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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I will be making my club debut at Decadance in a couple of weeks. I would love to play but don't want to appear to "forward" and pushy for obvious reasons, but want to send out the right "signals" to others as I don't want to be left sitting in a corner. I'm a shy person at first but have a GSOH when chatting to people. Any advice for me to help me make my club visit an enjoyable experience. Many thanks everyone

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By *GHertsCouple
over a year ago

North Herts

Firstly and most importantly along with no expectations of anything sexual happening and you'll not go far wrong.

The club will probably have someone show you round and explain etiquette etc, if they don't...ask if it would be possible, and listen to all they have to say, and ask about anything you're unsure of.

Once you're in the social area, don't be a wallflower, but at the same time don't be pushy. Make eye contact with anyone you might be interested in, smile, go over and politely introduce yourself, if the person(s) are open to chatting then chat away, and go from there.

At any time if people tell you they're not interested (or even if they don't but it's obvious they aren't) accept it gracefully and move on.

Don't just prowl round expecting to be invited over, the number of times we've been in clubs and there's a group of single guys who seem to prowl continually round a circuit of the club without making any effort to come and introduce themselves or even make eye contact etc and you end up wondering why they bothered coming.

If you do head into the play areas, don't be invasive and only touch or join in if invited. There's nothing worse than being mid-play and someone (usually a single bloke) comes along and stands too close, or worse still climbs on the bed and/or touches you or your partner(s) uninvited. If you're asked to back off, then move a respectable distance away (and that means more than just shuffling your feet so you move six inches!! ).

Remember all of that and you won't go far wrong....hope you have a great first experience Clubs can be intimidating, especially for single guys, but be respectful and courteous at all times and they can be great fun.

Mr G

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

The above is spot on.

But I would classify myself in very similar terms to OP, and my experience in clubs has often been that the body language of couples isn't particularly welcoming - turned in to each other, impossible to catch the eye of, and frequently unwilling to even acknowledge t existence of a single male.

Now obviously that may be just me(!) and clearly lots of couples are having a fabulous time with single guys, but it is still very difficult to break the ice (technically two sets at once) a lot of the time.

So, my additional advice to OP is to take a big breath and accept that rejection is an inevitability - embrace it, and keep trying anyway.

It's totally worth it

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By *GHertsCouple
over a year ago

North Herts

I agree it's a tough one for single guys to break the ice sometimes, and confess that we've done the turning into each other thing on occasion, but that has generally been used as a deterrent when the single guys "prowling" have just not been our type.

Know that sounds shallow, but there has to be physical attraction in the first place before moving on to see if there is mental attraction too.

That said if we were politely approached and engaged in conversation we'd be welcoming and polite back, however in our experience that rarely ever happens as the guys continue to prowl. Or worse still wait till playtime starts to just stand and wank or open with a "may I join you" while your mid-play which is almost certain to get a refusal.

Mr G

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I would probably have to be invited by the people who are playing which probably never happens to single guys

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"I agree it's a tough one for single guys to break the ice sometimes, and confess that we've done the turning into each other thing on occasion, but that has generally been used as a deterrent when the single guys "prowling" have just not been our type.

Know that sounds shallow, but there has to be physical attraction in the first place before moving on to see if there is mental attraction too.

That said if we were politely approached and engaged in conversation we'd be welcoming and polite back, however in our experience that rarely ever happens as the guys continue to prowl. Or worse still wait till playtime starts to just stand and wank or open with a "may I join you" while your mid-play which is almost certain to get a refusal.

Mr G

"

All understood, I've seen the prowlers many times (was walking back to a room in Chams once when I noticed that I had been caught by the 'single man's conga' - and was therefore automatically going to be viewed as its leader! ) and have to accept the likelihood of being perceived as such.

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"I would probably have to be invited by the people who are playing which probably never happens to single guys "

It's not a 'never' but the chances go down a lot if you haven't made an effort on the social side.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I would probably have to be invited by the people who are playing which probably never happens to single guys. The last thing I want to do is to upset anyone and invade anyone's private play

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I'm a very sociable person after initial shyness but cannot read "signals " that's my problem

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By *iss JBWoman
over a year ago

cheshire

I'd say Go with no preconceptions

Go with the flow

Everyone is in there for the same kinds of things so you are not judged at all

Enjoy the experience and have fun whatever happens

Good luck xx

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