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'may I join you?' and the dying art of asking.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

One of the pet hates I have of the swinging scene, are single men who do not ask 'may I join you?' whether it is the jacuzzi or an open playroom.

It's just good manners, i did it when I was a single guy, I still do it now I am in a couples relationship, lady delorean prefers to socialise in the smoking area and I favor the Jacuzzi area.

First off it it's polite, i call it impeccable etiquette.

secondly it gives people a chance to say. That they they would like 5 minutes alone, whether it is to play or perhaps they are in the middle of a personal conversation that they don't feel comfortable taking in front of strangers. In my personal experience a lot of women in the swingers scene have a history of domestic violence and abuse, Which is the usual Girl talk in front of the make up mirror type conversation. Add a strange single guy and the talker clams up when they really want to open up.

Thirdly it gives people a chance to shuffle around to make room so you know where you are welcome. As opposed to ploughing you way in standing on everyone's feet trying to get close to the skinny blonde on the far side of the jacuzzi. I call that predatory behaviour. And thats annoying.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I ask x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just say brace yaself Girl

Gimp

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I just say brace yaself Girl

Gimp"

Was not the Mrs posting lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I found women more of a problem then men when it comes to touching without asking. Either gender, it's unbelievably rude.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I found women more of a problem then men when it comes to touching without asking. Either gender, it's unbelievably rude."

Yeah I have experienced this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op are you saying if you two are in a communial hot tub and a single guy fancies a soak he should ask your permission.joining you both for some fun I fully agree,but to join you in the hot tub?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ask to touch not assume.

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield


"Op are you saying if you two are in a communial hot tub and a single guy fancies a soak he should ask your permission.joining you both for some fun I fully agree,but to join you in the hot tub?"

Or in an open play room?

By choosing to play in an open room you are letting people know that you are happy for them to watch. If you expect every person who walks through the door to stop you and ask if it's alright if they stand there then you'll never get your knickers off!

Obviously if someone wants to interact or even join in then a polite request is the way to go. But just to get in the jacuzzi or to come and quietly watch in an open room no asking is required.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I found women more of a problem then men when it comes to touching without asking. Either gender, it's unbelievably rude.

Yeah I have experienced this "

Me too

I find lots of women think the rules don't apply to them and just touching other women is acceptable

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I found women more of a problem then men when it comes to touching without asking. Either gender, it's unbelievably rude."

Yup. I wouldn't dream of touching anyone male or female without asking. Yet the amount of women that just help themselves to Mr or myself is amazing x

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By *haunMan
over a year ago

Halton


"Op are you saying if you two are in a communial hot tub and a single guy fancies a soak he should ask your permission.joining you both for some fun I fully agree,but to join you in the hot tub?"

---

I would and do ask permission before getting in.

One, very occasionally they might just want that 5 minutes downtime (yes, I know it is a open free space) but if I can't wait another 5 or 10 minutes for a Jacuzzi soak... Then I must have no patience whatsoever.

Mainly thought, I see it as just being polite as most people like to stretch out in the Jacuzzi. So gives people the chance to move according.

Also it is one of those quick easy icebreakers, where you have opened the conversation in a simple easier polite manner.

Just old fashioned courtesy to me.

xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I found women more of a problem then men when it comes to touching without asking. Either gender, it's unbelievably rude.

Yeah I have experienced this

Me too

I find lots of women think the rules don't apply to them and just touching other women is acceptable "

Ditto that

Always having my personal space invaded in clubs

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Op are you saying if you two are in a communial hot tub and a single guy fancies a soak he should ask your permission.joining you both for some fun I fully agree,but to join you in the hot tub?

---

I would and do ask permission before getting in.

One, very occasionally they might just want that 5 minutes downtime (yes, I know it is a open free space) but if I can't wait another 5 or 10 minutes for a Jacuzzi soak... Then I must have no patience whatsoever.

Mainly thought, I see it as just being polite as most people like to stretch out in the Jacuzzi. So gives people the chance to move according.

Also it is one of those quick easy icebreakers, where you have opened the conversation in a simple easier polite manner.

Just old fashioned courtesy to me.

xxx

"

That's exactly what I mean. It is amn ice breaker. We had a single guy come in and out 4 times in the jacuzzi we were two couples chatting. He never asked to join us and never spoke. It was a bit annoying to be honest. It felt like he was predatory.

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By *ouple for guysCouple
over a year ago

blackpool

[Removed by poster at 29/04/15 14:52:41]

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By *ouple for guysCouple
over a year ago

blackpool

Why should a single guy have to ask to join you just because 2 couples are chatting they are free to have a Jacuzzi surely. but maybe because your not into single guys unlike other couples . If it was a couple you probably wouldn't moan

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

so in your world if a single guy is minding himselfover nothing in a jacuzzi... and a couple decided to get in.... should the couple ask to join him......

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By *lacksausageMan
over a year ago

Birmingham Airport

Well well well, having read all the posts on the topic so far, this is what I gather:

1. It is rude to "plough in" no matter your sex.

2. WOMEN are more guilty of this behaviour than single men as OP was trying to push through.

3. More often than not, all spaces in a club are communal and therefore where there is room, it can be occupied; even the space next to you on a bed when you are " doing it".

4. Communal space does not extend to anybody's body.

5. It is mostly the guys in a couple who try to play God with their vetting veto powers, even if you can see clearly that the lady wants to shag the brains out of that loud mouthed single guy at the bar.

Votes in please.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ask permission to touch yes, but ask if you mind them getting in to the hot tub or watch in an open room then No! Why should they? The facilities are for all to use.

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

i know... how dare singles have the sheer audacity to want to use the facilities....

you can use then... but only when us couples have stopped!!!!

and then you wonder why some couples have such a high minded attitude towards singles....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i know... how dare singles have the sheer audacity to want to use the facilities....

you can use then... but only when us couples have stopped!!!!

and then you wonder why some couples have such a high minded attitude towards singles...."

Totally agree with you. We're all there for the same thing, IMO, nobody is better than anyone else!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think a lot of you are missing the point...its about manners and common courtesy...manners cost nothing but mean everything...no matter whether your male, female, a couple, a single, or a speaking parrot...politeness is lost on many these days and its such a shame

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By *SweetVioletxWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Does no one have issue with the OP's generalisation?

"In my personal experience a lot of women in the swingers scene have a history of domestic violence and abuse,"

That's a pretty big assumption and whatever history a person has we all deserve to be treated correctly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a side note, its fair to assume in the scenario the OP describes that a single man getting into a hot tub at a swingers club with a couple is looking to play with them, and if that's the case and he doesn't utter a word, then its quite rude just slithering silently...communication is the dying art here

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead


"I think a lot of you are missing the point...its about manners and common courtesy...manners cost nothing but mean everything...no matter whether your male, female, a couple, a single, or a speaking parrot...politeness is lost on many these days and its such a shame"

the OP made it about single guys..... no one else opened that pandora's box but them!!!!

thats why i asked... if the single guy was in first.... and the couple wanted to get in, would the same "high and mightyness" apply.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Does no one have issue with the OP's generalisation?

"In my personal experience a lot of women in the swingers scene have a history of domestic violence and abuse,"

That's a pretty big assumption and whatever history a person has we all deserve to be treated correctly. "

I didn't read it as an assumption, just that it was that persons personal experience

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

secondly it gives people a chance to say. That they they would like 5 minutes alone, whether it is to play or perhaps they are in the middle of a personal conversation that they don't feel comfortable taking in front of strangers."

Here's an idea, if your just having a conversation and want to be alone try getting out the jacuzzi and sitting in the bar area that's ment for socialising

Why should people who have paid to get in the club not be able to use the facilities because you want a chat

And you talk about manners

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Does no one have issue with the OP's generalisation?

"In my personal experience a lot of women in the swingers scene have a history of domestic violence and abuse,"

That's a pretty big assumption and whatever history a person has we all deserve to be treated correctly. "

no I'm not making a general Assumption. Lady delorean has a nose for people with a past. And as a university student studying Law. With an aspiration Of working In family law and along side charities, she can put that gift to good use use.

Only of the most thought provoking discussions was about a female dominatrix, she had a past of domestic abuse and she became a dom because 'no man will ever treat me like that again'.

We still throw an ice breaker in if there is a single Guy in the jacuzzi, he is usually star fished In the water then a 'may we join you' Is still asked. A polite way to get the guy to move his legs so we can sit down.

No double standards with us.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"As a side note, its fair to assume in the scenario the OP describes that a single man getting into a hot tub at a swingers club with a couple is looking to play with them, and if that's the case and he doesn't utter a word, then its quite rude just slithering silently...communication is the dying art here"

That's exactly what I mean, and I like the use of the term 'slithering' thats what it feels like sometimes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

secondly it gives people a chance to say. That they they would like 5 minutes alone, whether it is to play or perhaps they are in the middle of a personal conversation that they don't feel comfortable taking in front of strangers.

Here's an idea, if your just having a conversation and want to be alone try getting out the jacuzzi and sitting in the bar area that's ment for socialising

Why should people who have paid to get in the club not be able to use the facilities because you want a chat

And you talk about manners "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a side note, its fair to assume in the scenario the OP describes that a single man getting into a hot tub at a swingers club with a couple is looking to play with them, and if that's the case and he doesn't utter a word, then its quite rude just slithering silently...communication is the dying art here"

Erm no it is not fair to assume, for example he may have had a hard day and want to chill out and get in the hot tub and not interact with anyone at that point. Also the couple may not meet his preferences, or having got into the jacuzzi realise they are a disagreeable couple who are frowning at him for getting into a communal jacuzzi and decided to keep his own company.

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By *ath_Neil_bifunCouple
over a year ago

near cardiff


"One of the pet hates I have of the swinging scene, are single men who do not ask 'may I join you?' whether it is the jacuzzi or an open playroom.

It's just good manners, i did it when I was a single guy, I still do it now I am in a couples relationship, lady delorean prefers to socialise in the smoking area and I favor the Jacuzzi area.

First off it it's polite, i call it impeccable etiquette.

secondly it gives people a chance to say. That they they would like 5 minutes alone, whether it is to play or perhaps they are in the middle of a personal conversation that they don't feel comfortable taking in front of strangers. In my personal experience a lot of women in the swingers scene have a history of domestic violence and abuse, Which is the usual Girl talk in front of the make up mirror type conversation. Add a strange single guy and the talker clams up when they really want to open up.

Thirdly it gives people a chance to shuffle around to make room so you know where you are welcome. As opposed to ploughing you way in standing on everyone's feet trying to get close to the skinny blonde on the far side of the jacuzzi. I call that predatory behaviour. And thats annoying."

I was at a party on the weekend,and there was an uninvited guest who blagged his way in via his brother!anyway he was off his face on some kind of class A,and he was getting on everyone's nerves..i was getting friendly with a gorgeous young lady,and he asked me if he could join in..i looked my lady in the eye,could see she wasn't remotely interested in this joker so looked him in the eye,and said no but you can watch me fuck her!..

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By *lacksausageMan
over a year ago

Birmingham Airport


"

secondly it gives people a chance to say. That they they would like 5 minutes alone, whether it is to play or perhaps they are in the middle of a personal conversation that they don't feel comfortable taking in front of strangers.

Here's an idea, if your just having a conversation and want to be alone try getting out the jacuzzi and sitting in the bar area that's ment for socialising

Why should people who have paid to get in the club not be able to use the facilities because you want a chat

And you talk about manners "

May I add this... Why should the people WHO HAVE PAID THE HIGHEST AMOUNT give way in the jacuzzi ? Just so you can have a personal convo?

Single guys can slide in and out a million times. So long as there is room for one more, fellas, slide in!

If he grabs your woman's tits uninvited or without asking, normal rules apply.

Till then, no communal spaces barred.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

well OP, I do hope your partner soon qualifies as a lawyer and makes it to the dizzy heights of being a QC, then you can buy your own club and spend the rest of eternity in your own empty hot tub

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a side note, its fair to assume in the scenario the OP describes that a single man getting into a hot tub at a swingers club with a couple is looking to play with them, and if that's the case and he doesn't utter a word, then its quite rude just slithering silently...communication is the dying art here

Erm no it is not fair to assume, for example he may have had a hard day and want to chill out and get in the hot tub and not interact with anyone at that point. Also the couple may not meet his preferences, or having got into the jacuzzi realise they are a disagreeable couple who are frowning at him for getting into a communal jacuzzi and decided to keep his own company."

If it was a jacuzzi at a Spa or Gym then quite right...but we are talking about a swingers club aren't we...do you pay over-inflated prices to get in a swingers club just to relax in their jacuzzi?

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

woah woah woah, can we slow down and just have a look at this part of the OP?


". In my personal experience a lot of women in the swingers scene have a history of domestic violence and abuse,"

If that is your personal experience then that is very sad, but you can not generalise that to all of the women in swinging and use that as a reason as to why you have to ask for consent. You have to ask consent because you are a human being and the other person is a human being. Not because you're a man and they are a woman, or they have a history of domestic violence or any other reason.

I find it extremely offensive to link female sexual empowerment to a history of domestic violence and abuse.

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By *SweetVioletxWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"Does no one have issue with the OP's generalisation?

"In my personal experience a lot of women in the swingers scene have a history of domestic violence and abuse,"

That's a pretty big assumption and whatever history a person has we all deserve to be treated correctly.

no I'm not making a general Assumption. Lady delorean has a nose for people with a past. And as a university student studying Law. With an aspiration Of working In family law and along side charities, she can put that gift to good use use.

Only of the most thought provoking discussions was about a female dominatrix, she had a past of domestic abuse and she became a dom because 'no man will ever treat me like that again'.

We still throw an ice breaker in if there is a single Guy in the jacuzzi, he is usually star fished In the water then a 'may we join you' Is still asked. A polite way to get the guy to move his legs so we can sit down.

No double standards with us.

"

So a sixth sense for tragedy and one person who disclosed their personal history? That's not really a solid base for such a statement.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a side note, its fair to assume in the scenario the OP describes that a single man getting into a hot tub at a swingers club with a couple is looking to play with them, and if that's the case and he doesn't utter a word, then its quite rude just slithering silently...communication is the dying art here

Erm no it is not fair to assume, for example he may have had a hard day and want to chill out and get in the hot tub and not interact with anyone at that point. Also the couple may not meet his preferences, or having got into the jacuzzi realise they are a disagreeable couple who are frowning at him for getting into a communal jacuzzi and decided to keep his own company.

If it was a jacuzzi at a Spa or Gym then quite right...but we are talking about a swingers club aren't we...do you pay over-inflated prices to get in a swingers club just to relax in their jacuzzi?"

Most vanilla gym and spas require membership and joining fees so that has to be factored in, so yes I do go to chill. Eureka in particular is reasonably priced.

Kestrels on a sunny day is a fabulous chilling experience, particularly if you are like me and like to wander around or swim without your clothes on, which you cant do at a vanilla club. As nothing is guaranteed in the swinging world any extra fun is a Brucie bonus. If as a single man I expected to play everytime I went to a club or a spa or got into a jacuzzi with a couple I would be a disappointed man. But I am not because I go to relax and any release of dynamic tension with a lady is usually pleasantly coincidental. Therefore I dont see why I should ask to get into a communal jacuzzi. I also disagree with the assumption that a single person gets into a jacuzzi to play with the couple in it. It is like saying the only reason another couple got into the jacuzzi was to play with the first couple.

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By *ath_Neil_bifunCouple
over a year ago

near cardiff


"woah woah woah, can we slow down and just have a look at this part of the OP?

. In my personal experience a lot of women in the swingers scene have a history of domestic violence and abuse,

If that is your personal experience then that is very sad, but you can not generalise that to all of the women in swinging and use that as a reason as to why you have to ask for consent. You have to ask consent because you are a human being and the other person is a human being. Not because you're a man and they are a woman, or they have a history of domestic violence or any other reason.

I find it extremely offensive to link female sexual empowerment to a history of domestic violence and abuse.

"

Just adding a side note - lots of women inside and outside the swinging scene have experienced domestic abuse. Domestic abuse is surprisingly common and it isn't specific to any particular scene just because people have talked about it. It might be more openly discussed in a sexual setting than in an office environment, but it doesn't mean it's more common with swingers than non-swinging office workers.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"woah woah woah, can we slow down and just have a look at this part of the OP?

. In my personal experience a lot of women in the swingers scene have a history of domestic violence and abuse,

If that is your personal experience then that is very sad, but you can not generalise that to all of the women in swinging and use that as a reason as to why you have to ask for consent. You have to ask consent because you are a human being and the other person is a human being. Not because you're a man and they are a woman, or they have a history of domestic violence or any other reason.

I find it extremely offensive to link female sexual empowerment to a history of domestic violence and abuse.

"

Why should sexual empowerment be offensive? So sexual enslavement is not offensive?

Some women Should be hailed hero's when they come back from a difficult past with a fighting spirit and the courage to talk about it openly and inspire others. Coping mechanisms differ between women, this is where talk of the bathroom mirror comes in. Us men can equally have a similar past which we can openly talk about this is propping up the bar talk comes in. Couples tend to find quiet corners and sit in the Jacuzzi to talk couple's talk.

Very few clubs allow sex play in the jacuzzi anywaY.

I will just point out we are going off thread here. So To get back on thread, should anyone trying to join a group of people ask to join? whether it's in the jacuzzi open room, the bar area or the smoking yard. Or is trying to slither into the centre silently acceptable?

polite communication. Is it a dying art?

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By *lacksausageMan
over a year ago

Birmingham Airport

I can slide in, splash in, slither in as much as I want( single hot fella) without asking any fucker, as long as there is room for one and as long as you woman does not grab my arse, or else she is fucked in more ways than one.

Remember I will have to pay twice as much as you both to get there in the first place.

May I add, I have a cute area which women like to grab.

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By *lacksausageMan
over a year ago

Birmingham Airport

Cute arse, I meant to say.

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts


"Op are you saying if you two are in a communial hot tub and a single guy fancies a soak he should ask your permission.joining you both for some fun I fully agree,but to join you in the hot tub?

Or in an open play room?

By choosing to play in an open room you are letting people know that you are happy for them to watch. If you expect every person who walks through the door to stop you and ask if it's alright if they stand there then you'll never get your knickers off!

Obviously if someone wants to interact or even join in then a polite request is the way to go. But just to get in the jacuzzi or to come and quietly watch in an open room no asking is required.

"

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

Sexual empowerment is not offensive. Your suggestion that women are only in the lifestyle because they have been abused or suffer from domestic abuse is what I find offensive. There was no reasons the mention this unless you believe it applies to women across the lifestyle, rather than just the ones you have met.

In essence this is to suggest that instead of being sexually empowered and making their own choices about how they express their sexuality, women are in the lifestyle as a result of being abused in the past.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Does no one have issue with the OP's generalisation?

"In my personal experience a lot of women in the swingers scene have a history of domestic violence and abuse,"

That's a pretty big assumption and whatever history a person has we all deserve to be treated correctly.

no I'm not making a general Assumption. Lady delorean has a nose for people with a past. And as a university student studying Law. With an aspiration Of working In family law and along side charities, she can put that gift to good use use.

Only of the most thought provoking discussions was about a female dominatrix, she had a past of domestic abuse and she became a dom because 'no man will ever treat me like that again'.

We still throw an ice breaker in if there is a single Guy in the jacuzzi, he is usually star fished In the water then a 'may we join you' Is still asked. A polite way to get the guy to move his legs so we can sit down.

No double standards with us.

"

Haha I star fish in the gym hydropool. You just have too!

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts


"As a side note, its fair to assume in the scenario the OP describes that a single man getting into a hot tub at a swingers club with a couple is looking to play with them, and if that's the case and he doesn't utter a word, then its quite rude just slithering silently...communication is the dying art here

Erm no it is not fair to assume, for example he may have had a hard day and want to chill out and get in the hot tub and not interact with anyone at that point. Also the couple may not meet his preferences, or having got into the jacuzzi realise they are a disagreeable couple who are frowning at him for getting into a communal jacuzzi and decided to keep his own company.

If it was a jacuzzi at a Spa or Gym then quite right...but we are talking about a swingers club aren't we...do you pay over-inflated prices to get in a swingers club just to relax in their jacuzzi?

Most vanilla gym and spas require membership and joining fees so that has to be factored in, so yes I do go to chill. Eureka in particular is reasonably priced.

Kestrels on a sunny day is a fabulous chilling experience, particularly if you are like me and like to wander around or swim without your clothes on, which you cant do at a vanilla club. As nothing is guaranteed in the swinging world any extra fun is a Brucie bonus. If as a single man I expected to play everytime I went to a club or a spa or got into a jacuzzi with a couple I would be a disappointed man. But I am not because I go to relax and any release of dynamic tension with a lady is usually pleasantly coincidental. Therefore I dont see why I should ask to get into a communal jacuzzi. I also disagree with the assumption that a single person gets into a jacuzzi to play with the couple in it. It is like saying the only reason another couple got into the jacuzzi was to play with the first couple. "

Also

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By *ath_Neil_bifunCouple
over a year ago

near cardiff


"Sexual empowerment is not offensive. Your suggestion that women are only in the lifestyle because they have been abused or suffer from domestic abuse is what I find offensive. There was no reasons the mention this unless you believe it applies to women across the lifestyle, rather than just the ones you have met.

In essence this is to suggest that instead of being sexually empowered and making their own choices about how they express their sexuality, women are in the lifestyle as a result of being abused in the past."

Are you taking the piss?did you really get offended?

Lol if you did cause that's just sad...don't you think people get easily offended by fuck all when they are online?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would say anyone as the right to jump in the jacuzzi without saying a word. I personally would greet all with a simple good evening. I wouldn't ask would it be ok. If there was just a couple in there i would try and get the opposite side maybe so i was not encroaching on there space. If they asked me politely would I mind giving them 5 minutes alone then I would do so. I can't speak about play rooms as i have not experienced them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sexual empowerment is not offensive. Your suggestion that women are only in the lifestyle because they have been abused or suffer from domestic abuse is what I find offensive. There was no reasons the mention this unless you believe it applies to women across the lifestyle, rather than just the ones you have met.

In essence this is to suggest that instead of being sexually empowered and making their own choices about how they express their sexuality, women are in the lifestyle as a result of being abused in the past.

Are you taking the piss?did you really get offended?

Lol if you did cause that's just sad...don't you think people get easily offended by fuck all when they are online?"

Yep

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

[Removed by poster at 29/04/15 18:11:15]

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead


"

If it was a jacuzzi at a Spa or Gym then quite right...but we are talking about a swingers club aren't we...do you pay over-inflated prices to get in a swingers club just to relax in their jacuzzi?"

I pay for the right to be able to use the facilities of a club just like anyone else..... and any club will tell you you are paying for the facilities and nothing else....

i get into a jacuzzi to chill and possibly chat.... that is very much a two way street....

but appartenly its enough for "some" couples to look down on "some" singles like they are 3rd class citizens...

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By *ouple for guysCouple
over a year ago

blackpool

doesnt it make you laugh that the OP by his own admission used to use clubs as a single guy who enjoyed playing with couples and single ladies

but as soon as he brings his own partner to a club starts to say that single guys are predators because they are not into single guys and only couples smacks of double standards to me

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By *evaquitCouple
over a year ago

Catthorpe

Struggling to get past the asking to use a communial area if a couple are present.

If I want to use that space that I've paid the right to use then I will. If you then choose to interpret that as predatory then you've already concluded what my intentions are but I might want to just chill, I might want to chance my luck but surely you have to take my intentions into consideration? If it becomes clear to you that I just want to relax then it's all good, we're all using the communial area as we see fit, chances are I couldn't give a hoot for your convo content either. Me trying it on attempting to touch, self invite into the convo then isn't that the time when communial becomes personal and words should be exchanged??

Him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm starting to see a pattern in these threads. People are taking themselves way too serious. Op besides the Internet, how many people approach you and your lady on a vanilla night out to a pub?

The reason I ask is because nobody has the right to look down on people. And I feel like your post is doing just that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a side note, its fair to assume in the scenario the OP describes that a single man getting into a hot tub at a swingers club with a couple is looking to play with them, and if that's the case and he doesn't utter a word, then its quite rude just slithering silently...communication is the dying art here

Erm no it is not fair to assume, for example he may have had a hard day and want to chill out and get in the hot tub and not interact with anyone at that point. Also the couple may not meet his preferences, or having got into the jacuzzi realise they are a disagreeable couple who are frowning at him for getting into a communal jacuzzi and decided to keep his own company.

If it was a jacuzzi at a Spa or Gym then quite right...but we are talking about a swingers club aren't we...do you pay over-inflated prices to get in a swingers club just to relax in their jacuzzi?

Most vanilla gym and spas require membership and joining fees so that has to be factored in, so yes I do go to chill. Eureka in particular is reasonably priced.

Kestrels on a sunny day is a fabulous chilling experience, particularly if you are like me and like to wander around or swim without your clothes on, which you cant do at a vanilla club. As nothing is guaranteed in the swinging world any extra fun is a Brucie bonus. If as a single man I expected to play everytime I went to a club or a spa or got into a jacuzzi with a couple I would be a disappointed man. But I am not because I go to relax and any release of dynamic tension with a lady is usually pleasantly coincidental. Therefore I dont see why I should ask to get into a communal jacuzzi. I also disagree with the assumption that a single person gets into a jacuzzi to play with the couple in it. It is like saying the only reason another couple got into the jacuzzi was to play with the first couple. "

Then we will have to agree to disagree. I can only go by my own experiences, mainly as a single female, in three different clubs with jacuzzis where people have displayed this type of behaviour on a regular basis. I would always greet someone and politely ask to join them because I was brought up to have manners, and as far as i can tell that is what the OP was implying.

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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago

Wakefield


"One of the pet hates I have of the swinging scene, are single men who do not ask 'may I join you?' whether it is the jacuzzi or an open playroom.

It's just good manners, i did it when I was a single guy, I still do it now I am in a couples relationship, lady delorean prefers to socialise in the smoking area and I favor the Jacuzzi area.

First off it it's polite, i call it impeccable etiquette."

First one should not be holding a private convesation in a public area, it is just not good manners.

Given that in most clubs there is just one Jacuzzi and that normally holds a limited number of people if there is space in the Jacuzzi it should be assumed that others may enter until it is full.

If it is full and another tries to enter the one who has been in there longest should volunteer to exit.

That is good manners.


"secondly it gives people a chance to say. That they they would like 5 minutes alone, whether it is to play or perhaps they are in the middle of a personal conversation that they don't feel comfortable taking in front of strangers."

In which case they should go to a private area not a public area. It is completely different from expecting somone to ask if they can join in the play, but public play areas in clubs are there so that other people can observe what is going on.


"In my personal experience a lot of women in the swingers scene have a history of domestic violence and abuse, Which is the usual Girl talk in front of the make up mirror type conversation. Add a strange single guy and the talker clams up when they really want to open up."

They are swingers clubs not therapy clinics, if a people wany privacy they should go into the private areas.

The only exception is if they are at a table in the bar area when as in any similar area one would ask if one could join the "group".


"Thirdly it gives people a chance to shuffle around to make room so you know where you are welcome. As opposed to ploughing you way in standing on everyone's feet trying to get close to the skinny blonde on the far side of the jacuzzi. I call that predatory behaviour. And thats annoying."

The people should do that without having to be asked, they are using a communual area and as in a crowded lifet or bus they should make room for others to join without being asked.

Etiquette works both ways and though we agree that it is polite to ask if there is room the people using the facility are obliged to make room if the limit has not been reached for the particular facility.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

If it was a jacuzzi at a Spa or Gym then quite right...but we are talking about a swingers club aren't we...do you pay over-inflated prices to get in a swingers club just to relax in their jacuzzi?

I pay for the right to be able to use the facilities of a club just like anyone else..... and any club will tell you you are paying for the facilities and nothing else....

i get into a jacuzzi to chill and possibly chat.... that is very much a two way street....

but appartenly its enough for "some" couples to look down on "some" singles like they are 3rd class citizens...

"

As you've responded to my quote then I take it you think because im posting from a couple profile that I am looking down on single men when this is not the case. I don't have the right to look down on anyone, and would not advocate such behaviour, and I have been to clubs and originally joined fab specifically to meet single men.

My gripe would be people (not limited to men) with bad attitudes and no manners and a sense of entitlement of which we all know there are many on fab and in the club scene. However there are also many more who have much finer qualities and make swinging a worthwhile experience.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP what if the couple in question said no to the single guy? Would that be polite? Or what if he has been a victim of domestic abuse as it does go both ways!

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By *lacksausageMan
over a year ago

Birmingham Airport

I once chanced upon some open play at a club. I approached gently ( some may call it slithering), stood by the bed and slowly the lady grabbed my cock and sucked for a while. I then whipped out my condom and proceeded to wear it. The guy in the couple then stretched his arm and declared, " she is not playing". My mojo dropped, I took a step or two back with shreds of my dignity still intact. Then surprise surprise, the lady said YES I WILL PLAY.

Being a proud man (oh yes I am), I declined, thanked them both and left that room( which actually did not have a door, just curtains).

The lady managed to track me down later in the night and we locked ourselves into one of the rooms and fucked for near enough to an hour!

I say, live and let live. Fuck and let fuck. If your lady fancies a fuck, let her have it. Don't try to whip up some kind of ANTI SINGLE sentiments. Some of us are pretty decent and tidy ( my opinion).

As I always say, if you were that self sufficient, you would have fucked yourself ( pardon the pun and my French).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As some others have mentioned on this thread, I find that this happens more with women than with men. I have been to clubs a number of times with my husband and I have never been touched by a man without him asking. However, there have been occasions where I have been touched my a woman without being asked.

On one notable occasion we were playing with another couple in a couple's room, and mid-play I started feeling a woman touch my leg and foot. I moved away so as to not continue to be touched. After a few more minutes I started feeling the woman touching my ass, while I was completely playing with the other couple! I had to twist my whole body around to get her to stop and would have said something if I hadn't been mid-play. I am straight and don't generally welcome being touched by other women, but certainly not without being asked! Never thought it would be a woman at a club that would make me feel uncomfortable

-Courtney

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a side note, its fair to assume in the scenario the OP describes that a single man getting into a hot tub at a swingers club with a couple is looking to play with them, and if that's the case and he doesn't utter a word, then its quite rude just slithering silently...communication is the dying art here

Erm no it is not fair to assume, for example he may have had a hard day and want to chill out and get in the hot tub and not interact with anyone at that point. Also the couple may not meet his preferences, or having got into the jacuzzi realise they are a disagreeable couple who are frowning at him for getting into a communal jacuzzi and decided to keep his own company.

If it was a jacuzzi at a Spa or Gym then quite right...but we are talking about a swingers club aren't we...do you pay over-inflated prices to get in a swingers club just to relax in their jacuzzi?

Most vanilla gym and spas require membership and joining fees so that has to be factored in, so yes I do go to chill. Eureka in particular is reasonably priced.

Kestrels on a sunny day is a fabulous chilling experience, particularly if you are like me and like to wander around or swim without your clothes on, which you cant do at a vanilla club. As nothing is guaranteed in the swinging world any extra fun is a Brucie bonus. If as a single man I expected to play everytime I went to a club or a spa or got into a jacuzzi with a couple I would be a disappointed man. But I am not because I go to relax and any release of dynamic tension with a lady is usually pleasantly coincidental. Therefore I dont see why I should ask to get into a communal jacuzzi. I also disagree with the assumption that a single person gets into a jacuzzi to play with the couple in it. It is like saying the only reason another couple got into the jacuzzi was to play with the first couple.

Then we will have to agree to disagree. I can only go by my own experiences, mainly as a single female, in three different clubs with jacuzzis where people have displayed this type of behaviour on a regular basis. I would always greet someone and politely ask to join them because I was brought up to have manners, and as far as i can tell that is what the OP was implying."

I would have been happy to agree to disagree if it was not for the one upmanship in the last sentence. You seem to mistake a communal area as a private space. Instead of a male and female couple being in the jacuzzi if two men are in the jacuzzi I should ask to enter and make conversation? If I decide to use a shower and a couple is in it I shouId should ask? Secondly as a single man getting into a jacuzzi some couples dont want to make conversation they want to be by themselves, so I would not start conversation without being given an indication from them. As a single man who has initiated conversation with couples I have been ignored almost the same amount of times that couples have spoken to me. Whereas it must be said that the experience of single female with couples would be very different from that of a single man. I would also say that I am as polite as you as I was brought up not to disturb a couple that are talking amongst themselves.

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