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Modern view on clubs

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I started swinging over a year ago with a girl I was with at the time.. It opened both our eyes and we both enjoy it.

As with most new visitors we were wary of how seedy it might be in our local club. Fortunately we had the guts to try it out. We also managed to introduce a few new people too. And they have also very much enjoyed it. After talking to others on here who would love to try a club but can't find the courage to go... Words used were seedy, rude, pushy, dirty, and the notion of having to have sex with others.... This is not what it's like.

So how can clubs get this across? How can clubs update themselves to the modern and very wide range of swinging needs?

I'd love to know what you'd like to see in a club, what you'd like to happen, what facilities, what people etc etc. right from the music to the porn on show too.

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By *otlovefun42Couple
over a year ago

Costa Blanca Spain...

While we haven't been to many UK clubs recently, I (Mr) was a regular clubber both as a single and with an ex G/F as far back as the 80's and have seen the growth of swinger clubs almost from the beginning.

In an ideal world modern swinger clubs would take on the European model (especially the Dutch and German) It would be wonderful to have clubs like Fun4two, Caesars Palace, De Eule, and many others like them in the UK. Unfortunately it isn't an ideal world for swingers in the UK. As you say yourself, people use words like seedy, pushy, dirty, Etc. and while those attitudes prevail it will always be difficult for swinger clubs in Britain. Add to that a mix of town hall jobsworths, pious licencing magistrates, NIMBY's, and tabloid newspapers looking for a headline, all conspire to make it as difficult as possible for club owners.

It presents a bit of a conundrum when you look at sites like FAB and others and see the pages upon pages of profiles from all over the UK. Then wonder why the lifestyle hasn't become more main stream.

The answer is simple. Although we all love the lifestyle most of us are still embarrassed by it. We keep it underground, we want to keep our identities secret, and would be horrified if our family or vanilla friends discovered what we do (and we are as guilty as the rest on that one). This play's right into the hands of the people who would really like to ban (or banish) us.

Maybe we should look at how far the Gay community has moved forward in the last 20/30 years. As recently as 1980 same sex sexual activity was illegal in Scotland, and although legalised in England & Wales in the late 60's it was still very much frowned upon through the 70's and even into the 80's. Nowadays it is regarded as part of life, and no decent person would ever look down on someone because they are Gay.

Maybe it's time we started being proud of our swinger lifestyle, swinger pride march anyone? Then maybe the powers that be (and the vanilla world) would be a bit more understanding and allow proper European style clubs to operate in the UK.

I would use my last word however to pay tribute to many club owners in the UK who do a sterling job despite all the hoops they have to jump through.

Just a bit of food for thought.

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By *leasures4Couple
over a year ago

East midlands


"While we haven't been to many UK clubs recently, I (Mr) was a regular clubber both as a single and with an ex G/F as far back as the 80's and have seen the growth of swinger clubs almost from the beginning.

In an ideal world modern swinger clubs would take on the European model (especially the Dutch and German) It would be wonderful to have clubs like Fun4two, Caesars Palace, De Eule, and many others like them in the UK. Unfortunately it isn't an ideal world for swingers in the UK. As you say yourself, people use words like seedy, pushy, dirty, Etc. and while those attitudes prevail it will always be difficult for swinger clubs in Britain. Add to that a mix of town hall jobsworths, pious licencing magistrates, NIMBY's, and tabloid newspapers looking for a headline, all conspire to make it as difficult as possible for club owners.

It presents a bit of a conundrum when you look at sites like FAB and others and see the pages upon pages of profiles from all over the UK. Then wonder why the lifestyle hasn't become more main stream.

The answer is simple. Although we all love the lifestyle most of us are still embarrassed by it. We keep it underground, we want to keep our identities secret, and would be horrified if our family or vanilla friends discovered what we do (and we are as guilty as the rest on that one). This play's right into the hands of the people who would really like to ban (or banish) us.

Maybe we should look at how far the Gay community has moved forward in the last 20/30 years. As recently as 1980 same sex sexual activity was illegal in Scotland, and although legalised in England & Wales in the late 60's it was still very much frowned upon through the 70's and even into the 80's. Nowadays it is regarded as part of life, and no decent person would ever look down on someone because they are Gay.

Maybe it's time we started being proud of our swinger lifestyle, swinger pride march anyone? Then maybe the powers that be (and the vanilla world) would be a bit more understanding and allow proper European style clubs to operate in the UK.

I would use my last word however to pay tribute to many club owners in the UK who do a sterling job despite all the hoops they have to jump through.

Just a bit of food for thought.

"

Great post and well written.

Its the same for lots of peoples lifestyles unfortunately. Vanillas are so quick to judge. Its very frustrating to have to keep what we really enjoy doing, a secret. We love and feel very lucky to be part of what we feel, is a very special family....

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By *lubPartyPeepsCouple
over a year ago

London

We can't add much to the excellent response from HOTLOVE above.

But the European Clubs model is indeed the way to go. The scene has changed so much since we went to our first clubs and its still changing now.

They need to keep raising the bar. Some of our clubs are at least now on par with the more medium Euro clubs and better than many of their smaller venues.

The UK hasn't quite got its FUN4TWO yet, but its getting there.

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By *exySwing3rsCouple
over a year ago

In Your Hearts

Question is whether couples will pay £100 week in week out and attract the huge numbers that Fun4Two and Fata Morgana do.

To set up anything akin to these clubs would require substantial investment not to mention the hoops that you one has to jump through with the local councils and police (as licensing requires their approval).

As any club owner will tell you, trying to increase the prices by even £5 is met with a huge outcry and threats of boycott.

We are quite a long way from a 5 Star club in the UK.

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By *iccardaTV/TS
over a year ago

Wallasey

i have to admit i started visiting swingers clubs from the BDSM scene and unfortunately one of the things i have come across is how we seem to repeat some of the stereo typical comments between different parts of what i describe as the alternative scene. It shouldn't be swingers clubs for swingers, bdsm clubs for doms and subs, gay clubs for gays and tgirl clubs for tgirls, but tolerant open spaces for people to go and socialise with people who have an alternative view on life and take it from there

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By *lubPartyPeepsCouple
over a year ago

London

Yeah the constant threat of possible closure is the biggest problem over here.

Also the buffet and inclusive drink cost approach is unlikely to work in the UK, as it does in Europe.

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By *orthwest_cplCouple
over a year ago

Stretford

We visit clubs once a week on average. We couldn't possibly afford the price that Fun4two, Fata or Showboat charge. When not on holiday we don't see the need for the level of facility of the Dutch clubs. We would prefer 4 visits a month at a clean, busy, basic club rather than one at a luxurious club.

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By *otlovefun42Couple
over a year ago

Costa Blanca Spain...

Some very good comments.

Price would certainly be an issue, couples used to paying £20/30 for a night out would certainly baulk at suddenly having to pay £100. However there is still room for a few "special" clubs. Maybe one in the south, another in the midlands, and one in the north. There would still have to be smaller lower price clubs as well, as there are in Holland and Germany

In Europe Fun4two pretty much set the standard and we love to go there, but even for us, only a two hour drive away, it is quite an expensive night. We reckon with hotel, fuel, and entrance fee, there is very little change out of 200€, so we limit ourselves to 3 or 4 times a year. Fortunately we have other clubs nearby so we can still go out once a week without breaking the bank. For example we have a club 20 mins from us that does midweek nights including a basic buffet and free bar for 30€ and 40€ at the weekend.

I suppose that leads neatly into the free bar debate, and would it work in the UK? The first obstacle would be getting a licence. As mentioned above the police (who are usually prejudiced against anything to do with the sex industry) have a big say in who can get one, and licencing magistrates tend to have a collective heart attack if anyone mentions sex and alcohol in the same sentence. Assuming for a moment that those obstacles could be overcome, the next problem would be (sad to say) the binge drinking part of British culture. While most swingers tend to be a sensible bunch there will always be someone who sees a free bar as a green light to get pissed out of their mind, and a spluttering d*unk is the last thing we want in any club. However with a bit of thought and vigilant bar staff we think that could be overcome.

The next question would be investment. Would anyone in the UK be willing to dig deep to the tune of around a million quid (because that is what a Fun4two style set up would cost) on the off chance that they might get a licence, and take the risk that the next Chief Constable could turn out to be a lay preacher and shut them down.

Sadly I think SexySwing3rs are right when they say the UK is quite a long way from a 5 Star club.

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By *lubPartyPeepsCouple
over a year ago

London

I think we can have a 5 star club without having the free food and drink, but I think the problems with local councils and such will always put someone off making that level of investment.

The UK also as a pretty bad record of people selling clubs on to other people and then screwing them over in one way shape or form. Making partnerships a really unattractive investment.

We do still think we have a couple of clubs (free food and drink aside) that are not that far away though.

And there's a hundred or more clubs in Europe that are of a similar standard to places like Altantis, VA, Club F, LC, Abfabs, Chams to name a few, so people cannot say the scene over here hasn't made a massive improvement in the last 6 years, because it certainly has. We may never well quite be like the clubs in Europe, but we can always keep trying to be better, and its good that people are doing that.

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By *aveandkate35Couple
over a year ago

telford


"While we haven't been to many UK clubs recently, I (Mr) was a regular clubber both as a single and with an ex G/F as far back as the 80's and have seen the growth of swinger clubs almost from the beginning.

In an ideal world modern swinger clubs would take on the European model (especially the Dutch and German) It would be wonderful to have clubs like Fun4two, Caesars Palace, De Eule, and many others like them in the UK. Unfortunately it isn't an ideal world for swingers in the UK. As you say yourself, people use words like seedy, pushy, dirty, Etc. and while those attitudes prevail it will always be difficult for swinger clubs in Britain. Add to that a mix of town hall jobsworths, pious licencing magistrates, NIMBY's, and tabloid newspapers looking for a headline, all conspire to make it as difficult as possible for club owners.

It presents a bit of a conundrum when you look at sites like FAB and others and see the pages upon pages of profiles from all over the UK. Then wonder why the lifestyle hasn't become more main stream.

The answer is simple. Although we all love the lifestyle most of us are still embarrassed by it. We keep it underground, we want to keep our identities secret, and would be horrified if our family or vanilla friends discovered what we do (and we are as guilty as the rest on that one). This play's right into the hands of the people who would really like to ban (or banish) us.

Maybe we should look at how far the Gay community has moved forward in the last 20/30 years. As recently as 1980 same sex sexual activity was illegal in Scotland, and although legalised in England & Wales in the late 60's it was still very much frowned upon through the 70's and even into the 80's. Nowadays it is regarded as part of life, and no decent person would ever look down on someone because they are Gay.

Maybe it's time we started being proud of our swinger lifestyle, swinger pride march anyone? Then maybe the powers that be (and the vanilla world) would be a bit more understanding and allow proper European style clubs to operate in the UK.

I would use my last word however to pay tribute to many club owners in the UK who do a sterling job despite all the hoops they have to jump through.

Just a bit of food for thought.

"

Excellent post.

We've often commented that swinging feels like it trailing behind in the acceptance stakes and that you could compare it to how the gay movement was viewed a few generations ago.

On the flip side do I want a world where everyone swings? No, but I'd like for it to be accepted as a choice, not as a compliance to some inner sexual deviance.

D

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By *oveSlutForUseCouple
over a year ago

Brighton

One of the main problems / perceptions we have of clubs (and we've never been, to a swinger club) is the problem of men. A good 95% of the men here who mail us are utter twats.

The thought of going to a club where possibly these men are, is just.. *shudder*.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"One of the main problems / perceptions we have of clubs (and we've never been, to a swinger club) is the problem of men. A good 95% of the men here who mail us are utter twats.

The thought of going to a club where possibly these men are, is just.. *shudder*."

Most clubs are selective with the guys they allow in as regulars

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only ever once had a guy behave like a twat in a club....

Funny how quickly his attitude "f'ing bitch, I'll have her anyway" changed when the husband in the micro skirt and heels pinned him to a wall by his throat.

Generally tho, he was the one and only twat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only seen one complete twat - and security had him out before you could blink

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By *_MariusMan
over a year ago

Currently Faraway

I agree with way too many things that some of you, including the OP, have said about changes in swinging and swingers' clubs so I can't mention them all here.

Instead I'll just say--like hotlovefun said--that it would be so nice if we managed to change our attitudes towards what we do. Self-absorbed shame heaped on us by the greater society and then directed on others...unfair judgemental and ignorant attitudes conveniently masked as "preferences" that need to be respected...but all that would have changed in an ideal world... Xx

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By *kmale421Man
over a year ago

wirral


"One of the main problems / perceptions we have of clubs (and we've never been, to a swinger club) is the problem of men. A good 95% of the men here who mail us are utter twats.

The thought of going to a club where possibly these men are, is just.. *shudder*."

There's a huge difference in going to clubs though when compared to getting a message on Fab.

The biggest difference being you get to see someone in the flesh so to speak. I doubt very much that someone who'd send a rude message on Fab would even turn up at a club.

However many clubs do have couples and single ladies only nights and if you did want to try a club maybe that would be the best night to try.

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By *oi_LucyCouple
over a year ago

Barbados

We've been to a few clubs. It can be quite hard to pin down what 'makes' a club. Yes the obvious things of cleanliness etc, but beyond that it can be very much down to personal preference. We all like different things. I love porn. But I like different porn to my wife. I like the clean, perfect fantasy porn. Clubs generally play the 'people next door' porn. And I can see why. It might be off putting to someone's confidence if they want to play and surrounded by images of 'perfection'. One club we went to last weekend we ended up sat on a sofa that happened to face the TV in the lounge and my wife remarked we could of well been sat watching eastenders.

Some people want to play in open rooms. Some want lockable. Some people want the club to look like a posh wine bar. Some want a bit if seediness to it

I certainly don't envy club owners and how they get the balance right trying to please everyone!

-Matt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm neither proud or ashamed of our sexual choices. But I do like it being our secret. I enjoy the idea that others have no idea what we get up to, and I enjoy the idea of how shocked they would be.

So to be honest I don't want clubs to become 'mainstream', I like it being a bit niche.

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent


"One of the main problems / perceptions we have of clubs (and we've never been, to a swinger club) is the problem of men. A good 95% of the men here who mail us are utter twats.

The thought of going to a club where possibly these men are, is just.. *shudder*."

I've only been twice and honestly thought the same as you, had awful awful images of it in my head! But it was nothing like that and I can't wait to go back and try some more!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Been some interesting reading here, thank you.

I loved going to my local club as a couple, we had some great nights there, didn't play with others much as we were quite fussy but did play together a lot and "put on a show" so we always had a good social night and satisfied urges too.

Going there as a single was completely different. I found it a bit harder to socialise and hence play with anyone. But that is not my main reason for going.

I have gotten to know the owners quite well (even intimately! ) and expressed the concerns I had. They are hoping to make some big changes to the club next year so they were asking for some feedback from me. I know just how much they will be focussing on the club.

Good points I like from this post are the post regarding our own attitudes to this lifestyle. I feel like I have 2 different personalities. My more confident swinging persona and my more shy and reserved public persona. I was devastated when something was leaked from fab to my Facebook account and the lads in work started asking questions and even my own mum asked about this "new woman I was seeing from some dating site". Yes I too don't want my swinging life to be public, not that I am ashamed of it but more because of societies attitude of how we are supposed to live and the backlash I'd get from that. I know many people would lose credibility in they're work if found out and even some would lose they're jobs (could you seriously be sacked because you have sexual fun with others?)

So yes I understand why the majority of people want to keep this lifestyle private.

Riccarda, who visits the same club as me will tell you that at our club, people are accepted for who they are and that it's a club that's open to every aspects of swinging and the alternative scene too. Yes they have nights dedicated to differ themes like TV/TS nights, Bdsm and fet nights, etc, but everyone is welcome to attend. Swingers can go to fet nights etc.

Rogue squadron, I understand that most men on here can be vile and rude, it's easy to be like that from behind a computer. Clubs in General have stricter rules for single men so only those good ones can attend. I've never found any trouble in our club from anyone. Male embers are invited for a chat with the owners before they are given membership. This week has seen an increase in male members and I can say all those I met and chatted to were respectful, sociable and very well behaved.

As for price and free drinks? I think the prices are just right now anyway and couldn't increase to the prices expected in Europe. They do have a licence now and drinks prices are very reasonable. On the big party nights there is also a free buffet and dj too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Rogue squadron, I understand that most men on here can be vile and rude, it's easy to be like that from behind a computer. Clubs in General have stricter rules for single men so only those good ones can attend"

What a lot of tosh, saying most men, if you said some men, that would be more like it!

Like attracts like, on the internet, it isn't real life, in real life 99% of people are caring, honest and friendly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"One of the main problems / perceptions we have of clubs (and we've never been, to a swinger club) is the problem of men. A good 95% of the men here who mail us are utter twats.

The thought of going to a club where possibly these men are, is just.. *shudder*.

Most clubs are selective with the guys they allow in as regulars "

Mb

Been in several clubs and never experienced hassle from single guys, unfortunately that's one of those myths bandied about that people choose to believe rather than going and finding out for themselves, gives clubs bad name in first place, just like false bad reviews on clubs on this site, recently reported one person who wrote bad review on a club they never visited to try make their club look good, shit happens.

Best way and only way to find out what a club is like, simply to go, ignore reviews, ignore myths, and just go and find out.

Only way people will stop "seedy" reputation is by visiting club rather than listen to the bullshit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd take reviews with a pinch if salt and take a good look at the people writing them, but I wouldn't ignore them.

Most single men we've seen at clubs have been very respectful but no doubt at all that there are some pushy dickheads that attend too. And as with the 'like attracts like' comment above they do seem to attend certain clubs and/or certain events/nights moreso than others.

As for seedy depends on perspectives. I'd say at least two of the clubs we've attended have been really seedy and at least one of those is reviewed very differently on here.

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