FabSwingers.com forum: Being Followed

By *expuss2015 OP Woman
over a year ago

Planet Sex

I'm a single female who attends a club and whenever I go for a wonder around to see whats going on in the rooms I'm always being followed by single guys! To me its intimidating as if I wanted fun Id ask. Is this the norm?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire

Do you tell them to stop? Or tell staff?

Have you tried going to just a couples and single ladies event? Or try a different club? I've only had this at two clubs, the rest the single guys are usually well behaved and will stop whatever they are doing that makes you feel uncomfortable if you tell them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

We have had this, and men edging closer and closer when I was giving Mr a bj, someone perching their head over his shoulder when he was going down on me. Reminded me of the doctors when I was giving birth ... we decided to turn the tables and follow them ... its actually quite tricky to do with the timing, so now we admire anyone who could do it and get the timing right.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aydeesclubCouple
over a year ago

Bedfordshire

We have recently made part of the club a couples only part so that couples could go in their without having to explain to single guys that they only want to be with other couples and that has worked very very well, the guys who do come along here are not normally like this as they are all verified on a Saturday...

...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"We have recently made part of the club a couples only part so that couples could go in their without having to explain to single guys that they only want to be with other couples and that has worked very very well, the guys who do come along here are not normally like this as they are all verified on a Saturday...

... "

if you have a couples only playroom then i fully understand that... but i think that making other parts of a club couples only has the danger of turning people into "2nd class citizens".......

I've seen male half's of couple just wander around clubs and be more handsy that single guys.... but they get away with it because they have "woman"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

Just walk in one direction, the stop and turn around and look at them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

no... but i always say to people, tell them once nicely to stop.. and if they don't listen, then tell the staff....

staff are lovely, but they can't be mindreaders.... and if you don't tell then, they won't know....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have had it happen when I've been there as a single fem and as part of a couple. Usually just ignore them. If it got to be a problem then I'd ask them to back off and stop following me/us and if needed then I'd tell the staff.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm a single female who attends a club and whenever I go for a wonder around to see whats going on in the rooms I'm always being followed by single guys! To me its intimidating as if I wanted fun Id ask. Is this the norm?"
I havnt been but one would think so clubs like fab will be top heavy with men to see a sexy single woman wandering around must be enticing !!!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm a single female who attends a club and whenever I go for a wonder around to see whats going on in the rooms I'm always being followed by single guys! To me its intimidating as if I wanted fun Id ask. Is this the norm? I havnt been but one would think so clubs like fab will be top heavy with men to see a sexy single woman wandering around must be enticing !!!!"

Yes , she is like a antelope to pack of hungry lions

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They follow us as well try sat nights when it's couples only

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you feel intimidated then tell them... If not then smile and make it into a game... Or turn around and talk to them. Some will run away at that point and hey you May just get a good time from it.

If guys are annoying me I do just say, but I mostly find that I scare them. X

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

Could you not just start a game of 'What's the time, Mr. Wolf?'

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

no... but i always say to people, tell them once nicely to stop.. and if they don't listen, then tell the staff....

staff are lovely, but they can't be mindreaders.... and if you don't tell then, they won't know....

Amen Fabio

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's never been the norm that guys follow girls around on our club nights the advice we've always given to ladies is to speak to the person following or to chat with us, we also lay down ground rules for ALL attendees with regards to rules of the club, we don't have a couples only area at our club nights everyone is on a even keel so to speak and no on should be treated as 2nd class citizens and excluded from parts of the club we do however have private theme rooms that of course with the door closed excludes everyone on the wrong side of the door! The point is if you feel intimidated then speak to staff, if this doesn't resolve the issue then maybe think about a different night or club x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *estinysswingersCouple
over a year ago

Worsley

"Could you not just start a game of 'What's the time, Mr. Wolf?'"

No it's not the norm. You shouldn't have to tell them but you may need to. The staff should 100% do something if you tell them.

Do like the approach of the Mr Wolf game though.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *expuss2015 OP Woman
over a year ago

Planet Sex

Some good advice from you all thanks. I do go on a sat night which is couples and single ladies only and do prefer that night. It's nice to be able to chat to other women as well as have fun.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

no... but i always say to people, tell them once nicely to stop.. and if they don't listen, then tell the staff....

staff are lovely, but they can't be mindreaders.... and if you don't tell then, they won't know....

I agree with _abio.

To be fair I've been followed by guys when I've wandered round with the other half.

In the past I've let it intimidate me.

But as said above, the guys aren't mind readers, and are just chancing their luck.

I firm, confident NO should do the trick.

I don't see them causing harm intentionally, they are just horny bless em!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *picyminxWoman
over a year ago

Huntingdon

no... but i always say to people, tell them once nicely to stop.. and if they don't listen, then tell the staff....

staff are lovely, but they can't be mindreaders.... and if you don't tell then, they won't know....

Very true. I have as a staff member in the past asked guys to give space and not follow and feel I could say it to guys that followed me. If I were in a club and felt unsure about telling the guys I would quite happily mention it to the staff.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *onny MCMan
over a year ago

Crawley

Girls, I know you don't go out to clubs like these to be hassled and that paying at the door doesn't automatically entitle me or any other single guy to a shag, but please remember we have paid and that payment subsidies your night out.

Was at kestrels Monday as part of a couple, in a playroom with another couple and the other woman referred to the single guys as "wankers" several times. Yes, I know some of us can be a pain sometimes myself included but without us, there probably wouldn't be a financially viable club scene.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aeBabeWoman
over a year ago

London

"Girls, I know you don't go out to clubs like these to be hassled and that paying at the door doesn't automatically entitle me or any other single guy to a shag, but please remember we have paid and that payment subsidies your night out.

What's your point if you don't mind me asking for clarification?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *onny MCMan
over a year ago

Crawley

Just that the single guys on here and on the club scene do tend to be looked down on a little sometimes and I don't think some people totally appreciate that we are necessary.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *akemetobedeyesWoman
over a year ago

Knaresborough

That women should show their gratitude for the subsidy that single men provide in clubs but letting them stalk us without complaining

. ?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just that the single guys on here and on the club scene do tend to be looked down on a little sometimes and I don't think some people totally appreciate that we are necessary. "

I absolutely agree!! I think it's bloody rude the way some couples and women treat guys. And yet they expect to be treated with respect by the guys they look down on and call wankers.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *onny MCMan
over a year ago

Crawley

I just feel some of the comments arse a little harsh. I've followed couples in clubs and usually I'm just looking to watch or listen in, without any intention of actually invading anyone's space, or I'm looking to just start a friendly conversation, but am new to the scene and am still a little lacking in confidence - and a good opening line. Do I sound like a "stalker" to you?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aeBabeWoman
over a year ago

London

"Just that the single guys on here and on the club scene do tend to be looked down on a little sometimes and I don't think some people totally appreciate that we are necessary. "

I don't think it's fair to assume that single guys are looked down on here or at clubs. I think it's a certain type of guy, with a certain type of attitude or approach that is the cause for anguish for some couples and single women. There are many more men than women or couples on here, but for every (let's say) 10 "unappreciated" guys on here there are 2 well liked single men.

Some men go on this site or to a club with expectations of sex and their desperate is visible.

Yes single men are necessary, just as single women and couples are too, but it's the attitude of some that isn't.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

no... but i always say to people, tell them once nicely to stop.. and if they don't listen, then tell the staff....

staff are lovely, but they can't be mindreaders.... and if you don't tell then, they won't know....

I agree with _abio.

To be fair I've been followed by guys when I've wandered round with the other half.

In the past I've let it intimidate me.

But as said above, the guys aren't mind readers, and are just chancing their luck.

I firm, confident NO should do the trick.

I don't see them causing harm intentionally, they are just horny bless em!

I use to find it intimidating too but then I changed.

I wandered round a club on my own being followed by guys and me following them too. I chatted to them and they were lovely. I think they are often just scared to speak for fear of abuse from women and couples. So they wander round with their eyes to the floor in the hope someone will speak to them yet get slated for doing it. Men are human too!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *onny MCMan
over a year ago

Crawley

I am one of those "scared to speak guys".

Thank you for understanding.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oo hotCouple
over a year ago

North West

Must be tough as a SF. We get it a lot as Mrs always dresses very provocatively but a firm no normally does the trick. Mrs has always said that she admires SF who go alone to Clubs as it must be hard to be firm and to be nice.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *onny MCMan
over a year ago

Crawley

Then I will try my hardest to be amongst the 2 and not the 10.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oo hotCouple
over a year ago

North West

You would be wrong. The Clubs would evolve in a different way.

Let's be real here. Swinging today is an evolution of "wife swapping" . Albeit there are swinging singles around these days that add flavour to the mix, swinging is about couples in the main.

Single women at Clubs are always in demand but an over proliferation of single makes can be a real pain, particularly if those guys are are not adding to the sexual dynamic.

This may sound really brutal but a big percentage of single guys need to realise that attending a swingers club confers no rights of watching or partaking in any sexual activity whatsoever. I hope that all single guys get what they want when they visit Clubs but I suspect that those guys who are out of shape and/or who made no effort to cut their hair, trim their nails or even try to make an effort are those who leave as frustrated as they came (sic).

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aeBabeWoman
over a year ago

London

Some men, women or even couples shouldn't expect to have sex at a club just because they paid...

That's the wrong attitude to approach swinging with...

I have been to clubs and have heard disgruntled men mumble that the night wasn't worth all that money...

Really?

A guy at a club had been following my movements had asking for my number I made it clear I wasn't interested. He proceeded to grabbing my arm and begging. I told him he was hurting me and to let go, he actually left a bruise.

Now that's not fair is it? I don't see the benefit of having him there

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oo hotCouple
over a year ago

North West

"Some men, women or even couples shouldn't expect to have sex at a club just because they paid...

That's the wrong attitude to approach swinging with...

I have been to clubs and have heard disgruntled men mumble that the night wasn't worth all that money...

Really?

Now that's not fair is it? I don't see the benefit of having him there"

This is where it gets difficult.... Certain Party organisers vet the single guys on the basis of their physical attributes - is that where we are going? Then what? Do we vet the couples and single women too?

It is a tough call. As the guy of the couple posting here, I think that I would personally realise when the time and moment came that my presence was not adding to the potential but detracting from it. Sadly many people do not have that thought and regard their payment at the door as having some kind of implied guarantee.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *onny MCMan
over a year ago

Crawley

Maybe you're right and I'm just getting a little bent out of shape because I feel like I am making an effort and am being lumped in with the mob of guys who aren't. Sorry.

Still not gonna cut my hair though.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We've hd this issue, we've even gone to the couples room in Chams and still hd a man stand in the doorway and watch us! He was very persistent lol! In the end I just started to pretend he wasn't there because I coupdnt just stop what I was doing!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *onny MCMan
over a year ago

Crawley

Not quite sure where I stand on this. Yeah I like to watch and Our Place 4 fun makes it clear that you are visible in all their play areas on the web site, so if you don't want to be watched maybe it's not for you. Don't know about Chams but if they advertise the space as couples only and voyeur free and guys can still see from the doorway, I'd say that's the club's fault, not his.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aeBabeWoman
over a year ago

London

"Not quite sure where I stand on this. Yeah I like to watch and Our Place 4 fun makes it clear that you are visible in all their play areas on the web site, so if you don't want to be watched maybe it's not for you. Don't know about Chams but if they advertise the space as couples only and voyeur free and guys can still see from the doorway, I'd say that's the club's fault, not his."

What if the room is couples only and single men still seem to find their way in there? What then? Clubs fault he didn't follow the rules? I don't mind being watched in fact I enjoy one way mirror rooms, but when a guy is practically trying to force a shut door open, that scares me a bit and puts me off.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *onny MCMan
over a year ago

Crawley

If he's standing in the doorway watching, that implies to me there wasn't a door with a lock there, if there is and he's trying to push his way in as you try to shut it, yes of course that's out of order, but that wasn't the impression that I got from the wording.

If it's just an archway, then yes, of course guys are gonna stand there and watch and the club could probably change the lay out to stop this, just by adding an extra partition and marking the couples only area further back. If they have and he's crossed a line he shouldn't have, literally and figuratively, then, yes again, he's in the wrong.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That would scare me too. It's intimidating. Time for staff to deal with him.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get it a lot

What I do is walk across the landing, get half way and just stop, its quite funny to watch their response to that, some will walk off, some will hang about trying to look like they aren't waiting for you to move again, some will walk round in circles

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Could you not just start a game of 'What's the time, Mr. Wolf?'"
or have a game of strip poker

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ivnwcplCouple
over a year ago

liverpool

Yes

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ive it to usCouple
over a year ago

cheshire

"I'm a single female who attends a club and whenever I go for a wonder around to see whats going on in the rooms I'm always being followed by single guys! To me its intimidating as if I wanted fun Id ask. Is this the norm?"
Yes its the norm blokes will always follow a sexy lady around. Chams can be like London circle line with its 2 sets of stairs. (up and down and round and round) Most don't even speak. hubby sorts it for me! But even he has had to notify staff at many clubs. Most sort it very well. Don't forget it sounds harsh but a lady will always have the upper hand in a club in many ways. No is no. And as people have already said. Most clubs have couples and single lady only nights x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

...

if you have a couples only playroom then i fully understand that... but i think that making other parts of a club couples only has the danger of turning people into "2nd class citizens".......

I've seen male half's of couple just wander around clubs and be more handsy that single guys.... but they get away with it because they have "woman""
It's not a room it's a decent size open area, single men can go in on invite I believe, it's a really chilled out area, but then the whole place is.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By * and PCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

It is not the norm in most clubs glad to say. Always find a member of staff and let them know if this does happen to you or go to the reception desk and we are sure that the matter will be delt with for you.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a sex club.... The guys are there looking for sex so they employ a variety of methods to get attention (some of which are slightly creepier than others). I think we have to take it for what it is and empower ourselves to deal with it. Generally speaking they're just regular guys with a hard on so I cut em some slack.

Wether I am alone or with Adam I deal

With it in similar ways if I am not interested in chatting or more.

I may just ignore them and the behaviour. Sometimes they get bored and go away. I am a master of avoiding eye contact with people I have no interest in.

If the behaviour is bothering me I'll ask them to stop. I am direct and very clear. I don't like being followed but I have had fun by standing by the glory holes, they're all ready to leap in as soon as I put my hand on the door. Makes me giggle anyway.

If someone chats to me and I'm not interested in playing with them. I tell them.

If I am touched without being asked then that will resort in my best pointy finger lecture which normally renders the poor chap a quivering jelly on the floor.

If someone doesn't take no for an answer I have zero tolerance. They will be reported and I will watch them escorted off the premises (I've done that before only once).

I love that I am in total control. It takes a little practice to feel confident but no one should be part of something they're not comfortable with (man or woman).

Have fun

V xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Could you not just start a game of 'What's the time, Mr. Wolf?'"

Haha dinner time and chase them around the club

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we have had this a cple of times and at nude beaches , we now stop and stare at them and gesture that they wank now, suddenly they go soft and saunter away, put the pressure on them and it all changes

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *expuss2015 OP Woman
over a year ago

Planet Sex

I actually tried the turning round and saying No when asked about going to a room if I didn't like the guy and it worked a treat - even though later on in the night the one guy pushed past me with his shoulder but I need to learn to speak up more. Im not just going to go in a room just to satisfy some guy. I like to chat to them first, get to know them a little.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

been in 1 club had the same men following me around when went to have a cig (yes I smoke) and hubby stayed in bar area - but I am a big girl (5 9" and in heels over 6ft) so a grab of specific part of a man's body stops the following very quick...

But prefer couples and girls only night easier and safer...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pain in the arse & yes can be intimidating if you go as a single female - I do think a coloured wrist band approach would work well in clubs, indicating what your after to a certain colour!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a couple we get this on nights when a lot of single men attend. We just play with there heads by walking and turning around before eventually heading to the couples only room.

Only had one bad incident when a d*unk manchild grabbed Blondie from behind on the dance floor. I 'politely' advised the gentleman that I would remove his head from his shoulders, after he ignored 3 NOs from her and he then walked away.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

I just tell them firmly that if I was interested have the confidence to approach them myself so to stop following me and conduct themselves like a gentleman as if they don't I have no problem informing the staff of their misconduct, does the trick straight away everytime in my experience

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ogistical NightmaresCouple
over a year ago

Manchester Area

OK two points we would like to make.....

1)in a previous post someone said they didnt like single guys being called "wankers"..... fair enough , but if you are in a club as a couple minding your own business and a single guy seats himself near you, opens his towel and starts masturbating furiously like a safari park chimp what noun would you use to describe him

2) If you are playing in an open room/area and a single guy comes over to watch at a "safe" distance away (no problem with that).. but then consistently edges forward till he makes me (fem) feel uncomfortable....why should he get the hump when asked to back away

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We also had similar experiences and just ignored. A few times some of the followers got too close ( and I mean really close!) and we just told them to leave us some space.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 05/09/15 07:25:06]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This might be controversial but with having specific nights for single males and given that it's a swingers club and also the people who attend said nights must surely understand that there's going to be a bit of that going off because they have silently said by attending said night that they are open to the idea of the single male, if not there are alternative nights to attend, also we don't condone physical or aggressive behaviour!!! there's a saying..you wouldn't go swimming if you don't like getting wet, common sense that's all and let's cut the single males a bit of slack

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aeBabeWoman
over a year ago

London

"This might be controversial but with having specific nights for single males and given that it's a swingers club and also the people who attend said nights must surely understand that there's going to be a bit of that going off because they have silently said by attending said night that they are open to the idea of the single male, if not there are alternative nights to attend, also we don't condone physical or aggressive behaviour!!! there's a saying..you wouldn't go swimming if you don't like getting wet, common sense that's all and let's cut the single males a bit of slack

That's your view and that's completely fine if you want to view it that way, but I don't agree with it.

The unwarranted behaviour of some single men should not represent the "single man" dynamic of swinging. There are some couples and single ladies that want the company of single men, but obviously the company of men who treat them respectfully. When a stranger invades your personal space without permission, in any situation, it will obviously make you feel uncomfortable.

That saying about swimming...

Yes you will get wet, but you don't expect to drown.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pretty much agree with this.

There are already specific nights for single guys. If you club on a Friday for example then generally there are lots of guys, Saturday nights are often limited to couples and single girls).

There are some people who know how to conduct themselves at a club and some that don't. (I've met some pretty odd couples and women too for that matter).

If someone is too close and you tell them to back off, they should. And if they don't they are breaking the rules. If someone wants to play they should ask (man or woman) and wait for an invite.

Twattish, "I'm entitled" behaviour (whoever they are) should not be tolerated and clubs should eject these people on an instant ban!

V xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oo hotCouple
over a year ago

North West

The fact is though that there remains a sense of expectation having paid for entry and that should not be the case.

My personal opinion is that if I were a single guy and I could not convince myself that I would add to the sexy environment of a Club, then I would not go. The concept of paying to perv is not a comfortable one with me and I don't think that any Club should be making money on the back of it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ogistical NightmaresCouple
over a year ago

Manchester Area

Most clubs only have one night for couples, does that mean that I should just attend that night?

If a woman goes out in "party wear" to a night club in heels, does this automatically mean she is after sex because of how she is dressed ?

If a couple go to a couples only night and they don't play with another couple. Should they complain to management.

Re men subsidising for couples/sf, if it was brought down in price the club would be inundated with, promise I won't use the W word, men and the complaint even more would be about not getting a shag. Also how would the guys feel is there were say 100 men, 10 couples and 10 single fems?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aisyandDukeCouple
over a year ago

Formby

Don't normally bother getting involved in this particular ongoing regular debate. As far as we're concerned as long as clubs have different nights to suit different peoples requirements then that all seems fine. We normally only go to couples nights, but of course there will be other couples and girls who are looking for guys. So as long as they have their nights then everyone's happy!

In the same way, it's nice to have different themed nights - for example fetish themes which are 'swinger friendly' and vice versa. We only got into swinging via a club night like that...

So... Just go to the club & night that fits your needs. If you go to one that doesn't work for you, just don't go back!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *umpkinMan
over a year ago

near the sounds of the wimborne quarter jack!

.................... I use to find it intimidating too but then I changed.

Certainly in my case, being shy and not exactly confident(!), you`ve hit the nail on the head and put it in better words than I could! Saw myself in those words straight away! Thank you!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

I've recently posted up a thread about how, after clearly stating to the four single males who came over to watch me play on my own, that they would be invited to play if I wanted them to, one man decided he would attempt to creep up between my legs and touch me, a la dog trying to sneak up on a sofa.

My foot met his chest and the only reason I didn't fell him was the two couples behind him, playing.

The situation was dealt with but I'm sick of constantly being aware that my space may be invaded.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *expuss2015 OP Woman
over a year ago

Planet Sex

I just feel that if I wanted fun I'd indicate to the guy that I wanted to have fun. Just because I'm walking around doesn't instantly mean that I'm willing to have fun with any guy that takes it on himself to follow me around. It's also a point of a guy getting the message that if I've shown no interest then it's not going to change later on!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

"I just feel that if I wanted fun I'd indicate to the guy that I wanted to have fun. Just because I'm walking around doesn't instantly mean that I'm willing to have fun with any guy that takes it on himself to follow me around. It's also a point of a guy getting the message that if I've shown no interest then it's not going to change later on! "

I agree with you, I'm hardly likely to play with anyone who chooses to creep around me rather than say hello and introducing themselves. If they have no communication skills then we are unlikely to share a good shag.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/09/15 19:50:58]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's your view and that's completely fine if you want to view it that way, but I don't agree with it.

That saying about swimming...

Yes you will get wet, but you don't expect to drown.

But having said that my friend if you go swimming and you are a timid swimmer you my friend will most definitely drown!! but if you are a strong swimmer on singles night you will be fine, so to cap it off.. Stop being a full on drama queen go on a couples night, or go on a singles night and expect there might be the odd ocassion that this may happen, and I mean the odd ocassion, bless em the club advertises a singles night, men being men especially is the ultimate sweet shop will get carried away, if you don't want to deal with it don't go!!! Simple...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't normally bother getting involved in this particular ongoing regular debate. As far as we're concerned as long as clubs have different nights to suit different peoples requirements then that all seems fine. We normally only go to couples nights, but of course there will be other couples and girls who are looking for guys. So as long as they have their nights then everyone's happy!

In the same way, it's nice to have different themed nights - for example fetish themes which are 'swinger friendly' and vice versa. We only got into swinging via a club night like that...

So... Just go to the club & night that fits your needs. If you go to one that doesn't work for you, just don't go back!

Our views too

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ELLONS AND CREAMWoman
over a year ago

stourbridge area

What did you expect ??

If you dont want to be treated like this ... don't go to a club ... simples x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I never get followed at clubs. Not sure what that says about me...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always happens at clubs someone admiring from distance , it only weird when it happen in day to day life , no bouncers to protect u , and it more personal , imagine seein same face in street or supermakert , doin washin up and same face walkin past strange

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aeBabeWoman
over a year ago

London

That's your view and that's completely fine if you want to view it that way, but I don't agree with it.

That saying about swimming...

Yes you will get wet, but you don't expect to drown.

Ermmm... How am I a drama queen???

I go to singles nights at clubs because I like the present of single men, women and couples. I know how to handle myself in a situation when it comes to certain single men with a less than desirable attitude towards me, I just don't condone or agree with that behaviour.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"1)in a previous post someone said they didnt like single guys being called "wankers"..... fair enough , but if you are in a club as a couple minding your own business and a single guy seats himself near you, opens his towel and starts masturbating furiously like a safari park chimp what noun would you use to describe him

He was a wanker, evidently, but the other 100 single men in the club that night didn't, so what should the collective noun be?

The previous post seemed (but I may be wrong) to suggest that on a night when singles were allowed, in a room where singles were allowed, couples were openly referring to other patrons as "wankers" as a catch-all assumption - which is disrespectful, arrogant, superior, wrong, and rude.

Wankers, twats, bitches, cunts attend clubs every night of the week. Sometimes alone, sometimes in pairs.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

there are two different conversations going on here....

1) whether people like to admit it.... where i say that people are the masters on their own fate in clubs... there are times when the actions on single guys don't really help the perception of single guys...

not saying that it isn't easy to distance yourself for that behaviour because quite frankly it is... but i don't we get anywhere by denying it doesn't happen...

2) the attitudes of some couples towards single guys can be described at "twatish".... i was in a club last night and where everyone else was really friendly and i was chatting with a few.. there was this one couple who treating the single guys like something they had stepped in....

a "hello" isnt an opening gambit... so to reply to a hello with..."thats as close as your getting to us" isn't really that warrented!!!

i understand why some guys dont talk.. I don't think going "ninja" helps... i think you tend to get much further with people if you do speak

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's your view and that's completely fine if you want to view it that way, but I don't agree with it.

That saying about swimming...

Yes you will get wet, but you don't expect to drown.

Ermmm... How am I a drama queen???

Again....we don't condone that kind of behaviour but inevitably that will happen and that is the rough part of the equation wrong or right, deal with it.,and (not being aggressive) more importantly it's always essential to remove ones head from from ones dark crevice and realise that deep down there are some who actually get off on that drama which only reinforces the pedestal they themselves have put themselves on, we aren't all "THAT" and on singles night not just a set few get hit on everyone will get hit on!! But not everyone who has been to singles night moan about it on here

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Stop being a full on drama queen go on a couples night, or go on a singles night and expect there might be the odd ocassion that this may happen, and I mean the odd ocassion, bless em the club advertises a singles night, men being men especially is the ultimate sweet shop will get carried away, if you don't want to deal with it don't go!!! Simple...

"If you didn't want men to get the wrong idea, you shouldn't have worn a short shirt"

You're basically blaming the bad behavior of a load of guys on the fact that a woman has gone to a swingers clubs. It's not the woman's fault that they're incapable of being decent human beings, it's their own fault.

When I go to clubs with singles it's like the ultimate sweet shop for me too - except I don't trail men and women round the club not speaking to them.

Don't apologize for these men. Don't make excuses for them. They have poor social skills and that's down to nothing except themselves. Don't make excuses for them being creepy and a little bit rapey.

You say "just go on a couples night" but what if you're not into having sex with m/f couples? What if I want to go to a swingers night to have sex with single men or single women, but I don't want to be followed round all night by guys with no social skills? What if I can't make a Saturday night either?

Why can't we tell tell the men to be better rather than the women to change their plans? I'm fucking fed up of people apologizing for guys poor behavior, saying "men will be men" and then telling me I have to change my life to fit theirs. No. JUST BE BETTER HUMANS.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if you have a couples only playroom then i fully understand that... but i think that making other parts of a club couples only has the danger of turning people into "2nd class citizens".......

I've seen male half's of couple just wander around clubs and be more handsy that single guys.... but they get away with it because they have "woman""

Fair point. We have played with single guys and we can spot the ones with the kind of social skills we like. Those without can be annoying but they tend to back away with the slightest of pointed look. Far more guys are painfully polite than not.

Ironically we have far more issues with pushy guys from couples who seem to think that they deserve special treatment 'because they brought something to the party'. It's not a nice attitude in our book. An unattractive man with poor social skills doesn't get better just because they have a partner.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"I'm a single female who attends a club and whenever I go for a wonder around to see whats going on in the rooms I'm always being followed by single guys! To me its intimidating as if I wanted fun Id ask. Is this the norm? I havnt been but one would think so clubs like fab will be top heavy with men to see a sexy single woman wandering around must be enticing !!!!"

most clubs have a night for single guys and a separate night for couples and single females and a limited amount of single guys. being followed around and single guys wandering, but happen to be going in same direction as others, is two different scenarios.

i go to clubs where there is open space for play and lockable private rooms, so that if it gets too much , ill go into a private room.. only one place ive been to, has had men standing outside closed doors wanking over the slightest noise...however saying that most of the single guys are lovely, well behaved and non pushy, and i am glad they brave the scene and go to clubs. i know i appreciate them very much, no single guy worth his salt worries about being tarred with the other 'sort'. decent guys are easy to spot a mile away x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *razedcatMan
over a year ago

London / Herts

It's this awkward social reality that puts me off clubs.

In truth, it's subjective. The single guy believes he's more likely to get attention if he follows people than if he stays put. It could also be construed as more sociable behaviour; sitting on your own looks a little loner-ish. However, from the outside, following people looks needy, if not creepy.

I think single guys need to build a bit of a rapport with club-going females and couples before they go. Easier said than done, granted, but it's a method that will minimise instances of creepiness and encourage club cohesion

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aeBabeWoman
over a year ago

London

That's your view and that's completely fine if you want to view it that way, but I don't agree with it.

That saying about swimming...

Yes you will get wet, but you don't expect to drown.

Ermmm... How am I a drama queen???

These forums are a platform for discussion and yet your statement is like a long winded "put up with it and shut up". I don't think that we should have to play around a behaviour (not restricted to single men alone) that isn't acceptable in a swingers club or regular night club. Single guys have every right to go to clubs, and every one should have the right to feel safe and enjoy themselves and be free to go to which ever night they choose. No one is on a pedestal and in no way is anyone on this thread asking too much to be respected.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aeBabeWoman
over a year ago

London

[Removed by poster at 07/09/15 14:31:55]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you didn't want men to get the wrong idea, you shouldn't have worn a short shirt"

When I go to clubs with singles it's like the ultimate sweet shop for me too - except I don't trail men and women round the club not speaking to them.

Don't apologize for these men. Don't make excuses for them. They have poor social skills and that's down to nothing except themselves. Don't make excuses for them being creepy and a little bit rapey.

How do you define "rapey"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you didn't want men to get the wrong idea, you shouldn't have worn a short shirt"

When I go to clubs with singles it's like the ultimate sweet shop for me too - except I don't trail men and women round the club not speaking to them.

Don't apologize for these men. Don't make excuses for them. They have poor social skills and that's down to nothing except themselves. Don't make excuses for them being creepy and a little bit rapey.

How do you define "rapey""

Participating in the more sexualised end of rape culture. Doing things in which sexual assault is pervasive and normalised due to societies attitudes towards gender. Basically, if you have to say 'oh well, men will be men!' in a sexual environment, it's probably a bit rapey.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's your view and that's completely fine if you want to view it that way, but I don't agree with it.

That saying about swimming...

Yes you will get wet, but you don't expect to drown.

Ermmm... How am I a drama queen???

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aeBabeWoman
over a year ago

London

"It's this awkward social reality that puts me off clubs.

I totally get that hun, sitting in a corner alone is loner-ish and negative energy, but a better more positive approach would be for these single men to introduce themselves. It's less intimidating than them just standing there wanking or following someone around a club. How will these individuals know if the people they are attracted to would be interested. Yes there is instantaneous physical attraction, but then there is a developed attraction after social interaction. I know as a women I have approached people I have been attracted to and have been rejected and I totally respect that, that's their right, but I'm not going to follow someone around the club the whole time hoping to be invited into whatever play they get up too xx

The second part of what you said does make sense and sounds like a great way for friends to meet, mingle and play. Dispels the whole anxiety of a club night

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

i disagree...... i think it is down to know comfortable people are talking.... so people just forget that talking is a better first impression than stalking...

if people aren't that socially happythen i would suggest clubs aren't likely to be for them....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i disagree...... i think it is down to know comfortable people are talking.... so people just forget that talking is a better first impression than stalking...

if people aren't that socially happythen i would suggest clubs aren't likely to be for them....

I always tell guys who ask about clubs they need to be able to pull in real life to be successful pulling in clubs. It's the same skill set

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm a single female who attends a club and whenever I go for a wonder around to see whats going on in the rooms I'm always being followed by single guys! To me its intimidating as if I wanted fun Id ask. Is this the norm? I havnt been but one would think so clubs like fab will be top heavy with men to see a sexy single woman wandering around must be enticing !!!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's your view and that's completely fine if you want to view it that way, but I don't agree with it.

That saying about swimming...

Yes you will get wet, but you don't expect to drown.

Ermmm... How am I a drama queen???

Again..this is getting tiring, but I will go again..! We aren't saying put up or shut up at all.. And again we don't condone that behaviour one bit, but if you like the presence of the single male without the hassle then go to a normal nightclub, but you must admit or are we don't quite understand the concept of a swingers club, that people who attend are there to hook up men being men in that swinging environment some will get carried away ( and you know and I know its a microscopic minority ) and if you can't deal with or lack the communication skills, because it's not all down to the single male and you and some couples have to meet them half way. To cap it off finally.. On singles night you have to take it for what it is, and don't moan about it on here because deep down you enjoy the attention as you may not get that in a normal club. So stop moaning on here because your over exaggerated experiences will be putting people off attending clubs on singles nights, so let people have there own opinion, but to everyone who reads this, club selection is crucial and find what's right for you and try not to listen to people with enlarged egos who in a normal setting get overlooked but in a highly sexed enviroment get the odd bit of hassle

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

no... but i always say to people, tell them once nicely to stop.. and if they don't listen, then tell the staff....

staff are lovely, but they can't be mindreaders.... and if you don't tell then, they won't know....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

no... but i always say to people, tell them once nicely to stop.. and if they don't listen, then tell the staff....

staff are lovely, but they can't be mindreaders.... and if you don't tell then, they won't know....

Simples

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aeBabeWoman
over a year ago

London

That's your view and that's completely fine if you want to view it that way, but I don't agree with it.

That saying about swimming...

Yes you will get wet, but you don't expect to drown.

Ermmm... How am I a drama queen???

First off... rude. I don't see why you thought the need to resort to petty behaviour, actually this whole time you have been trying to take a stab at me and making it personal. Funny that you make assumptions like that. Can you not discuss civilly and remain neutral and stay on topic?

Secondly by saying men being men, that you are in actual fact saying that men will act that way no matter what because women provoke them, so it's a woman's fault for being there? And that she deserves all the attention she receives whether warranted or not?

Your post makes no sense as you are making assumptions about all single women on here.

I will not stoop to your level of immaturity.

I enjoy clubs and enjoy the social side of it and what it offers. You meet all sorts of people and most are open minded, but I am not afraid to say "No" or address a situation or behaviour I don't feel comfortable with. I hope many single ladies on here are able to do the same.

Lastly, all anyone (single men, single women, couples, etc) deserves is respect. I don't know if you know what that means. Learn it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's your view and that's completely fine if you want to view it that way, but I don't agree with it.

That saying about swimming...

Yes you will get wet, but you don't expect to drown.

Ermmm... How am I a drama queen???

Your post makes no sense as you are making assumptions about all single women on here.

I will not stoop to your level of immaturity.

Lastly, all anyone (single men, single women, couples, etc) deserves is respect. I don't know if you know what that means. Learn it."

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *razedcatMan
over a year ago

London / Herts

I can only add one more thing to what I perceive as a rapidly disintegrating discussion. It's a shame things had to get personal, but it seems they so often do on these forums.

I've only been to clubs on a few occasions, as part of a couple. And, truthfully (and as a male), I found the whole following women around shtick rather unsettling.

Honestly though, unless single guys can form a connection with a woman or couple very soon after arriving at a club, or beforehand, everything they do can be perceived as creepy, depending on who you're asking. It's why I'd likely never step foot in a club as a single guy.

The goal is to ensure everyone in a club environment feels comfortable, not just those happy to have followers.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The problems are:

1. You can't have sex in a normal nightclub. Normal nightclubs aren't swingers clubs. Therefore if you want to go somewhere to have sex, you should go to a swingers club and not a nightclub.

2. It's not a 'microscopic minority'. Nobody should be getting carried away. Humans were built with self control. They should use it. Especially in a sexually charged environment where consent is key.

3. Sometimes it's hard to say no. Before interacting with me sexually AT ALL at a swingers club, the other person should ask me. It's not down to me to tell them not to, it's down to them to ask in the first place. There's no meeting people half way on sex. Either you all want to do it or you don't - so establish if everyone wants to do it BEFORE you do anything.

4. Not all women secretly want loads of attention from all the men in the club. And stop comparing it with nightclubs, it's not a valid comparison. They're different places where you go to do different things. It would be nice to just be able to go to a club as a single woman, meet a nice guy or two at the bar, and then go and have sex with them. WITHOUT a trail of guys following and waiting to pounce without asking.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The problems are:

1. You can't have sex in a normal nightclub. Normal nightclubs aren't swingers clubs. Therefore if you want to go somewhere to have sex, you should go to a swingers club and not a nightclub.

Hooray at last one has tripped ones self up at last HOOORAY!!!!

1. You CAN go to a nightclub and meet a guy or two and have sex and that would be the norm most weekends up and down the country FACT!!! (This is hard work) but that kind of activity would normally happens off premises and can put you in, not all the time, a risky situation.. But without saying it you are implying (hooray) we attend swingers clubs because it's a controlled environment where no means no and in every clubs t,s and c,s they strictly point out that they will eject people who overstep the mark, but what you are saying is that everyone up and down country should go to a swingers club because it's the only place to have sex.. RUBBISH!!

2.3. You have mentioned that singles are lacking communication skills, but being able to say no is a basic skill and come on love it shouldn't be that hard otherwise you shouldn't be in a swingers club where everyone will at some point be propositioned for sex and it is a minority otherwise 95% of fab would be on here saying the exact same thing as you but they aren't, as for meeting people half way again you have missed my point!!! in terms of "communication" only and not sex!! (Who mentioned sex!!! ) we all should make the effort and meet everyone everyone half way. And on the bombshell, the sensational word (wow!!) CONSENT.. That's massive word and you should really think about the language you are using because that goes far beyond, being followed, wanking in a doorway, watching you have sex (come on it's a swingers club ) be careful and think clearly before using that kind of language because again!!! Any newbies or club owners reading what you have stated would be mortified to think that a consent isn't being given and also using the word rapey!!! Wow, I'm just confused if it's that bad having used buzz words like those, why the F##K do you attend if it's that bad, it just bemuses us

4. Stop S##T STIRRING!!! When did we say "ALL" women like the attention, but we did say women like yourself like make out it's such a hard life and poor me poor me, so as to make bolster ones own ego because in a swingers club we all get that attention not just you so don't flatter yourself !!! And the comparison between a swingers club and a normal nightclub is valid because all being said you can achieve the same outcome but under different conditions and environment!! As we have earlier on.. So finally !!! Grow some.. improve your communication skills and stop thinking you is all that and just think about what and how you say things on here because you have made huge statements!!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

1. You CAN go to a nightclub and meet a guy or two and have sex and that would be the norm most weekends up and down the country FACT!!!"

Forgive me for misunderstanding what you mean by nightclub... but the ones that I have frequented don't usually have a sex establishment license, condoms available on the bar, and beds in the middle of the club for you to have sex on. Nudity is usually not encouraged and in fact - in my experience - trying to have sex in a nightclub usually gets you thrown out.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have mentioned that singles are lacking communication skills, but being able to say no is a basic skill and come on love it shouldn't be that hard otherwise you shouldn't be in a swingers club where everyone will at some point be propositioned for sex and it is a minority otherwise 95% of fab would be on here saying the exact same thing as you but they aren't, as for meeting people half way again you have missed my point!!! in terms of "communication" only and not sex!! (Who mentioned sex!!! ) we all should make the effort and meet everyone everyone half way. And on the bombshell, the sensational word (wow!!) CONSENT.. That's massive word and you should really think about the language you are using because that goes far beyond, being followed, wanking in a doorway, watching you have sex (come on it's a swingers club ) be careful and think clearly before using that kind of language because again!!! Any newbies or club owners reading what you have stated would be mortified to think that a consent isn't being given and also using the word rapey!!! Wow, I'm just confused if it's that bad having used buzz words like those, why the F##K do you attend if it's that bad, it just bemuses us

Consent is not a sensationalist word, it's the cornerstone of swinging. I don't give my consent to be followed by gormless wanking men at any point. Equally I shouldn't have to speak to every guy in the club saying "don't follow me". Some social graces are implied.

With how adamant you are about the issue, I assume you will never complain in a future thread or to club staff members about the single guys on any given night.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orthwest_cplCouple
over a year ago

Stretford

I wonder what clubs some of you go to, or maybe more importantly, what expectations you have of clubs.

We have had the tail of guys but find it funny rather than intimidating - if you are intimidated by that, or by close watchers and wankers and cannot say no then open club environments might not be for you.

In 15 years we have reported 1 person, a single woman, who refused to take no for an answer. Single guys have always accepted no. We play in open rooms, we expect there to be people watching and joining in, private lockable rooms are there for a reason, if you don't like what happens in an open room then use them.

Some single guys lack social skill in a club environment but they are not a threat. To talk about rape and sexual assault in the club context is ridiculous and demeans the effects of genuine crimes.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We play in open rooms, we expect there to be people watching and joining in, private lockable rooms are there for a reason, if you don't like what happens in an open room then use them.

I would never expect someone to join in without asking if they can first. That's sexual assault.

Playing in an open room, or in one of the open areas at a club, does not mean that anyone is allowed to just join in without asking.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orthwest_cplCouple
over a year ago

Stretford

"We play in open rooms, we expect there to be people watching and joining in, private lockable rooms are there for a reason, if you don't like what happens in an open room then use them.

I would never expect someone to join in without asking if they can first. That's sexual assault.

Playing in an open room, or in one of the open areas at a club, does not mean that anyone is allowed to just join in without asking."

And that's where you differ from a lot of people. We DO expect people to just join in and we are able to say 'no thanks' to those we don't want. If we thought differently we would use one of the private rooms and lock the door.

Most of the people we know in the club scene are the same - that's why we go to clubs. And we wouldn't consider a man, woman or couple who approached with a reasonable touch as any form of sexual assault.

The club scene is gradually being eroded as somewhere to have NSA sex and it's not the single guys that are doing it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ythenshawefredMan
over a year ago

stockport

Surely there are some guys that get looked at as followers simply because they wish to make a polite approach, however as they walk across the room and get near a lady they would like to talk to somebody else is already chatting kind of thing or that a lass might be walking round and a guy wants to talk but without jogging to catch up or shouting across the room to get her attention he ends up kind of following for a time, I mean the alternative might be to find a spot and hope a lady he likes passes? Or even pounce like it is his hunting territory (granted that's probably worse than following)

A similar thing happens on here at times when you send a message and get a snotty message back straight off like you've sent 100 messages and are pestering

Never been to a club and have zero desire either especially after reading a lot of threads over the years

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ythenshawefredMan
over a year ago

stockport

1. You CAN go to a nightclub and meet a guy or two and have sex and that would be the norm most weekends up and down the country FACT!!!

Yep I can confirm that Voltz Stockport 1994 doormen frowned upon it lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We play in open rooms, we expect there to be people watching and joining in, private lockable rooms are there for a reason, if you don't like what happens in an open room then use them.

I would never expect someone to join in without asking if they can first. That's sexual assault.

Playing in an open room, or in one of the open areas at a club, does not mean that anyone is allowed to just join in without asking.

The club scene is gradually being eroded as somewhere to have NSA sex and it's not the single guys that are doing it.

Eye contact and a gentle, non sexual touch are just about an ask of permission. I'd still rather people said "can I play?".

Barging in and trying to insert a penis is not. And yes, that has happened.

One of my partners is "just" an exhibitionist. He likes people watching us have sex without swapping. Why should he constantly have to bat away people's hands just because we enjoy having sex in front of people? Soft swing is just as legitimate as hard swing.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orthwest_cplCouple
over a year ago

Stretford

"Eye contact and a gentle, non sexual touch are just about an ask of permission. I'd still rather people said "can I play?".

Barging in and trying to insert a penis is not. And yes, that has happened.

Again, this is all in your opinion and personal to you. Many other people do not want to be asked but actually want others to just touch. In our case anyone trying to insert an unwanted penis would be told without any drama.

If you play in an open room but don't want anyone to join in then you have to be explicit with people, probably nominating a minder in the watchers would help, but otherwise a viewing window in a private room would work. We managed our first 2 years in clubs playing in open rooms without involving others and without any problems, but we were prepared to tell people what we did and didn't want.

Should the club scene change to accomodate you or do you think that you should accomodate to how many clubs function? The fact that all the 40+ clubs that we have visited have all run very nicely without any trouble whatsoever suggests that some on here are a tad precious.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Should the club scene change to accomodate you or do you think that you should accomodate to how many clubs function? The fact that all the 40+ clubs that we have visited have all run very nicely without any trouble whatsoever suggests that some on here are a tad precious."

The world is changing. Everything around us was changing. The vast majority of people didn't care much about issues like consent forty or fifty years ago when the swinging scene really kicked off in it's current iteration. But people now care more about that kind of thing.

So I suppose the question is, should the club scene stick like it was forty years ago, or should it be open to modernising and changing?

The clubs I went to in Paris and the States had an 'orgy room' where entering was explicit permission to touch first, ask questions later. Everywhere else in the clubs you had to ask first. It seemed perfectly logical to me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

find it very offputting and can ruin an evening - one reason why i will never go alone always with his nibs -

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"...

That sounds like a great idea.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" And we wouldn't consider a man, woman or couple who approached with a reasonable touch as any form of sexual assault.

I absolutely would...it doesn't matter where I choose to play...any form of unwarranted or uninvited touch is exactly that...it's not hard to ask now is it? It takes a modicum of self awareness and communication skills...May I? Can I? Do you mind?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Visited Isis in Leeds(unfortunate name now) and found this to be the norm on each and every occassion. The staff turned a blind eye despite complaints as one of the guys seems to be a perm fixture there.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So I suppose the question is, should the club scene stick like it was forty years ago, or should it be open to modernising and changing?

Still doesn't feel right with me...id hate to touch first without being asked...just sounds a little bit creepy

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So I suppose the question is, should the club scene stick like it was forty years ago, or should it be open to modernising and changing?

Still doesn't feel right with me...id hate to touch first without being asked...just sounds a little bit creepy "

But then you wouldn't go in that room, and neither would I. The people that do go in would be happy with the situation and the people outside the room would ask first.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So I suppose the question is, should the club scene stick like it was forty years ago, or should it be open to modernising and changing?

Still doesn't feel right with me...id hate to touch first without being asked...just sounds a little bit creepy

But then you wouldn't go in that room, and neither would I. The people that do go in would be happy with the situation and the people outside the room would ask first.

Agreed...though still doesn't sit well with me

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 09/09/15 19:04:08]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *heGateHouseBoltonWoman
over a year ago

Salford

All the clubs have different events

Just find a club that's to you taste

Men shouldn't follow female and couples,but it does happens its hard to police in bigger clubs

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Brilliant !!! Got barred from commenting on here, or should I say... Having an opinion that differs from the regulars on here!!! So much for concept that is A forum

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Brilliant !!! Got barred from commenting on here, or should I say... Having an opinion that differs from the regulars on here!!! So much for concept that is A forum

What do you mean?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have had this happen at clubs also ,but if guys took time in chatting over a drink they well get a little further than told to bigger off lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *expuss2015 OP Woman
over a year ago

Planet Sex

"We have had this happen at clubs also ,but if guys took time in chatting over a drink they well get a little further than told to bigger off lol "

I totally agree

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Brilliant !!! Got barred from commenting on here, or should I say... Having an opinion that differs from the regulars on here!!! So much for concept that is A forum

What do you mean?"

We expressed our opinion to which differed to others on this thread and consequently got barred from the forums

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am too scared to go in a club to be honest, to get this etiquette of mad perv, stalker, weirdo or I don't know which other etiquettes you can give to single guys.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am too scared to go in a club to be honest, to get this etiquette of mad perv, stalker, weirdo or I don't know which other etiquettes you can give to single guys.

Behave like a normal person and you will not get any labels stuck to you.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am too scared to go in a club to be honest, to get this etiquette of mad perv, stalker, weirdo or I don't know which other etiquettes you can give to single guys.

Behave like a normal person and you will not get any labels stuck to you."

Well yes but very difficult to behave normal and not stare at if a couple having sex in front of me

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am too scared to go in a club to be honest, to get this etiquette of mad perv, stalker, weirdo or I don't know which other etiquettes you can give to single guys.

Behave like a normal person and you will not get any labels stuck to you.

Well yes but very difficult to behave normal and not stare at if a couple having sex in front of me

Why would you see the couple? Do you plan to follow them? Don't. Stay in the social area and chat to people. If invited to join them, join them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Could you not just start a game of 'What's the time, Mr. Wolf?'"
ha ha

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

In your bed

"Brilliant !!! Got barred from commenting on here, or should I say... Having an opinion that differs from the regulars on here!!! So much for concept that is A forum

What do you mean?

We expressed our opinion to which differed to others on this thread and consequently got barred from the forums "

You were very aggressive, so it may not be the opinion but the way you said it. It's one thing to disagree with a point, but having read your post above it became pretty personal.

Telling people to F off is not generally accepted on forums and as someone who did the moderating on a different forum I'd have been having words due to that.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am too scared to go in a club to be honest, to get this etiquette of mad perv, stalker, weirdo or I don't know which other etiquettes you can give to single guys.

Behave like a normal person and you will not get any labels stuck to you.

Well yes but very difficult to behave normal and not stare at if a couple having sex in front of me

Why would you see the couple? Do you plan to follow them? Don't. Stay in the social area and chat to people. If invited to join them, join them."

Well I don't know how it works, I assume some people do that with the door open or I don't know

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I sometimes think people ,women are thick ,why would going to a club be any different being in a club to being on here in terms of pervs and guys out numbering women ,the guys have paid their exorbitant fee to get in to the fuck and go emporium and all that's available won't open their thighs ,so they wander around hoping someone will oh and having a sense of humour even at this time of the morning helps !!!!!!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

In your bed

We've played in open rooms and had couples join us on the bed. But they always ask before touching. Others may just watch but tend not to watch from inches away.

We did go on a single guys night once but the trail of people put us off. We did tell some of the guys that we were only into couples. The response was we should not have come on a night when single men come. So we have followed that advice since.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am too scared to go in a club to be honest, to get this etiquette of mad perv, stalker, weirdo or I don't know which other etiquettes you can give to single guys.

Behave like a normal person and you will not get any labels stuck to you.

Well yes but very difficult to behave normal and not stare at if a couple having sex in front of me

Why would you see the couple? Do you plan to follow them? Don't. Stay in the social area and chat to people. If invited to join them, join them.

Well I don't know how it works, I assume some people do that with the door open or I don't know "

You don't know. Go and treat it as you would a night in a normal club, except it is safer and the people are friendlier.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So is it normal for a guy who's gone to a fuck and go emporium to sit like a shrinking violet in the corner after he's paid £50 to get in ???? Why would a guy go especially an unattractive one and their must be a few of them

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oo hotCouple
over a year ago

North West

"So is it normal for a guy who's gone to a fuck and go emporium to sit like a shrinking violet in the corner after he's paid £50 to get in ???? Why would a guy go especially an unattractive one and their must be a few of them

"
nn

Therein lies the heart of the problem. Maybe some guys should just accept that they are not adding to the environment and not go. Clubs should not really be promoting pay to perv.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Therein lies the heart of the problem. Maybe some guys should just accept that they are not adding to the environment and not go. Clubs should not really be promoting pay to perv. "
think about it though beautiful if it wasn't for the exorbitant fees that the fuck and go emporiums charge guys they wouldn't exist for anyone to go

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes. It is a club for sexually free people, not any emporium. Ah well, there are clubs and "clubs". You must have been to the latter.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *onny MCMan
over a year ago

Crawley

What, so club owners should say "look mate, you've not pulled anyone on the first three times you've been here, so we're just gonna stop taking your money and turn you away"?

Sure I commented in another thread that if single guys entry fees are only high to keep the ratio balanced does that necessarily mean you're getting the best single guys or just the best off?

Ladies, should that be the deciding factor on which guys you get to meet in a swingers club?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What, so club owners should say "look mate, you've not pulled anyone on the first three times you've been here, so we're just gonna stop taking your money and turn you away"?

Sure I commented in another thread that if single guys entry fees are only high to keep the ratio balanced does that necessarily mean you're getting the best single guys or just the best off?

Ladies, should that be the deciding factor on which guys you get to meet in a swingers club?"

Charging guys more can just make them want their money's worth.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *onny MCMan
over a year ago

Crawley

Actually had a night at OurPlace4Fun a few weeks back where I spent most of the night at the bar chatting to people, didn't get to play, didn't even watch that much and still had a really fun night. Have never pulled at Rio's and still go every once in a while just to relax, people-watch and perv a little.

I'm happy I get my money's worth.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Well I might be at Rios in a couple of weeks so fully expect to be followed.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *onny MCMan
over a year ago

Crawley

I would truly love to know when exactly.

But then so would every other guy on here that's in or around London.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"I would truly love to know when exactly.

But then so would every other guy on here that's in or around London."

Just look for the woman at a head of a queue of slavering men, apparently.

Or not, as its never happened to me

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread