FabSwingers.com forum: Couples in Clubs

By *awandOrder OP Couple
over a year ago

SW London

I have asked this before, sorry, but it keeps coming up so wondered if anyone could throw some new light on it. How many clubs demand or suggest that both parties of a couple have to play? Is it okay if the woman only plays but not the man only? If so, why? Is it based on some assumption that the women are being dragged along and being used so their man can play? If clubs do have this rule, how do they enforce it? Do they time couples? Check that each partner in the couple is playing - in that case, how do they define play? I do understand why the rule is in place - ish - but is it not impossible to enforce? We go to clubs with no expectation that either of us will play, but if one of us fancies it and the other doesn't, for whatever reason - would one of us have to compromise? I am not having a go at any clubs here, God know I have offended enough of them already ... just curious as to how it works out. My gut feeling is that it is okay for women in couples to play alone but not men ... Pepper.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I (her) would struggle with this and walk away if either or both of us having to play was a condition of entry. The 2 clubs we've visited to date haven't required this. When we visit it's to have a good time together and anything else that may happen with others is a bonus.

I know it doesn't answer the question but I'd like to know of where to be wary of going.

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By *awandOrder OP Couple
over a year ago

SW London

I think clubs say it, but to be honest how can they enforce it if its clearly a 'real couple'?

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire

"I think clubs say it, but to be honest how can they enforce it if its clearly a 'real couple'? "

I have never felt this was the case in the clubs I've attended. I don't have sex with other men. My bf will join single fems or couples.

The only time I have heard this mentioned is when a club says they limit single guys entry and they expect a male part of a couple to act like he is in a couple rather then spend the night alone chasing others.

If I'm not playing and either spectating or waiting in the bar or jacuzzi, I just replace the place of the solo female he's gone to play with. The balance stays the same. It doesn't alter the dynamic or ratio in the club. Then he returns to me and we continue our evening.

I've only ever felt pressure to play in a club as a single fem and I stay away from that club.

Perhaps if you have been made to feel like this, you should change the club you attend?

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By *awandOrder OP Couple
over a year ago

SW London

"I think clubs say it, but to be honest how can they enforce it if its clearly a 'real couple'?

I have never felt this was the case in the clubs I've attended. I don't have sex with other men. My bf will join single fems or couples.

I've only ever felt pressure to play in a club as a single fem and I stay away from that club.

Perhaps if you have been made to feel like this, you should change the club you attend? "

We don't go to clubs that openly state they have this policy. On another thread someone posted that lots of them have this policy - I was not sure if they do. We only go to a couple that are bi friendly and no pressure. I wonder if they say it but don't enforce it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think clubs say it, but to be honest how can they enforce it if its clearly a 'real couple'? "

Which clubs say this?

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By *awandOrder OP Couple
over a year ago

SW London

"I think clubs say it, but to be honest how can they enforce it if its clearly a 'real couple'?

Which clubs say this?"

I have to find the other thread as according to a poster, most clubs -

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By *awandOrder OP Couple
over a year ago

SW London

"I think clubs say it, but to be honest how can they enforce it if its clearly a 'real couple'?

Which clubs say this?"

I was hoping that some clubs on here would say if this is the case for them and how they enforce it if it is - I know its in an effort to keep out single men and duck buddies, so not interested in the why - but the how - and any justification as to why both have to play ...

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By *ethnmelvCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

We have never come across this rule, we go as a couple, play as a couple, but if we wanted we would split and play on our own - it has never been an issue! Don't get this at all.

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By *orthwest_cplCouple
over a year ago

Stretford

I would imagine that this might be for couples only nights, where a guy, who is playing but his partner is not, is acting as a single guy. The other way round would be ok because usually it is couples and single fems so the woman would just be another single fem with the guy at the bar. I wouldn't think there would be a problem on a mixed night.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never seen it and wouldn't entertain it. Can you imagine even trying to Police it?

Closest I've ever heard is clubs reigning in Men who go wandering off leaving their "date" at the bar. Can't even be sure that's happened to be honest

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire

I know clubs that are strict on couples being couples. But not ever have I felt pressure to play or do anything.

I attend two clubs that are fairly strict on who they class as a couple. I totally agree with them. Established fuck buddies that attend a club together are cool but I've seen time and time again, at other clubs, where a male has teamed up with a female and literally separate as soon as they've entered the club. We've gone as a group of single females to a club and acquired more females to a group because they'd been 'ditched' by the supposed fuck buddy who's used them to gain either cheaper entry or entry to a couples night.

I fail to understand why any club could stipulate that anyone was expected to play. I've attended many clubs as a solo female and been very very open about having no intention of playing but merely want to chill out, socialise, have a jacuzzi and enjoy the environment. No one has ever had an issue with it.

If I attend with my bf and he leaves me for a small section of the night to join other play, he's not been rounded up and returned to me or I've not been told that I must go and join in.

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By *oobsandballsMan
over a year ago

st andrews

"We have never come across this rule, we go as a couple, play as a couple, but if we wanted we would split and play on our own - it has never been an issue! Don't get this at all. "

Yep, nor us. First I'm hearing about it. I'd never go somewhere where I HAD to do anything.

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By *etzPlayCouple
over a year ago

Southend

"We have never come across this rule, we go as a couple, play as a couple, but if we wanted we would split and play on our own - it has never been an issue! Don't get this at all.

Yep, nor us. First I'm hearing about it. I'd never go somewhere where I HAD to do anything. "

Same here, sometimes we separate and play with a single each or two lol xx

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

We haven't come across this either, or ever seen any sign of club staff trying to keep an eye on who was or wasn't playing.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

I've not come across this, and I only go to a club occasionally for social reasons.

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By *hared timesCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

Fred never plays in clubs

He loves to watch me and take in all the surroundings

Haven't heard of any club saying you both have to play

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By *awandOrder OP Couple
over a year ago

SW London

The implication from the club was that he was using me to get a chance to play. We rarely place anyway, as only go for the social - and when we play, he usually plays with guys anyway - at the time I thought it weird, but I think they suspected we were not a real couple. No way I would go to a club which made me feel pressured to do anything - I am stubborn like that. Wondered if it was more of an expectation for women to play ... thanks for the postings though. Interested to see what clubs say too though ...

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

Have seen this mentioned on one club website where the socialising areas are on the ground floor and the play areas are on the first floor. They take a dim view if the female half of the couple remains downstairs all night whislt the male is upstairs

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By *awandOrder OP Couple
over a year ago

SW London

"Have seen this mentioned on one club website where the socialising areas are on the ground floor and the play areas are on the first floor. They take a dim view if the female half of the couple remains downstairs all night whislt the male is upstairs"

You know us, Josie, we are a real couple - and no-one puts black cop on a leash except me - and its a long one in my case ... I love the idea that he goes to play, as he loves it when I do - but the beauty of it is we decide for ourselves, not the club ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suppose that's the male acting like a solo male all evening if the female remains downstairs the entire night. Which would upset the balance if it was a couples night. I don't see why a male couldn't nip off to play and then return to his female to continue the night as a couple. Maybe it's to protect about some people totally taking the piss?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The club where I work doesn't force any particular play arrangements but we might have a quick word with a gent if he appears to acting a little too "predatory" on his own while his partner for the night is sat on her own. We don't accuse, just remind him his partner is downstairs if he's looking for her. Obviously if it continues or others complain about his behaviour then we give a stronger reminder. It happens very rarely though

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

I know you both as as a strong couple and whether you play with the same person, two different people, one plays and the other doesn't or neither plays, you are still a couple

I am not agreeing with the club policy. Just stating that it is on a club website; some people have never seen this mentioned but I have

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By *awandOrder OP Couple
over a year ago

SW London

I know you both as as a strong couple and whether you play with the same person, two different people, one plays and the other doesn't or neither plays, you are still a couple

I am not agreeing with the club policy. Just stating that it is on a club website; some people have never seen this mentioned but I have"

Yes it may well be the same club that told me he could not play at a club unless I did because if he did he was obviously using me and the whole relationship was a sham .... it is an interesting one because I doubt they would say the same thing to women who do their thing alone while the man sits downstairs? It implies a certain view of men and a certain view of women.

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

I know you both as as a strong couple and whether you play with the same person, two different people, one plays and the other doesn't or neither plays, you are still a couple

I am not agreeing with the club policy. Just stating that it is on a club website; some people have never seen this mentioned but I have

I know you are right. I am sometimes accompanied to a club by a male friend (he is one of the two guys I have a couples membership with as well). I have known him for quite some time. I have on occasion left him to go play and nobidy has ever objected to that. But one time when I wasn't in the mood and he went away to play, he was 'reminded' to re-join me

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon

Although I've never seen of, or experienced this, I think it sounds like the club is trying to stop "couples" coming in, when in fact they are not a couple, and he is taking along a female friend so he can get in cheaper. It also would get around the "couples and single fem" nights too I guess.

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

"Although I've never seen of, or experienced this, I think it sounds like the club is trying to stop "couples" coming in, when in fact they are not a couple, and he is taking along a female friend so he can get in cheaper. It also would get around the "couples and single fem" nights too I guess."

In my case, I am taking along a male friend

And although we are not married, romantically attached or anything of that nature, we consider ourselves in a mini-micro-pico 'relationship' from the time we meet too the time we part company

Apologies; I am not challenging your comment at all. Simply adding to it with my situation of a lone predatory woman stalking men in clubs

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By *awandOrder OP Couple
over a year ago

SW London

For me the issue is, we are a couple. But still individuals. We live together. All of our friends and family accept us as a couple - if he wanted to play and I did not, that does not change the fact that we are a couple. As Josie says, it seems okay for me to play but him not to in some clubs. By couple, do these clubs mean you have to be doing exactly the same thing at exactly the same time - because I am not sure all couples have a relationship like that. Personally I think the implication here is the women can do what they want but the guys, even in couples, are being treated like single guys if they behave like them. Its not about the couple per se, I was just shocked that the club basically said I would have to play if he did. I don't do everything he does in our vanilla life - he does the dishes, the ironing, pays for dinners out - but I don't ... and neither of us would want to be in a situation where we feel we have to do something ... like I have to play to allow him to. I have never experienced this in a club, because if I even get the hint that this is the case, I would not go there. Then you may get situations of one partner not being hundred per cent ready to play on the night maybe dabbling because they want to be fair to their partner ... its pressure and not a good thing.

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By *awandOrder OP Couple
over a year ago

SW London

Personally I don't care if two people have just' coupled up' ten minutes before of if they have been married for twenty or more years. In some of the longer relationships, partners have grown apart and therefore are not close and they may each be there to get something that is missing, not doing it together at all. I have no problems if two people define themselves as a couple for them to be let in as one.

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

OP, if you have these feelings about a particular club, I doubt yiu would be able to enjoy yourself there anyway. Perhaps try a different club where you dont have to worry about this, relax and enjoy yourself.

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By *awandOrder OP Couple
over a year ago

SW London

Thanks. We know which clubs we like and go to them - only a couple. And would not touched the one I had this conversation with in any way, shape of form. Just wondered how 'normal' is it for clubs to be like the one we encountered. If you have read my posts, you know there are other ways to enjoy yourself than relaxing - in my case, I like a debate and to find things out

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire

"Thanks. We know which clubs we like and go to them - only a couple. And would not touched the one I had this conversation with in any way, shape of form. Just wondered how 'normal' is it for clubs to be like the one we encountered. If you have read my posts, you know there are other ways to enjoy yourself than relaxing - in my case, I like a debate and to find things out

It makes no odds to me if a club lets in a couple that have just teamed up to reduce entrance then go separate ways, whether it's an established couple that play together or an established couple that play separately. I can understand why some clubs want to monitor or reduce the amount of people that separate for play on a couples night as they are advertising to other club goers that this evening suits couples and then have loads of people playing solo.

Having said that, we play separate for parts of the evening and have never been made to feel like we are doing anything inappropriate.

Perhaps it very much depends on the club and type of event it is.

Maybe speak to the club themselves and ask them to explain or maybe tell them how you feel?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We have never come across this rule, we go as a couple, play as a couple, but if we wanted we would split and play on our own - it has never been an issue! Don't get this at all. "

We have never come across this either and we have been to many clubs x Mr often wanders off for a look around and sometimes plays x

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