FabSwingers.com forum: What puts people off going to a club

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

After running a newbie night, starting to get an idea of why people have never been to a club, anyone on forums care to comment also

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By *inky karen 2Woman
over a year ago

East sussex

I love going to clubs but tend to always kick the playing off as most people use it for more social then play

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By *tillup4funMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

Most club fees are far too high for single guys, a lot of people are divorced and have to support children and can,t afford the fees.

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By *iNw69Man
over a year ago

Manchester

Politics !! Ruins the scene!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A few stories that are floating about have put us off so far.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As the female of a couple, i would like to say i love clubs , Big but.... I feel sometimes as prices are strangely high for guys , its almost like they expect you to put yourself on a plate, they have paid to enter the club so they expect to get laid, and they hound you, for girls this is off putting, I'm not a prostitute if i like someone i will play, if your not my cup of tea then tough, i owe you nothing, if your not getting a shag thats not my problem.

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By *ig Red CurveCouple
over a year ago

Lancashire

"As the female of a couple, i would like to say i love clubs , Big but.... I feel sometimes as prices are strangely high for guys , its almost like they expect you to put yourself on a plate, they have paid to enter the club so they expect to get laid, and they hound you, for girls this is off putting, I'm not a prostitute if i like someone i will play, if your not my cup of tea then tough, i owe you nothing, if your not getting a shag thats not my problem. "

we went to a mixed night for a club experience which was a bit daunting for a newby, so we have been to couples night since. But have got enough courage to try a mixed night again, might go for my birthday next month to have a treat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like clubs i am familiar with, id like to try a few different ones but being single it puts me off, i don't like the idea of going somewhere new alone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cost is an issue (£60 a time for me at AbFabs), but the biggest thing that puts me off is cliques. Sometimes it's nigh-on impossible to even get a conversation going because you're not part of the group.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We don't drive and so rely on public transport. Taxi's can get very expensive and unless we leave early for last trains we're stuck getting a hotel. This teamed with the entry fee's, drinks and everything else can make for a very expensive night/weekend.

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By *inky karen 2Woman
over a year ago

East sussex

It is a crazy amount, and if you go several times and no one plays with I wouldn't keep going.

And most of the cliques don't play.

Abfabs is best on a monday

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By *andcCouple
over a year ago

London and Cheshire

We also didn't like clubs when we first go into swinging, cannot put our finger on why, we just preferred to meet people on a more one on one basis.

But after dipping our toe in to the club scene we love it and prefer it to one on one meets, though we also like the private party scene too.

We do know why we like the clubs scene, loads of choice, some people you'll like others you won't but who cares plenty to go around. We also like the social side of clubs too, we have widened our horizons since taking the plunge into the club scene and love it!

It is costly though, we travel down to Arousal in Dunstable and various places in London too, with entrance fees,hotels and petrol it's a dear hobby. It's easy to keep the cost down by staying more local and there are clubs with better single guy prices, just need to shop around.

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By *andcCouple
over a year ago

London and Cheshire

..Just one more point about the costs.

We have found swinging the most costly hobby/pastime we have ever had. Not only the cost above but H also like to dress up for the occasion too so, dresses, shoes, basques....the list goes on...and on..lol

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By *orthyorkypairCouple
over a year ago

North Yorkshire

[Removed by poster at 18/08/14 16:48:14]

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By *orthyorkypairCouple
over a year ago

North Yorkshire

"A few stories that are floating about have put us off so far."

us too

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By *arehamMan
over a year ago

handforth

I love going to cupids,it used to upset me when nothing happened,but know I just go and enjoy the jacuzzi and sauna,and have brew hopefully watch the couples in the viewing room fucking,I went last night there was nothing going on,only in the private rooms so nothing to watch and no lady's for the single guy,but I still did not mind nowt happened,just enjoyed the facilities .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love going to clubs but from speaking to males on fab the main reasons they don't go is either they are married and scared of bumping into someone they know or the prices for single guys are too high.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"..Just one more point about the costs.

Looking at some of the outfits I've seen women wear at AbFabs, I shudder to think how much was spent on then. One set of nice lingerie probably costs more than I spent getting in, whereas I can wear pretty much the same as I wear to work, except that I have to make sure I'm wearing a good pair of boxers

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By *ethnmelvCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

We have found it easier to go to Clubs than meet people outside of them! For us it seems more pressured to commit to meeting someone and then needing to be in the mood - yes, we know we can always walk away, but in a club the atmosphere is usually conducive to feeling horny, the environment encourages it & if your lucky then you potentially have a choice of people to 'engage with' and then go as far as you're comfortable..., we now feel really relaxed, but definately turned on whenever we head to a club and have been getting more & more adventurous

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By *jandjbCouple
over a year ago

Nr Manchester

"We have found it easier to go to Clubs than meet people outside of them! For us it seems more pressured to commit to meeting someone and then needing to be in the mood - yes, we know we can always walk away, but in a club the atmosphere is usually conducive to feeling horny, the environment encourages it & if your lucky then you potentially have a choice of people to 'engage with' and then go as far as you're comfortable..., we now feel really relaxed, but definately turned on whenever we head to a club and have been getting more & more adventurous

Agree with this

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"..Just one more point about the costs.

Mmm I don't think any outfit in my pics cost more than £10, stockings get snagged though! Shoes 1 rocking pair will last years x

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By *it of fun cplCouple
over a year ago

village between York and Hull

We go to a lot of clubs as we travel a lot but what puts us off are the membership fees. we mayonlyvisit a place once a year but still have to fork out membership. A lot of single guys we know are put off because of the costs too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I imagined clubs to be something akin to Dante's inferno...and couldn't be convinced of it being no pressure at all., We've had mixed experiences...Some fabulous, some mediocre, some so awful they've made us laugh ourselves silly but they were most definitely not like one of the 7 levels of hell and until very recently when I was touched intimately in a hot tub by someone I hadn't invited to do so, there has never been any pressure to play...All in all, we've enjoyed our foray into club life...We enjoy house parties too but they have a totally different dynamic...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Crap websites

Lack of info about what's on, how much, who for etc.

Vague/complex membership costs/duration

Reputation

Facilities (or lack of)

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By *ilandlarryCouple
over a year ago

more north lincs than mids!

We enjoy clubs but it's quite difficult to get people talking back to you. We find that it's easier if you meet up with someone before you go in then you look a bit less "newbie"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Agreed

I feel safer meeting at a club. Love Eureka's because you can stop overnight, take your own drinks and not expensive even for single guys who are welcome everyday/night

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I love going to clubs but tend to always kick the playing off as most people use it for more social then play"

Same here , cliques can be difficult too .

We much prefer nights with plenty of single guys and that pretty much rules out Saturday nights

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I like clubs i am familiar with, id like to try a few different ones but being single it puts me off, i don't like the idea of going somewhere new alone "

Hi Naughty.....if you would like to go accompanied then get in touch...no strings attached...no expectations....maybe ffff at xtasia?

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By *ratty_DamselWoman
over a year ago

Greater London

Why are clubs always in the back of bloody beyond too?

I love going to Eurekas and now drive there but the thought of driving to kestrels brings me out in a sweat.

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By *inky karen 2Woman
over a year ago

East sussex

Kestrels has got to be the easiest place to get to. Even though it's a proper journey for me but the entrance to eureka's is never good if your bursting for a wee.

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By *an_WoodMan
over a year ago

Stafford

Had a break from clubs but now want to go to Cupids and Kestrels. Main problem for me is time and planning accommodation especially. As a newbie still find the idea exciting so better get on with it.

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By *o new WinksMan
over a year ago

BSE

Not my scene. Went over the weekend to VA. Had a great time but the actual group sex etc. didn't excite.

Social side was fun but had to leave it at that.

Go figure

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By *hortieWoman
over a year ago

Northampton

Me being a massive wuss is the main reason I haven't done a club yet

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By *o new WinksMan
over a year ago

BSE

You should go. VA wss very friendly and lots of playing going on.

If it was my thing I would take you but the lack of 1on1 space puts me off.

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

I only live 10 mins walk from the Attic but have only been once. Would definitely go again, but it would have to be as part of a couple

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Some interesting replies, keep them coming

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Costs for us and childcare. a sitter that's willing to sleep over or stay till the wee hours is very rare plus the cost of sitter. Then travel then membership and entry fee all adds up. We really would love to do it more just never seem to get everything lined up at the same time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Live near youtopia and have considered going but the the thought of seeing a family member or friend take it any which way when I walk in makes me think Nah!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have been on here for some time and have been reading a lot about clubs and group dynamics in the different situations and I can say with out a doubt that I really want to go. The problem I have is confidence and funds lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The stories about pushy guys, excepting sex on a plate and the pushy women, personal wed rather have night relaxing night

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You should go. VA wss very friendly and lots of playing going on.

If it was my thing I would take you but the lack of 1on1 space puts me off."

Most clubs I've been to have had lots if 1 to 1 space to play as well as public areas. Guess all clubs are slightly different

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hygiene issues. Don't like the idea of having sex with strangers. Men trying to use their cock on multiple women without changing a condom. Not wanting another woman's body fluids inside me from a man. Don't like ignorant people who don't socialise out of their groups. Probably loads more reasons if I thought about it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We are lucky that we have several clubs within easy travelling distance so are able to pick and choose clubs that suit our needs on any given night. That said one we avoid on an evening as it is over run with single men and the club don't bother enforcing it's own dresscode and while casual is fine by us scruffy/dirty isn't.. Another club we actively avoid as the unrelenting sycophantic posts of a handful of 'regulars' (aka staff) mean we have absolutely no interest in going. And one we've never tried as it has a membership fee that we are not willing to pay before we try.

Other than that the things that puts us primarily are clubs that charge extortionate amounts for single men as men potentially expect a return on that money and in our opinion gender specific price structures are often discriminatory and exploitive. Also clubs with what we feel are overly formal dresscodes. I won't wear trousers on a night out and I only wear a tie if it suits the outfit not because it's expected. Laughably I was once told by the owners of a (now defunct) club on these forums 'that you wouldn't wear jeans to a funeral or a job interview so why would you to a club' and that sort of stuffy attitude holds no appeal

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By *exycleanerWoman
over a year ago

pontefract

i ventured into the club scene way back in the late 90s .first place was in blackpool two houses knocked together ,then started going to liasions in rochdale when i lived in harrogate ,all these places my ex found

when we moved to ponty 12 yrs ago still carried on going to Rochdale ,i wasnt on this site back then ,just one you have to pay for ,so sometimes after getting fed up with time wasters kept on going to clubs as started to go to Partners in Bury ,could never figure out why people at partners not play ,now tho as a single lass i frequent ISIS and have been to LA chambre where i not play ,as ISIS is sometimes quiet not many single guys there i not play so its just been a social night for me

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"After running a newbie night, starting to get an idea of why people have never been to a club, anyone on forums care to comment also

Just read the whole thread through.

The usual reasons of expense (single male entry/membership/travel), cliques, things people have heard (never understand that one - people have their own opinions, preferences and often simply talk crap!) and other common themes.

As you say you recently hosted a newbie night - Curious as to why you think it is?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The reasons are in our opinion numerous, but common themes appear

1. It will be like an orgy (not true)

2. We will be pushed into doing something we don't want to do (not true)

3. The regulars will look down on us newbies or not talk to us (sometimes, at some clubs, but not on our nights)

4. We might see someone we know (very slim chance but they are there for the same reason)

5. No one will talk to us (just try to engage with people like in the pub)

6. I'm just nervous (that's why we run a newbie night)

Too expensive, can't get a sitter, too far away from any clubs, heard rumours about a certain club, can't do anything about those.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"The reasons are in our opinion numerous, but common themes appear

1. It will be like an orgy (not true)

2. We will be pushed into doing something we don't want to do (not true)

3. The regulars will look down on us newbies or not talk to us (sometimes, at some clubs, but not on our nights)

4. We might see someone we know (very slim chance but they are there for the same reason)

5. No one will talk to us (just try to engage with people like in the pub)

6. I'm just nervous (that's why we run a newbie night)

Too expensive, can't get a sitter, too far away from any clubs, heard rumours about a certain club, can't do anything about those. "

Pretty much what I expected!

You can lead a horse to water.........

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By *he Queen of TartsWoman
Forum Mod
over a year ago

My Own Little World

Whilst not a club newbie I was at your event on Saturday and chatted to a few people before they went, their view was pretty much as listed above, the naked orgy, it is seedy and degrading, no-one will talk to you and worried about pushy and handsy people.

Nothing could have been further from the truth, having chatted with them since they found the night relaxing, fun and friendly.

You guys did a good job

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It would be good if some of the clubs were like orgies rather than socials. I can go to the pub and chat (and wear next to nothing too

)

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you for your kind words

We hope we get the chance to do another night again soon, just trying to get as much info and reasoning behind why people don't or won't go

Logically I just think people should say to themselves

" I like going to the pub or club, I can socialise and I like swinging, what's stopping me really?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We don't drive and so rely on public transport. Taxi's can get very expensive and unless we leave early for last trains we're stuck getting a hotel. This teamed with the entry fee's, drinks and everything else can make for a very expensive night/weekend. "

In a nutshell!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Some say they don't go because too many guys, not enough guys, so why not pick the correct night?

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"Some say they don't go because too many guys, not enough guys, so why not pick the correct night? "

Because you never know how many guys will be there til you go.

To respond to the OP, nothing puts me off visiting clubs initially. I would never not go because of what people say, or what I read on the review section. I visit clubs with an open mind (and legs) and decide whether to re-visit after that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me it's the fear of the unknown, or if it's really what we're/I'm looking for . .

Catch 22 I suppose . .

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"For me it's the fear of the unknown, or if it's really what we're/I'm looking for . .

Catch 22 I suppose . . "

No catch 22 just try a club see if you like it, then try another see if you like that one

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Some say they don't go because too many guys, not enough guys, so why not pick the correct night?

Because you never know how many guys will be there til you go.

Sorry I meant certain nights are set up with lots of single guys some nights just couples and single ladies, go on a night appropriate for your wants.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

the primary thing that stops me is fear of a new environment- much like bars and clubs I don't like going in alone, even to a place I've been to loads of times before.

The other (around here anyway) is travel- public transport is limited at best so I have to ride there (I don't drive, just motorbike) which means a drop of Dutch courage is off the menu.

I've not looked into prices but that's a minor concern and nothing any club could help with without cutting themselves short

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Single women/couples on here being rude to single guys. It kind of makes one think single guys are treated like that at clubs, especially if they are new to the scene

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By *exycleanerWoman
over a year ago

pontefract

"Single women/couples on here being rude to single guys. It kind of makes one think single guys are treated like that at clubs, especially if they are new to the scene"
im never rude to single guys best nights for me have been when a guy has spotted me come over said hello ,started chatting then i will leave you to guess the rest ,top nights for me need some more like that !!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nothing puts us of going to clubs been to some really great ones and some not so great

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wot puts me off is I don't really know where my nearest 1 is and how do u go about getting in do u just walk in or av u gotta get a ticket I just don't know lol

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"For me it's the fear of the unknown, or if it's really what we're/I'm looking for . .

Catch 22 I suppose . . "

You're half an hour from a venue offering free entry for a whole weekend next month. No membership required either.

Can't think of a better opportunity to try a club!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wot puts me off is I don't really know where my nearest 1 is and how do u go about getting in do u just walk in or av u gotta get a ticket I just don't know lol "

You can check out the clubs in the club sections on this site, perhaps look in the south west section follow club links and either email or phone clubs that you like and you can find out there entrance criteria

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Agreed

I feel safer meeting at a club. Love Eureka's because you can stop overnight, take your own drinks and not expensive even for single guys who are welcome everyday/night

Totally agree about Eureka's. Have been a few times, got lucky some nights not on others, although have always found someone to talk to (me being on my own). Cost is not prohibitive either, this Friday and Sunday is £20 and that includes use of the spa facilities. Also no one hassles me so I find it a very relaxing environment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would day that in the current economic climate, people do not have the spate cash that they used to.

When I visited as a single male, the cost of entry coupled with accommodation and travel costs could see a trip cost in excess of £200.

Now I'm a sensible chap, and know that you go with no expectations, but can understand why some would expect to have sex.

As a couple our finances are also stretched, and like to use our money to do things we enjoy. That may mean a trip to a club, but we found going once every so often makes it more exciting, and doesn't become the norm.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Actually I like a naked orgy! Why would that put anybody off (assuming there are private spaces too). If you don't like the idea of people having sex a visit to a sex club probably won't suit!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Too nervous, no one to go with etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I enjoy my local club, but I can't go often as I don't drive. I need to get a bus to the train station, a train then a taxi or another bus to the club. It's a pain in the backside and ends up costing a lot.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't drive so it'll be expensive just to travel to the clubs let a lone the entry fee so puts me off at moment unless I find someone close to share travel expenses

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a big step into the unknown.

I started at a local club before a site.

I'd recently split from a "normal relationship" whatever that actually is and was broken up from it.

I was going out to my local and instead rang 118 and asked for a local swing club!

The girl on the line huffed and puffed then came up with a number and address.

One hour later I'd walked through the door and joined wondering what next.

After I'd got used to the idea of another erect penis in the room other than my own it settled down.

Some people are welcoming some suspicious of single males (can't blame them)and some indifferent.

You have "man up" a bit and face rejection sometimes before you even ask

It's improved my self confidence and my sexual experience but it's about having the right mindset to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll hold your hand next week if anyone wants to try?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"After running a newbie night, starting to get an idea of why people have never been to a club, anyone on forums care to comment also

I have often frequented Kestrel's all day, 10-5, but always taken a lady with me and chatted socially but only played with each other. I adore the place.

Of the 20+ times I have been there 5 were awful, hounded by herds of wanking men, on occasion begging to be let in the shack. Luckily it did not happen until a later visit, if that had been the first time that would have put me off.

The cliques, they are not inclusive at all, strange. I suspect you have to appear a dozen times and they might open. Never bothered.

Never stayed for Abfab, no idea why, just not sure of whether it would be as much fun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For me it's the fear of the unknown, or if it's really what we're/I'm looking for . .

Catch 22 I suppose . .

You're half an hour from a venue offering free entry for a whole weekend next month. No membership required either.

Can't think of a better opportunity to try a club!

Thanks for the heads up . . . We'll see

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We wanted to go to clubs but was worried of the unknown to start with ... But now we have been we love .... We don't go often thou ... As we feel it can be expensive , getting there , entry fees x, hotels if there not local ect x

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By *ikki ShooterTV/TS
over a year ago

Epsom

Love clubs send venues.first time was a bit daunting but went with the attitude that I'm not everyone's cup of tea so didn't expect too much. How wrong was I.I've been having a fab time and get more interest from women than men......Unless I'm in the dark room where no one can see them(apart from the guy next to them lol)..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm more then comfortable going to a club but haven't quite become comfortable approaching couples. More handsome single guys would certainly have me attending more often ??

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By *ethnmelvCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

We have been as a couple to 3 clubs and I (male) have been to 2 on my own to check them out before we went. I agree it is nerve wracking going on your own the first time, but it is way easier than going to a vanilla pub or club and going uo to talk to people. As a single guy twice ( not playing), I had a great time chatting to girls, couples and guys - everyone is nervous and wanting the other person to make a move, just smile, be open, ask people what they want, accept no for what it is, not a personal slight.

Clubs are great places to go, you don't have to drink and if you look at the Club section of this sight, most people are within 50 miles of at least one club - go out and enjoy!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We have been as a couple to 3 clubs and I (male) have been to 2 on my own to check them out before we went. I agree it is nerve wracking going on your own the first time, but it is way easier than going to a vanilla pub or club and going uo to talk to people. As a single guy twice ( not playing), I had a great time chatting to girls, couples and guys - everyone is nervous and wanting the other person to make a move, just smile, be open, ask people what they want, accept no for what it is, not a personal slight.

Clubs are great places to go, you don't have to drink and if you look at the Club section of this sight, most people are within 50 miles of at least one club - go out and enjoy!!

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By *layingkitty69Woman
over a year ago

DONCASTER

"Live near youtopia and have considered going but the the thought of seeing a family member or friend take it any which way when I walk in makes me think Nah! "
Wishes I lived near to any club as a single fem would make my life so much easyer lol( don't drive) and I have to rely on guys A to fancy going B picking me up and dropping me off only been twice to youtopia but enjoyed it been up an down England to many clubs with f/b over the time I been swinging

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The cost

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rude owners, who just ignore messages

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By *o new WinksMan
over a year ago

BSE

God help anyone who ignores you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As the female of a couple, i would like to say i love clubs , Big but.... I feel sometimes as prices are strangely high for guys , its almost like they expect you to put yourself on a plate,

they have paid to enter the club so they expect to get laid, and they hound you, for girls this is off putting, I'm not a prostitute if i like someone i will play, if your not my cup of tea then tough, i owe you nothing, if your not getting a shag thats not my problem. "

The pricing is wrong.....even possibly illegal...breaches sex discrimination laws of uality is in costs....singles should be same price for either sex......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"God help anyone who ignores you

You best reply to my pm then lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd love to visit a club but I'm so scared lol I'm bbw and I'm confident one on one but seeing all the lovely slim ladies who go I think I'd be less confident and probably hide in a corner I like socialising and love fun and want to experience what clubs have to offer maybe going on a pub social event first may calm my nerves lol x

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By *adgirl n RandieWoman
over a year ago

manchester

"Politics !! Ruins the scene! "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It costs to much lol

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By *atPrayLove1Man
over a year ago

Oldbury

"Most club fees are far too high for single guys, a lot of people are divorced and have to support children and can,t afford the fees."

A club in Birmingham charges £60 for single males £75 if youre first timer to get an id card...absolutely scandalous.

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

We don't understand the politics thing? How does that ruin it if you don't get involved?

Lots of miss conceptions in this thread. Just pick a quality club with a good reputation and try it? VA, Xtasia, Tease, Chams depends what you want but all great clubs. All we would say is couples are probably best off going on a couples only night. So many sexy people missing out!

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By *he Ring WraithMan
over a year ago

Bradford

Cost for some; distance for others (oh yeh and I feel totally out of place due to being there alone and my age) !

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By *peedypeteMan
over a year ago

derby

When I had a regukar partner I loved clubs, but on my own I find them very expensive and unwelcoming.

Most, but not all, at clubs don't make the first effort to speak to single males and especialy yhe more mature ones.

Its often hard to have a conversation with folks in clubs never mind take things any further.

I would love to be proven wrong and I was on one ocasion this year at Pleasures in Kent, they were very welcoming.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Scared of looking like the creepy, pervy single male wall flower.

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"Scared of looking like the creepy, pervy single male wall flower.

but if you are a social person... then you would talk to people anyway.....

if you are a person who has trouble going up and talking to people then to be honest clubs are unlikely to be for you...

if you have trouble talking to people in socialable situations then to be honest socials are unlikely to be for you..

the biggest mistake lots of people and especially guys is because you are in a club, you have to talk about sex.. or nothing....

mundane conversations and hello's tend to go a long way...

just there are people who won't give you the time of day... but that is no different than anything else

i hang outside because even though I don't smoke... smokers tend to be socialable and chatty..

the worst thing you can do is just stand around like a mute, or hover like some sort of silent ninja, couples can be as bad sitting in corners like lost sheep...

mingle people.... mingle!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cost for me as well...why would I want to pay £60 to sign up to a club I may only visit once in a year and then to pay £30 every time...the first night you're up to nearly £100 before drinks etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Most club fees are far too high for single guys, a lot of people are divorced and have to support children and can,t afford the fees.

A club in Birmingham charges £60 for single males £75 if youre first timer to get an id card...absolutely scandalous."

that particular club is slightly more expensive as they provide women, you can pay less and take your chance on someone playing with you, or go there and pay little more for a guarantee shag

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By *an_WoodMan
over a year ago

Stafford

"Actually I like a naked orgy! Why would that put anybody off (assuming there are private spaces too). If you don't like the idea of people having sex a visit to a sex club probably won't suit!"

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By *habsMan
over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex

"Laughably I was once told by the owners of a (now defunct) club on these forums 'that you wouldn't wear jeans to a funeral or a job interview so why would you to a club' and that sort of stuffy attitude holds no appeal"

Hahahaha, I'd reverse it be asking "but I wouldn't hold condoms in hope of a shag at either a job interview or a funeral either - am I to treat attendance of a swing club as I would a job interview or funeral??"

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By *candiumWoman
over a year ago

oban

" I like going to the pub or club, I can socialise and I like swinging, what's stopping me really?"

as a club newbie thats one of the big things that put me off! I am simply just not a big club/pub person. I basically have to be hammered before i can enjoy them. Add that to being far enough away that i'd have to make it a weekend plus having to walk in the door solo... Not sure i'll ever be able to visit one

i would also echo the cost of sexy lingerie being an issue. Last time i thoughr about buying a full matching set all i could find was over £100.

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By *az_1976Man
over a year ago

Peterborough/Huntingdon

"After running a newbie night, starting to get an idea of why people have never been to a club, anyone on forums care to comment also

I was going to go to your newbie night but I couldn't make it. I have been to clubs on my own but as a single guy it's easy to feel like the unwanted minority

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By *.nottsbloke..Man
over a year ago

the vale

The main reason for me is the rip off prices for single guys often double or triple the price for a couple to get in

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've never been to one but would like to. However like a lot have said already the cost puts me off. Most let single women in for free, couple pay a reasonable rate but single men seem to get stung. Also gong alone as I too have heard that some are all about the clique

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Money, especially for single guys seems to be a recurring theme

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By *atelotmanMan
over a year ago

Chatham

My age an the fact Im a single guy puts me off going to clubs,dont fancy being look at as some sad dirty old man.An goes without saying the cost.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cost is an issue (£60 a time for me at AbFabs), but the biggest thing that puts me off is cliques. Sometimes it's nigh-on impossible to even get a conversation going because you're not part of the group."
try the north east clubs for that! We gave them a try and a second chance.....if your not a face in their crowd you may as well be in the bar next door

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reading reports that it's a cluttered dingy hole.

Like space and smart attractive surroundings including the customers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cost is an issue (£60 a time for me at AbFabs), but the biggest thing that puts me off is cliques. Sometimes it's nigh-on impossible to even get a conversation going because you're not part of the group. try the north east clubs for that! We gave them a try and a second chance.....if your not a face in their crowd you may as well be in the bar next door

I might just do that

Make a project of it - get ignored and rejected at every club in Britain!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

With the price it costs a single guy to attend a club, he may as well go and buy a prostitute. At least he is guaranteed a ride. Lol!

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By *umpkinMan
over a year ago

near the sounds of the wimborne quarter jack!

"I love going to cupids,it used to upset me when nothing happened,but know I just go and enjoy the jacuzzi and sauna,and have brew hopefully watch the couples in the viewing room fucking,I went last night there was nothing going on,only in the private rooms so nothing to watch and no lady's for the single guy,but I still did not mind nowt happened,just enjoyed the facilities ."

My philosophy too! It was actually a result for me to be able to grope (with permission I hasten to add) a lovely lady in the jaccuzzi at Chams the last time I went!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cost is an issue (£60 a time for me at AbFabs), but the biggest thing that puts me off is cliques. Sometimes it's nigh-on impossible to even get a conversation going because you're not part of the group. try the north east clubs for that! We gave them a try and a second chance.....if your not a face in their crowd you may as well be in the bar next door

If the cliques don't embrace newbies then why do the cliques bother going to the club at all?. They may as well just all meet at one of their houses.

Im going to a club on Friday and all this is putting me right off. I may as well go and find a prostitute. At least Im guaranteed a ride. Lol!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cost is an issue (£60 a time for me at AbFabs), but the biggest thing that puts me off is cliques. Sometimes it's nigh-on impossible to even get a conversation going because you're not part of the group. try the north east clubs for that! We gave them a try and a second chance.....if your not a face in their crowd you may as well be in the bar next door

If the cliques don't embrace newbies then why do the cliques bother going to the club at all?. They may as well just all meet at one of their houses.

Im going to a club on Friday and all this is putting me right off. I may as well go and find a prostitute. At least Im guaranteed a ride. Lol!"

People at clubs do embrace newbies providing they act appropriately. Clubs are generally friendly places, however if you think you are guaranteed a fuck you would be better spending your money on an escort as you are entitled nor guaranteed anything with a club visit and going with a sense of entitlement could lead to a disappointing time

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By *r creedyMan
over a year ago

ashington

i can say the only thing that puts people off from attending clubs is people who do not take no for a answer just cause you are on a site like fabswingers and attend clubs does not mean you are looking to sleep with anyone and should wait to be invited to play or to join in never presume that it is a free for all. JC

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By *r creedyMan
over a year ago

ashington

"Cost is an issue (£60 a time for me at AbFabs), but the biggest thing that puts me off is cliques. Sometimes it's nigh-on impossible to even get a conversation going because you're not part of the group. try the north east clubs for that! We gave them a try and a second chance.....if your not a face in their crowd you may as well be in the bar next door

True some people do tend to meet the same people every time you go to the clubs and it could possibly be a intimidating place for a newbie but at the end of the day if you dont start to talk you will never get anywhere JC x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If the cliques don't embrace newbies then why do the cliques bother going to the club at all?. They may as well just all meet at one of their houses.

Im going to a club on Friday and all this is putting me right off. I may as well go and find a prostitute. At least Im guaranteed a ride. Lol!"

The cliques may have children being babysat at home

Or maybe they don't want to meet people at home?

I've seen club reviews from people who attended the same night as us and they complained how cliquey everyone was but we noticed a couple of those that we recognised didn't move from their spot in the corner all night and from what we saw made no effort to chat to anyone!

crystal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 21/08/14 22:23:03]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One persons clique is a group of friends having fun to another.

Never been anything but welcome at a club. And yes we have sometimes move in a crowd but we dipped in and out to play with others.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Most clubs we have been to you can identify the regular group of friends the clique as some would put it and how they interact with new people makes or breaks a club for the first timers

Our biggest bug bear is the hangers around the bar or the coffee area that restrict access and get the huff when you want to use those facilities!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was always really nervous about going on my own as a single fem, but every club I've been to has been welcoming and friendly, it canvas daunting so newbie nights sound like a brilliant idea, then most people are in the same boat and you've even got a conversation starter!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Even if it's not the case in reality, the perception of some clubs as being full of the same regulars all the time and cliquey is very off putting to a newbie.

I'm mostly put off by just general fear of the unknown (I'm a wimp) and they're always in such hard to get to places!

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