FabSwingers.com forum: Rant : "stalker men" & lack of respect in Clubs

By *hoenixandflames OP Couple
over a year ago

Stockport

Morning folks,

Flames here.

Just wanted to rant about two incidents we experienced at Cupids last night at the Halloween party that almost spoilt my night...

First one was a guy that followed us *everywhere* - All night from virtually the moment he walked in, to the moment we left. Literrally.

He spotted us having fun in the dungeon, and basically was seriously disrespectful - Started reaching out to touch a good few times.

He was not our type, we had no interest, we told him no.

And yet still he followed...

In the couples room he was at the door or the mirror...

Go to a private room, he followed us there and waited.

Argh. Really rubbed me up the wrong way.

He wasn't the only one last night, but he locked on to Phoenix like some bloody great big fat furry missile. :-/

Then, another guy was eating his buffet whilst stood over some friends who were having some fun. Literrally so close as his plate was leaving a shadow on top of them.

What the hell is it with some people who just don't have a clue for respect?

Bah...

Anyway, just wanted to rant.

Had a great time all in...

But I honestly didn't know how to handle those guys :-/

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

did you report them to the club management

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry, had to stop reading at 'big fat hairy missile', ha haha!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

least he never placed his plate on her arse....

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell them in no uncertain terms to leave you be.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eanut Butter CupWoman
over a year ago

B & M Bargains

I would say, and have done in the past..

If you don't move the fuck away from me right now, I'm getting you kicked out

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

FUCK OFF PERVE has always worked for me

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"did you report them to the club management"

Exactly this, you should've said something after the dungeon. Guys like that ruin it for everyone and will never learn unless management tell them very clearly

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thats why i dislike clubs really..its this kind of behaviour that gets singe guys a bad name...i'm so pleased hes in the minority...i just hope you reported him to the club management...there's no place for this kind of behaviour from anyone tbh

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"FUCK OFF PERVE has always worked for me

I kinda get 'fuck off' would work but why is he a pervert

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *hoenixandflames OP Couple
over a year ago

Stockport

"did you report them to the club management

Exactly this, you should've said something after the dungeon. Guys like that ruin it for everyone and will never learn unless management tell them very clearly"

Yeah - I need to man up and get a clue.

Didn't want to ruin any one elses buzz (but almost ruined my own - silly me!)

:-/

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've come across this in exactly the same club, hence why I've never been back.

It's degenerate behaviour bordering on scary, I wonder what these people are like outside...?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

A girlfriend and I encountered one of those at AbFab. We were just sitting down having a chat and his face was about 0.5 m from us. I guess he was waiting for something to happen

We moved to another settee to get away from him and he followed us

We've nicknamed him CC for 'creepy crawly'

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *lassyandadventurousMan
over a year ago

England and Wales

Sorry I won't do it again lol

Seriously... Blokes like this ruin it for all..

Makes women wary of all men which isn't fair

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

unless people report, the club can do nothing.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just point at his groin and shout really loudly look, its like a cock only smaller ! Hopefully he'll leave the room

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just point at his groin and shout really loudly look, its like a cock only smaller ! Hopefully he'll leave the room

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *hoenixandflames OP Couple
over a year ago

Stockport

We've been to Cupids before on a couple of occasions...

Perhaps it's just my club newness...

Perhaps it's just a few get in on party nights...

Or perhaps it's just those guys cultural "norms".

Personally, I can't wait to go back and dispell the bad juju... (Bit like the falling off a horse metaphor).

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"FUCK OFF PERVE has always worked for me

I kinda get 'fuck off' would work but why is he a pervert"

if he is perving over something I,m doing in a club

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"did you report them to the club management

Exactly this, you should've said something after the dungeon. Guys like that ruin it for everyone and will never learn unless management tell them very clearly

Yeah - I need to man up and get a clue.

Didn't want to ruin any one elses buzz (but almost ruined my own - silly me!)

:-/"

If they're doing it to you they'll do it to others and the next time they go and so on. You may be able to shake it off as an annoyance but would a single woman? It's a duty of care x

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *hoenixandflames OP Couple
over a year ago

Stockport

"Just point at his groin and shout really loudly look, its like a cock only smaller ! Hopefully he'll leave the room

I honestly couldn't see it (thank goodness), and I don't think he had for some decades.

Miaow I know lol

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *hoenixandflames OP Couple
over a year ago

Stockport

"did you report them to the club management

Exactly this, you should've said something after the dungeon. Guys like that ruin it for everyone and will never learn unless management tell them very clearly

Yeah - I need to man up and get a clue.

Didn't want to ruin any one elses buzz (but almost ruined my own - silly me!)

:-/

If they're doing it to you they'll do it to others and the next time they go and so on. You may be able to shake it off as an annoyance but would a single woman? It's a duty of care x"

Point taken and lesson learnt.

:-/

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"unless people report, the club can do nothing.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"FUCK OFF PERVE has always worked for me

I kinda get 'fuck off' would work but why is he a pervert

if he is perving over something I,m doing in a club

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We've been to Cupids before on a couple of occasions...

Perhaps it's just my club newness...

Perhaps it's just a few get in on party nights...

Or perhaps it's just those guys cultural "norms".

Personally, I can't wait to go back and dispell the bad juju... (Bit like the falling off a horse metaphor).

Good attitude, I know of a few people who have had bad experiences in clubs and never been back again. Guys like that are creeps and have no place in clubs

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aycee70Couple
over a year ago

Eastbourne

Had similar at pleasures, spent the night as a bodyguard guys didn't understand No but did the 2nd time

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *uietlykinkymeWoman
over a year ago

kinky land

If any ones actions begin to feel invasive I tell them so. I'm not nasty. I just explain that they are making me feel uncomfortable and ask them to desist.

I've had a filthy look but usually they apologise and back off. Just because I'm in a club, I'm still a person and occasionally people don't realise they are causing offence. I don't expect someone to read my mind.

If and only if, they then continued or were aggressive, then I would have a quiet word with staff/host.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi flames

I work at cupids n can assure you if you have problems with anyone not taking no for an answer or they are making you uncomfortable in any way please come find a member of staff and point out the offening person to us and we will deal with it for you. Cupids prides its self on being a ladies club the comfort and enjoyment of our ladies is paramount and single males are made fully aware of our NO MEANS NO policy on their first visit and that failing to comply can and will mean their their membership can be revoked for Un gentalmanly conduct

Unfortunately if staff are not made aware of a problem gentalman it can spoil your club experience which is the last thing cupids management would want

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ownhouseTwosomeCouple
over a year ago

Birkenhead/Liverpool

[Removed by poster at 01/11/15 10:55:30]

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ownhouseTwosomeCouple
over a year ago

Birkenhead/Liverpool

When anything like this happens, you must report it. Don't ruin your own night by trying to ignore because these guys will never take the hint.

I would say most clubs would have a zero tolerance policy on guys such as this and would have kicked him him out.

Staff are not mind readers and can't be everywhere at once and rely on people reporting incidents. So everyone reading this, please tell staff and let them deal with problems for you.

We personally have a member of staff walking the landings on busy nights and look for any potential problems and deal with them; they are also a presence for people to approach if something has happened.

No matter your club of choice runs, your safety, wellbeing and comfort is paramount and I am sure the management at Cupids will be gutted to hear you had this experience and yet had no way of sorting it for you at the time.

As you say, get back on the horse and go back. Mention it to the new managers there as they are very approachable and will help all they can

Much love

Vicky xx

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes

"We've been to Cupids before on a couple of occasions...

Perhaps it's just my club newness...

Perhaps it's just a few get in on party nights...

Or perhaps it's just those guys cultural "norms".

I wonder what that's a euphemism for?

Personally, I can't wait to go back and dispel the bad juju... (Bit like the falling off a horse metaphor).

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes

"If any ones actions begin to feel invasive I tell them so. I'm not nasty. I just explain that they are making me feel uncomfortable and ask them to desist.

If and only if, they then continued or were aggressive, then I would have a quiet word with staff/host."

Good and fair attitude

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *jandjbCouple
over a year ago

Nr Manchester

"We've been to Cupids before on a couple of occasions...

Perhaps it's just my club newness...

Perhaps it's just a few get in on party nights...

Or perhaps it's just those guys cultural "norms".

Personally, I can't wait to go back and dispell the bad juju... (Bit like the falling off a horse metaphor).

It's good to see that smushkitten has responded and I know that she and the management mean what they say.

However, single men pay the most and a number of them are clearly inexperienced. It's a long way from the dungeon to the bar to report someone but we were in luck when something similar happened to us. There is a door in the dungeon leading to the room with the washing machine. The gorgeous Jess came through that door and gave the man concerned a serious warning.

But this is a problem that never entirely goes away (and is by no means confined to Cupids ). I have learned to ignore it but it's why I won't play on open beds on mixed nights. It's also why some people will only go on couples nights.

It's good to see that the OP is happy to return another night to try again. Him

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When anything like this happens, you must report it. Don't ruin your own night by trying to ignore because these guys will never take the hint.

I would say most clubs would have a zero tolerance policy on guys such as this and would have kicked him him out.

Staff are not mind readers and can't be everywhere at once and rely on people reporting incidents. So everyone reading this, please tell staff and let them deal with problems for you.

As you say, get back on the horse and go back. Mention it to the new managers there as they are very approachable and will help all they can

Much love

Vicky xx"

Most good clubs as TH, Partners and other have a good security and management who deal with such in minutes as it is their income.

Such guys, who are a sad minority, not only spoil it for the other well behaving guys, but for everyone and if you are not a “club goer” it is a put off for future visits.

Some clubs don't want to deal with this attitude; as single guys pay loads to get in. Because of that, they think a shag is guaranteed.

Sometimes a well heeled foot placed on a body part of a guy helps.

But being honest sometimes it isn't only guys, also some couples as well misbehave and can't speak English (a No should be always taken as a No)

Naughty

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whilst I totally agree that the single mans behaviour was totally unacceptable I cannot understand what you hope to achieve by publically naming a club whilst you by your own admission did not know how to deal with it. Did it not cross your mind to tell him he was out of order - very loudly? Why did your partner not stand up for you? Did you report it to management? Did you discreetly contact the club after the event to air your concerns?

So OP what is the purpose of your post? Maybe look at the way YOU dealt with the situation. How do you expect clubs to deal with these situations if they are not made aware at the appropriate time? Yes you do get the occasional bad experience in a club but it's best to raise it at the time so it can be dealt with appropriately.

All you have done OP is reinforce to this fella that his behaviour will be tolerated and added fuel to negative stereotypes that clubs are full of predatory single men.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Whilst I totally agree that the single mans behaviour was totally unacceptable I cannot understand what you hope to achieve by publically naming a club whilst you by your own admission did not know how to deal with it. Did it not cross your mind to tell him he was out of order - very loudly? Why did your partner not stand up for you? Did you report it to management? Did you discreetly contact the club after the event to air your concerns?

All you have done OP is reinforce to this fella that his behaviour will be tolerated and added fuel to negative stereotypes that clubs are full of predatory single men."

Ridiculous. The club did nothing wrong. If people don't speak up nothing will change.

Perhaps the guy thought the OP wanted following. They saw him following them and said nothing. Why blame the guy?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Morning folks,

Flames here.

Just wanted to rant about two incidents we experienced at Cupids last night at the Halloween party that almost spoilt my night...

First one was a guy that followed us *everywhere* - All night from virtually the moment he walked in, to the moment we left. Literrally.

He spotted us having fun in the dungeon, and basically was seriously disrespectful - Started reaching out to touch a good few times.

He was not our type, we had no interest, we told him no.

And yet still he followed...

In the couples room he was at the door or the mirror...

Go to a private room, he followed us there and waited.

Argh. Really rubbed me up the wrong way.

He wasn't the only one last night, but he locked on to Phoenix like some bloody great big fat furry missile. :-/

Then, another guy was eating his buffet whilst stood over some friends who were having some fun. Literrally so close as his plate was leaving a shadow on top of them.

What the hell is it with some people who just don't have a clue for respect?

Bah...

Anyway, just wanted to rant.

Had a great time all in...

But I honestly didn't know how to handle those guys :-/

"
i don't go to clubs mainly because it's not a personal experience for me but surely you have to expect this if you go and display yourself publicly at a club not the touching bit, hopefully when you said no he didn't touch again but being _iewed by men who have paid a lot of money to get in is surely the standard practice in public rooms

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been to Cupids lots of times both as a couple and a single. Men have followed sometimes. Quick smile, ask them not to follow, no problems at all.

The last time I went to Cupids on my own there was quite a few single guys. I spoke to them. They were very polite, courteous and respectful.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"i don't go to clubs mainly because it's not a personal experience for me but surely you have to expect this if you go and display yourself publicly at a club not the touching bit, hopefully when you said no he didn't touch again but being _iewed by men who have paid a lot of money to get in is surely the standard practice in public rooms

Its true that voyeurism should be expected in a club, but some people have no sense of personal space. I've been followed around in a club by a guy who just wouldn't stop wanking. I seriously thought he would catch fire at one point. I sat down, he sat near me, wanking. I went to a private room with a guy, came out, and he was there, wanking. I went to the buffet and he, well, you get the idea.

I expect to be watched, but people should ask before touching.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We too have had our problems with guys not taking no for an answer either on a normal club night or even at our own parties. Report the person so that they learn and that way clubs can eliminate the problem. Guys sometimes do act like vultures waiting for a woman to leave the bar either on their own, with their partner or someone else but most are respectful to wait till their invited to join in. Some just think with their smaller brain but these are in a minority.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Had a similar problem a few weeks ago at a club. Some guy sucked me off. Then I couldn't get rid of him. Every time I would try to play he would just join in. In the end I told him to fuck off! Literally.

Claire

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like being watched but I don't like being touched without being asked, no matter how much they've paid to get in

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I got followed by the same d*unk guy on 2 separate occasions at the same club. The first time I was about to go in to a locked room with the guy I was with and the d*unk guy practically threw me into the door frame so he could get in the room with us. The guy I was with told him to leave. The 2nd time I was already in a locked room with someone and the same guy tried to break the door down to get in. Thing was he bent the lock so we couldn't get out so I ended up breaking the door to get out. We reported it straight away because I felt bad about the door and the guy got thrown out and banned. If people are not willing to listen then tell someone not leave it and complain about it after

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ogistical NightmaresCouple
over a year ago

Manchester Area

You will always get this kind of in clubs. They pay there money, they expect a shag.

Is it right, no. Can you do anything about it, yes.

1. Get your guy to develop a 100 yds stare, which says come near at your peril.

2. If this does not work, politely ask him to leave you alone and to stop following you.

3. Report said person to management, they should be evicted and this hurts them in 2 places. a) their cock, cos they ain't gonna get a shag and b) their pocket cos they and paid to come into the club.

The other thing that works is for the female to say something. I have done on occasions and trust me nothing makes a guy feel small than being told to do one by a woman.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You will always get this kind of in clubs. They pay there money, they expect a shag.

Is it right, no. Can you do anything about it, yes.

1. Get your guy to develop a 100 yds stare, which says come near at your peril.

2. If this does not work, politely ask him to leave you alone and to stop following you.

The other thing that works is for the female to say something. I have done on occasions and trust me nothing makes a guy feel small than being told to do one by a woman. Lol Y xxxxx

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *hoenixandflames OP Couple
over a year ago

Stockport

I was merely having a rant, and indeed, I know it's my inexperience...

So... Lessons learnt from the night and all the positive feedback above...

I haven't had to deal with such up close repeated unwanted attention before.

Any previous instances one no and that's it.

I can't be any more positive about the venue and the staff, and it's not slight on any of them.

We've been before and we will be back again.

Cupids has a special place for us in our relationship

The food guy was also a "wtf" moment...

But as I say, my night ended well at 230am or whatever time it was when we got home, and we'll be back.

I just needed a vent and guidance. It's not something you can discuss openly on Facebook or to your "normal" peers.

Apologies!

Flames

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *hoenixandflames OP Couple
over a year ago

Stockport

Ridiculous. The club did nothing wrong. If people don't speak up nothing will change.

Perhaps the guy thought the OP wanted following. They saw him following them and said nothing. Why blame the guy?

The club indeed did absolutely nothing wrong. I know I was wrong in not going to the management etc.

But the guy definitely knew we were not interested after a few words were exchanged due to unwanted touching going on, and then repeated the words got snappy.

Didn't stop the following.

But anyway, lessons taken on board.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The management carefully and closely monitor the behaviour of everyone in the club. Especially the single guests & members. However we are reliant on people that feel harassed or "stalked" to bring such behaviour to the attention of the staff. This will allow us to deal with the situation quickly & where possible discretely.

All singles are explained the rules and club etiquette as they enter the club. New guests are given a tour of the club and strongly advised of the consequences of breaking these rules.

Even so some will ignore any instruction. Removal or barring of persistent transgressors is the best way for us the deal with them. If we are able to identify them.

PLEASE bring these things to our attention immediately as after the fact Iit becomes impossible to find the culprit and STOP them

apology for your night being marred in any way xx

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iSTARessWoman
over a year ago

London

Zombie Wanking Squad in full force....

I stare them out and ask them politely to back off. If they continue, say loudly, "if you got me, you wouldn't know what the hell to do with me". Tends to work.

Final straw, report.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

I've only had to report a guy to a manager of a club. The issue was immediately resolved as there were two options given to him:

1) leave immediately

2) apologise to me and stay if I have no further objections

He took option 2; I had no further problems with him afterwards

Club manangement will always respond when notified. They have no wish for the already low number of female attendees to dwindle further

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *he Queen of TartsWoman
Forum Mod
over a year ago

My Own Little World

As others have said you need to be clear that his attention is unwanted.

What I would do in this situation is;

A nice polite no thank you to start with, after all it may be his 1st time and he has got over excited or doesn't understand club etiquette.

If that doesn't work then a quiet word along the lines of - Look mate it isn't gonna happen, if you plan to follow me about all evening then you are wasting your time as I am NOT going to play with you. You would be better off finding someone else to enjoy your night with. Or you can carry on what you are doing and I have a word with the staff which could end you evening quicker than expected.

If he is that stupid that he didn't understand that I meant it, then I would complain to staff.

Have never had to as they seem to get the point

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *inkylouiseWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

"Just point at his groin and shout really loudly look, its like a cock only smaller ! Hopefully he'll leave the room

"
pmsl

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *inkylouiseWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

We was at cupids last night too and know exactly what you mean. The singles males were very disrespectful caught one constantly knocking on windows when couples were playing then trying to get in wtf. We were in the dungeon once when u played and then came to watch again and saw said male. You couldn't move last night without squeezing past them to get somewhere felt like they were all after a cheeky feel ....They should wait to be invited. Why would they think they would be invited after such rude and disrespectful behaviour??? We did mention one incident to someone who works there but single males should be monitored more closely I mrs felt very uncomfortable. ....may I also add it is the first time I've experienced it at cupids it's not normally known for it x

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *a petite madameWoman
over a year ago

London / Essex

"We've been to Cupids before on a couple of occasions...

Perhaps it's just my club newness...

Perhaps it's just a few get in on party nights...

Or perhaps it's just those guys cultural "norms".

Personally, I can't wait to go back and dispell the bad juju... (Bit like the falling off a horse metaphor).

A similar thing happened to me in cupids a few years ago. The guy was trying it on with all women that night, but he stupidly tried it on with me right in front of management and they wasted no time in getting him out and barred.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *huramMan
over a year ago

London

"Sorry I won't do it again lol

Seriously... Blokes like this ruin it for all..

Makes women wary of all men which isn't fair

Why would it make women wary of ALL men?

All men are not doing the stalking.

Women need only be wary of the individual men who misbehave.

The rest of us have nothing to do with it.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I report to management usually works...seen it twice and the stalkers are evicted pronto....

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *inkylouiseWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

In fairness there were a few respectful singles in last night there just seemed to be a lot of disrespectful ones ....However generally we find the majority of singles do respect people in the club's and all singles and clubs for that matter cannot be tarred with one incident x

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ALWAYS report them to the management. ...any respectful club will sort them out....

Xtasia would be straight on this....super friendly club

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ans123Couple
over a year ago

manchester

LOL AMEN

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm normally very comfortable in cupids. My last two visits a have notice 2 single males stand out in their behaviour. If it's the same guys I'll let the management know next time I'm in.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *hole Lotta RosieWoman
over a year ago

Deviant City

"LOL AMEN "

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *hole Lotta RosieWoman
over a year ago

Deviant City

Seriously, if nothing is said to these guys or management, then it's likely to continue. They'll think you don't mind. Then more guys will follow suit.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *arehamMan
over a year ago

handforth

This is the reason I never go to clubs on party nights,I've found its always a rubish night for single men.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *inkylouiseWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

"This is the reason I never go to clubs on party nights,I've found its always a rubish night for single men.

"
not sure thats tottaly true there are some nice guys that respect others and others respect them there polite and chatty and many times get invited to play with couples. And this is mr commenting. This is no disrespect to any club it happens at most clubs we have attended at times like they say afew allways spoils it for the rest we arnt tarring single males and never would we have met alot of great single guys.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *teed99Man
over a year ago

Kettering

It's not just single guys that can be a problem. Had a situation on a couples only party night where the male half of a couple was separated from his other half and causing distress to a couple who were playing. He didn't respond to the gentle hint that he was not welcome and staff intervention became necessary.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is the reason I never go to clubs on party nights,I've found its always a rubish night for single men.

not sure thats tottaly true there are some nice guys that respect others and others respect them there polite and chatty and many times get invited to play with couples. And this is mr commenting. This is no disrespect to any club it happens at most clubs we have attended at times like they say afew allways spoils it for the rest we arnt tarring single males and never would we have met alot of great single guys."

I agree, I've been going to cupids for nearly 3 years and I've never had a problem with single guys, they have always been very respectful the ones I have met. However I did guess the right guys that were being a pest to the OP and have message the management.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"FUCK OFF PERVE has always worked for me

Same xxxxxx

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ollipop77Couple
over a year ago

Sunny Manchester

"We was at cupids last night too and know exactly what you mean. The singles males were very disrespectful caught one constantly knocking on windows when couples were playing then trying to get in wtf. We were in the dungeon once when u played and then came to watch again and saw said male. You couldn't move last night without squeezing past them to get somewhere felt like they were all after a cheeky feel ....They should wait to be invited. Why would they think they would be invited after such rude and disrespectful behaviour??? We did mention one incident to someone who works there but single males should be monitored more closely I mrs felt very uncomfortable. ....may I also add it is the first time I've experienced it at cupids it's not normally known for it x"

Know exactly how you feel, we unfortunately cut our night short due to the sleazy predatory vibes coming from a few of the single guys. IT WAS NOT ALL OF THEM. Had some great nights in cupids, put this down to a one off! Xx

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *MaleMan
over a year ago

The reason I never go to clubs is most of the cpls I know touch on the complete tosser males, struggling with basic behavior/respect that seem to frequent. As a result the decent single fella's get tarnished and treated as the lowest form.

I find it much more pleasurable meeting around homes, hotels, select priv parties. That way neither me or the cpls/fems I'm in company with have to juggle the questionables, play monitor or have the clowns spoil things.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The reason I never go to clubs is most of the cpls I know touch on the complete tosser males, struggling with basic behavior/respect that seem to frequent. As a result the decent single fella's get tarnished and treated as the lowest form.

How ironic that you comment "most of the couples" yet on many of the replies on this post couples and single women have stated that this isn't usual single men behaviour and in fact it's only a small minority that behave in an unacceptable way.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lets be honest, its a tiny minority. If it was commonplace, those single guy nights would be empty

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *MaleMan
over a year ago

It's a statement about what I prefer to do in relation to not going to clubs regardless. Not sure whats ironic about that

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We did find the single males a bit of a problem last night, all the private rooms were busy and the couples room was full to bursting. If you went anywhere else they got closer and closer watching it is creepy. We ended our night when we realised the men outweighed the women in the couples room (that shouldn't be possible?!) but it explained why no one could fit in there we had a fantastic night and will be back as always.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *hole Lotta RosieWoman
over a year ago

Deviant City

Did you report any of these guys?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *hole Lotta RosieWoman
over a year ago

Deviant City

"We did find the single males a bit of a problem last night, all the private rooms were busy and the couples room was full to bursting. If you went anywhere else they got closer and closer watching it is creepy. We ended our night when we realised the men outweighed the women in the couples room (that shouldn't be possible?!) but it explained why no one could fit in there we had a fantastic night and will be back as always. "

Did you voice your opinion to staff, or to tell the guys to back off from your personal space?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you voice your opinion to staff, or to tell the guys to back off from your personal space?"

Absolutely, plenty of men were told to back off but they were like wanking zombies who didn't seem to understand.

Once we realised they had made it into the couples room too we just went home, there was only an hour or so left anyway and we mentioned it on the way out so I don't know if it was fixed after we left.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *hole Lotta RosieWoman
over a year ago

Deviant City

Rant on:

honestly, I'm just SMH.

Couples, ladies, what is wrong with politely smiling at a guy, tell him you're not interested/please don't follow/you're welcome to watch, but keep your distance etc, etc.

Why is nobody mentioning issues to the staff?

Doormen frequently walk around the club on party nights, they are easily recognizable as they are fully clothed. Voice your concerns.

Get some confidence to be able to speak to men. They are human beings after all. Some may be shy, some may be on the autism spectrum and find it difficult to approach and ask, some may not be fluent in English, or even be hard of hearing. As a single lady, I have come across all these examples. All it takes is a friendly smile and hello, even when primarily looking for couples and ladies, I always make time to chat with men, explain I like to chat to anyone, but at that moment in time, not looking to play.

Men appreciate this and I think more people need to be a little more accepting.

Rant off.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Morning folks,

Flames here.

Just wanted to rant about two incidents we experienced at Cupids last night at the Halloween party that almost spoilt my night...

First one was a guy that followed us *everywhere* - All night from virtually the moment he walked in, to the moment we left. Literrally.

He spotted us having fun in the dungeon, and basically was seriously disrespectful - Started reaching out to touch a good few times.

He was not our type, we had no interest, we told him no.

And yet still he followed...

In the couples room he was at the door or the mirror...

Go to a private room, he followed us there and waited.

Argh. Really rubbed me up the wrong way.

He wasn't the only one last night, but he locked on to Phoenix like some bloody great big fat furry missile. :-/

Then, another guy was eating his buffet whilst stood over some friends who were having some fun. Literrally so close as his plate was leaving a shadow on top of them.

What the hell is it with some people who just don't have a clue for respect?

Bah...

Anyway, just wanted to rant.

Had a great time all in...

But I honestly didn't know how to handle those guys :-/

Hi, we are regulars at Cupids but mainly go couples only night but we have been on party nights which are on a Saturday. We have experienced this also, some of the single males have no respect and follow around like a dog on heat. We were in a private room with the door shut and this one single guy opened the door and sat on the other bed, we asked him to leave and he started getting stroppy. Some are respectful but most are so god damn rude

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *hole Lotta RosieWoman
over a year ago

Deviant City

Did you voice your opinion to staff, or to tell the guys to back off from your personal space?

Absolutely, plenty of men were told to back off but they were like wanking zombies who didn't seem to understand.

that's great, hope it was sorted.

thing is, on party nights, it's very much couples for couples, a lot of the guys get left out, then left to wander around. This is by no means that the club is at fault, it's just the way party nights go in Cupids.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *hole Lotta RosieWoman
over a year ago

Deviant City

"Morning folks,

Flames here.

Just wanted to rant about two incidents we experienced at Cupids last night at the Halloween party that almost spoilt my night...

First one was a guy that followed us *everywhere* - All night from virtually the moment he walked in, to the moment we left. Literrally.

He spotted us having fun in the dungeon, and basically was seriously disrespectful - Started reaching out to touch a good few times.

He was not our type, we had no interest, we told him no.

And yet still he followed...

In the couples room he was at the door or the mirror...

Go to a private room, he followed us there and waited.

Argh. Really rubbed me up the wrong way.

He wasn't the only one last night, but he locked on to Phoenix like some bloody great big fat furry missile. :-/

Then, another guy was eating his buffet whilst stood over some friends who were having some fun. Literrally so close as his plate was leaving a shadow on top of them.

What the hell is it with some people who just don't have a clue for respect?

Bah...

Anyway, just wanted to rant.

Had a great time all in...

But I honestly didn't know how to handle those guys :-/

again, was this reported?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you voice your opinion to staff, or to tell the guys to back off from your personal space?

Absolutely, plenty of men were told to back off but they were like wanking zombies who didn't seem to understand.

that's great, hope it was sorted.

I agree, Cupids is our favourite club and we enjoy party nights usually making arrangements well in advance just to go to them. I don't think it's down to the club that some of the men spoiled it I think as the night went on they just got more complacent and desperate to be invited so pushed boundaries further and further. It really does spoil it for the good single guys as they all get told no because if the few who don't know how to behave. We have put it down as a one off as we have never had the trouble in the past.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"FUCK OFF PERVE has always worked for me

I kinda get 'fuck off' would work but why is he a pervert"

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Morning folks,

Flames here.

Just wanted to rant about two incidents we experienced at Cupids last night at the Halloween party that almost spoilt my night...

First one was a guy that followed us *everywhere* - All night from virtually the moment he walked in, to the moment we left. Literrally.

He spotted us having fun in the dungeon, and basically was seriously disrespectful - Started reaching out to touch a good few times.

He was not our type, we had no interest, we told him no.

And yet still he followed...

In the couples room he was at the door or the mirror...

Go to a private room, he followed us there and waited.

Argh. Really rubbed me up the wrong way.

He wasn't the only one last night, but he locked on to Phoenix like some bloody great big fat furry missile. :-/

Then, another guy was eating his buffet whilst stood over some friends who were having some fun. Literrally so close as his plate was leaving a shadow on top of them.

What the hell is it with some people who just don't have a clue for respect?

Bah...

Anyway, just wanted to rant.

Had a great time all in...

But I honestly didn't know how to handle those guys :-/

again, was this reported?"

Yes it was, it was quite a few weeks ago. May I also point out that we are polite to the single males and in fact talk to a few of them and when they do enter the room if me and hubby are having our own fun my hubby will politely ask them to leave which most do but have come across a few that get stroppy xx

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *hole Lotta RosieWoman
over a year ago

Deviant City

thing is, they'll see one do it, so the rest will try their luck, especially if the club is really busy.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

i hate to say guys like this give us single gents a bad name.

I was in another club a few months ago, and a similar incedent happen, the female and I, spoke about the incident and talked to club management.

The management dealt with the incedent swiftly, and professionally. I think as a single guy if you see others acting out of order is to have a word with first the couple / female (I have known it to be guy as well), to see if was over the line, and have a word with club management

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *hole Lotta RosieWoman
over a year ago

Deviant City

"Morning folks,

Flames here.

Just wanted to rant about two incidents we experienced at Cupids last night at the Halloween party that almost spoilt my night...

First one was a guy that followed us *everywhere* - All night from virtually the moment he walked in, to the moment we left. Literrally.

He spotted us having fun in the dungeon, and basically was seriously disrespectful - Started reaching out to touch a good few times.

He was not our type, we had no interest, we told him no.

And yet still he followed...

In the couples room he was at the door or the mirror...

Go to a private room, he followed us there and waited.

Argh. Really rubbed me up the wrong way.

He wasn't the only one last night, but he locked on to Phoenix like some bloody great big fat furry missile. :-/

Then, another guy was eating his buffet whilst stood over some friends who were having some fun. Literrally so close as his plate was leaving a shadow on top of them.

What the hell is it with some people who just don't have a clue for respect?

Bah...

Anyway, just wanted to rant.

Had a great time all in...

But I honestly didn't know how to handle those guys :-/

again, was this reported?

great, just wish more people would report any concerns, then it can be nipped in the bud.

If someone got stroppy with me, they'll get a piece of my mind. Some people try and push their luck.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And I am in no way slagging Cupids off before anyone says. We love going to the club and is our favourite. Any incident we have had (which has only been once) has been mentioned to the staff. It is a great club and we've always had a good time but would not let that incident put us off xx

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Morning folks,

Flames here.

Just wanted to rant about two incidents we experienced at Cupids last night at the Halloween party that almost spoilt my night...

First one was a guy that followed us *everywhere* - All night from virtually the moment he walked in, to the moment we left. Literrally.

He spotted us having fun in the dungeon, and basically was seriously disrespectful - Started reaching out to touch a good few times.

He was not our type, we had no interest, we told him no.

And yet still he followed...

In the couples room he was at the door or the mirror...

Go to a private room, he followed us there and waited.

Argh. Really rubbed me up the wrong way.

He wasn't the only one last night, but he locked on to Phoenix like some bloody great big fat furry missile. :-/

Then, another guy was eating his buffet whilst stood over some friends who were having some fun. Literrally so close as his plate was leaving a shadow on top of them.

What the hell is it with some people who just don't have a clue for respect?

Bah...

Anyway, just wanted to rant.

Had a great time all in...

But I honestly didn't know how to handle those guys :-/

again, was this reported?

great, just wish more people would report any concerns, then it can be nipped in the bud.

If someone got stroppy with me, they'll get a piece of my mind. Some people try and push their luck."

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aveandkate35Couple
over a year ago

telford

Just for the record I've never been to Cupids but none of what the op said put me off as we know how they work.

If we go to a public room and play, we usually find telling the first person to approach your intention. Word still spreads. The stalkers are best being engaged directly - make a joke if you don't feel comfortable with confrontation and leaves no one feeling awkward. I feel some, not all all, get caught up and don't always realise they are doing it.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *hole Lotta RosieWoman
over a year ago

Deviant City

"Just for the record I've never been to Cupids but none of what the op said put me off as we know how they work.

round of applause!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *he WickedsCouple
over a year ago

Swingtown

"The management carefully and closely monitor the behaviour of everyone in the club. Especially the single guests & members. However we are reliant on people that feel harassed or "stalked" to bring such behaviour to the attention of the staff. This will allow us to deal with the situation quickly & where possible discretely.

All singles are explained the rules and club etiquette as they enter the club. New guests are given a tour of the club and strongly advised of the consequences of breaking these rules.

Even so some will ignore any instruction. Removal or barring of persistent transgressors is the best way for us the deal with them. If we are able to identify them.

PLEASE bring these things to our attention immediately as after the fact Iit becomes impossible to find the culprit and STOP them

apology for your night being marred in any way xx"

I can attest to the prompt action of the management. We too were in Cupids couples room last night where single guys kept entering the room to sit and watch. The management were on alert and turfed them out quickly, issuing a warning about their behaviour.

Thanks guys.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ownhouseTwosomeCouple
over a year ago

Birkenhead/Liverpool

I think if you are willing to walk into a swingers club, you should be up to communicating with fellow members and staff about your stating your concerns.

There's a whole load of sexual energy flying around and this can mean that temperatures rise and people can get over excited or do things they wouldn't normally.

I have found that couples and moreso, ladies are just as bad as guys for poor behaviour, just in a different way.

I'm a bit worried as to how this thread has gone. I know many people have said that they will go back to the club and it's not the clubs fault etc... but I think this sort of complaint really should be dealt with directly to the management of any club. This nips the problem in the bud and stops things getting out of control.

Although everyone is entitled to state their opinions and experiences on here, if the club in question was not given the opportunity to rectify the matter, then letting off steam here will not solve any problems; moreso it WILL put some people off going to that club and that is unfair if they didn't even know there was a problem in the first place.

It's great to see many positive comments about the club here; I just hope the unreported grievance hasn't put others off

Vic xxxx

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"I think if you are willing to walk into a swingers club, you should be up to communicating with fellow members and staff about your stating your concerns.

There's a whole load of sexual energy flying around and this can mean that temperatures rise and people can get over excited or do things they wouldn't normally.

I have found that couples and moreso, ladies are just as bad as guys for poor behaviour, just in a different way.

It's great to see many positive comments about the club here; I just hope the unreported grievance hasn't put others off

Vic xxxx "

great post....

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ollipop77Couple
over a year ago

Sunny Manchester

Did you report any of these guys?

The guys did nothing to me personally, we just felt very uncomfortable, so nothing to report. I think cupids is a great club and had a great time catching up with friends x

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *essie xxjxxWoman
over a year ago

Manchester

Jess here, thankyou for the "beautiful" my lovelies.

Though I no longer work at Cupids I can honestly promise all ladies and couples that if ANY person, male or female, impinges on your personal space, or makes you feel uncomfortable, please, please report it to a member of staff. It is, and has always been, the clubs policy that a polite refusal should be respected. All male members and guests are informed of this, and advised that gentlemanly behaviour is expected. Anyone breaching this rule will, depending on the severity, receive ONE firm warning, or be removed from the club and their membership revoked.

OBVIOUSLY THIS CAN ONLY HAPPEN IF STAFF ARE INFORMED!

Of course, there will always be the "Benny Hill Show" pursuit whenever ladies are espied. I personally have always found a polite, but firm "All bugger off, you're wasting your time" tends to be pretty effective, but maybe that's 'cos I'm scary!

Please, please report anyone behaving inappropriately, not only for your own sake, but for those who may be less able to deal with it.

Love, peace and happy naughtiness is the aim!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *inkylouiseWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

"I think if you are willing to walk into a swingers club, you should be up to communicating with fellow members and staff about your stating your concerns.

There's a whole load of sexual energy flying around and this can mean that temperatures rise and people can get over excited or do things they wouldn't normally.

I have found that couples and moreso, ladies are just as bad as guys for poor behaviour, just in a different way.

It's great to see many positive comments about the club here; I just hope the unreported grievance hasn't put others off

Vic xxxx "
thought it was a forum to air your feelings between fabers not a complaint this thread is not about the club its about peoples exsperiance on a night the attended but was spoilet or affected there night we cant just have topics on the good things its not a real reflection on things. And most clubs are fab members

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Rant on:

honestly, I'm just SMH.

Couples, ladies, what is wrong with politely smiling at a guy, tell him you're not interested/please don't follow/you're welcome to watch, but keep your distance etc, etc.

Why is nobody mentioning issues to the staff?

Doormen frequently walk around the club on party nights, they are easily recognizable as they are fully clothed. Voice your concerns.

Men appreciate this and I think more people need to be a little more accepting.

Rant off."

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ownhouseTwosomeCouple
over a year ago

Birkenhead/Liverpool

"I think if you are willing to walk into a swingers club, you should be up to communicating with fellow members and staff about your stating your concerns.

There's a whole load of sexual energy flying around and this can mean that temperatures rise and people can get over excited or do things they wouldn't normally.

I have found that couples and moreso, ladies are just as bad as guys for poor behaviour, just in a different way.

It's great to see many positive comments about the club here; I just hope the unreported grievance hasn't put others off

Vic xxxx thought it was a forum to air your feelings between fabers not a complaint this thread is not about the club its about peoples exsperiance on a night the attended but was spoilet or affected there night we cant just have topics on the good things its not a real reflection on things. And most clubs are fab members "

Oh I agree that the forum is to air grievances, but actually this sort of 'rant' can be very damaging.

If the complaint had been aired to the management on the night and not acted upon then rant away. But this issue has been raised after the fact and the club hasn't even had a chance to rectify. Their first opportunity to comment on the issue was on a public forum, which I think is unfair.

Just my opinion...like all of yours. I may see things slightly different as I run a club and I am very protective of all clubs. xx

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *leepyangelCouple
over a year ago

over the hill and far away

The same issue happened to me at amour and connections. After a swift chat to the management the offending pests were asked to leave. This problem can be common place when there is no limits to male/female ratio

Some single guys are chancers and with so much competition in these places they grab the opportunity!

It ruins it for genuine people who are polite and respectful

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *hoenixandflames OP Couple
over a year ago

Stockport

Oh I agree that the forum is to air grievances, but actually this sort of 'rant' can be very damaging.

If the complaint had been aired to the management on the night "

I am at the end of all this, regretful almost of starting this thread.

I have tried to reiterate that it's my fault, and not of the venue.

I've been accused of leading the guy on by one poster (wtf...?)

I'm relatively new to the club scene, and indeed, I don't want to come across as a snitch, as I am sure most people wouldn't unless buttons were really pressed.

I am bemused that the guy eating his buffet over people has been completely lost.

Hopefully the ripples will soon subside, as I have refrained from replying to some comments made.

It's not my first club visit, but I am no veteran, and neither will it be my last club visit.

And indeed, we were on the look out for single guys on the night as it happened too.

*shrugs*

Onward and upward hey?

Flames

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ownhouseTwosomeCouple
over a year ago

Birkenhead/Liverpool

Oh I agree that the forum is to air grievances, but actually this sort of 'rant' can be very damaging.

If the complaint had been aired to the management on the night