FabSwingers.com forum: Cliquey at clubs

By *eanandJulie OP Couple
over a year ago

Doncaster

We have been around for a few years and have been to many clubs, we othern hear people say some clubs are cliquey, we have not seen this is any club and wonder what it is that make people think the club is cliquey, also people seem to blame the club for this, when surly if there is a clique then this is down to the customers themselve not the club as the club has no control of who is going to turn up on each night. we have heard people say it is cliquey because no one come over to talk to them but surly it is as much there responsability to make the effort to talk to others as well ?, We have seen where people have sat in corners on there own and seem to give off the presence that they dont want to be approached, they then leave saying the club is cliquey ????

What do people think about this ???? would like to hear your views

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

totally agree with you,

you will always have groups of regulars that know and chat to eachother that's normal,

you cant sit in the corner as a newbie and expect the red carpet rolled out, we just chat to anyone and always reply to others if they strike up a convo,

you get out what you put in,

in time if any newbi becomes a regular would they be offended if somebody them cliquey ?

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By *jandjbCouple
over a year ago

Nr Manchester

"totally agree with you,

you will always have groups of regulars that know and chat to eachother that's normal,

you cant sit in the corner as a newbie and expect the red carpet rolled out, we just chat to anyone and always reply to others if they strike up a convo,

you get out what you put in,

in time if any newbi becomes a regular would they be offended if somebody them cliquey ?"

Exactly this - it was what I was going to say - and couldn't have said it any better.

Him

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By *ownhouseTwosomeCouple
over a year ago

Birkenhead/Liverpool

I agree that 'cliques' can be just people who know each, catching up and having a giggle.

New people may find it hard to fit in, but most guests would recognise this and attempt to bring in a new person to their convo. If we see a person on their own, we will go over and introduce them to a group. We would have given this person a tour and found out a little about them, so we would lead the conversation and say something like, ' this is Bob, he is new here tonight but he has been to Cupids, you guys have been there too haven't you?' and leave them to it to discuss. I try and find some common ground for people.

A good host will do this and recognise a person who is alone.

However, on the flip side, you have what we like to call 'uber swingers' or the 'untouchables'. There aren't many out there, but they will sit, usually in a couple and observe from a distance, expecting people to come over to THEM, because 'don't you know who we are'?! hahaha...I can't stand the latter approach and after years on the scene I can catagorically say that it doesn't work! lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Seeing as swinging is supposed to be a sociable past time wouldn't it be nice if newcomers were welcomed by regular long term users,and helped to feel at home. I've never been to a club so I have no idea what happens,except for what I read but if I did go to a club regular and was one of the couples who like to chat and catch up with old friends I would still mingle,socialise and help to make the place somewhere that nice people want to be. I am a bit of a busy body though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We heard that so many times " the club was clique" from so many..some newbies to the scene some more experienced swingers.

Our attitude is you get out what you're prepared to put in. I do appreciate it can be daunting for some who aren't that confident but we've never experienced any cliques at any clubs we've been too.

Most clubs will introduce you to some regulars if you let them know you're a little nervous and find it difficult to start talking to strangers. Also most clubs we've been to the regulars do make an effort to speak to and include newbies.

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By *easehotelCouple
over a year ago

huntingdon,Cambridgeshire

"We heard that so many times " the club was clique" from so many..some newbies to the scene some more experienced swingers.

Our attitude is you get out what you're prepared to put in. I do appreciate it can be daunting for some who aren't that confident but we've never experienced any cliques at any clubs we've been too.

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By *hole Lotta RosieWoman
over a year ago

Deviant City

"totally agree with you,

you will always have groups of regulars that know and chat to eachother that's normal,

you cant sit in the corner as a newbie and expect the red carpet rolled out, we just chat to anyone and always reply to others if they strike up a convo,

you get out what you put in,

in time if any newbi becomes a regular would they be offended if somebody them cliquey ?

Exactly this - it was what I was going to say - and couldn't have said it any better.

Him"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guess it's difficult sometimes for a newbie to break the ice.

I'd consider myself friendly and easy going and I generally get on very well with people.

But if I went to a club as a newbie, and noticed a group of couples around a table clearly deep in conversation and socialising with each other, I guess I'd find it very difficult to just walk up and randomly 'butt in' to the convo.

But is that 'cliquey'? Perhaps not - just normal life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"uber swingers"

love it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've not yet found any NW club too bad, just have to put in at least some efforts

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By *rivate roomMan
over a year ago

Bracknell

When I have been to an adult club and try to sit near a cpl or groups of people. With a cpl I try to sense if they want company. If they are cuddling or talking to themselves I leave them alone. As a single male it is hard to join in socially. Just rely on the open play areas where swingers have no inhibitions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've not yet found any NW club too bad, just have to put in at least some efforts "

Like midland ones no probs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well we going to xtasia @ end off the month and can't wait , I here there's a big number going , and we will be newbies too , I'm sure we won't be left on our own in a corner , and if we were its up to us to go talk to others and make it happen , and we going to flirts for few drinks to get know people, happy swinging

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i work at cupids n totally agree with vicky from the townhouse n yes it is hard if your a newbie in a club to join in if your nervous.

Personally i love it when newbies visit and i get the chance to show them round n introduce them to our lovely bunch of regular funsters all i can do is introduce you n then its up to you to get convo's going with others.

At the end of the day club staff can only do so much n at cupids we do try to include everyone but you need to tell us its your first time with us as we do have a very large customer base n dont get to chat to everyone on busy nights

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well we going to xtasia @ end off the month and can't wait , I here there's a big number going , and we will be newbies too , I'm sure we won't be left on our own in a corner , and if we were its up to us to go talk to others and make it happen , and we going to flirts for few drinks to get know people, happy swinging

u will be fine xx

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By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes

I've been to a number of clubs and socials in Wales, the South East and the North West. With the exception of 1 my experience has varied between good to absolutely bloody brilliant. This has included The Townhouse, MSD Parties, JJB's, 3, Adam & Eve's, AdFabs, OurPlace4Fun, Newport Social and Bridgend Social.

The only place I've thought cliquey has been Eureka's. However, looking back on it, I now wonder if the problem was not myself on the night I went there. I'd had a pretty shit week and probably would have been better off not going out at all that Friday.

So generally I'd say the clubs and socials are great and a wonderful place to get to know new people.

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By *limandslenderCouple
over a year ago

stoke on trent

I think it normally is just regulars chatting. I sometimes find it hard to chat to newbies as you wonder if you scare them away. I always try to chat with everyone at the club but, sometimes you get carried away and run out of play time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the experience can be very different depending on whether you're a single male, couple or single female. Single women obviously get a lot of attention, and couples seem to get a much friendlier reception than single men.

For instance, in about a dozen visits to AbFabs I could count the number of times someone has said hello to me before I spike to them on the fingers of one hand, and still have fingers left to hold my drink. There have been significantly more occasions when I've gone to say hello to a group of people and they've closed their circle to shut me out.

Cliquey or not, people in clubs can be very unfriendly to those they don't know.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We have been around for a few years and have been to many clubs, we othern hear people say some clubs are cliquey, we have not seen this is any club and wonder what it is that make people think the club is cliquey, also people seem to blame the club for this, when surly if there is a clique then this is down to the customers themselve not the club as the club has no control of who is going to turn up on each night. we have heard people say it is cliquey because no one come over to talk to them but surly it is as much there responsability to make the effort to talk to others as well ?, We have seen where people have sat in corners on there own and seem to give off the presence that they dont want to be approached, they then leave saying the club is cliquey ????

What do people think about this ???? would like to hear your views "

This happened to us the first time we went to a club..so the next time we went I said come on let'. Just go an chat to people..and everyone was lovely..half the time everyone's is waiting for someone else to make the move lol

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By *urekaPartiesCouple
over a year ago

FAWKHAM

"I've been to a number of clubs and socials in Wales, the South East and the North West. With the exception of 1 my experience has varied between good to absolutely bloody brilliant. This has included The Townhouse, MSD Parties, JJB's, 3, Adam & Eve's, AdFabs, OurPlace4Fun, Newport Social and Bridgend Social.

So generally I'd say the clubs and socials are great and a wonderful place to get to know new people."

Ah sorry you felt our clientele were cliquey we have a great bunch of people who attend and are very friendly. Come along again And speak with others I'm sure you'll be included

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So generally I'd say the clubs and socials are great and a wonderful place to get to know new people.

Ah sorry you felt our clientele were cliquey we have a great bunch of people who attend and are very friendly. Come along again And speak with others I'm sure you'll be included

Last time we went, Ted's drink was spiked so that's more worrying to us :/

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've never found clubs cliquey but I do tend to chat to any tom, dick or harriot

but then I could be accused of being in a clique when I'm chatting to friends new and old to an outsider looking in, just come over say hi,people don't bite

sitting in corners don't help when you go to new clubs, have a dance, mingle and look approachable

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By *rivate roomMan
over a year ago

Bracknell

Have been to Abfabs for many years now and I feel alone and have to rely on cpls or groups playing in open areas. I do spend time in the big lounge but cpls or groups are either talking to themselves or cpls cuddling etc. They do not give the impression they want single guys to talk to them. I always feel excluded when so many private playrooms doors are closed.

My visits there have become less and less as the years have gone on.

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By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes

So generally I'd say the clubs and socials are great and a wonderful place to get to know new people.

Ah sorry you felt our clientele were cliquey we have a great bunch of people who attend and are very friendly. Come along again And speak with others I'm sure you'll be included

I might well take you up on that offer next time I'm in the South East. Thanks!!

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By *urekaPartiesCouple
over a year ago

FAWKHAM

So generally I'd say the clubs and socials are great and a wonderful place to get to know new people.

Ah sorry you felt our clientele were cliquey we have a great bunch of people who attend and are very friendly. Come along again And speak with others I'm sure you'll be included

Last time we went, Ted's drink was spiked so that's more worrying to us :/"

Again sorry if you think your drink was spiked. Was it reported to us? Something like that can happen anywhere. But if we're not told how are we meant to solve the issue?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So generally I'd say the clubs and socials are great and a wonderful place to get to know new people.

Ah sorry you felt our clientele were cliquey we have a great bunch of people who attend and are very friendly. Come along again And speak with others I'm sure you'll be included

Last time we went, Ted's drink was spiked so that's more worrying to us :/

Again sorry if you think your drink was spiked. Was it reported to us? Something like that can happen anywhere. But if we're not told how are we meant to solve the issue? "

It was reported to you but I don't think anything happened although that was several Years ago now so maybe its changed a bit. It just put me off from wanting to go again.ted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My partner and I haven't found the clubs we have attended to be cliquey, there has been times when we haven't been spoken to but then we didn't speak to anyone either. To us it depends how motivated you are in the first place. When we go to our regular club of course we speak to the people we know and catch up with life but when we get on the dance floor Mo doesnt care who you are she will try and get you dancing. I often wonder if its the person's expectations, caution and state of mind that creates an impression of a clique.

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By *urekaPartiesCouple
over a year ago

FAWKHAM

So generally I'd say the clubs and socials are great and a wonderful place to get to know new people.

Ah sorry you felt our clientele were cliquey we have a great bunch of people who attend and are very friendly. Come along again And speak with others I'm sure you'll be included

Last time we went, Ted's drink was spiked so that's more worrying to us :/

Again sorry if you think your drink was spiked. Was it reported to us? Something like that can happen anywhere. But if we're not told how are we meant to solve the issue?

It was reported to you but I don't think anything happened although that was several Years ago now so maybe its changed a bit. It just put me off from wanting to go again.ted"

Well come along the club now has new owners and it's moving forward daily. Drop us a message if you decide to join us again ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So generally I'd say the clubs and socials are great and a wonderful place to get to know new people.

Ah sorry you felt our clientele were cliquey we have a great bunch of people who attend and are very friendly. Come along again And speak with others I'm sure you'll be included

Last time we went, Ted's drink was spiked so that's more worrying to us :/

Again sorry if you think your drink was spiked. Was it reported to us? Something like that can happen anywhere. But if we're not told how are we meant to solve the issue?

It was reported to you but I don't think anything happened although that was several Years ago now so maybe its changed a bit. It just put me off from wanting to go again.ted

Well come along the club now has new owners and it's moving forward daily. Drop us a message if you decide to join us again ?"

Ok that sounds promising

..we didn't realise that it had changed hands..was really put of when we didn't get any feed back from the organisers. I think we should give it another try

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By *urekaPartiesCouple
over a year ago

FAWKHAM

So generally I'd say the clubs and socials are great and a wonderful place to get to know new people.

Ah sorry you felt our clientele were cliquey we have a great bunch of people who attend and are very friendly. Come along again And speak with others I'm sure you'll be included

Last time we went, Ted's drink was spiked so that's more worrying to us :/

Again sorry if you think your drink was spiked. Was it reported to us? Something like that can happen anywhere. But if we're not told how are we meant to solve the issue?

It was reported to you but I don't think anything happened although that was several Years ago now so maybe its changed a bit. It just put me off from wanting to go again.ted

Well come along the club now has new owners and it's moving forward daily. Drop us a message if you decide to join us again ?

Ok that sounds promising

..we didn't realise that it had changed hands..was really put of when we didn't get any feed back from the organisers. I think we should give it another try

Fantastic drop us a line when you decide you're coming

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So generally I'd say the clubs and socials are great and a wonderful place to get to know new people.

Ah sorry you felt our clientele were cliquey we have a great bunch of people who attend and are very friendly. Come along again And speak with others I'm sure you'll be included

Last time we went, Ted's drink was spiked so that's more worrying to us :/

Again sorry if you think your drink was spiked. Was it reported to us? Something like that can happen anywhere. But if we're not told how are we meant to solve the issue?

It was reported to you but I don't think anything happened although that was several Years ago now so maybe its changed a bit. It just put me off from wanting to go again.ted

Well come along the club now has new owners and it's moving forward daily. Drop us a message if you decide to join us again ?

Ok that sounds promising

..we didn't realise that it had changed hands..was really put of when we didn't get any feed back from the organisers. I think we should give it another try

Fantastic drop us a line when you decide you're coming "

Will do

thanks

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By *eordiesCouple
over a year ago

newcastle

Some clubs are more friendly than others. The ones we go to, list on our profile, are really friendly to newbies.

However, we tried a club back in Jan which claims to be very friendly, they have posted on this thread, didn't find it friendly at all and found it difficult to get served at the bar as one of the owners was too busy chatting to his mates. So won't go back.

But you have to try clubs to find out what they are like.

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

So generally I'd say the clubs and socials are great and a wonderful place to get to know new people."

I hope that your experiences at AbFab, OurPlace4Fun and MSD parties were absolutely bloody brilliant

But seriously, sometimes the newbies want to be left alone. It it like when a nice guy offers his seat on the tube to a woman and she turns out to be some bitchy militant feminist

Perhaps a colour-coded wrist band would help:

Pink: I would like to mingle

Blue: Just checking the place out for now

Red: Sun reporter

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By *iz_n_RichCouple
over a year ago

Malaga, Spain...

Josie, that is such a good idea!

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By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes

So generally I'd say the clubs and socials are great and a wonderful place to get to know new people.

I hope that your experiences at AbFab, OurPlace4Fun and MSD parties were absolutely bloody brilliant

Every experience with you is absolutely bloody brilliant.

But seriously, sometimes the newbies want to be left alone. It it like when a nice guy offers his seat on the tube to a woman and she turns out to be some bitchy militant feminist

Perhaps a colour-coded wrist band would help:

Pink: I would like to mingle

Blue: Just checking the place out for now

Red: Sun reporter"

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

"Josie, that is such a good idea! "

Thanks

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By *slandcplCouple
over a year ago

canvey island

In our experience cliqueness in clubs and parties does exist, though the extent and reasons for it can be debatable.

For instance, on a very early foray into swinging and while we were members of another site, we attended an organised gathering at a club. Unfortunately we found some of the people incredibly cliquey and most of them were from the site we belonged to and had been talking to for moths in chat. The reasons some of them gave for being so cliquey ranged from,'we didn't know who you were', to 'youre the wrong type for us'.

We have also found that the region the club is in can have a big influence on the hospitality of the people "clientele". Our experience has been that people in the midlands and the north of the UK are markedly friendlier than the people in the south.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have been to many clubs an we wouldn't say any of them where cliques there. But I think it's because we will speak to anyone. We often visit townhouse, so we are the regulars that love to have a catch up. But if we do see a new couple or a couple on there own we will ask them to come join us or we will go over an talk to them. I don't like anyone feeling left out. But at the same time you can only do so much. So newbies have to put in the effort too. Xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you join a pub team or group the captain introduces you to other members maby in a club there is some one who is at most meetings owner bar person or reguler member who knows most other members could make introductions to new or first timers all it takes is to start talking to get to know people and feel part of the evening

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