turn someone away? Please consider, they may have travelled right across the country, booked hotel rooms, not brought any other clothing, arrived after local shops had shut, etc. They may also be the male half of a couple...these often do let us down more than the single guys, but would you turn away a couple if he had failed to make an effort but she looked lovely?"

I would turn anyone away that hasn't made an effort no matter if they didn't bring any other clothing and so on because it's up to them to check the clubs rules and make necessary plans before going.

We personally like dress code as smart, to us that don't include faded jeans or jeans with holes in and so on.

As long as you don't go with the towel only idea for guys as we avoid clubs like that, I'm just a voyeur and my wife a swinger so although Shaz likes to wear revealing/sexy clothes, I like to keep dressed

We love Xtasia and always have, the rare time we can get a lift Xtasia is our first choice.

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By *iggles and BeardyCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

I'm quite fond of a towel for guys, it's a great social barrier remover as people can't judge based on clothes labels or shoes.

Normally I just wear a shirt, waist coat, jeans and new rock boots. Used to wear a suit, but tbh it just looked like I had come straight from an office.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""Just make an effort"

This surely sums it up?"
i agree !!!

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By *umpkinMan
over a year ago

near the sounds of the wimborne quarter jack!

There has been one or two comments about "Ill fitting suits" or "ill fitting shirts" Surely that applies to ANY sort of clothing if the purchaser hasn`t bothered to carefully select what suits them? Doesn`t matter if it`s a top of the range Armani suit or a £2 pair of Matalan knickers!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Surely a solution to this is to make the club a dress down straight away club like the ones I tend to attend. All men are either in shorts or towel and ladies in lingerie or a towel too. Problem solved

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By *MFC PartiesWoman
over a year ago

Here, There & Everywhere

"Surely a solution to this is to make the club a dress down straight away club like the ones I tend to attend. All men are either in shorts or towel and ladies in lingerie or a towel too. Problem solved"

Why would they want to do that? ... I'm sorry but your 'solution' is no solution at all as the reason that people choose XTASIA is because it's NOT a dress down club!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why would they want to do that? ... I'm sorry but your 'solution' is no solution at all as the reason that people choose XTASIA is because it's NOT a dress down club! "

we wouldn't go if it was.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why would they want to do that? ... I'm sorry but your 'solution' is no solution at all as the reason that people choose XTASIA is because it's NOT a dress down club! "

Then the club needs to choose a dressing policy and make it known to all to prevent having the issues they've posted in the opening thread

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By *ohohoWoman
over a year ago

Up North

I actually like a guy in jeans and a t shirt over a suit. Trainers also look good as long as they are clean.

Just no sports wear for me.

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By *rummiePartyManMan
over a year ago

birmingham

It doesn't seem to me that there is a one size fits all solution to this. There does seem to be a generation gap between those who want "old school" dress codes and those who think smart ripped jeans and posh trainers are better.

At least Xtasia has the flexibility to cope with alternative dress codes according to the event. Maybe allowing the event organisers to set their own dress codes, so that for instance (broad brush generalisationa ALERT) DPraved could set a Ravey Davey Gravy (see Viz Magazine) dress code, and IF BMFC want to allow guys to turn up in a particular way, let them, and if like in another club there is an event for rock music fans, let they turn up in their Rolling Stones tour tee-shirts if they want to. For the remainder, it's up to Xtasia to set their rules how they want and to reflect the style and personality of the establishment, and people will have to live with them. Not sure that a "I'll wear what I want, I know my rights (etc)" attitude is an auspicious start to a night at a club.

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By * SCARED x STIFF xCouple
over a year ago

west midlands

I think a Saturday night should have a smart dress code, it is actually possible to look current and smart without going straight for a suit, the problem with trainers or jeans with holes in is where do you draw the line? I'm an aging indie pop kid myself so I'm quite happy in cons and ripped jeans but dirty cons and worn out work trousers would still fit in that category

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

God I hate this type of dress code .... reminds me of being in the beach. Absolutely not sexy at all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sadly that won't happen as some people don't like it. However i far prefer it so it would suit us

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't attend...we went to one once and I felt like a piece of meat at a butcher's market...i get undressed as and when I wish to, not when someone tells me I have to...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We've just had a review picking us up on the dress code for men. We actually have one, it's "smart casual" and we also point out we believe the guys should make an effort, seeing how the ladies always do. We do occasionally turn men away for scruffy, dirty clothing, but it is occasional. We also point poor clothing options out to the guest, and ask them to make more of an effort next time, and a note is added to the membership system, so we can check in future.

So, these are the debate points:

Do we as a club decide what is correct, or do we leave it for our guests to be attracted to those they feel match what they're looking for, in appearance?

This might well be interesting!!

I play golf. Most golf clubs have arcane rules on dress standards. Proper shoes, no denim or ripped clothing. Shirts must be tucked in and have a collar etc etc.. if you turn up inappropriately dressed, you won't be given access to the course or the club house.

Because the rules are enforced, people respect them.

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By *ohohoWoman
over a year ago

Up North

Because the rules are enforced, people respect them. "

I understand that but I know my local golf club is struggling to attract younger members as it is seen as old fashioned. The dress code could be one of the reasons those under 40 are reluctant to join.

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By *tasia OP Couple
over a year ago

West Bromwich

I do think there's a consensus slowly emerging, not to everyone's taste but it does seem logical.

People don't and won't agree on a fixed dress code. It's like music or heating, you can never win.

The common sense approach seems to be to suggest people wear something they feel comfortable with, as long as clean and tidy.

When in the club, they will naturally feel attracted to others who they feel look smart, whatever that clothing choice is. If people don't make an effort, then they are likely not to get results. No effort, no fun!

What we all agree on is that we all like to see others who look good and have made an effort, if we are to share some fun with them. That "look" varies for many of us, but that should make the venue fun and interesting.

We think we'll make some subtle changes to allow more freedom of expression

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Never found the dress code at Xtasia an issue. The only thing I'm not keen on, is the guys are allowed to stay dressed in play areas, then at end of a play session, they spend ages looking for their jeans, shoes and loose change.

Women dressed down in sexy lingerie and men fucking with jeans around their ankles, is just pure cringe and off putting when you're having fun and guys are scrambling around on the floor.

It's why we prefer dress down/wet clubs."

This exactly.

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

I think clubs should let men in no matter how they are dressed. I would not even speak with a guy who I do not think is dressed smartly. Each woman will decide for herself. It will easily sort itself out

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

Women dressed down in sexy lingerie and men fucking with jeans around their ankles, is just pure cringe and off putting when you're having fun and guys are scrambling around on the floor.

It's why we prefer dress down/wet clubs.

This exactly. "

Well, Xtasia have said that folk can wear what they feel comfortable in so I guess you could walk around in a towel.

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By *tasia OP Couple
over a year ago

West Bromwich

Women dressed down in sexy lingerie and men fucking with jeans around their ankles, is just pure cringe and off putting when you're having fun and guys are scrambling around on the floor.

It's why we prefer dress down/wet clubs.

This exactly.

Well, Xtasia have said that folk can wear what they feel comfortable in so I guess you could walk around in a towel."
no, we said we'll think about making some subtle changes. When we do we"lll advise via our web site.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because the rules are enforced, people respect them.

Very true

My son used to go with my parents to play golf. My son only owned jeans so in order to be allowed to play golf there he wore my dads waterproof trousers lol. Not a smart look but the golf club had to let him play !

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By *umpkinMan
over a year ago

near the sounds of the wimborne quarter jack!

Because the rules are enforced, people respect them.

It`s more likely that either they don`t see golf as "entertaining" enough, that they`re working or can`t afford the membership fees!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a male punter who is fairly new to the scene, I find the dress codes for men very strange in swinging clubs. Women are encouraged to be as "daring" as they like in their choice of dress, (which I take to mean look like you're going out to a sex club to have er... sex) but men are encouraged to look as if they're going to a 'smart' local pub or a restaurant. Shouldn't everybody be encouraged to look like they are there to play? I agree that this shouldn't mean a pair of blue jeans and an old outsized t shirt, but that's not because they're too casual, it's because they don't imply (to me at least) that the wearer is out to have sex). You could wear them to do your shopping in ASDA.

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By *lowercandyWoman
over a year ago

Lancashire

I usually arrive at a club in everyday clothes then change later into something "more comfortable " as they say!

As for men... a good looking guy can make jeans and t or a suit look hot just as some can't.

The only thing i think I wouldn't like to see is outdoor coats kept on/blatant work clothes (dirty paint, plaster,mud,grease etc)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally I like to be smart casual.... to me that's nice jeans or chinos, a shirt (tucked in) with the sleeves rolled up and a nice pair of shoes. Comfy yet stylish.

I think if a club stipulates no training shoes or must have a collar then people have no excuse and no gripe at being turned away

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By *il_MissBMFCWoman
over a year ago

Various Venues Across The UK

"I do think there's a consensus slowly emerging, not to everyone's taste but it does seem logical.

People don't and won't agree on a fixed dress code. It's like music or heating, you can never win.

The common sense approach seems to be to suggest people wear something they feel comfortable with, as long as clean and tidy.

We think we'll make some subtle changes to allow more freedom of expression

And this is why I love you guys. Always willing to try new things and move with the times.. Although, I've never seen a problem with your dress code. It's simple to follow and requires hardly any 'effort'.

I think some guys can look HOT in a t-shirt, if it's fitted and they fill it out and look good in it.. Baggy t-shirts - yuk!

Ripped jeans are a popular one too.. Fashionable ripped jeans as opposed to 'been working all day and they've worn at the knees' ripped jeans..

Some 'trainers' can look good too. If they're clean, smart looking and compliment an outfit...

Like you said though, people have different tastes in dress sense - like music... So it's always gonna be a tricky one to combat.

I like the idea of an 'effort' code though.. But one persons idea of effort is gonna be another persons idea of 'wtf are you wearing' haha! I'll always remember being at school and the teachers saying 'reasonable makeup allowed' .. And mum having an argument with the headteacher as I got detention for wearing too much makeup... It was reasonable to me (and mum) but the teacher saw it as unreasonable...

Wow I waffled a little there didn't I....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the best way of sorting this for me is that i carry on going to the clubs that have a dress code i am happy with and that i dont go to the clubs that have a dress code i cant deal with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think the best way of sorting this for me is that i carry on going to the clubs that have a dress code i am happy with and that i dont go to the clubs that have a dress code i cant deal with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think the best way of sorting this for me is that i carry on going to the clubs that have a dress code i am happy with and that i dont go to the clubs that have a dress code i cant deal with

This exactly,_tasia state clearly what is not acceptable on your Web page and stick to that, no matter what the circumstances, they are your rules and people will make their choice. Personally I think you will see numbers go up rather than down!

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By *ootballFlowerCouple
over a year ago

Ollerton

Its each to their own, personally we don't feel comfortable dressed up so therefore avoid a number of clubs due to their dress codes. We have tried it but it felt weird and artificial, having the fun then immediately having to get dressed again. It is a real shame that we feel certain clubs are off our list but they set the rules and it is up to them.

In our opinion having blokes dressed up whilst women our encouraged to dress as daring as they feel' or 'erotically' or what ever phrase is used kind of makes us feel it's all about the show and not the play and they the women are the ones on show. This is our opinion and I'm sure people would disagree but again it is each to their own.

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By *ethnmelvCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

we have been to a few clubs and know that we prefer the ones where people dress up. that doesn't have to mean 'cocktail' party, but does mean try to look like you have made an effort. seeing guys in ill fitting jeans and grubby t shirts is a turn off. but smart jeans and shoes (not converse or similar!) is fine. at the end of the evening you wear what you want, but with us you will succeed if you make an effort! & smile

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