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Single guys at Chams

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By *ffanotdyke OP   Couple
over a year ago

Telford

We are regular Monday Nighters at Chameleons(Darlaston not Birmingham please!!!), and we have noticed that the pressure on single guys not to be pushy is having a serious adverse effect. We find that most just sit there in the Jacuzzi or in the bar area on their own and very few make any effort to make contact.

There could be one of three reasons for this.

1. In our case we are incredibly ugly and our webbed feet and hairy palms scare people away.

2. The single guys are all straight and have been told that if they speak to a couple on a Bi-Night they will get their bums violated or asked to leave.

3. They are intimidated by the pressure not to be pushy and are all scared of rejection. This probably the most likely explanation.

A respectful polite approach will always get a respectful and polite response. Don't just dive in and expect an instant shag. Try a few pleasant words, and do try and stay away from the subject of cars, football or the amount of traffic on the M6, its a swingers club for heavens sake. A compliment to the lady invariably gets you off on the right foot.

Looking forward to seeing whether these "words of wisdom" have any effect tomorrow at our favourite club.

G&A

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why don't you speak to them? It's not up to guys to make the first move.

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

cahoots

I think you might be closer to the truth with point 2 but good luck and have fun...it's our favourite club too xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's a shame - it's one of the bi nights we're considering and we hoped that there would be lots of enthusiastic single guys.

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By *adysilkCouple
over a year ago

birmingham

we used to go on a monday and found the same it seemed like the men were looking for men not couples, before anyone says anything about this notice, we saw them doing the job in the open for all to see yuk not for us they need to go to the greenhouse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"we used to go on a monday and found the same it seemed like the men were looking for men not couples, before anyone says anything about this notice, we saw them doing the job in the open for all to see yuk not for us they need to go to the greenhouse"

If you think men fucking men is yuk, why go on bi night?!

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley


"we used to go on a monday and found the same it seemed like the men were looking for men not couples, before anyone says anything about this notice, we saw them doing the job in the open for all to see yuk not for us they need to go to the greenhouse"

You do realise that that's the point of bi night? People can be open about it and not feel they have to hide their bisexuality.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"we used to go on a monday and found the same it seemed like the men were looking for men not couples, before anyone says anything about this notice, we saw them doing the job in the open for all to see yuk not for us they need to go to the greenhouse"

You do know it's bi night on a Monday at Chams, right?

So men having sex with men is pretty much what people are looking for?

Quite frankly, if you're not bi-friendly and are happy to watch men having sex with men, then you shouldn't be in a club on a bisexual night. It's you that's in the wrong here, not them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"we used to go on a monday and found the same it seemed like the men were looking for men not couples, before anyone says anything about this notice, we saw them doing the job in the open for all to see yuk not for us they need to go to the greenhouse"

Sighhh..

I go to a bi night because i want or intend on seeing Bi play, yes, especially two bi men.

Why attend such an open night if all you can do is slate it??

And as for'doing the job in the open', whats the problem, being bi isnt something to be locked away in a cupboard.

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By *dventuroususCouple
over a year ago

sunderland


"we used to go on a monday and found the same it seemed like the men were looking for men not couples, before anyone says anything about this notice, we saw them doing the job in the open for all to see yuk not for us they need to go to the greenhouse"

Are you actually for real lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Going to my first bi night tomorrow can't wait to see my guy suck another cock

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!


"Going to my first bi night tomorrow can't wait to see my guy suck another cock "
lucky him!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"we used to go on a monday and found the same it seemed like the men were looking for men not couples, before anyone says anything about this notice, we saw them doing the job in the open for all to see yuk not for us they need to go to the greenhouse

If you think men fucking men is yuk, why go on bi night?! "

Perhaps it's only women that are allowed to be bi! . I'd love to go on bi night, I'm not bi but think men together is hot and I'd like to join in!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You are told when you go one of you has to be bisexual and the other has to be bi friendly if you don't like seeing men with men you certainly shouldn't be going on a bi night !

I've been on a bi night and not seen men together but if I saw them together I'd be completely comfortable!

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By *adysilkCouple
over a year ago

birmingham

we are bi oral and do enjoy that side of it, but when two men fuck then they dont want to wash and play with you after, I find that not nice ,but if thats what you like on Bi night, well we are all different arnt we, I prefer to keep myself clean and have a nice clean cock to suck

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By *uited staffs guyMan
over a year ago

staffordshire

I'm straight but have been on bi night with a bi lady, I've not issues about swing men together otherwise clearly you don't go on a Monday!!

But i do suspect the issue is guys wary of being labelled pushy - there's so many negative threads on here to a degree I think the men on here are being conditioned into not approaching at clubs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"we are bi oral and do enjoy that side of it, but when two men fuck then they dont want to wash and play with you after, I find that not nice ,but if thats what you like on Bi night, well we are all different arnt we, I prefer to keep myself clean and have a nice clean cock to suck "

Your original post on this thread did not say anything about the guys you saw not washing.

'we saw them DOING THE JOB IN THE OPEN for all to see yuk not for us they need to go to the greenhouse'

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By *adysilkCouple
over a year ago

birmingham


"we are bi oral and do enjoy that side of it, but when two men fuck then they dont want to wash and play with you after, I find that not nice ,but if thats what you like on Bi night, well we are all different arnt we, I prefer to keep myself clean and have a nice clean cock to suck

Your original post on this thread did not say anything about the guys you saw not washing.

'we saw them DOING THE JOB IN THE OPEN for all to see yuk not for us they need to go to the greenhouse' "

wanted to reply private to you but couldnt Just so everyone knows we love chams and the staff are brill too and we are bi both of us but we feel mondays have gone too far for us now, so we go on other days and we have brill bi time where there is a couple who wants bi lady or man to join in Not just two men want to play thats gay and the staff arnt happy with guys who dont wash either the ladies are at risk dont you think

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By *adysilkCouple
over a year ago

birmingham


"we used to go on a monday and found the same it seemed like the men were looking for men not couples, before anyone says anything about this notice, we saw them doing the job in the open for all to see yuk not for us they need to go to the greenhouse

Sighhh..

I go to a bi night because i want or intend on seeing Bi play, yes, especially two bi men.

Why attend such an open night if all you can do is slate it??

And as for'doing the job in the open', whats the problem, being bi isnt something to be locked away in a cupboard. "
well hope if you play with them make sure they have washed first or maybe your no bothered we love chams and staff arnt happy with people who dont wash its a danger for us ladies dont you think and your not Bi are you as your profile says no ladies so what you doing going on Bi night

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"we used to go on a monday and found the same it seemed like the men were looking for men not couples, before anyone says anything about this notice, we saw them doing the job in the open for all to see yuk not for us they need to go to the greenhouse

Sighhh..

I go to a bi night because i want or intend on seeing Bi play, yes, especially two bi men.

Why attend such an open night if all you can do is slate it??

And as for'doing the job in the open', whats the problem, being bi isnt something to be locked away in a cupboard. well hope if you play with them make sure they have washed first or maybe your no bothered we love chams and staff arnt happy with people who dont wash its a danger for us ladies dont you think and your not Bi are you as your profile says no ladies so what you doing going on Bi night "

Have you looked at your own profile lately?!

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By *adysilkCouple
over a year ago

birmingham


"we used to go on a monday and found the same it seemed like the men were looking for men not couples, before anyone says anything about this notice, we saw them doing the job in the open for all to see yuk not for us they need to go to the greenhouse

Sighhh..

I go to a bi night because i want or intend on seeing Bi play, yes, especially two bi men.

Why attend such an open night if all you can do is slate it??

And as for'doing the job in the open', whats the problem, being bi isnt something to be locked away in a cupboard. well hope if you play with them make sure they have washed first or maybe your no bothered we love chams and staff arnt happy with people who dont wash its a danger for us ladies dont you think and your not Bi are you as your profile says no ladies so what you doing going on Bi night

Have you looked at your own profile lately?! "
yes I have have you checked yours dont go in the forum often though can see your always in there nothing better to do hun

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"we used to go on a monday and found the same it seemed like the men were looking for men not couples, before anyone says anything about this notice, we saw them doing the job in the open for all to see yuk not for us they need to go to the greenhouse

Sighhh..

I go to a bi night because i want or intend on seeing Bi play, yes, especially two bi men.

Why attend such an open night if all you can do is slate it??

And as for'doing the job in the open', whats the problem, being bi isnt something to be locked away in a cupboard. well hope if you play with them make sure they have washed first or maybe your no bothered we love chams and staff arnt happy with people who dont wash its a danger for us ladies dont you think and your not Bi are you as your profile says no ladies so what you doing going on Bi night

Have you looked at your own profile lately?! yes I have have you checked yours dont go in the forum often though can see your always in there nothing better to do hun "

You're funny.

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By *adysilkCouple
over a year ago

birmingham


"we used to go on a monday and found the same it seemed like the men were looking for men not couples, before anyone says anything about this notice, we saw them doing the job in the open for all to see yuk not for us they need to go to the greenhouse

Sighhh..

I go to a bi night because i want or intend on seeing Bi play, yes, especially two bi men.

Why attend such an open night if all you can do is slate it??

And as for'doing the job in the open', whats the problem, being bi isnt something to be locked away in a cupboard. well hope if you play with them make sure they have washed first or maybe your no bothered we love chams and staff arnt happy with people who dont wash its a danger for us ladies dont you think and your not Bi are you as your profile says no ladies so what you doing going on Bi night

Have you looked at your own profile lately?! yes I have have you checked yours dont go in the forum often though can see your always in there nothing better to do hun

You're funny. "
thank you your lovely

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London

Having been a single chap at Chams a few times, I would approach a couple if was getting some eye contact and a smile or two.

I've been approached by couple, though, so it is a two way thing

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

Well, this thread took a turn for the worse.

A man playing with another Jan isn't always gay, they might both be bi.

Bi night isn't for couples to get what they want and everyone else can feck off. If two bi women can play openly together then men should be able to also.

As for men not washing, what the fuck has that got to do with being bi?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

wanted to reply private to you but couldnt Just so everyone knows we love chams and the staff are brill too and we are bi both of us but we feel mondays have gone too far for us now, so we go on other days and we have brill bi time where there is a couple who wants bi lady or man to join in Not just two men want to play thats gay and the staff arnt happy with guys who dont wash either the ladies are at risk dont you think "

With respect, your comments are coming across as being completely homophobic. Your behavior on this forum and opinions have absolutely no place in the world of swinging, which is supposed to be for open minded adults.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with gay men attending a bi night, just as there's absolutely nothing wrong with lesbians attending, or straight people attending. The essential thing is that everyone is tolerant of same sex interaction - which you are clearly not even though you claim to both be bisexual (but your profile *does* say you're straight).

I bet that nobody would complain if two women played together at a bisexual night. Instead the crowds would probably be baying for more. But for some reason you find the idea of two men playing together without a woman totally abhorrent (even though you're happy for guys to suck the male half's cock?)

Your attitude stinks more than the men who you claim are 'dirty' and not washing. And I'll let you into a little secret - I don't have a shower after every sexual interaction in a club either. But nobody seems to complain because I have the body of a woman.

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By *adysilkCouple
over a year ago

birmingham


"Well, this thread took a turn for the worse.

A man playing with another Jan isn't always gay, they might both be bi.

Bi night isn't for couples to get what they want and everyone else can feck off. If two bi women can play openly together then men should be able to also.

As for men not washing, what the fuck has that got to do with being bi?"
well maybe your right it may not matter to you but it dose to me had enough of this anyway bye bye dont use forum much anyway glad i dont

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By *adysilkCouple
over a year ago

birmingham


"

wanted to reply private to you but couldnt Just so everyone knows we love chams and the staff are brill too and we are bi both of us but we feel mondays have gone too far for us now, so we go on other days and we have brill bi time where there is a couple who wants bi lady or man to join in Not just two men want to play thats gay and the staff arnt happy with guys who dont wash either the ladies are at risk dont you think

With respect, your comments are coming across as being completely homophobic. Your behavior on this forum and opinions have absolutely no place in the world of swinging, which is supposed to be for open minded adults.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with gay men attending a bi night, just as there's absolutely nothing wrong with lesbians attending, or straight people attending. The essential thing is that everyone is tolerant of same sex interaction - which you are clearly not even though you claim to both be bisexual (but your profile *does* say you're straight).

I bet that nobody would complain if two women played together at a bisexual night. Instead the crowds would probably be baying for more. But for some reason you find the idea of two men playing together without a woman totally abhorrent (even though you're happy for guys to suck the male half's cock?)

Your attitude stinks more than the men who you claim are 'dirty' and not washing. And I'll let you into a little secret - I don't have a shower after every sexual interaction in a club either. But nobody seems to complain because I have the body of a woman."
lovely enjoy

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By *otgirl32Woman
over a year ago

Ashton Under Lyne


"we used to go on a monday and found the same it seemed like the men were looking for men not couples, before anyone says anything about this notice, we saw them doing the job in the open for all to see yuk not for us they need to go to the greenhouse"

Men playing with men in the open is heaven to watch - at least for me.

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By *he Queen of TartsWoman
Forum Mod
over a year ago

My Own Little World


"

wanted to reply private to you but couldnt Just so everyone knows we love chams and the staff are brill too and we are bi both of us but we feel mondays have gone too far for us now, so we go on other days and we have brill bi time where there is a couple who wants bi lady or man to join in Not just two men want to play thats gay and the staff arnt happy with guys who dont wash either the ladies are at risk dont you think

With respect, your comments are coming across as being completely homophobic. Your behavior on this forum and opinions have absolutely no place in the world of swinging, which is supposed to be for open minded adults.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with gay men attending a bi night, just as there's absolutely nothing wrong with lesbians attending, or straight people attending. The essential thing is that everyone is tolerant of same sex interaction - which you are clearly not even though you claim to both be bisexual (but your profile *does* say you're straight).

I bet that nobody would complain if two women played together at a bisexual night. Instead the crowds would probably be baying for more. But for some reason you find the idea of two men playing together without a woman totally abhorrent (even though you're happy for guys to suck the male half's cock?)

Your attitude stinks more than the men who you claim are 'dirty' and not washing. And I'll let you into a little secret - I don't have a shower after every sexual interaction in a club either. But nobody seems to complain because I have the body of a woman."

I've always liked your posts WH, you talk a lot of sense....unlike some

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By *hole Lotta RosieWoman
over a year ago

Deviant City

Back to the OP, what is wrong with you approaching the guts to start a conversation?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"we are bi oral and do enjoy that side of it, but when two men fuck then they dont want to wash and play with you after, I find that not nice ,but if thats what you like on Bi night, well we are all different arnt we, I prefer to keep myself clean and have a nice clean cock to suck

Your original post on this thread did not say anything about the guys you saw not washing.

'we saw them DOING THE JOB IN THE OPEN for all to see yuk not for us they need to go to the greenhouse'

wanted to reply private to you but couldnt Just so everyone knows we love chams and the staff are brill too and we are bi both of us but we feel mondays have gone too far for us now, so we go on other days and we have brill bi time where there is a couple who wants bi lady or man to join in Not just two men want to play thats gay and the staff arnt happy with guys who dont wash either the ladies are at risk dont you think "

So 2 men playing together makes them gay? There are far more couples on here where the female only plays and the man is out the way, does that mean they're lesbian? Because it's the same thing just the other way round. Also, unless you're stalking them, how do you know they havent showered? Memebers of staff there identify as gay but nothing wrong with that I suppose? I have no interest in watching anyone else play, it does nothing for me, whether two men, two fem, or male and female. But I'm not offended when I see it, I just move on and definitely don't know about their showering habits

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By *adysilkCouple
over a year ago

birmingham


"we are bi oral and do enjoy that side of it, but when two men fuck then they dont want to wash and play with you after, I find that not nice ,but if thats what you like on Bi night, well we are all different arnt we, I prefer to keep myself clean and have a nice clean cock to suck

Your original post on this thread did not say anything about the guys you saw not washing.

'we saw them DOING THE JOB IN THE OPEN for all to see yuk not for us they need to go to the greenhouse'

wanted to reply private to you but couldnt Just so everyone knows we love chams and the staff are brill too and we are bi both of us but we feel mondays have gone too far for us now, so we go on other days and we have brill bi time where there is a couple who wants bi lady or man to join in Not just two men want to play thats gay and the staff arnt happy with guys who dont wash either the ladies are at risk dont you think

So 2 men playing together makes them gay? There are far more couples on here where the female only plays and the man is out the way, does that mean they're lesbian? Because it's the same thing just the other way round. Also, unless you're stalking them, how do you know they havent showered? Memebers of staff there identify as gay but nothing wrong with that I suppose? I have no interest in watching anyone else play, it does nothing for me, whether two men, two fem, or male and female. But I'm not offended when I see it, I just move on and definitely don't know about their showering habits "
Firstly the gay people that work at chams as lovely people , but these men were fucking and came over to us straight away so I know they didnt wash , i dont go round to see whos washing, we do like to meet in the jacuzzi so we know all of us are clean before we play thats the way we like it ok any way we all have our dislikes dont we

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By *rummiePartyManMan
over a year ago

birmingham


"We are regular Monday Nighters at Chameleons(Darlaston not Birmingham please!!!), and we have noticed that the pressure on single guys not to be pushy is having a serious adverse effect.

"

Is Monday any different to any other night?

When I go I too notice that there is a lack of "ice breaking" going on, and like you say, that's often the case in the jacuzzi. There could be other reasons for this...

1. A lack of "come on" signals from couples.

2. The noise meaning that you have to shout to be heard.

3. The fact that the majority of couples are "couples only" couples, who would have no interest in single guys, be they straight, bi or gay.

Re: 1 - how often do you see a couple come in, and as soon as they are sat down they cuddle together in an embrace that gives off the signal of "we're here for ourselves, you can look but don't touch"? As has been said before, no eye contact, and backs turned to the others in there does not look encouraging.

Re: 2 - I don't think that many people would want to make a big public thing of starting a conversation, which when you have to shout to be heard, runs the risk of any couple ignoring their approach becoming a very public humiliation.

Re: 3 - This also goes back to point 1 - but you tend to see that couples will tend to interact more with other couples first. I'll leave it to those who go on Mondays to say whether this is also the case then, but it certainly is on other days. With the law of averages to consider, and without any signs of encouragement, the "shall I, shan't I" decision ends up with a negative outcome.

So, as has also been said, there's nothing to stop a couple from breaking the ice at all. Check out your body language and see what you are saying without actually speaking. If you want a guy to approach you try to make it clear that you are open to approaches and not just living in your own "bubble".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Firstly the gay people that work at chams as lovely people , but these men were fucking and came over to us straight away so I know they didnt wash , i dont go round to see whos washing, we do like to meet in the jacuzzi so we know all of us are clean before we play thats the way we like it ok any way we all have our dislikes dont we "

So it's not that you have a problem with *gay* people fucking in the open, it's that you have a problem with anyone fucking in the open who doesn't wash and then comes to talk to you?

So if gay men should go back to the greenhouse, where should the dirty straights, bisexuals, and lesbians go back to?

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By *adysilkCouple
over a year ago

birmingham


"

Firstly the gay people that work at chams as lovely people , but these men were fucking and came over to us straight away so I know they didnt wash , i dont go round to see whos washing, we do like to meet in the jacuzzi so we know all of us are clean before we play thats the way we like it ok any way we all have our dislikes dont we

So it's not that you have a problem with *gay* people fucking in the open, it's that you have a problem with anyone fucking in the open who doesn't wash and then comes to talk to you?

So if gay men should go back to the greenhouse, where should the dirty straights, bisexuals, and lesbians go back to?"
I never said any one was dirty thats your words not mine I like lots of the bi straight and lesbians at chams we get on great

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Firstly the gay people that work at chams as lovely people , but these men were fucking and came over to us straight away so I know they didnt wash , i dont go round to see whos washing, we do like to meet in the jacuzzi so we know all of us are clean before we play thats the way we like it ok any way we all have our dislikes dont we

So it's not that you have a problem with *gay* people fucking in the open, it's that you have a problem with anyone fucking in the open who doesn't wash and then comes to talk to you?

So if gay men should go back to the greenhouse, where should the dirty straights, bisexuals, and lesbians go back to? I never said any one was dirty thats your words not mine I like lots of the bi straight and lesbians at chams we get on great"

My apologies, I extrapolated 'dirty' from the fact you were saying that the gay men didn't wash and weren't clean. Would you prefer a different word to dirty?

And if you like bisexual people, straight people, and lesbians, why don't you like gay men?

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By *ffanotdyke OP   Couple
over a year ago

Telford

Oh dear that has opened a rather nasty can of worms which was very far from our original intention.

We have no trouble at all with whatever the sexual orientation takes. We were maybe trying to highlight the intimidation that single guys seem to feel.

Although Bi-night is generally the most friendly. A totally unscientific poll would suggest that straight guys are more likely to make a first approach than bi-guys.

We are fully aware that first move should come from the party most interested. But although we have been regulars on Bi-nights for a few years madam is still initially a little shy. A contradiction in the atmosphere of a swingers club we know, but unfortunately that is how it is.

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By *adysilkCouple
over a year ago

birmingham


"

Firstly the gay people that work at chams as lovely people , but these men were fucking and came over to us straight away so I know they didnt wash , i dont go round to see whos washing, we do like to meet in the jacuzzi so we know all of us are clean before we play thats the way we like it ok any way we all have our dislikes dont we

So it's not that you have a problem with *gay* people fucking in the open, it's that you have a problem with anyone fucking in the open who doesn't wash and then comes to talk to you?

So if gay men should go back to the greenhouse, where should the dirty straights, bisexuals, and lesbians go back to? I never said any one was dirty thats your words not mine I like lots of the bi straight and lesbians at chams we get on great

My apologies, I extrapolated 'dirty' from the fact you were saying that the gay men didn't wash and weren't clean. Would you prefer a different word to dirty?

And if you like bisexual people, straight people, and lesbians, why don't you like gay men?"
This has gone all wrong I know some of the nicest Gay men I dont have a problem with them at all I like to be clean thats all so lets end this nite

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"we used to go on a monday and found the same it seemed like the men were looking for men not couples, before anyone says anything about this notice, we saw them doing the job in the open for all to see yuk not for us they need to go to the greenhouse"

Lol. You obviously lied your way in; you're not welcome on a bi night if you're homophobic.

You need to go on one of the other six nights that are more suited to your needs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

This has gone all wrong I know some of the nicest Gay men I dont have a problem with them at all I like to be clean thats all so lets end this nite "

I'm just going to quickly remind you what you said.

"the men were looking for men not couples, before anyone says anything about this notice, we saw them doing the job in the open for all to see yuk not for us they need to go to the greenhouse"

You said you went on bi night, and men were looking for other men, and they had sex in the public areas, which you thought was 'yuk' and they should go instead to the gay sauna in the Midlands.

If you didn't mean that sex between men was 'yuk' and you didn't mean that men who want to have sex with men belong down the road in the gay sauna, perhaps you should have phrased things a bit better, rather than making excuses (they didn't wash?) and dismissing peoples replies when they said you were out of order.

I think, personally, that you have an apology to make to bisexual men here for what you wrote.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

This has gone all wrong I know some of the nicest Gay men I dont have a problem with them at all I like to be clean thats all so lets end this nite

I'm just going to quickly remind you what you said.

"the men were looking for men not couples, before anyone says anything about this notice, we saw them doing the job in the open for all to see yuk not for us they need to go to the greenhouse"

You said you went on bi night, and men were looking for other men, and they had sex in the public areas, which you thought was 'yuk' and they should go instead to the gay sauna in the Midlands.

If you didn't mean that sex between men was 'yuk' and you didn't mean that men who want to have sex with men belong down the road in the gay sauna, perhaps you should have phrased things a bit better, rather than making excuses (they didn't wash?) and dismissing peoples replies when they said you were out of order.

I think, personally, that you have an apology to make to bisexual men here for what you wrote."

Hear hear.

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By *adysilkCouple
over a year ago

birmingham


"

This has gone all wrong I know some of the nicest Gay men I dont have a problem with them at all I like to be clean thats all so lets end this nite

I'm just going to quickly remind you what you said.

"the men were looking for men not couples, before anyone says anything about this notice, we saw them doing the job in the open for all to see yuk not for us they need to go to the greenhouse"

You said you went on bi night, and men were looking for other men, and they had sex in the public areas, which you thought was 'yuk' and they should go instead to the gay sauna in the Midlands.

If you didn't mean that sex between men was 'yuk' and you didn't mean that men who want to have sex with men belong down the road in the gay sauna, perhaps you should have phrased things a bit better, rather than making excuses (they didn't wash?) and dismissing peoples replies when they said you were out of order.

I think, personally, that you have an apology to make to bisexual men here for what you wrote.

Hear hear. "
I should have worded it better I agree

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

This has gone all wrong I know some of the nicest Gay men I dont have a problem with them at all I like to be clean thats all so lets end this nite

I'm just going to quickly remind you what you said.

"the men were looking for men not couples, before anyone says anything about this notice, we saw them doing the job in the open for all to see yuk not for us they need to go to the greenhouse"

You said you went on bi night, and men were looking for other men, and they had sex in the public areas, which you thought was 'yuk' and they should go instead to the gay sauna in the Midlands.

If you didn't mean that sex between men was 'yuk' and you didn't mean that men who want to have sex with men belong down the road in the gay sauna, perhaps you should have phrased things a bit better, rather than making excuses (they didn't wash?) and dismissing peoples replies when they said you were out of order.

I think, personally, that you have an apology to make to bisexual men here for what you wrote.

Hear hear. I should have worded it better I agree "

It doesn't hurt much to say sorry

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By *habsMan
over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex


"we used to go on a monday and found the same it seemed like the men were looking for men not couples, before anyone says anything about this notice, we saw them doing the job in the open for all to see yuk not for us they need to go to the greenhouse

Lol. You obviously lied your way in; you're not welcome on a bi night if you're homophobic.

You need to go on one of the other six nights that are more suited to your needs. "

Hear hear! If what's on offer isn't for you, why go there?

And to tie this back to the OP's post, I think yes, the pressure on single guys to no be seen as pushy can have adverse effects (cant prove if it has), but personal experience form a Friday night (single guy night) I was walking past the "bus stop" (bench at top of stairs on way to conservatory) and there was a random couple there. Barely stopping I said "Hello, hope you're well" to which the male half (typical eh?) barked at me "Fuck off we don't want fucking single guys! Read our profile ffs!"

Hilarious... why would they think I could see their profile on their foreheads? Or they thought they were that popular? And why on a Friday night??

So yeah, a lot of guys now think "why say hello of that can be taken the wrong way.. let them come say hello to me".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To contribute to the original question posed here by OP, one of the reasons why I am still apprehensive about going to a club is precisely because of the oppressive nature of the treatment directed at single guys. We're cash cows on one hand and yet so tightly shackled in mentally with all the emphasis on proper behaviour and politeness that any proactive initiative in us gets killed instantly lest some trigger happy couple who doesn't like the way we look cry harassment to management when we try to make the first move to introduce ourselves.

All well and good to encourage proper and polite behaviour, but something really must be said about how best to make single guys feel truly welcome and inclusive in any club experience instead of being just options for the couple members to pick and choose for their own fun. We go and we have our own terms too, so trust us all to act like adults and have some fun without having to worry about perceptions, impressions and whether we can even be open about our sexual purpose at a swinger club without being labelled as pushy or desperate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

It doesn't hurt much to say sorry "

It might hurt when I offer my boy up for play in the hot tub on bi night...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chams try to ensure all guys attending on a Monday are bi so you can approach any guy you like and the worst you get is a 'sorry mate, no ta'.

No fear of a 'fuck off I'm straight'. It's not easy for a guy to approach another guy, especially if he's inexperienced. The last thing he'd want is to find he's just tried it on with a straight guy.

They also try to ensure all females are happy to see guy on guy play so they don't have people saying 'yuk, get to the greenhouse'. The guys attending a bi night are pretty much all bi rather than gay. They like to play with both sexes. Some get off on the lady watching.

It's a brilliant night and well run.

Unfortunately the odd homophobe gets in now and then and spoils it for everyone else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

It doesn't hurt much to say sorry

It might hurt when I offer my boy up for play in the hot tub on bi night..."

Is he really well hung? As long as he's gentle at first, it won't hurt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

It doesn't hurt much to say sorry

It might hurt when I offer my boy up for play in the hot tub on bi night...

Is he really well hung? As long as he's gentle at first, it won't hurt "

Alas, I think he's the one who will be getting hurt when I throw him in and tell everyone else to enjoy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

It doesn't hurt much to say sorry

It might hurt when I offer my boy up for play in the hot tub on bi night...

Is he really well hung? As long as he's gentle at first, it won't hurt

Alas, I think he's the one who will be getting hurt when I throw him in and tell everyone else to enjoy. "

Lol. My wife did that to me there. She told me I wasn't allowed to say no. The old guy having a quiet soak came over to tell me I'd made his night as he left

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By *ffanotdyke OP   Couple
over a year ago

Telford

Its nice to have a balanced reply on the original topic. Maybe we will meet up this evening. After an initial soak in the Jacuzzi we migrate to the alcove with the mirror ceiling for our first drink.

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By *habsMan
over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex

And yes, I feel it's a cop out for anyone (single fem or couple, ... straight, bi or gay) to assume it's up to single guys to make the first move. In my view if you've noticed the person, then don't wait for them. There's plenty of reasons why others don't make the first move: mine is that am waiting for the "green light" that I can approach her, being barked at for saying hello is never nice.

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield


"we are bi oral and do enjoy that side of it, but when two men fuck then they dont want to wash and play with you after, I find that not nice ,but if thats what you like on Bi night, well we are all different arnt we, I prefer to keep myself clean and have a nice clean cock to suck

Your original post on this thread did not say anything about the guys you saw not washing.

'we saw them DOING THE JOB IN THE OPEN for all to see yuk not for us they need to go to the greenhouse'

wanted to reply private to you but couldnt Just so everyone knows we love chams and the staff are brill too and we are bi both of us but we feel mondays have gone too far for us now, so we go on other days and we have brill bi time where there is a couple who wants bi lady or man to join in Not just two men want to play thats gay and the staff arnt happy with guys who dont wash either the ladies are at risk dont you think

So 2 men playing together makes them gay? There are far more couples on here where the female only plays and the man is out the way, does that mean they're lesbian? Because it's the same thing just the other way round. Also, unless you're stalking them, how do you know they havent showered? Memebers of staff there identify as gay but nothing wrong with that I suppose? I have no interest in watching anyone else play, it does nothing for me, whether two men, two fem, or male and female. But I'm not offended when I see it, I just move on and definitely don't know about their showering habits Firstly the gay people that work at chams as lovely people , but these men were fucking and came over to us straight away so I know they didnt wash , i dont go round to see whos washing, we do like to meet in the jacuzzi so we know all of us are clean before we play thats the way we like it ok any way we all have our dislikes dont we "

And if two straight people who were just fucking came over to you would you be as insistent on them washing before they talk to you?

Men and women do anal too and may decide to have unprotected sex if they feel like it.

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By *piritsonfabCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"We are regular Monday Nighters at Chameleons(Darlaston not Birmingham please!!!), and we have noticed that the pressure on single guys not to be pushy is having a serious adverse effect.

Is Monday any different to any other night?

When I go I too notice that there is a lack of "ice breaking" going on, and like you say, that's often the case in the jacuzzi. There could be other reasons for this...

1. A lack of "come on" signals from couples.

2. The noise meaning that you have to shout to be heard.

3. The fact that the majority of couples are "couples only" couples, who would have no interest in single guys, be they straight, bi or gay.

Re: 1 - how often do you see a couple come in, and as soon as they are sat down they cuddle together in an embrace that gives off the signal of "we're here for ourselves, you can look but don't touch"? As has been said before, no eye contact, and backs turned to the others in there does not look encouraging.

Re: 2 - I don't think that many people would want to make a big public thing of starting a conversation, which when you have to shout to be heard, runs the risk of any couple ignoring their approach becoming a very public humiliation.

Re: 3 - This also goes back to point 1 - but you tend to see that couples will tend to interact more with other couples first. I'll leave it to those who go on Mondays to say whether this is also the case then, but it certainly is on other days. With the law of averages to consider, and without any signs of encouragement, the "shall I, shan't I" decision ends up with a negative outcome.

So, as has also been said, there's nothing to stop a couple from breaking the ice at all. Check out your body language and see what you are saying without actually speaking. If you want a guy to approach you try to make it clear that you are open to approaches and not just living in your own "bubble".

"
good advice I mean to try to follow thank you

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By *habsMan
over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex

Question to the OP, have you ever participated in any of the following:

1. Orgy/group play (of any combination of gender and/or orientation)?

2. Couple swap.. Playing with the other party then back to your partner?

3. Threesome... Playing with the guest, then back to your partner?

Of the above, how many times do you "go have a wash in between" before going back to play with your partner?

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By *ndrapodaMan
over a year ago

Swansea

I have been to chameleons on a Monday night quite a few times. I'm very much bi and have enjoyed playing with couples and guys there. But it is very difficult to know how best to approach couples in my experience about half the guys on a Monday are straight. The last few times I went it seemed very difficult to break the ice and there was not really any bi play going on other than in the glory hole area. I've not been for a few months now and probably won't visit again.

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By *oinMan
over a year ago

wolverhampton

Being able to get in to chams as a single male is a challenge in itself so these guys that are lucky enough to be in side maybe think they have used all their luck for one night.

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By *picyminxWoman
over a year ago

Huntingdon


"

wanted to reply private to you but couldnt Just so everyone knows we love chams and the staff are brill too and we are bi both of us but we feel mondays have gone too far for us now, so we go on other days and we have brill bi time where there is a couple who wants bi lady or man to join in Not just two men want to play thats gay and the staff arnt happy with guys who dont wash either the ladies are at risk dont you think

With respect, your comments are coming across as being completely homophobic. Your behavior on this forum and opinions have absolutely no place in the world of swinging, which is supposed to be for open minded adults.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with gay men attending a bi night, just as there's absolutely nothing wrong with lesbians attending, or straight people attending. The essential thing is that everyone is tolerant of same sex interaction - which you are clearly not even though you claim to both be bisexual (but your profile *does* say you're straight).

I bet that nobody would complain if two women played together at a bisexual night. Instead the crowds would probably be baying for more. But for some reason you find the idea of two men playing together without a woman totally abhorrent (even though you're happy for guys to suck the male half's cock?)

Your attitude stinks more than the men who you claim are 'dirty' and not washing. And I'll let you into a little secret - I don't have a shower after every sexual interaction in a club either. But nobody seems to complain because I have the body of a woman."

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By *essysteveCouple
over a year ago

ALICANTE AREA SPAIN


"we used to go on a monday and found the same it seemed like the men were looking for men not couples, before anyone says anything about this notice, we saw them doing the job in the open for all to see yuk not for us they need to go to the greenhouse

You do realise that that's the point of bi night? People can be open about it and not feel they have to hide their bisexuality. "

Well said Keeley

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By *essysteveCouple
over a year ago

ALICANTE AREA SPAIN

Both orally bi - then don't hide the fact .................. put it on to your profile ........... or are you ashamed

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By *essysteveCouple
over a year ago

ALICANTE AREA SPAIN

Good on you Wasp ... and well said x

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By *eard-lincolnMan
over a year ago

near lincoln

I've not been to a club on a bi night since becoming bi. So would find it interesting to see how the dynamics works. I'm quite approachable and will happily talk to others on a normal night .

Does bi night at chams require a membership ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"we used to go on a monday and found the same it seemed like the men were looking for men not couples, before anyone says anything about this notice, we saw them doing the job in the open for all to see yuk not for us they need to go to the greenhouse

If you think men fucking men is yuk, why go on bi night?! "

I was wondering that too !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"we are bi oral and do enjoy that side of it, but when two men fuck then they dont want to wash and play with you after, I find that not nice ,but if thats what you like on Bi night, well we are all different arnt we, I prefer to keep myself clean and have a nice clean cock to suck "

Ah but you didn't say that in your first statement did you lol

Im sure there are plenty of bi men who DO wash between plays

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By *adysilkCouple
over a year ago

birmingham


"we are bi oral and do enjoy that side of it, but when two men fuck then they dont want to wash and play with you after, I find that not nice ,but if thats what you like on Bi night, well we are all different arnt we, I prefer to keep myself clean and have a nice clean cock to suck

Ah but you didn't say that in your first statement did you lol

Im sure there are plenty of bi men who DO wash between plays "
yes I made a mistake with my word and didnt mean for it to sound like that there are lots of very nice people at chams on Bi Nite and we always enjoy usually and we have been going to chams since it has opened and staff and management are our friends too pity I made the mistake in the forum and didnt mean to upset anyone

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By *he Queen of TartsWoman
Forum Mod
over a year ago

My Own Little World


"I've not been to a club on a bi night since becoming bi. So would find it interesting to see how the dynamics works. I'm quite approachable and will happily talk to others on a normal night .

Does bi night at chams require a membership ? "

There is a Monday only membership available for Bi men

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By *lacksausageMan
over a year ago

Birmingham Airport


"

And to tie this back to the OP's post, I think yes, the pressure on single guys to no be seen as pushy can have adverse effects (cant prove if it has), but personal experience form a Friday night (single guy night) I was walking past the "bus stop" (bench at top of stairs on way to conservatory) and there was a random couple there. Barely stopping I said "Hello, hope you're well" to which the male half (typical eh?) barked at me "Fuck off we don't want fucking single guys! Read our profile ffs!"

Hilarious... why would they think I could see their profile on their foreheads? Or they thought they were that popular? And why on a Friday night??

So yeah, a lot of guys now think "why say hello of that can be taken the wrong way.. let them come say hello to me"."

A few of the reasons I opted out of going to clubs ON MY OWN. A single guy is a VIP ( in terms of entry fee) but once inside, he is a third class citizen or I dare say even fourth class because the staff can get ready and willing action when they want.

The male in most couples has to "ok" you before anything happens so a single guy has more people to please before anything happens.

A single guy is under too much pressure to behave even during the action, if he makes it that far.

The argument has been made by many that when you pay to go to such venues, you pay for the experience and not a shag. Agreed. We don't go there for sex at all.

A single lady will not go with you because that means you are using her as a money off voucher( couples pay less, I am told). Women will not shag a tight ass either but men will shag a freeloader anyday and I am sure couples(bi ones) wouldn't mind a free loader either. By freeloader, I am talking of those who get in for free and help themselves to the munchies.

I better not get carried away! I was talking of pressure; yes pressure on single guys. If you work minimum wage full time, you spend 25% of your weekly earnings at the gate so something in the mind of the single guy urges him to " make the most" of the experience in a club( meet people, watch people, fuck people). When you are under pressure, performance is likely to suffer.

My observations are in no way scientific but for all the above reasons and many more, I have opted out of the club scene AS A SINGLE GUY.

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