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"I was in a group situation recently, all cool and consensual. Was cradling a lovely boy while he was being bummed and a random stranger wriggled himself under everyone to get to my lady bits. Just as he lunged, I halted proceeding, told him he was rude and go away immediately. Outside the club he apologized, I accepted it but told him it was inappropriate to just jump into a situation where there was no nod, welcome or prior chat. He told me I was wrong and that in a sexual context, it didn't matter and what he did was fine. I tried to explain consent but he was adamant that in a sex club, different rules applied. I walked away exasperated. I'm happy to tell someone off when they're being a dick but it concerns me that this thought exists. It's small wonder women are put off by this scene when neanderthal mentality exists. " I agree with you that this thought process is disturbing not only in that it's there but that some people will defend that in the face of someone that they were trying to assault! Consent is consent and is a universal necessity. To my mind it is required more so in clubs and group situations Beard | |||
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"There was an *almost* interesting thread about something similar to this recently. I think that clubs need to do a better job of explaining the appropriate behavior in clubs to new people, and they should all take this type of thing very seriously. It would go a long way in changing how people act in clubs. " I don't think you can say it's isolated to new attendees. .. this seems more like a regular club goer as the majority IMHO of first timers wouldn't have been so brave as to dive in. | |||
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"what if someone has a trapped nerve in their neck and can't stop nodding ? " Put your dick in their mouth ![]() | |||
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"Was he Asian? (Oh no I din't!!) ![]() Most the wankers we've encountered in clubs have been white. In fact all the ones I can remember. | |||
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"Was he Asian? (Oh no I din't!!) ![]() Now that is so stupid | |||
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"Was he Asian? (Oh no I din't!!) ![]() Some of the worst instances that I've seen have been from couples, often the male half diving into a situation he wasn't welcome in. Race nor marital status isn't a factor in being a cock | |||
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"There was an *almost* interesting thread about something similar to this recently. I think that clubs need to do a better job of explaining the appropriate behavior in clubs to new people, and they should all take this type of thing very seriously. It would go a long way in changing how people act in clubs. " Kinky salon does this better than anywhere I've ever been. Hats off to the organisers for the whole mentality at those parties. ![]() | |||
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"I think the key and salient point that needs to be made to all club goers is that it's NOT a sex club, it's a swingers club where sex may occur between consenting people. Consent should always be sought and received before any contact should be made It may sound obvious to some but the clarity of this needs impressing on some people clearly Beard" ![]() ![]() ![]() | |||
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"Was he Asian? (Oh no I din't!!) ![]() Especially the blokes in "couples" who split up the moment they're through the door. | |||
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"These kind of situations are really not convincing us that we should try the club scene. We get the impression that when you set foot in the club you're basically on your own, some clubs may enforce rules but don't rely upon this as your safety net and if you do then clubs are not for you. To have people touching you without permission we'd find this very uncomfortable and unsettling. The similar thread the other day where a lady stated a club worker touched her breast as she was getting undressed was totally out of order in our book but some may say you're in sex club, what do you expect, this concerns us. " I was getting dressed and I did tell him he shouldn't touch without asking. He did apologise and I didn't take it any further. | |||
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"There was an *almost* interesting thread about something similar to this recently. I think that clubs need to do a better job of explaining the appropriate behavior in clubs to new people, and they should all take this type of thing very seriously. It would go a long way in changing how people act in clubs. I don't think you can say it's isolated to new attendees. .. this seems more like a regular club goer as the majority IMHO of first timers wouldn't have been so brave as to dive in." I completely agree. I just think that the best opportunity clubs have of instilling a certain type of behavior is when they first introduce people to clubs. But yes, I agree, it is certainly not limited to new clubgoers by any stretch. | |||
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"These kind of situations are really not convincing us that we should try the club scene. We get the impression that when you set foot in the club you're basically on your own, some clubs may enforce rules but don't rely upon this as your safety net and if you do then clubs are not for you. To have people touching you without permission we'd find this very uncomfortable and unsettling. The similar thread the other day where a lady stated a club worker touched her breast as she was getting undressed was totally out of order in our book but some may say you're in sex club, what do you expect, this concerns us. I was getting dressed and I did tell him he shouldn't touch without asking. He did apologise and I didn't take it any further. " ![]() ![]() | |||
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"Was he Asian? (Oh no I din't!!) ![]() Er no. But a rude assumption either way ![]() | |||
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"No means no. End of. " Indeed but issue is, shouldn't get to that point. Why should I have to be put in a situation that I have to call out no in the first place? This guy claimed to be a long term swinger. I'm guessing his lunging has got him what he wanted in the past so continues to try when he can ![]() | |||
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"Was he Asian? (Oh no I din't!!) ![]() ![]() Obviously his experience has been in line with mine...all the Asian men I have ever seen in the different clubs I've visited, and I've been to many, have behaved this way with the exception of only one. It might be a bitter pill to swallow but one can only speak of their own experiences. | |||
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"Was he Asian? (Oh no I din't!!) ![]() ![]() When you say 'all', how many is that? | |||
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"Was he Asian? (Oh no I din't!!) ![]() ![]() Id say in excess of 40 men | |||
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"Was he Asian? (Oh no I din't!!) ![]() ![]() You must be really unlucky. I've no idea how many Asian blokes we've seen at clubs but of those I can remember they were as pleasant and polite as anybody else. | |||
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"No means no. End of. Indeed but issue is, shouldn't get to that point. Why should I have to be put in a situation that I have to call out no in the first place? This guy claimed to be a long term swinger. I'm guessing his lunging has got him what he wanted in the past so continues to try when he can ![]() That's the thing. I shake my head at how this happens, but very occasionally doing that sort of thing does seem to 'work' for those that have that kind of attitude, so I guess it just encourages that sort of behaviour to continue. Just last Monday evening I saw a guy go up to two couples having sex beside each other in a pool. From prior observation, I'm pretty sure he was unknown to both of them. The women in each couple were facing the edge of the pool (and their partners). The guy then started fingering each of them - one with each hand. Seemingly no reaction from either couple, so of course he continued. I'm pretty sure he didn't ask for any consent. But for him on that occasion, it 'worked'. I would speculate (without knowing, of course) that by 'getting away' with it, this only reinforced in his mind that it's OK to do that sort of thing. | |||
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"No means no. End of. Indeed but issue is, shouldn't get to that point. Why should I have to be put in a situation that I have to call out no in the first place? This guy claimed to be a long term swinger. I'm guessing his lunging has got him what he wanted in the past so continues to try when he can ![]() This happens to us most times we go to a club but we're very aware of who's who and if we're not happy we make it known. I've never had an issue once we've given a polite (or firm) no. The only problems we've had have been with stalkers who don't take a hint. | |||
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"No means no. End of. Indeed but issue is, shouldn't get to that point. Why should I have to be put in a situation that I have to call out no in the first place? This guy claimed to be a long term swinger. I'm guessing his lunging has got him what he wanted in the past so continues to try when he can ![]() He may well have backed away if someone had said no. They might have all been too caught up in what they were doing or actually not minded at all. Not sure. What was even worse in my view was during the same evening in the same pool, a couple were having sex and a guy (not the same one as above) came up to them and started touching the woman. They said a polite 'no' and he backed off for a few seconds before doing it again. They said 'no' again and he tried a third time. I was just shaking my head. The incident only ended as were all asked to leave because it was closing time. I do agree with people who have said that club staff should reinforce the message, especially to newcomers, that consent is still required in a club. | |||
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"Consent is needed regardless of the setting. He's just an entitled pig. " ![]() ![]() ![]() | |||
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"Was he Asian? (Oh no I din't!!) ![]() While I've had a very different experience in saunas. I asked the question above of the management and they confirmed it true. The manager I asked was himself Asian. | |||
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"Was he Asian? (Oh no I din't!!) ![]() That's uncalled for you tool | |||
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"Was he Asian? (Oh no I din't!!) ![]() I was taking the piss! From a post a few days ago! I love Asian guys! They drive me about in Uber cars! And Magnus. He was from Iceland ![]() | |||
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"I was in a group situation recently, all cool and consensual. Was cradling a lovely boy while he was being bummed and a random stranger wriggled himself under everyone to get to my lady bits. Just as he lunged, I halted proceeding, told him he was rude and go away immediately. Outside the club he apologized, I accepted it but told him it was inappropriate to just jump into a situation where there was no nod, welcome or prior chat. He told me I was wrong and that in a sexual context, it didn't matter and what he did was fine. I tried to explain consent but he was adamant that in a sex club, different rules applied. I walked away exasperated. I'm happy to tell someone off when they're being a dick but it concerns me that this thought exists. It's small wonder women are put off by this scene when neanderthal mentality exists. " I had a guy try and fuck me recently (without husbands permission) and without a condom - I mean really? In this day & age? | |||
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"For those who haven't visited clubs don't let this put you off as not everyone is like this . Me and Mr started to play in a public area at a club and the guy in the area even asked for permission to move closer to watch . He then asked to touch me (well he asked Mr as my mouth was full) who then looked at me and I nodded ok . We then went with him to a room to play and one or two guys cake along and asked could they join before entering the room " Thanks for that, I've been to many clubs and parties, and have not found this the norm, 99% of guys are respectful, just the odd wanker now and again, who are easy to deal with. | |||
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"I've experienced non-consensual touching; normally a sharp word stops it. I have had occasion to report it to club staff on two separate occasions in two different clubs; the response and reaction from the clubs could not have been more different. One I still happily attend and feel entirely safe inside. The other; well, let's say I'm more likely to be having a snowball fight with Beelzebub than trotting back, shame as it had been one of my favourites. " That's the thing isn't it. The clubs reaction. It happened to me (Red) at the Attic last weekend and the staff handled it brilliantly. If they hadn't, we wouldn't have gone back again. Despite it being Beard's local. Red xx | |||
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"what if someone has a trapped nerve in their neck and can't stop nodding ? Put your dick in their mouth ![]() Like the reference "pretty firm" I am a big girl 5 9" without my thigh boots which have wonderful heels ![]() ![]() | |||
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"I think the key and salient point that needs to be made to all club goers is that it's NOT a sex club, it's a swingers club where sex may occur between consenting people. Consent should always be sought and received before any contact should be made It may sound obvious to some but the clarity of this needs impressing on some people clearly Beard" ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | |||
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"In my limited experience of clubs I've noticed if I'm going to be touched by someone I dont know, it's either my feet or legs that get touched first. I assume they think if they don't get a No they'll persue further up?? Apart from being unwanted attention, I really really dislike my feet being touched so I tend to kick out making it look like a major overreaction on my part... ![]() Me neither. Hate my feet being touched due to being mega ticklish. In fact I've lashed out and kicked someone in the face when they have touched my feet without consent. Then gave a very loud insincere apology that if they would have asked I could have warned them. So guys and girls, touch me without asking and who knows what damage I may do next time. ![]() | |||
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"I was in a group situation recently, all cool and consensual. Was cradling a lovely boy while he was being bummed and a random stranger wriggled himself under everyone to get to my lady bits. Just as he lunged, I halted proceeding, told him he was rude and go away immediately. Outside the club he apologized, I accepted it but told him it was inappropriate to just jump into a situation where there was no nod, welcome or prior chat. He told me I was wrong and that in a sexual context, it didn't matter and what he did was fine. I tried to explain consent but he was adamant that in a sex club, different rules applied. I walked away exasperated. I'm happy to tell someone off when they're being a dick but it concerns me that this thought exists. It's small wonder women are put off by this scene when neanderthal mentality exists. " Im totally with you on this ..I have consent forms they sign pre entry ..That they agree sex is not guaranteed. I ve notes on doors and a no uninvited touching policy and doorman upstairs and they still try to enter rooms and push past ,.. even when you are standing there,. I have come to the conclusion that some ( a small minority I may add) hard cocks cant read, listen or comprehend when on the hunt for pussy ... even though they know they will be asked to leave and banned.. It still amazes me too.. example ... me ;;;; you cant go up there alone him ok me .. so you need to move away from here him ok ( then goes to open a locked door me stops him .. what you doing him.. lady im with in there me. no a married couple in there for came alone Him ok Turns to leave 2nd my back turned .. whosh opens door and enters . Told to f off by couple and removed from night. him .. Why me .. you read and signed the rules him .. yes but i didnt think they applied First rules . I sign to agree that this is not a sex party and sex is not guaranteed even though I may witness it around me I will be asked to leave if i open a closed door I will be banned if I touch uninvited.. Yawn breathe and chop of their knackers maybe only solution ... xx | |||
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"In my limited experience of clubs I've noticed if I'm going to be touched by someone I dont know, it's either my feet or legs that get touched first. I assume they think if they don't get a No they'll persue further up?? " I would suggest that's because whenever there's a discussion about consent on sites like this people say 'asking would ruin the mood so I just touch their leg or arm instead'. Tossers. | |||
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"I was in a group situation recently, all cool and consensual. Was cradling a lovely boy while he was being bummed and a random stranger wriggled himself under everyone to get to my lady bits. Just as he lunged, I halted proceeding, told him he was rude and go away immediately. Outside the club he apologized, I accepted it but told him it was inappropriate to just jump into a situation where there was no nod, welcome or prior chat. He told me I was wrong and that in a sexual context, it didn't matter and what he did was fine. I tried to explain consent but he was adamant that in a sex club, different rules applied. I walked away exasperated. I'm happy to tell someone off when they're being a dick but it concerns me that this thought exists. It's small wonder women are put off by this scene when neanderthal mentality exists. " Sadly these idiots do exist and their moronic minds seem to believe that their entry fee to a club gives them free reigns to basically commit acts that are legally rape! Normally young, uneducated single gents who lack any respect for women. Some clubs fail to educate these boys when they first walk in. A swingers club is neither a "Sex Club" nor a Bothel, it's a Swingers Club and anyone who doesn't understand the difference needs to gtfo! | |||
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"We have read this with interest. We have been to quite a few Clubs and so far have never experienced any issues of guys (or ladies) over stepping the mark. We recognise it probably does occur, but so far have not experienced it - let's just say anyone who tried it on would get short shrift! Consent has to be positive, for us it needs us to have engaged with smeone first or consent does not exist. Those that are getting put off, please don't believe it is anywhere near as bad as this reads. We have always had fun and met many lovely people ![]() ![]() ![]() | |||
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"We have read this with interest. We have been to quite a few Clubs and so far have never experienced any issues of guys (or ladies) over stepping the mark. We recognise it probably does occur, but so far have not experienced it - let's just say anyone who tried it on would get short shrift! Consent has to be positive, for us it needs us to have engaged with smeone first or consent does not exist. Those that are getting put off, please don't believe it is anywhere near as bad as this reads. We have always had fun and met many lovely people ![]() "Please don't believe it is anywhere near as bad as this reads' Are you saying people are lying? Please don't be so naive! I think you will find that people's experiences are real. One of my experiences involved non consentual penetrate sex with a man who hadn't even been invited into a room with a closed door. Anywhere else that would have been rape, however the chance of a conviction would have been low. So to dismiss people's experiences as 'nowhere near as bad' is pretty shitty. Let's hope nothing like that ever happens to you or your partner. | |||
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"We have read this with interest. We have been to quite a few Clubs and so far have never experienced any issues of guys (or ladies) over stepping the mark. We recognise it probably does occur, but so far have not experienced it - let's just say anyone who tried it on would get short shrift! Consent has to be positive, for us it needs us to have engaged with smeone first or consent does not exist. Those that are getting put off, please don't believe it is anywhere near as bad as this reads. We have always had fun and met many lovely people ![]() jeez! at no point was anyone accused of any lies. we are strongly supporting consent and pointing out that this is in our experience an unusual occurence. | |||
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"I am going to say something it is not only single guys that touch without asking it is women as well. Normally I wouldn't mind and get on with it but sometimes it would be nice to be asked ![]() I think that the scene would be an awful lot better if *every time* someone touched without asking, the other person pushed them away and said "no". | |||
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"I am going to say something it is not only single guys that touch without asking it is women as well. Normally I wouldn't mind and get on with it but sometimes it would be nice to be asked ![]() I agree I feel a lot of women think clubs rules don't apply to them, I have far more women reach over when I'm playing in open rooms and just grope without asking than men I honestly don't think a lot of women see anything wrong with just touching other women but if a guy did it to them they would be up in arms | |||
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"Don't know how much plainer it needs to be spelt out. If it isn't a yes, assume it's a no." ![]() ![]() | |||
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"Every time I read a thread like this I feel less inclined to try a club. I'd be very dubious about taking a partner to one (if I had one) and I'd be plain terrified if I was a single woman reading these threads." I think it's obviously to anyone with any common sense and worldly awareness that you're not going to get walked in and immediately groped by 17 single men having a wank. Equally - most women are very aware of the fact that an awful lot of guys in the world feel entitled to touch their bodies, even if they're not in a sex club. | |||
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"Every time I read a thread like this I feel less inclined to try a club. I'd be very dubious about taking a partner to one (if I had one) and I'd be plain terrified if I was a single woman reading these threads. I think it's obviously to anyone with any common sense and worldly awareness that you're not going to get walked in and immediately groped by 17 single men having a wank. Equally - most women are very aware of the fact that an awful lot of guys in the world feel entitled to touch their bodies, even if they're not in a sex club." I think it's a case of only the bad things getting highlighted in the threads, some worrisome things going on though. | |||
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"Every time I read a thread like this I feel less inclined to try a club. I'd be very dubious about taking a partner to one (if I had one) and I'd be plain terrified if I was a single woman reading these threads. I think it's obviously to anyone with any common sense and worldly awareness that you're not going to get walked in and immediately groped by 17 single men having a wank. Equally - most women are very aware of the fact that an awful lot of guys in the world feel entitled to touch their bodies, even if they're not in a sex club." Sadly true, but well said ![]() | |||
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"Every time I read a thread like this I feel less inclined to try a club. I'd be very dubious about taking a partner to one (if I had one) and I'd be plain terrified if I was a single woman reading these threads. I think it's obviously to anyone with any common sense and worldly awareness that you're not going to get walked in and immediately groped by 17 single men having a wank. Equally - most women are very aware of the fact that an awful lot of guys in the world feel entitled to touch their bodies, even if they're not in a sex club. Sadly true, but well said ![]() Yes, for sure. If I go to a normal nightclub I will get touched without my consent several times at least. And generally that's a much rarer occurrence at a sex club. | |||
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"Every time I read a thread like this I feel less inclined to try a club. I'd be very dubious about taking a partner to one (if I had one) and I'd be plain terrified if I was a single woman reading these threads. I think it's obviously to anyone with any common sense and worldly awareness that you're not going to get walked in and immediately groped by 17 single men having a wank. Equally - most women are very aware of the fact that an awful lot of guys in the world feel entitled to touch their bodies, even if they're not in a sex club. Sadly true, but well said ![]() It is hard - sometimes to understand if it is ok to touch, some people like to be asked some people like to be touched without asking For me I would rather not touch and keep a respectful distance and and catch eye contact. However sometimes people will be chatting to you and want to play but won't say anything | |||
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"Every time I read a thread like this I feel less inclined to try a club. I'd be very dubious about taking a partner to one (if I had one) and I'd be plain terrified if I was a single woman reading these threads. I think it's obviously to anyone with any common sense and worldly awareness that you're not going to get walked in and immediately groped by 17 single men having a wank. Equally - most women are very aware of the fact that an awful lot of guys in the world feel entitled to touch their bodies, even if they're not in a sex club. Sadly true, but well said ![]() Perhaps if people stopped touching unless they were specifically asked to, then communication would improve overall? | |||
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"Every time I read a thread like this I feel less inclined to try a club. I'd be very dubious about taking a partner to one (if I had one) and I'd be plain terrified if I was a single woman reading these threads." Swinging clubs are fine as a single women so long as you can stand up for yourself If your not the type who can tell somebody who steps out if line to piss off I really wouldn't go Saying that it's quite rare I've had any problems with men in clubs, sure some will come and touch you without asking but I have found that as soon as you move their hand away or say no they stop straight away, if they carry on after I've asked them to leave me alone they will get told to fuck off I don't mind anybody trying their luck so long as they understand the meaning of no if i don't want them touching me | |||
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"Every time I read a thread like this I feel less inclined to try a club. I'd be very dubious about taking a partner to one (if I had one) and I'd be plain terrified if I was a single woman reading these threads. I think it's obviously to anyone with any common sense and worldly awareness that you're not going to get walked in and immediately groped by 17 single men having a wank. Equally - most women are very aware of the fact that an awful lot of guys in the world feel entitled to touch their bodies, even if they're not in a sex club. Sadly true, but well said ![]() This is fundamentally the problem, lack of communication, the deathly silence in play areas, the inability of people to verbalise what they want...... | |||
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"We're just looking at terms and conditions on club sites in respect to consent and what is appropriate or not, we cannot seem to find any answers to what is acceptable behaviour regarding touching before consent." It's just good manners be it in a club or in the street or supermarket! Simply because people live a certain lifestyle shouldn't in anyway mean politeness and respect go out of the window! | |||
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"We're just looking at terms and conditions on club sites in respect to consent and what is appropriate or not, we cannot seem to find any answers to what is acceptable behaviour regarding touching before consent." Just don't. Don't do anything to anyone unless you've checked it's ok first. | |||
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"I think the key and salient point that needs to be made to all club goers is that it's NOT a sex club, it's a swingers club where sex may occur between consenting people. Consent should always be sought and received before any contact should be made It may sound obvious to some but the clarity of this needs impressing on some people clearly Beard" ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | |||
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"I think the key and salient point that needs to be made to all club goers is that it's NOT a sex club, it's a swingers club where sex may occur between consenting people. Consent should always be sought and received before any contact should be made It may sound obvious to some but the clarity of this needs impressing on some people clearly Beard" ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | |||
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