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"Definitely go on your own, then you're your own master. Yes, it may feel daunting at first, and not all clubs/events are exactly single man friendly. Have you got any particular club in mind? " Thanks! And not a clue which one, I guess chams/xstasia which both seem to get mentioned a lot and are within striking distance? | |||
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"Definitely go on your own, then you're your own master. Yes, it may feel daunting at first, and not all clubs/events are exactly single man friendly. Have you got any particular club in mind? Thanks! And not a clue which one, I guess chams/xstasia which both seem to get mentioned a lot and are within striking distance?" Chams is infamous for long waiting list for single male membership. It's a great club, and that's why it's very popular. Xtasia - I think you start as a member of Flirts bar, then you might be able to get full membership, it's part of their vetting process. There are other clubs not that far from there that might be better/more suitable. Do your research first. | |||
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"Definitely go on your own, then you're your own master. Yes, it may feel daunting at first, and not all clubs/events are exactly single man friendly. Have you got any particular club in mind? Thanks! And not a clue which one, I guess chams/xstasia which both seem to get mentioned a lot and are within striking distance? Chams is infamous for long waiting list for single male membership. It's a great club, and that's why it's very popular. Xtasia - I think you start as a member of Flirts bar, then you might be able to get full membership, it's part of their vetting process. There are other clubs not that far from there that might be better/more suitable. Do your research first. " Thank you! I'll have to look into it more | |||
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"Definitely go on your own, then you're your own master. Yes, it may feel daunting at first, and not all clubs/events are exactly single man friendly. Have you got any particular club in mind? Thanks! And not a clue which one, I guess chams/xstasia which both seem to get mentioned a lot and are within striking distance?" Jaydees is a very friendly club, and if you spend a little time in the outdoor area, you will strike up a conversation and end up making new friends. | |||
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"Any recommendations for the same within an hour from Watford would be greatly appreciated" Ignite near Heathrow, Vanilla Alternative near Sandy, Jaydees near St Neots (might be a bit more than an hour due to roadworks at Black Cat roundabout and the fact that it's in the rural location), Penthouse Playrooms in Dunstable. I think in London there is also Le Boudoir, OurPlaceForFun and Rio's (sauna, not a club). | |||
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"Hi all, I'm seriously considering going to a club for the first time. Problem is, I don't know the scene, the conventions, the "done thing" and am feeling really nervous about it. I suppose the ultimate fear is I stand awkwardly in the corner all evening watching other people having all the fun. Being a little socially awkward, and with the merest dash of autistic brain doesn't help. Anyone got any advice? Obviously the normal rules , do don't etc. But I can quite easily miss social cues, body language etc. Alternatively, if any ladies are in a similar position and want to reach out, I'd love to have a social or two to get to know each other and then go as a "couple" for backup!" As someone who is a little socially awkward and a tad on the spectrum myself I can relate to this. Years ago as as a single man I was in the same boat trying my first club. The first thing to say is its bloody hard and takes some balls. Especially for people like us, no getting around it. However for me I also found it rewarding and I really enjoyed the club scene alone. As to advise my first tip would be do some research first. Find the club/night best for you but also nail the practical considerations. Such as card or cash, dress code, licensed or bring your own bottle, transport/parking etc. Knowing a few things and not getting caught out by any of the practical things and coming with the right stuff can really ease the stress or potential of not starting off on the right foot. Most clubs have a website and you can always just give them a phone call. Also when you arrive tell them it's your first time and get the tour. They will show you the club, give you the low down and sometimes introduce to a few locals. Take this opportunity to ask plenty of questions. My second (and most important tip) is be brave and be accepting that things won't always work. You can stand in the corner hoping that people will just one along and pick you up. It doesn't work like that, you do have to go and approach people. Now this is super difficult when you're socially awkward and struggle to read social cues because reading the room is a huge part of the game. But if standing in the corner gets you no where then logically you need to get stuck in. So when you see people you're intrested in just go introduce yourself and be yourself. I know this is really hard but it's how opportunities are created. If it goes well great, if it don't that's OK too, move on (dont take it to heart or personal). If your aproach is respectful and pleasant people will be nice and freindly with you even if you're not for them. The other thing is the more you exercise your aproach and social skills with people the more comfortable you get with approaching people and interacting. I've had some really hot encounters over the years and none would have happened if I stayed in my comfort zone. I suspect like me you maybe prone to getting overwhelmed or a mini meltdown. After all it's an intense environment especially when there is so much going on or things are deviating from the mental model you've made. It happens to me sometimes, even now. Obviously a melt down is not a good look. Personally I find the best way for me is simply make my excuses and simply go find a quiet space, for example the smoking area (even though I don't smoke). Give yours self time without all the triggers and stimulation to cool down and rationalise the situation. Then when you're ready simply return into the fire. My last point is be your own man and get around a bit. When your on your back foot socially it's easy to cling on to a social crutch and not get out there. Be it endlessly glued to bar talking to a member of staff or joining and following the ranks of the walking dead. None of this will create you opportunities, get you noticed or respected. Now I'm not saying don't make freinds with the staff or other men. Making freinds is great and a positive thing. Just don't stay glued to them at the sacrifice of getting out there and making the connections you've come for. So yes going to clubs as a single man is really hard work but gets easier with experience and can be really rewarding. Mr | |||
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"Hi all, I'm seriously considering going to a club for the first time. Problem is, I don't know the scene, the conventions, the "done thing" and am feeling really nervous about it. I suppose the ultimate fear is I stand awkwardly in the corner all evening watching other people having all the fun. Being a little socially awkward, and with the merest dash of autistic brain doesn't help. Anyone got any advice? Obviously the normal rules , do don't etc. But I can quite easily miss social cues, body language etc. Alternatively, if any ladies are in a similar position and want to reach out, I'd love to have a social or two to get to know each other and then go as a "couple" for backup!" Hi Scott, Swinging clubs are full of neurodivergence. But it can be daunting to approach people. Go without expectations. When you strike up a conversation show a genuine interest and ask for sexy stories that can get you in a sexy mood. Good luck Sam xx    | |||
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"Hi all, I'm seriously considering going to a club for the first time. Problem is, I don't know the scene, the conventions, the "done thing" and am feeling really nervous about it. I suppose the ultimate fear is I stand awkwardly in the corner all evening watching other people having all the fun. Being a little socially awkward, and with the merest dash of autistic brain doesn't help. Anyone got any advice? Obviously the normal rules , do don't etc. But I can quite easily miss social cues, body language etc. Alternatively, if any ladies are in a similar position and want to reach out, I'd love to have a social or two to get to know each other and then go as a "couple" for backup! As someone who is a little socially awkward and a tad on the spectrum myself I can relate to this. Years ago as as a single man I was in the same boat trying my first club. The first thing to say is its bloody hard and takes some balls. Especially for people like us, no getting around it. However for me I also found it rewarding and I really enjoyed the club scene alone. As to advise my first tip would be do some research first. Find the club/night best for you but also nail the practical considerations. Such as card or cash, dress code, licensed or bring your own bottle, transport/parking etc. Knowing a few things and not getting caught out by any of the practical things and coming with the right stuff can really ease the stress or potential of not starting off on the right foot. Most clubs have a website and you can always just give them a phone call. Also when you arrive tell them it's your first time and get the tour. They will show you the club, give you the low down and sometimes introduce to a few locals. Take this opportunity to ask plenty of questions. My second (and most important tip) is be brave and be accepting that things won't always work. You can stand in the corner hoping that people will just one along and pick you up. It doesn't work like that, you do have to go and approach people. Now this is super difficult when you're socially awkward and struggle to read social cues because reading the room is a huge part of the game. But if standing in the corner gets you no where then logically you need to get stuck in. So when you see people you're intrested in just go introduce yourself and be yourself. I know this is really hard but it's how opportunities are created. If it goes well great, if it don't that's OK too, move on (dont take it to heart or personal). If your aproach is respectful and pleasant people will be nice and freindly with you even if you're not for them. The other thing is the more you exercise your aproach and social skills with people the more comfortable you get with approaching people and interacting. I've had some really hot encounters over the years and none would have happened if I stayed in my comfort zone. I suspect like me you maybe prone to getting overwhelmed or a mini meltdown. After all it's an intense environment especially when there is so much going on or things are deviating from the mental model you've made. It happens to me sometimes, even now. Obviously a melt down is not a good look. Personally I find the best way for me is simply make my excuses and simply go find a quiet space, for example the smoking area (even though I don't smoke). Give yours self time without all the triggers and stimulation to cool down and rationalise the situation. Then when you're ready simply return into the fire. My last point is be your own man and get around a bit. When your on your back foot socially it's easy to cling on to a social crutch and not get out there. Be it endlessly glued to bar talking to a member of staff or joining and following the ranks of the walking dead. None of this will create you opportunities, get you noticed or respected. Now I'm not saying don't make freinds with the staff or other men. Making freinds is great and a positive thing. Just don't stay glued to them at the sacrifice of getting out there and making the connections you've come for. So yes going to clubs as a single man is really hard work but gets easier with experience and can be really rewarding. Mr " Really great advice Mr xx | |||
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 especially the amount given by misfits, really appreciated
Will have to do some more research and planning, then just pluck up the nerves and go.for it! | |||
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"Hardest part of going to a club the first time is walking throught the door imho. Once in there ,you will be like other people. Some confident,some nervous,some regulars and some like you,first timers. If I could give any advice it would be talk to people. If talking to a couple,talk to the bloke as well. Go with no expectations,treat it like a social and you will be fine. Have fun. If there is one thing I miss from swinging clubs years ago,as opposed now it's the newness of it all. " that’s interesting that the bit you miss is the newness, I guess after a while it all becomes very normal | |||
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