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Why so anxious?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Why is if that single men find it so scary/intimidating to go to a club. Before I met Tor I went to loads and found them relaxed, laid back and most of the time far less intimidating than a nightclub of pub I'd never been to. People talk about waiting lists and being vetted but again I don't seem to remember that being an arduous task at all (although I am gorgeous so clearly that helps)

As the great Fabio says "suck it up" and get on with it. Those who stand in the back waiting for stuff to happen to them tend to never have stuff happen to them!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe not everyone is as assertive or confident as others. It can be very intimidating for single men and women. OMHO

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Maybe not everyone is as assertive or confident as others. It can be very intimidating for single men and women. OMHO

"

But why? They're all welcoming and often far less intimidating than a pub. I can only speak as a single male though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe in part because you do not pay 40 or 50 quid just to get in a pub

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Maybe in part because you do not pay 40 or 50 quid just to get in a pub "

That's not anxiety that's being a cheapskate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Maybe not everyone is as assertive or confident as others. It can be very intimidating for single men and women. OMHO

"
I agree. You have to be fairly confident to go into the unknown and I should imagine that some males can just about cope with rejection on here where it is fairly anonymous but not too keen on a rejection face to face

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont worry about it i get rejected all the time

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By *hole Lotta RosieWoman
over a year ago

Deviant City

considering I have difficulties in meeting new people in vanilla life, from doctors to shop assistants, I find it far more easier to go to a club as a single lady......how does that one work out then? lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"considering I have difficulties in meeting new people in vanilla life, from doctors to shop assistants, I find it far more easier to go to a club as a single lady......how does that one work out then? lol "
fair point that i am plucking up the courage to go to a club x

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead


"Why is if that single men find it so scary/intimidating to go to a club. Before I met Tor I went to loads and found them relaxed, laid back and most of the time far less intimidating than a nightclub of pub I'd never been to. People talk about waiting lists and being vetted but again I don't seem to remember that being an arduous task at all (although I am gorgeous so clearly that helps)

As the great Fabio says "suck it up" and get on with it. Those who stand in the back waiting for stuff to happen to them tend to never have stuff happen to them!"

in my defence I have only every replied with the words "suck it up and just go!" to one person.. and that was because they made excuse after excuse after excuse as to not doing it...

what i would say to anyone new, be that a single bloke, a couple or even a single women... is just go in with an open mind and no expectations...

if you don't cope well in social situations then clubs are not for you, but then if you don't cope well in social situations,I would say the same for socials events and house parties ect ect...

blokes will ask for "handholders" for a few reason..

cheaper entry.. yes cheapskates!!!

think it is an in to "couples nights" and get to couples that won't play with singles otherwise.....

think it is a guarenteed shag!!

so here is a newsflash for you...

fear of the "unknown" isn't a bad thing... but it isn't a reason as to need someone to hold your hand like a 5yr old, when countless thousands of people up and down the country get on with going to clubs!

you'll walk thru the doors... see people are relatively normal, and get on with life....

it is basically almost like a test of your maturity process in my eyes.... not mature enough to go thru the doors by yourself, not mature enough to go to a club

tough... yes!

fair.... reasonably!

i was taught that if you wait on someone else to do something for you, invariably nothing will get done.. so just take the bull by the horns, suck it up (damn thats twice i have now used it!!!) and go...

if they aren't for you.. least you can say you tried it..

if they are for you... welcome into the fold!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We find them less stressful than a private meet. Then again we talk to anyone lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We find them less stressful than a private meet. Then again we talk to anyone lol"

Far less stressful and you often find yourself enjoying the company of folks you have turned down here on the site!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We find them less stressful than a private meet. Then again we talk to anyone lol"
which club would you suggest as aclub to go to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We find them less stressful than a private meet. Then again we talk to anyone lolwhich club would you suggest as aclub to go to "

Cupids. By some margin as it has the best clientele.

Or further afield Chameleons.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We find them less stressful than a private meet. Then again we talk to anyone lolwhich club would you suggest as aclub to go to

Cupids. By some margin as it has the best clientele.

Or further afield Chameleons."
thats in swinton isnt it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"which club would you suggest as aclub to go to "

La Chambre in Sheffield is my second home lol and I have friends who just love the place and come over from the Manchester area when they can get time off work...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"which club would you suggest as aclub to go to

La Chambre in Sheffield is my second home lol and I have friends who just love the place and come over from the Manchester area when they can get time off work..."
thanks lacey x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"which club would you suggest as aclub to go to

La Chambre in Sheffield is my second home lol and I have friends who just love the place and come over from the Manchester area when they can get time off work... thanks lacey x"

All clubs tend to offer slightly different facilities, so it's worth having a look at the clubs section on here and then visiting the clubs websites to see just what is on offer and if it fits with what you might enjoy on an visit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"which club would you suggest as aclub to go to

La Chambre in Sheffield is my second home lol and I have friends who just love the place and come over from the Manchester area when they can get time off work... thanks lacey x

O

All clubs tend to offer slightly different facilities, so it's worth having a look at the clubs section on here and then visiting the clubs websites to see just what is on offer and if it fits with what you might enjoy on an visit."
think cupids might be best option thanks again x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In my opinion FABio absolutely nailed it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We find them less stressful than a private meet. Then again we talk to anyone lolwhich club would you suggest as aclub to go to

Cupids. By some margin as it has the best clientele.

Or further afield Chameleons.thats in swinton isnt it"

Chameleons (Chams) is Darlaston, West Midlands, not to be confused with La Chambre (lc's) which is Sheffield.

If you're looking for a club further up north Partner's Bury has always been an excellent venue

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We find them less stressful than a private meet. Then again we talk to anyone lolwhich club would you suggest as aclub to go to

Cupids. By some margin as it has the best clientele.

Or further afield Chameleons.thats in swinton isnt

Chameleons (Chams) is Darlaston, West Midlands, not to be confused with La Chambre (lc's) which is Sheffield.

If you're looking for a club further up north Partner's Bury has always been an excellent venue "
thanks again l

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

I often go alone as a single woman, and yes feel safer in a club, than in a town centre bar....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I often go alone as a single woman, and yes feel safer in a club, than in a town centre bar...."
different for single bloke at my age look like a perv x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I often go alone as a single woman, and yes feel safer in a club, than in a town centre bar.... different for single bloke at my age look like a perv x"

I don't think looking like a Perv in a swingers club would make you look out

Of place !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I often go alone as a single woman, and yes feel safer in a club, than in a town centre bar.... different for single bloke at my age look like a perv x"
So you go to a club have a couple of drinks in the bar chat and make new friends, try out the sauna, pool or jacuzzi and if the mood takes you have a little fun, take part, watch etc....how can that be classed as being a perv!?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I often go alone as a single woman, and yes feel safer in a club, than in a town centre bar.... different for single bloke at my age look like a perv x So you go toa club have a couple of drinks in the bar chat and make new friends, try out the sauna, pool or jacuzzi and if the mood takes you have a little fun, take part, watch etc....how can that be classed as being a perv!? "
i meant when i first walk in but every days a day at school i suppose x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

It's not a brothel!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I often go alone as a single woman, and yes feel safer in a club, than in a town centre bar.... different for single bloke at my age look like a perv x So you go toa club have a couple of drinks in the bar chat and make new friends, try out the sauna, pool or jacuzzi and if the mood takes you have a little fun, take part, watch etc....how can that be classed as being a perv!? i meant when i first walk in but every days a day at school i suppose x"

Trust me, the first time you walk into a club, you won't stick out like a perv, I think you will be pleasantly surprised how relaxed and friendly clubs are. They cater for all ages and have plenty of visitors much older than you or I...x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I often go alone as a single woman, and yes feel safer in a club, than in a town centre bar.... different for single bloke at my age look like a perv x So you go toa club have a couple of drinks in the bar chat and make new friends, try out the sauna, pool or jacuzzi and if the mood takes you have a little fun, take part, watch etc....how can that be classed as being a perv!? i meant when i first walk in but every days a day at school i suppose x

Trust me, the first time you walk into a club, you won't stick out like a perv, I think you will be pleasantly surprised how relaxed and friendly clubs are. They cater for all ages and have plenty of visitors much older than you or I...x"
you must be sick of me thanking you lol x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"you must be sick of me thanking you lol x"

I'm lapping it up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"you must be sick of me thanking you lol x

I'm lapping it up "
lol ill have a drink for you then x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Walking into anywhere for the first time can be daunting, but, when you go to a swingers club, the reality is you're in a place which is not a "normal" venue. All the people there have had to walk through that door for the first time and they all know it was a bit of a strange feeling.

The main thing though is, if you're too scared to do it, you'll never find out how totally relaxed and normal it is once you're through the door.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

it is basically almost like a test of your maturity process in my eyes.... not mature enough to go thru the doors by yourself, not mature enough to go to a club

tough... yes!

fair.... reasonably!

"

Absolutely true!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Maybe not everyone is as assertive or confident as others. It can be very intimidating for single men and women. OMHO

"

Agree which is why I offer to take males, females or couples along to my local club, so they get to experience club scene, with a friendly person taking them under wing so to speak. Not everyone has loads confidence and some people need that little bit of reassurance

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a couple we found it exciting walking through the doors and the build up to going was just amazing.

Now knowing what to expect I as the male would have no problem walking into one on my own not sure I would fancy the whole single scene though.

Once you wander through those doors guys you will wonder what you were worried about. I can see where some are coming from though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a couple we found it exciting walking through the doors and the build up to going was just amazing.

Now knowing what to expect I as the male would have no problem walking into one on my own not sure I would fancy the whole single scene though.

Once you wander through those doors guys you will wonder what you were worried about. I can see where some are coming from though. "

Woo fit couple!

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

too many guys just thing half empty as opposed to half full and give themselves excuses as to not to go as opposed to reason to go....

it is as if too many guys think of the end product as opposed to the journey along the way.....

there has been a lot of talk in past threads about people who say "just go" being super confident... first time i went I was nervous as fuck!! I figured that getting over nerves was part of the challenge.... and something as small as a hello opens up doors that were never there before.... not leaching onto someone like a backpack!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I barely attend clubs..but for those that have preconceived ideas(any group on fab), I say, stop and just go...what is ONE or TWO nites to try?...fucksakes..some would happily go out getting pished for around £70 and chance luck meeting someone...I tend not to meet people alot in the vanilla sense that way..but then, Im not always interested in vanilla anyway...so lets say, i want group fun..even if i only get some perving in, I'd go to a swinging club.

so...what makes it worse????

men...women...couples...

coming on to fab and moaning they cant get meets...not actually realising u dont HAVE TO PLAY IN A CLUB..its a simple tool to get to meet likeminded people..perhaps meet them again in another environment .

sounds far too logical

clubs are scary, dont go....100's of others must be wrong...or its all mingers that go

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*1,000's

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