FabSwingers.com forum: Turning people down in a club.

By *icknsuck2 OP Couple
over a year ago

St Ives bay area

Hello.

What is the best way to turn people down that ask if you are swinging and looking for a 4some.??

We was at a club and a couple in the 50+ very large and teeth missing.

Which is completely the opersite to us ask if we wanted a 4some we felt very awkward and I mrs said we are just having a drink the nudge Mr to answer which he said no thanks.

Some time we feel a bit harsh just saying no thanks. But in one way we not interested as not our cup of tea.

What does everybody else say ?!. Xx

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Just that, no thanks. I'm sure they weren't offended and went off to ask someone else, that's the beauty of playing in a club.

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By *ethnmelvCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

Totally agree, no thanks is perfectly fine so long as said with a smile & not a sneer!

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By *ownhouseTwosomeCouple
over a year ago

Birkenhead/Liverpool

If you're on the swinging scene then you expect to get a ' no thanks'; it just goes with the territory, so I really wouldn't worry.

I don't believe in beating around the bush (scuse the pun) and tip toeing around a knock back as it sends out the wrong signals and keeps the hopes up of others. If you are not interested, then a polite ' no thank you' is the best course of action. I have heard people saying things like 'We're not feeling it at the moment, but thank you', 'no thanks, but we're happy to share a drink and a chat with you', ' sorry no, I don't have my mojo at the moment', 'oh thank you! But I'm just not ready to play yet'.

I would just go with the no thank you. Keep it simple and set your sights on people you do actually like, rather than sharing a drink with people you don't fancy.

On another note, I have genuinely not had my mojo at times and have been than happy to have a drink with people I wouldn't play with and made some great friendships; that is the beauty of the scene though isn't it

xxx

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By *oinMan
over a year ago

wolverhampton

No thanks is the norm no one should be offended

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By *eliciouslyNastyMan
over a year ago

London

"Hello.

What is the best way to turn people down that ask if you are swinging and looking for a 4some.??

We was at a club and a couple in the 50+ very large and teeth missing.

Which is completely the opersite to us ask if we wanted a 4some we felt very awkward and I mrs said we are just having a drink the nudge Mr to answer which he said no thanks.

Some time we feel a bit harsh just saying no thanks. But in one way we not interested as not our cup of tea.

What does everybody else say ?!. Xx"

I always keep a certain amount of distance...

Mentally and physically... So if I flip it I can remove that barrier, but I get the feeling most know it's there...

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By *eliciouslyNastyMan
over a year ago

London

"If you're on the swinging scene then you expect to get a ' no thanks'; it just goes with the territory, so I really wouldn't worry.

I would just go with the no thank you. Keep it simple and set your sights on people you do actually like, rather than sharing a drink with people you don't fancy.

xxx"

This happened to me at the weekend, I was litrelly fucked hungry!

And for the next hour all I could think about was food!

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By *icknsuck2 OP Couple
over a year ago

St Ives bay area

That's good then.

Mr just says he's and I arnt interested so he mite aswell be honest and say no thanks.lol.

We would have spoke to them if they was in a bar area etc.

But there male half walked straight up to us after walking out of a play room and said are you two here for swinging if so do you want a 4som.

We was took back as we was in the middle of talking to a couple around our age and he butted in.

Must have wanted to seal the deal with us before the other couple did.lol xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find recoiling in mock horror, making the sign of the cross with my fingers and making hissing noises usually gets the message across subtly

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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago

Chester/Wirral

Yeah just echoing above really by just saying 'no thank you'. Some people believe just having a chat in a swingers club shows interest which is not always the case. So before talking for a while maybe make an excuse and go have a wander around or something. I try not to talk to people I'm not interested in to not give any wrong signals but that can come across as arrogant apparently. Being the lowest of the low a single male and saying no can be awkward sometimes as there seems to be an expectation of single males will play with anybody

I'm sure you will get the jist of it the more experience you get.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think no thanks is perfectly acceptable. XXX

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do u mean I have to put my false teeth in and shave my back before going to a club..oh my so much to do!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We usually say no thanks and that's usually ok. However in one instance. We did get told, after saying no thankyou . "You're not all that anyway." Which we thought was a little rude. But hey these things happen.

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By *icknsuck2 OP Couple
over a year ago

St Ives bay area

Normally with couples we say no thanks and they get the hint,

But we have had a few single males we have said no thanks and they just don't get the hint and keep trying it till we have to say just piss off.

I know not all single males are like this but some think cus you in a swinger club you she shag anything which really isn't the case. Lol xx

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By *icknsuck2 OP Couple
over a year ago

St Ives bay area

We do say a brief hello to couple we arnt interested in at a club to be polite but normally don't hold a long lasting conversation with people we not interested in so we don't get the awkward moment of think we want to swinging with them.

Normally our code is: i need and drink babe shell we get a drink.lol.

Then we know we both don't want to play with them.

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By *ed LipstickWoman
over a year ago

Fucksville

I was at a club recently when a bloke started touching my side and ask! He got a sharp no thanks and the death stare x

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By *icknsuck2 OP Couple
over a year ago

St Ives bay area

"I was at a club recently when a bloke started touching my side and ask! He got a sharp no thanks and the death stare x

Jesus that was a bit forward of him.. xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We've struggled with this a bit. Both a bit too nice I think.

We were aporoached by a guy from a couple a few weeks ago. He was literally just looking and speaking to my wife and ignoring me completely. Was quite taken aback.

He just wanted to see my wife and his go at it. When she came over, she seemed not that into it.

We just looked at each other and said we are still finding our feet but no thanks.

Quite easy in the end.

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By *ike00465Man
over a year ago

Nottingham

"Totally agree, no thanks is perfectly fine so long as said with a smile & not a sneer!

Yes that's what we do

We not every one cup of tea

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By *ike00465Man
over a year ago

Nottingham

"I was at a club recently when a bloke started touching my side and ask! He got a sharp no thanks and the death stare x

Bloody hell never touch with out asking

Ex slapped a guy for that and he was asked to leave

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By *icknsuck2 OP Couple
over a year ago

St Ives bay area

Well least we know that every just says no thanks when they don't want to play so most people are on the same page..

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By *he Queen of TartsWoman
Forum Mod
over a year ago

My Own Little World

Just say no thanks. Don't say maybe later or we were just going to get a drink so see you in a bit as people may believe you and keep pestering or follow you around hoping to catch your eye.

Keep it simple is best, no room for misunderstanding.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just dry heave a bit. They will get the message

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By *he horny kinkstersCouple
over a year ago

North West

There's usually a bit of polite chat before they ask. We chat for a brief moment and then "anyway, we are just off to the bar/to meet friends/whatever. It was lovely talking to you" before they get chance to ask.

That seems to work for us.

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By *atEvolutionCouple
over a year ago

atlantisEVOLUTION. Stoke FREE ENTRANCE ALL WEEKEND

Our advice to all newcomers to the club is if anyone says no don't be offended and move on. That's just the nature of swinging.

Maybe we could develop a system of wearing t-shirts and dresses with our profile requirements printed on them lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hello.

What is the best way to turn people down that ask if you are swinging and looking for a 4some.??

We was at a club and a couple in the 50+ very large and teeth missing.

Which is completely the opersite to us ask if we wanted a 4some we felt very awkward and I mrs said we are just having a drink the nudge Mr to answer which he said no thanks.

Some time we feel a bit harsh just saying no thanks. But in one way we not interested as not our cup of tea.

What does everybody else say ?!. Xx"
..no thanks best way all round

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A simple polite no thankyou works, I've had many and never been offended by politeness

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That's good then.

Mr just says he's and I arnt interested so he mite aswell be honest and say no thanks.lol.

We would have spoke to them if they was in a bar area etc.

But there male half walked straight up to us after walking out of a play room and said are you two here for swinging if so do you want a 4som.

We was took back as we was in the middle of talking to a couple around our age and he butted in.

Must have wanted to seal the deal with us before the other couple did.lol xxx

If someone had acted so rudely toward us and another couple I would have not been quite so polite with a no thanks.

But generally speaking if anyone who we don't want to play with asks we just give eachother the look if we want to play or not and if we don't just say no thanks but thanks for asking, or something there abouts.

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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago

Stoke area

"A simple polite no thankyou works, I've had many and never been offended by politeness"

I think this is the key. Just be honest and polite. No thanks is all that is needed.

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By *unLuvazCouple
over a year ago

cheshire

Yes please....... Hahaha...

full swap couple...

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By *ouse and QuackersCouple
over a year ago

abergele

It's better to be honest and politely say no thanks than to avoid the answer and potentially mislead them into thinking you might be interested. As others here have said it goes with the territory really. .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The simple "no thanks" will suffice, although at times people are not direct enough to ask to play if you've been talking a while, the more difficult scenario is saying you are not interested when you haven't been asked but get the feeling they want to play with you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A polite no thanks is more than adequate. And if people take offence then they shouldn't be in the club in the first place and should assure you that you made the right decision

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

cahoots

"Totally agree, no thanks is perfectly fine so long as said with a smile & not a sneer!

Agree with this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Often quite hard to find a couple that both of you fancy, however they are out there, not always about looks fun and laughter are great aphrodisiacs

got swinging friends we will never play with and that's fine as well.

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By *tiaWoman
over a year ago

Durham

A no thanks should be ok if they are on board with the rules. I've had guys who shove hand up with 'want to play.' Assuming because I'm single female easier than approaching couples. The answer then is a bit stronger than a no thanks. lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Polite no thanks is the best way

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