FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to Swinging Club Discussion

Club improvements

Jump to newest
 

By *ustusboth2013 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

I know this is a topic that has most likely been discussed on the forums and is one that will raise a debate, but this is my opinion, which I hope clubs may consider taking on board. I think some have implemented more or less.

I think some clear indications from the start could make the experience and expectations more enjoyable for everyone. Men, Women, Couples and whatever they are looking for.

1) A wrist band. I know some clubs have these for various reasons (denote a bi women as an example). And I know that some will complain that they are not elegant. However, I think any couples (preferably the lady) that go to a mixed night and are also interested in single men, should wear a wristband.

This would at least give indication to single men that these couples are interested in you for potential play. And at least ensure that couples that aren't looking are not frustrated by single men's advances (granted it isn't fool proof), allow single men to recognise who they should mingle with (if play is on their agenda).

Couples that are interested in single men, but have had enough single men for the night can of course then take them off meaning they are now done. Or if they are looking for single men, and not wear one, they then need to instigate the contact.

2) Couples/Single Females only nights. I think when they are visiting the club for the first time (typically most clubs ask if it is their first time and then offer a tour and some rules/guidance). I think part of the process they should maybe ask if they are a fb couple or not. Or regardless explain to them that a couples only night is aimed at couples wanting to be in an environment that is more relaxed and away from the single male environment (and this isn't an attack on single men as we all know there are great ones and equally there are bad couples. So this is process and not about people). So ideally couple/fb/fwb couples should be that. Yes there will be some crossover where a couple may only want to play with one member. Ideally they happen on a mixed night, but appreciate you cannot entirely enforce this. But maybe make clear that any indication that you are not a couple and going off on your own when there are nights specific for this should not be tolerated.

I know the above ideas are far from flawless. And I know there will be people who disagree but my background is that I work with continuous service improvements (which aren't always going to please people) and this is experience of over 13 years of swinging, over 20 clubs UK and abroad, and over 80 club visits over the last 28 months. With this in mind, a fairly justified opinion.

Would love to hear other people's opinion both supporting and against, but more importantly why.

Thanks for reading.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *atEvolutionCouple
over a year ago

atlantisEVOLUTION Swingers Club. Stoke

Addressing point number 1.

It's fraught with problems I'm afraid:

Not least of which is the whole labelling notion and all that that entails - I can foresee fights and arguments from people saying that 'well you were single friendly ten minutes ago?!? - and - Oh you are single friendly with him but not with me?!? - and - isn't part of swinging just the fact that it's all about the engagement swingers have with each other, and that just plain old 'do you fancy playing' is an essential part of the 'courtship' that we have as swingers? I say you have to 'do the work' which includes the chatting up.

I know most fems would not want to wear a band for all of the reasons highlighted above and more perhaps of their own.

It's going to feel to some like the female is a dead cert - or conversely that that the single has the 'right' to play with her.

It would certainly feel to me as a club owner that I have a room full of 'selectable' ladies - and that is something I would never want in my club in any circumstances. It just would feel like a brothel really.

*

Addressing point number 2.

We do the welcome and tour and intro's etc etc.

Our FB policy is 'you stay together and play together'. If we feel even for a moment anything less we warn and tell them it's not tolerable. Take it or leave it. We would not consider for a moment to ask about people circumstances upon arrival. It's not really our business. Proper ID and age verification is all we require.

XX

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Regarding the wristbands, we always tell people to use their voices. The nuances of what people are after are so varied and complex that there aren't enough colours to cover it all. Actually discussing things involves all parties and doesn't assume anything based on a colour scheme.

I'll come back to your second point after a re read

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OK so regarding couples.

Couples in swinging are generally assumed to be a male female pair. It's not for club owners to dictate what type of male female pair is valid. Should they demand proof of a marriage certificate? That they live together? The nature of couples isn't an exact science so you can't enforce a certain relationship status to constitute the couple.

Any club staff will be vigilant about keeping an eye for gents abusing the couples entry but bare in mind that the couple may choose to play separately and that's fine if everyone involved is happy. Ditching a partner to roam as a predatory single male generally ends with staff having a word with them.

Interestingly, the ditching thing happens regardless of relationship status. Married couples, fuck buddies, random strangers who met from fab. So your intended relationship clause to entry as a couple wouldn't necessarily it out I'm afraid

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ustusboth2013 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"Addressing point number 1.

It's fraught with problems I'm afraid:

Not least of which is the whole labelling notion and all that that entails - I can foresee fights and arguments from people saying that 'well you were single friendly ten minutes ago?!? - and - Oh you are single friendly with him but not with me?!? - and - isn't part of swinging just the fact that it's all about the engagement swingers have with each other, and that just plain old 'do you fancy playing' is an essential part of the 'courtship' that we have as swingers? I say you have to 'do the work' which includes the chatting up.

I know most fems would not want to wear a band for all of the reasons highlighted above and more perhaps of their own.

It's going to feel to some like the female is a dead cert - or conversely that that the single has the 'right' to play with her.

It would certainly feel to me as a club owner that I have a room full of 'selectable' ladies - and that is something I would never want in my club in any circumstances. It just would feel like a brothel really.

*

Addressing point number 2.

We do the welcome and tour and intro's etc etc.

Our FB policy is 'you stay together and play together'. If we feel even for a moment anything less we warn and tell them it's not tolerable. Take it or leave it. We would not consider for a moment to ask about people circumstances upon arrival. It's not really our business. Proper ID and age verification is all we require.

XX

"

Hi Cat

Great to hear from you and a fantastic argument. This is the type of reply I was hoping to get and hope to see more, again for and against, and maybe as an addendum, ideas to potential solutions. As this does appear to be an issue.

Addressing your second point. I think it's great news and refreshing to hear this policy. A nice clear expectation and everyone is on the same page

The first point, again I hear the argument and see as valid points as my own.

I know some people have the hump about labelling and tagging. I think there has to be give and take, and there has to be an element of this because without it, people don't know what people's specifics are. And whilst some people are against this, I have found there are more people not against it, so are in the minority. And I guess people that are critical of people that label are equally as questionable as people who are critical as people that don't label (but for the point of this topic, we'll lark this debate).

Being subjective now, we concur that the courtship is important. It is for us, and as social butterflies this element makes up a huge part of our enjoyment for the lifestyle.

However, we do see this as an issue from quite a number of people on our travels and would love to see ideas that makes it a better place for all.

Your suggestion is typically do nothing, which means this will still be an issue for everyone that we've spoken with who has raised this.

I acknowledge your point about selectable, which is the point. I disagree that it lends itself to a brothel though.

There are people with the unfortunate mentality that swinging is a way to get an easy fuck, which anyone who really embraces and understands the lifestyle would object to.

The point is that the wristband is a choice. It doesn't necessarily have to be a wristband. It could be something else that is an indicator.

I know some places have couples only rooms, which again doesn't eradicate the issues but minimises it. And I know some clubs may not have the size to implement this.

A side note, Kudos to AtlantisEvolution. A great club with a lovely, friendly atmosphere xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *atEvolutionCouple
over a year ago

atlantisEVOLUTION Swingers Club. Stoke

TY for the compliment.

I won't add anything more atm to ensure that other people have a stab at this - we can all learn all of the time about how we do things.

Regards

Cat X

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ustusboth2013 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"OK so regarding couples.

Couples in swinging are generally assumed to be a male female pair. It's not for club owners to dictate what type of male female pair is valid. Should they demand proof of a marriage certificate? That they live together? The nature of couples isn't an exact science so you can't enforce a certain relationship status to constitute the couple.

Any club staff will be vigilant about keeping an eye for gents abusing the couples entry but bare in mind that the couple may choose to play separately and that's fine if everyone involved is happy. Ditching a partner to roam as a predatory single male generally ends with staff having a word with them.

Interestingly, the ditching thing happens regardless of relationship status. Married couples, fuck buddies, random strangers who met from fab. So your intended relationship clause to entry as a couple wouldn't necessarily it out I'm afraid"

Thank you for your points.

This is why I mentioned regardless to asking their status, perhaps as part of an introduction to make this, a suggestion.

I can assure you that of all the club tours we have had, and there's been a few, we have only been asked once if we were an actual couple.

So I agree maybe not the question to ask or qualify, but certainly offering guidelines would be beneficial.

It's not about constituting what a couple is, the suggestion is merely about policy to make swinging a better place.

Agreed that people in couples can wander regardless of their actual status. And Cat has explained their policy is explained.

You mention that a predatory male is likely to have staff have a word. But in fairness to the male, have they been given any guidelines from the start?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not sure how many people would want to wear a wristband. They don't at our local club, and it doesn't seem to cause too much problem.

With regard to couples nights, I always thought the general rule is you more or less stick together. People go on couples nights to play with couples. Ok, not all may want to play together, but you shouldn't split up and look to play separately. We are together, but we play separately, but only on mixed nights

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"OK so regarding couples.

Couples in swinging are generally assumed to be a male female pair. It's not for club owners to dictate what type of male female pair is valid. Should they demand proof of a marriage certificate? That they live together? The nature of couples isn't an exact science so you can't enforce a certain relationship status to constitute the couple.

Any club staff will be vigilant about keeping an eye for gents abusing the couples entry but bare in mind that the couple may choose to play separately and that's fine if everyone involved is happy. Ditching a partner to roam as a predatory single male generally ends with staff having a word with them.

Interestingly, the ditching thing happens regardless of relationship status. Married couples, fuck buddies, random strangers who met from fab. So your intended relationship clause to entry as a couple wouldn't necessarily it out I'm afraid

Thank you for your points.

This is why I mentioned regardless to asking their status, perhaps as part of an introduction to make this, a suggestion.

I can assure you that of all the club tours we have had, and there's been a few, we have only been asked once if we were an actual couple.

So I agree maybe not the question to ask or qualify, but certainly offering guidelines would be beneficial.

It's not about constituting what a couple is, the suggestion is merely about policy to make swinging a better place.

Agreed that people in couples can wander regardless of their actual status. And Cat has explained their policy is explained.

You mention that a predatory male is likely to have staff have a word. But in fairness to the male, have they been given any guidelines from the start?"

That's the whole purpose of their tour as a couple. They will be told how couples are expected to behave, I would hope in every club not just the two being represented here.

Whether they choose to listen is another matter entirely

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ustusboth2013 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"OK so regarding couples.

Couples in swinging are generally assumed to be a male female pair. It's not for club owners to dictate what type of male female pair is valid. Should they demand proof of a marriage certificate? That they live together? The nature of couples isn't an exact science so you can't enforce a certain relationship status to constitute the couple.

Any club staff will be vigilant about keeping an eye for gents abusing the couples entry but bare in mind that the couple may choose to play separately and that's fine if everyone involved is happy. Ditching a partner to roam as a predatory single male generally ends with staff having a word with them.

Interestingly, the ditching thing happens regardless of relationship status. Married couples, fuck buddies, random strangers who met from fab. So your intended relationship clause to entry as a couple wouldn't necessarily it out I'm afraid

Thank you for your points.

This is why I mentioned regardless to asking their status, perhaps as part of an introduction to make this, a suggestion.

I can assure you that of all the club tours we have had, and there's been a few, we have only been asked once if we were an actual couple.

So I agree maybe not the question to ask or qualify, but certainly offering guidelines would be beneficial.

It's not about constituting what a couple is, the suggestion is merely about policy to make swinging a better place.

Agreed that people in couples can wander regardless of their actual status. And Cat has explained their policy is explained.

You mention that a predatory male is likely to have staff have a word. But in fairness to the male, have they been given any guidelines from the start?

That's the whole purpose of their tour as a couple. They will be told how couples are expected to behave, I would hope in every club not just the two being represented here.

Whether they choose to listen is another matter entirely"

We haven't had it on any bar one of our tours, but can only speak of our experience.

We have had a couple just mail and support our view. They witnessed a male at their club doing this (being predatory on a couples night) a few weeks ago and they were asked to leave.

So far, the three clubs in the thread that have participated, great news that they recognise a couples only night for how they should be intended. If they are ensuring that as part of the tour some clear expectations of what is expected on different nights and are also not tolerating behaviour that contrasts this, then this is very pleasing and assuring

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ustusboth2013 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"Not sure how many people would want to wear a wristband. They don't at our local club, and it doesn't seem to cause too much problem.

With regard to couples nights, I always thought the general rule is you more or less stick together. People go on couples nights to play with couples. Ok, not all may want to play together, but you shouldn't split up and look to play separately. We are together, but we play separately, but only on mixed nights"

Liberty elite does have a golden wristband that they do not enforce but do say to bicurious/bisexual ladies they can wear to indicate their sexuality. We've seen quite a few wear, some don't as apparently "they just know" and have a laugh and joke around it.

There is a club that have three different colours. But agree that we wouldn't want it to be confusing and have many different categories. You could end up with an arm that looks like a rainbow and need a pocket guide with a legend to denote the colour coding.

I do agree that it doesn't need to be overcomplicated and I do agree that a good social chat does iron out a lot of this.

The band or some kind of indicator was really targeted at this being one of the biggest issues.

If clubs had feedback/suggestion forms. Based on our conversations, we would think that the two points would come up quite a few times if you are asking people for their top three dislikes or areas of improvement.

I'm sure single men would probably add cost to the mix.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I personally think a wristband system would be good and it should never distract from sitting having a chat but believe it would help in identifying people who are/have similar tastes/kinks or biases as you xxx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not something that i would support. I prefer to chat to people rather than have to look at their wrist.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ustusboth2013 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"It's not something that i would support. I prefer to chat to people rather than have to look at their wrist."

Thanks for your opinion. We're not taking away the social element here. Of course this is very important.

It's the indication point for couples that are annoyed of males. And males frustrated at knowing which are best to approach in the first place to start a conversation.

Definitely not the caveman approach of finding your target, not speaking and then dragging her by the hair or throwing her over your shoulder to a room for some fun (though that could appeal to some haha).

With this in mind, do you share the same thought and why?

Or do you feel there is value to everyone for some indication, to start a conversation?

The direction I'm going here is not to isolate, or type people but suggest ways that may improve swinging in a club for everyone, not just couples.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 08/04/16 17:06:56]

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Actually i can't be bothered to explain but i simply wouldn't go to a club that enforced the wearing of wrist bands and as we only go to one club if they did it we would simply stop swinging. Mostly when we go to Chams we just relax in the jacuzzi so it would be a shame not to be able to do that but life goes on lol

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ightDiversionMan
over a year ago

Sevenoaks

Always worth setting out ideas – you never know they may even get taken up ..

I would have to agree that on couple only nights there should be the etiquette to be together – i don’t however think its relevant on the couple’s status just as other have said reaffirming the expectation that couples stay close would suffice – after all haven’t we all been hassled by those terrible predatory women who cruse around in groups picking on us unsuspecting guys ...on hang on i nodded off and seemed to dream !

In relation to wristbands it is definitely and idea but could be fraught with difficulties .....

To be fair what lady is going to choose advertise that they want to be hassled by every single male in a club – which i fear is what would happen. Personally i think it would be great to be able to chat with a couple with no wristband knowing that i am not going to be hassled to play with them ....hang on snoozing again...

A Sexuality indicator does, however, have some mileage – especially the bi nature of those attending. It does assist in the fun group occasions in couple rooms where things are heating up nicely only to be halted by a discussion of who can touch who where - in fact due to the prevalent nature of bi ladies at clubs a straight indicator may be of use – and maybe a bi indicator for the guys. Perhaps with shading indication level – slightly bi – light pink – very bi - bung anything anywhere – red etc.

I guess if one were to go down a wristband route – where would it end ..

I am bi and part of a couple who play with single guys...

Will play with guys under 45 who are shaved but with their own teeth and head hair

I don’t like anything near my bottom ...

I like slim women below a dress size 12 if they are under 50 –

My partner will play with women over 35 of any size ....happy to play with cock but doesn’t suck....

It would be bands all the way up both arms and necessitate loads of posters around the club explaining what they all mean...

I think its an idea worth exploring, and trialing a few bands won’t cost much

Perhaps organising a party night somewhere to try them out ??

Just a thought..

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good post

I think it would be impossible to get the wrist bands right ... i'm part of a couple, i'm straight, hubby is bi. We only look for single bi guys who are our age, white, non smokers, who are shaved and happy to simply have oral fun with hubby while i, the fem, watches ... difficult to know what wrist band to go with there lol

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ustusboth2013 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"Actually i can't be bothered to explain but i simply wouldn't go to a club that enforced the wearing of wrist bands and as we only go to one club if they did it we would simply stop swinging. Mostly when we go to Chams we just relax in the jacuzzi so it would be a shame not to be able to do that but life goes on lol"

The whole point of the thread is to get opinions and justifying why. There's arguments for both for and against. The purpose was to get them out, raise awareness and come up with ideas.

I reiterate that I appreciate we all have different needs, wants from swinging; the lifestyle is becoming that varied.

I'm simply putting forward (in our experiences) a couple of hot topics in when we converse with people.

We also get new couples that meet us and we wire them into the network, and they get involved and thank us for this, as they find it hard to communicate and make the first steps.

I know there are couples that are so anti-single male and don't want to communicate with them. And I know there are couples so for it.

If some couples find it hard to make the first moves, then you've also got to sympathise with the single male. They are on their own and imagine that it's tough out there. A first approach and a hard decline, could not be a great start (shit happens I know), but at least some indicators could make the steps a bit more easier, without the need of people thinking they are tagged or labelled.

I remember in Xtasia, the dogging area used to be a number of small play areas with signs to say what they were for. Probably would annoy some people, but it also improved interesting as people would walk along and read what they were intended for. Argument for a good and bad feature, but either way, it was clear.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ustusboth2013 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"Good post

I think it would be impossible to get the wrist bands right ... i'm part of a couple, i'm straight, hubby is bi. We only look for single bi guys who are our age, white, non smokers, who are shaved and happy to simply have oral fun with hubby while i, the fem, watches ... difficult to know what wrist band to go with there lol"

Haha you're fucked then

Not sure there's enough colours

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ustusboth2013 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"Always worth setting out ideas – you never know they may even get taken up ..

I would have to agree that on couple only nights there should be the etiquette to be together – i don’t however think its relevant on the couple’s status just as other have said reaffirming the expectation that couples stay close would suffice – after all haven’t we all been hassled by those terrible predatory women who cruse around in groups picking on us unsuspecting guys ...on hang on i nodded off and seemed to dream !

In relation to wristbands it is definitely and idea but could be fraught with difficulties .....

To be fair what lady is going to choose advertise that they want to be hassled by every single male in a club – which i fear is what would happen. Personally i think it would be great to be able to chat with a couple with no wristband knowing that i am not going to be hassled to play with them ....hang on snoozing again...

A Sexuality indicator does, however, have some mileage – especially the bi nature of those attending. It does assist in the fun group occasions in couple rooms where things are heating up nicely only to be halted by a discussion of who can touch who where - in fact due to the prevalent nature of bi ladies at clubs a straight indicator may be of use – and maybe a bi indicator for the guys. Perhaps with shading indication level – slightly bi – light pink – very bi - bung anything anywhere – red etc.

I guess if one were to go down a wristband route – where would it end ..

I am bi and part of a couple who play with single guys...

Will play with guys under 45 who are shaved but with their own teeth and head hair

I don’t like anything near my bottom ...

I like slim women below a dress size 12 if they are under 50 –

My partner will play with women over 35 of any size ....happy to play with cock but doesn’t suck....

It would be bands all the way up both arms and necessitate loads of posters around the club explaining what they all mean...

I think its an idea worth exploring, and trialing a few bands won’t cost much

Perhaps organising a party night somewhere to try them out ??

Just a thought..

"

Great post and plenty of argument I agree/disagree with.

Etiquette is definitely a takeaway.

As you say, there are many variations that colour bands would just go beyond control.

I'm just targeting the one specific area that seems to occur quite a lot on our travels, and from the look of messages in our inbox, quite a few concur.

Thank you to everyone contributing so far. It's been a good thread with great opinions

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

We avoid couples nights because of the restrictions certain establishments put on us as a couple. I don't like anyone dictating how I should or can play. Mr is not a predatory male, but he is a bi male, and that sort of play is marginalised to 'special' nights in clubs.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have enjoyed this post and I think it is a good idea if it was to work then I think it would have to be made simple

White band - straight

Blue - bisexual male

Pink -bisexual female

Blue and white - open to bisexual males

Pink and white - open to bi sexual females not looking for single males

Everything else open to discussion but at least people would have an indication of your tendancies yes thinking about above there maybe a string of wristbands needed but jist an idea for starters

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ustusboth2013 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"

In relation to wristbands it is definitely and idea but could be fraught with difficulties .....

To be fair what lady is going to choose advertise that they want to be hassled by every single male in a club – which i fear is what would happen. Personally i think it would be great to be able to chat with a couple with no wristband knowing that i am not going to be hassled to play with them ....hang on snoozing again...

A Sexuality indicator does, however, have some mileage"

I see where you're going with this. But equally we could say what about the ladies that do not want to be hassled by men.

The key thing is that it's not a guarantee to men, just because they are wearing a band. If anyone thinks this then they need their mentality rewiring (a valid opinion though and I can see this, because there are people out there that think just because you are a swinger, or bi or whatever, then playing with them is on the agenda, which we all know of course isn't).

The point is to look at things that can be tweaked to make things easier or better.

Of course it's not foolproof. After all, we go in couples only rooms and there are occasions these rules are ignored.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I personally wouldn't wear a wristband to denote my sexuality or who I am looking to potentially play with, as a single bi fem I go to clubs without the idea of yes I want a guy, a lady, or a couple tonight, it really depends on who's there at the time. So to me it would be pointless, especially since I natter away to anyone who will listen and go from there

Couples nights, I can't comment as I won't go to clubs on couples and single fem only nights, I prefer a mixed environment.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ustusboth2013 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"We avoid couples nights because of the restrictions certain establishments put on us as a couple. I don't like anyone dictating how I should or can play. Mr is not a predatory male, but he is a bi male, and that sort of play is marginalised to 'special' nights in clubs. "

Do you think it's marginalised or a night designed to try and help people meet their needs?

Stepping away from my band idea for couples that play with men. Do you think a band is a good idea on none special nights for bi men?

I know this leads to how many colour bands are we going to have, but would be interesting whilst on the subject of club improvements what you think would make your experience better at a club for your needs?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *orthwest_cplCouple
over a year ago

Stretford

Surely if a couple was so set against men that they needed a wristband so that they avoided any contact at all then they wouldn't be at a club on a mixed night.

We wouldn't wear bands of any description - we have voices and can make our likes and dislikes clear.

As to couples on a couples only night - they should stick together - if one doesn't want to play then the other one shouldn't, it is after all a couples night and people are looking for couples. Whether that couple are lifelong soulmates or have hooked up for the night is less relevant - again, if you only want soulmates it comes down to asking.

If people are so shy that they can't speak then maybe they shouldn't be in the club environment.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *r an Mrs xMan
over a year ago

liverpool

What next. Area for Afro carribeans ! Swinging suppose to be fun and spontaneous

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

If swinging is fun and spontaneous, then couples could and should be able to play separately at a club. we dont do everything together, just because we are couples. There are a lot of couples where one plays and the other watches or clubs where the female can play alone but if the male plays alone he is moaned at. I don't see any spontaneity in that at all. If I dont want to play I will say it and so will my partner l..we dont have the same taste in men generally, so we dont go to couple nights, which is a but weird, considering we are a couple. As far as the men and wrist bands, I dont think you will ever escape form many people being anti bi males and against male on male action. There has only been one club we thoroughly enjoyed with open action and people playing as they wanted, but even this has changed. We have had chat after chat about this and nothing really suits us entirely at the moment ....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Addressing point number 1.

It's fraught with problems I'm afraid:

Not least of which is the whole labelling notion and all that that entails - I can foresee fights and arguments from people saying that 'well you were single friendly ten minutes ago?!? - and - Oh you are single friendly with him but not with me?!? - and - isn't part of swinging just the fact that it's all about the engagement swingers have with each other, and that just plain old 'do you fancy playing' is an essential part of the 'courtship' that we have as swingers? I say you have to 'do the work' which includes the chatting up.

I know most fems would not want to wear a band for all of the reasons highlighted above and more perhaps of their own.

It's going to feel to some like the female is a dead cert - or conversely that that the single has the 'right' to play with her.

It would certainly feel to me as a club owner that I have a room full of 'selectable' ladies - and that is something I would never want in my club in any circumstances. It just would feel like a brothel really.

"

I'm a male and agree with this completely. Especially the last line...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ustusboth2013 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"Surely if a couple was so set against men that they needed a wristband so that they avoided any contact at all then they wouldn't be at a club on a mixed night.

We wouldn't wear bands of any description - we have voices and can make our likes and dislikes clear.

As to couples on a couples only night - they should stick together - if one doesn't want to play then the other one shouldn't, it is after all a couples night and people are looking for couples. Whether that couple are lifelong soulmates or have hooked up for the night is less relevant - again, if you only want soulmates it comes down to asking.

If people are so shy that they can't speak then maybe they shouldn't be in the club environment."

I do partly agree. But for example, maybe a couple only has a choice to play on days when it's mixed only. Then shouldn't they be able to go to a club on a mixed night?

It was more about indicators. You'll be surprised how many couples are very shy but do want to play. Not everyone has your confidence and can voice their opinion. We are very much like yourselves and can speak out.

But the point again is indicators. I don't think it's a bad thing to give some direction.

Nevertheless, it's good to get your subjective opinion and thoughts.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Good post

I think it would be impossible to get the wrist bands right ... i'm part of a couple, i'm straight, hubby is bi. We only look for single bi guys who are our age, white, non smokers, who are shaved and happy to simply have oral fun with hubby while i, the fem, watches ... difficult to know what wrist band to go with there lol

Haha you're fucked then

Not sure there's enough colours "

Exactly my point !!!

So apart from me hating 'labels' there isn't a label that would suit us anyway so the whole wrist band wearing would be pointless for us

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a better idea...

Anyone who isn't bisexual and open to men, women, and couples joining them should wear a wristband. You could collect all the colours of those you weren't interested in leaving the rest of us band free...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Have enjoyed this post and I think it is a good idea if it was to work then I think it would have to be made simple

White band - straight

Blue - bisexual male

Pink -bisexual female

Blue and white - open to bisexual males

Pink and white - open to bi sexual females not looking for single males

Everything else open to discussion but at least people would have an indication of your tendancies yes thinking about above there maybe a string of wristbands needed but jist an idea for starters"

Cool, I would get four! Except the pink and white one would cancel out the blue and white one.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London


"Have enjoyed this post and I think it is a good idea if it was to work then I think it would have to be made simple

White band - straight

Blue - bisexual male

Pink -bisexual female

Blue and white - open to bisexual males

Pink and white - open to bi sexual females not looking for single males

Everything else open to discussion but at least people would have an indication of your tendancies yes thinking about above there maybe a string of wristbands needed but jist an idea for starters

Cool, I would get four! Except the pink and white one would cancel out the blue and white one. "

Would the wrist bands come with a leaflet explaining what was what, because mix way through the evening I would forget .... posters up perhaps? Would there be a band for people who just want to socialise, females in couples who don't like it when someone approaches their partner rather than them directly for play, etc. I think it gets a bit weird after all .... how about those who only play with white people ... a white band perhaps?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just don't respond well to anyone who tells me what I should or shouldn't be doing. I "should" wear a wrist band eh? Who says?

Our only real issue with single men are the ones who try and stand by a bed we're playing on and wank or touch. Not sure a wrist band will work in those circumstances particularly as the club we go to most has black light in play areas

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London


"I just don't respond well to anyone who tells me what I should or shouldn't be doing. I "should" wear a wrist band eh? Who says?

Our only real issue with single men are the ones who try and stand by a bed we're playing on and wank or touch. Not sure a wrist band will work in those circumstances particularly as the club we go to most has black light in play areas"

Single men usually shy away from on offer of some play one to one with Mr. If they take him up on the offer, its all good, if they run for the hills, then best rid anyway .... all that is down to communication though

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ustusboth2013 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"Have enjoyed this post and I think it is a good idea if it was to work then I think it would have to be made simple

White band - straight

Blue - bisexual male

Pink -bisexual female

Blue and white - open to bisexual males

Pink and white - open to bi sexual females not looking for single males

Everything else open to discussion but at least people would have an indication of your tendancies yes thinking about above there maybe a string of wristbands needed but jist an idea for starters

Cool, I would get four! Except the pink and white one would cancel out the blue and white one.

Would the wrist bands come with a leaflet explaining what was what, because mix way through the evening I would forget .... posters up perhaps? Would there be a band for people who just want to socialise, females in couples who don't like it when someone approaches their partner rather than them directly for play, etc. I think it gets a bit weird after all .... how about those who only play with white people ... a white band perhaps? "

I think I mentioned this in the thread earlier that I'm not talking about colours for everything, I'm merely pointing out something which appears to be a specific issue based on many conversations with many people across many clubs and raising an idea that could help towards this.

Yes of course we could go off and talk about every single specific need and requirement. But I've picked one based on many conversations.

The concept of labelling and "I don't like to be told what to do or wear", I personally don't understand. I get what people are saying but I certainly think there are some that are a bit OTT with this.

This happens in your everyday lives, whether you agree or not, but there has to be certain thing we follow.

There are club that say dress up, there are clubs that say dress down. We personally prefer the dressing up scenario, but respect the clubs that make you dress down.

What I would like to see is some more responses to the original questions, for and against with reasons to why you are for or against them. And if against, what do you think is a potential solution to what appears to be a issue?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ustusboth2013 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

On point 1: So how about (and remember this isn't flawless and this isn't about creating different colour for every dimension)...

But two colours...

A green band - that indicates you are single male friendly

A red band - that indicates that you are not

And of course people who don't like labels, don't like to be told what to wear, are strong communicators, don't mind being approached don't have to wear anything?

Or will this cause too many men walking around club continuously bending over so their head is waist high or on knees checking on people's wrists?

Optional indicators.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Have enjoyed this post and I think it is a good idea if it was to work then I think it would have to be made simple

White band - straight

Blue - bisexual male

Pink -bisexual female

Blue and white - open to bisexual males

Pink and white - open to bi sexual females not looking for single males

Everything else open to discussion but at least people would have an indication of your tendancies yes thinking about above there maybe a string of wristbands needed but jist an idea for starters

Cool, I would get four! Except the pink and white one would cancel out the blue and white one.

Would the wrist bands come with a leaflet explaining what was what, because mix way through the evening I would forget .... posters up perhaps? Would there be a band for people who just want to socialise, females in couples who don't like it when someone approaches their partner rather than them directly for play, etc. I think it gets a bit weird after all .... how about those who only play with white people ... a white band perhaps?

I think I mentioned this in the thread earlier that I'm not talking about colours for everything, I'm merely pointing out something which appears to be a specific issue based on many conversations with many people across many clubs and raising an idea that could help towards this.

Yes of course we could go off and talk about every single specific need and requirement. But I've picked one based on many conversations.

The concept of labelling and "I don't like to be told what to do or wear", I personally don't understand. I get what people are saying but I certainly think there are some that are a bit OTT with this.

This happens in your everyday lives, whether you agree or not, but there has to be certain thing we follow.

There are club that say dress up, there are clubs that say dress down. We personally prefer the dressing up scenario, but respect the clubs that make you dress down.

What I would like to see is some more responses to the original questions, for and against with reasons to why you are for or against them. And if against, what do you think is a potential solution to what appears to be a issue?"

You say it seems to be an issue, but I have to say that, previously as a couple, and as a single bi female, I have never experienced issues with regards to identifying different groupings in clubs. As i said above i would not wear a wristband or any other identifying marks about my sexuality, I would feel like a pawn in a game as a single female, just as this is the reason I don't go to single fem and couples only nights.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *orthwest_cplCouple
over a year ago

Stretford


"I think I mentioned this in the thread earlier that I'm not talking about colours for everything, I'm merely pointing out something which appears to be a specific issue based on many conversations with many people across many clubs and raising an idea that could help towards this."

If the problem is that some couples who go to mixed clubs but are upset if guys approach them then surely the answer is for them to wear the band which means no single men.

The rest of us can carry on as usual, interact with who we want and say no when it is appropriate.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ownhouseTwosomeCouple
over a year ago

Birkenhead/Liverpool

I haven't read every response here I'm afraid..apologies.

Couples and fems nights.

We insist that couples have a couples profile on Fab or another swinging site with recent verifications OR a couples membership already at the club. We do allow FB couples in who have the above profile and veris, but we don't give memberships to a female to bring in several FB's on the one card. We have poly memberships for those who genuinely enjoy a poly lifestyle which is completely different.

I know a lot of couples that split off and play separately but on couples nights, they do tend to stick together. On these busy nights, we always have a staff member walking through the club monitoring what's going on, cleaning rooms and bathrooms and generally ensuring everyone is having a good night. We don't really get trouble due to our policies and the fact that people have to give their personal info on arrival (which is destroyed once everyone is out of the building).

Wristbands -

We have an opt in wristband system which tend only to be used by our newbies who may be a bit shy to actually vocalise what they are looking for.

It's a traffic light system which we've had for about 4 years.

Red - not playing, just socialising

Yellow - soft swap

Green - full swap couple.

On the nights where we allow single guys in, we also have a pink band which ladies/couples can wear who are looking to play with guys. Again it's optional and those who don't want to be approached by lots of guys, just don't wear a band. Those greedy girls our there who want to chat to lots of guys prior to play, like to wear the pink bands.

As it's optional, it works.

The most used bands are Red and Yellow by nervous newbies.

I would never enforce a compulsory band system as many people (including myself) like to chat and find out what everyone is into and I can see why an enforced system could be very offputting.

We find our bands are good ice breakers for new members who notice others with the same bands and strike up a convo.

xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London


"Have enjoyed this post and I think it is a good idea if it was to work then I think it would have to be made simple

White band - straight

Blue - bisexual male

Pink -bisexual female

Blue and white - open to bisexual males

Pink and white - open to bi sexual females not looking for single males

Everything else open to discussion but at least people would have an indication of your tendancies yes thinking about above there maybe a string of wristbands needed but jist an idea for starters

Cool, I would get four! Except the pink and white one would cancel out the blue and white one.

Would the wrist bands come with a leaflet explaining what was what, because mix way through the evening I would forget .... posters up perhaps? Would there be a band for people who just want to socialise, females in couples who don't like it when someone approaches their partner rather than them directly for play, etc. I think it gets a bit weird after all .... how about those who only play with white people ... a white band perhaps?

I think I mentioned this in the thread earlier that I'm not talking about colours for everything, I'm merely pointing out something which appears to be a specific issue based on many conversations with many people across many clubs and raising an idea that could help towards this.

Yes of course we could go off and talk about every single specific need and requirement. But I've picked one based on many conversations.

The concept of labelling and "I don't like to be told what to do or wear", I personally don't understand. I get what people are saying but I certainly think there are some that are a bit OTT with this.

This happens in your everyday lives, whether you agree or not, but there has to be certain thing we follow.

There are club that say dress up, there are clubs that say dress down. We personally prefer the dressing up scenario, but respect the clubs that make you dress down.

What I would like to see is some more responses to the original questions, for and against with reasons to why you are for or against them. And if against, what do you think is a potential solution to what appears to be a issue?"

To be honest, I don't think there is any big issue ....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Have enjoyed this post and I think it is a good idea if it was to work then I think it would have to be made simple

White band - straight

Blue - bisexual male

Pink -bisexual female

Blue and white - open to bisexual males

Pink and white - open to bi sexual females not looking for single males

Everything else open to discussion but at least people would have an indication of your tendancies yes thinking about above there maybe a string of wristbands needed but jist an idea for starters

Cool, I would get four! Except the pink and white one would cancel out the blue and white one.

Would the wrist bands come with a leaflet explaining what was what, because mix way through the evening I would forget .... posters up perhaps? Would there be a band for people who just want to socialise, females in couples who don't like it when someone approaches their partner rather than them directly for play, etc. I think it gets a bit weird after all .... how about those who only play with white people ... a white band perhaps?

I think I mentioned this in the thread earlier that I'm not talking about colours for everything, I'm merely pointing out something which appears to be a specific issue based on many conversations with many people across many clubs and raising an idea that could help towards this.

Yes of course we could go off and talk about every single specific need and requirement. But I've picked one based on many conversations.

The concept of labelling and "I don't like to be told what to do or wear", I personally don't understand. I get what people are saying but I certainly think there are some that are a bit OTT with this.

This happens in your everyday lives, whether you agree or not, but there has to be certain thing we follow.

There are club that say dress up, there are clubs that say dress down. We personally prefer the dressing up scenario, but respect the clubs that make you dress down.

What I would like to see is some more responses to the original questions, for and against with reasons to why you are for or against them. And if against, what do you think is a potential solution to what appears to be a issue?"

I don't think there is a big enough issue that would require enforcing wristbands.

So far it seems that most on the thread are against the idea.

If i remember correct you say that people have contacted you privately agreeing with you but unless they respond on the thread their response is pointless.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *angbang junkieCouple
over a year ago

Ilkeston

The wristbands sound like a perfect way to ruin good clubs to us.

Sounds like an idea that's geared towards single guys being able to target women..

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ustusboth2013 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"Have enjoyed this post and I think it is a good idea if it was to work then I think it would have to be made simple

White band - straight

Blue - bisexual male

Pink -bisexual female

Blue and white - open to bisexual males

Pink and white - open to bi sexual females not looking for single males

Everything else open to discussion but at least people would have an indication of your tendancies yes thinking about above there maybe a string of wristbands needed but jist an idea for starters

Cool, I would get four! Except the pink and white one would cancel out the blue and white one.

Would the wrist bands come with a leaflet explaining what was what, because mix way through the evening I would forget .... posters up perhaps? Would there be a band for people who just want to socialise, females in couples who don't like it when someone approaches their partner rather than them directly for play, etc. I think it gets a bit weird after all .... how about those who only play with white people ... a white band perhaps?

I think I mentioned this in the thread earlier that I'm not talking about colours for everything, I'm merely pointing out something which appears to be a specific issue based on many conversations with many people across many clubs and raising an idea that could help towards this.

Yes of course we could go off and talk about every single specific need and requirement. But I've picked one based on many conversations.

The concept of labelling and "I don't like to be told what to do or wear", I personally don't understand. I get what people are saying but I certainly think there are some that are a bit OTT with this.

This happens in your everyday lives, whether you agree or not, but there has to be certain thing we follow.

There are club that say dress up, there are clubs that say dress down. We personally prefer the dressing up scenario, but respect the clubs that make you dress down.

What I would like to see is some more responses to the original questions, for and against with reasons to why you are for or against them. And if against, what do you think is a potential solution to what appears to be a issue?

I don't think there is a big enough issue that would require enforcing wristbands.

So far it seems that most on the thread are against the idea.

If i remember correct you say that people have contacted you privately agreeing with you but unless they respond on the thread their response is pointless."

Agreed that people should voice their views but I guess some people like to remain anonymous, and for whatever reasons don't air in public.

I know some haven't said it an issue, and granted that we've spoken to a lot of people at clubs that mention this (but also a lot where it isn't an issue).

Kudos to the Townhouse. Whilst a variation of what I'm talking about, it appears that they have implemented an optional system (optional being the operative word) that appears to deliver value in the intended way.

Definitely on the ball and on point when I talk about newbies.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *uietlyBohemianCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle-under-Lyme

We're still newbies - we like the wristband idea. If it makes it clearer what we're looking for, great!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *mm_n_ZedCouple
over a year ago

Fareham

The only wristbands I'd like to see are ones for straight guys on a bi night. Single guys get in cheaper on a bi night at Abfabs and some straight guys go along to get in cheaper and chance their arm trying to play with females.

The problem with that is they then get all uppity if a guy approaches them so I think if they had to pay the 'normal' single guy entry fee but in return they got a 'I'm straight' wristband, it'd ensure they weren't approached by men for sex - and it would be fairer and easier for the genuine bi guys.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do agree about tours with explanations of club equiette and expectations for new members. While perhaps wristbands would work for some I prefer to go with an open mind and see what happens during a visit. I'd probably avoid those with wristbands as I'd never remember which colour was for what.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top