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A&a | |||
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"Hi all We've just had a bit of a miserable experience when trying a new club and wanted some advice. Wed had a lovely time trying a new club, and we dived into a room for some sexy fun, closing the door behind us. Midway through play, a couple opened the door and tried to join us, we gave them a "no thank you" at which point they both kicked off. With the woman complaining that "this is a place for sharing, and if you want to have sex alone you should stay at home" amongst other things. We ended up feeling so uncomfortable that we couldn't continue and then decided to just head home. Our question is really were we in the wrong as we thought a closed door means "private party"? And how could we handle that situation better in future as we love going to clubs and having a couple kick off because we rejected them has made us feel pretty bad
A&a"Morning, That sounds like a thoroughly deflating experience. All couples are different, and some will be there to swap many times over, some a small amount,some to watch, and some to just take in the idea of it all. We have often played alone, sometimes with people watching, sometimes not, but that's our decision, no one else's. There seem to be two issues with the other couple. 1. You turned them down and 2. You were playing alone together. I cannot believe that they can object to the second one as it's obvious that couples often need me time together. After all it's about you two. Other parties are just there to enhance your relationship. I suspect that they were embarrassed or annoyed that you turned them down and used the second issue as an excuse or come back. Either way, this is totally unacceptable. You get to chose what you do and do not do whenever. A closed door is private. Hopefully this won't tarnish your attempts to find new places. | |||
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"Hi all We've just had a bit of a miserable experience when trying a new club and wanted some advice. Wed had a lovely time trying a new club, and we dived into a room for some sexy fun, closing the door behind us. Midway through play, a couple opened the door and tried to join us, we gave them a "no thank you" at which point they both kicked off. With the woman complaining that "this is a place for sharing, and if you want to have sex alone you should stay at home" amongst other things. We ended up feeling so uncomfortable that we couldn't continue and then decided to just head home. Our question is really were we in the wrong as we thought a closed door means "private party"? And how could we handle that situation better in future as we love going to clubs and having a couple kick off because we rejected them has made us feel pretty bad
A&a"No thanks you means no thank you. The problem is with them, not you. Don't let idiots like this put you off. You do what you want to do and never be pressurised in to anything. | |||
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"Hi all We've just had a bit of a miserable experience when trying a new club and wanted some advice. Wed had a lovely time trying a new club, and we dived into a room for some sexy fun, closing the door behind us. Midway through play, a couple opened the door and tried to join us, we gave them a "no thank you" at which point they both kicked off. With the woman complaining that "this is a place for sharing, and if you want to have sex alone you should stay at home" amongst other things. We ended up feeling so uncomfortable that we couldn't continue and then decided to just head home. Our question is really were we in the wrong as we thought a closed door means "private party"? And how could we handle that situation better in future as we love going to clubs and having a couple kick off because we rejected them has made us feel pretty bad
A&a"My reply would have been along the lines of,"oh we are all for sharing,just not with someone as rude and self entitled as you" close the door,look it if I could and carry on having fun. | |||
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"Using that logic you could say why are singles even in the club as it’s about couples swapping…" The only nights that are only about couples swapping are couples-only nights. And yes, singles aren't allowed in on those nights. | |||
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"My question is, was it a private room that you went to, or was it couples room? If it was a private room and you closed the door behind you, nobody should have just open the door and walk in. If it was a couples room, even with closed door I believe couples can still go in. However, there is a huge difference between going in and finding your own space to play (couples rooms normally have quite a bit of space to play) and insisting on joining someone who is already there, playing. " i agree if you shut the door thinking it was a privert room and it wasnt . They should have just explained that you were in the wrong room and dircted you to the proper privert room , which should have a lock on. | |||
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"A closed door means you don't open it. No means no always. They behaved like entitled assholes. You should have ripped them a new arsehole and reported to club staff." I don't believe this rule applies to all closed door. I go to Chams quite regularly, with my friend, and use couples room there. I am not even sure that door can be left open, but the idea behind couples room, as well orgy room, is that more people can play there? Therefore, even if the door to those rooms is closed, I would still go in, but would be respectful of anyone already there, by making sure we give them enough space. If it was a private room with a door closed, I wouldn't even dream of checking if it's locked, as it's a private room and the understanding is that, if the door to a private room is closed, people there want privacy. I get that things can be confusing sometimes, particularly in a new club, and I am not defending the other couple, but what I am trying to say is, things are not as black and white as some are trying to stipulate. Private room, door closed - don't even think of trying to go in. Orgy room/couples room, door closed - it's ok to go in as long as you're respectful of whoever is already there and offer them enough space. At least that's my understanding. | |||
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"A closed door means you don't open it. No means no always. They behaved like entitled assholes. You should have ripped them a new arsehole and reported to club staff. I don't believe this rule applies to all closed door. I go to Chams quite regularly, with my friend, and use couples room there. I am not even sure that door can be left open, but the idea behind couples room, as well orgy room, is that more people can play there? Therefore, even if the door to those rooms is closed, I would still go in, but would be respectful of anyone already there, by making sure we give them enough space. If it was a private room with a door closed, I wouldn't even dream of checking if it's locked, as it's a private room and the understanding is that, if the door to a private room is closed, people there want privacy. I get that things can be confusing sometimes, particularly in a new club, and I am not defending the other couple, but what I am trying to say is, things are not as black and white as some are trying to stipulate. Private room, door closed - don't even think of trying to go in. Orgy room/couples room, door closed - it's ok to go in as long as you're respectful of whoever is already there and offer them enough space. At least that's my understanding. " We have multiple couples rooms at both our local clubs that have doors on, if the doors shut you don't open it. Our big orgy rooms have no door so yes you can just enter. One of our clubs has a small orgy room with a door, if that door is closed you don't open it. A closed door means no and that should always be respected. There's no grey area about a closes door. | |||
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"A closed door means you don't open it. No means no always. They behaved like entitled assholes. You should have ripped them a new arsehole and reported to club staff. I don't believe this rule applies to all closed door. I go to Chams quite regularly, with my friend, and use couples room there. I am not even sure that door can be left open, but the idea behind couples room, as well orgy room, is that more people can play there? Therefore, even if the door to those rooms is closed, I would still go in, but would be respectful of anyone already there, by making sure we give them enough space. If it was a private room with a door closed, I wouldn't even dream of checking if it's locked, as it's a private room and the understanding is that, if the door to a private room is closed, people there want privacy. I get that things can be confusing sometimes, particularly in a new club, and I am not defending the other couple, but what I am trying to say is, things are not as black and white as some are trying to stipulate. Private room, door closed - don't even think of trying to go in. Orgy room/couples room, door closed - it's ok to go in as long as you're respectful of whoever is already there and offer them enough space. At least that's my understanding. We have multiple couples rooms at both our local clubs that have doors on, if the doors shut you don't open it. Our big orgy rooms have no door so yes you can just enter. One of our clubs has a small orgy room with a door, if that door is closed you don't open it. A closed door means no and that should always be respected. There's no grey area about a closes door." thats not true in all cases. We have been to lots of clubs and some have large couples rooms with doors that are closed as you go in. These rooms are there for the specific reason that multiple couples can play in there. Any couple can open the door and go in at any time and ask to join someone or find their own space and play on their own. This obviously does not excuse the shocking behaviour of the couple insisting that they are allowed to join in others play. | |||
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"I'm sure this doesn't apply to you, but I think it does slightly abuse the club ethic if a couple go along to a club with the sole intention of watching other people play, and then retiring to a private room for their own play. I think there should be an element of "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours"." Oh wow, so people shouldn't have boundaries in a club? That's an odd way to think. What about couples who find noone they want to play with, couples who enjoy Voyeurism only, couples who are new and not yet comfortable, couples who don't go to clubs to play with others but to socialise and network instead. There's literally countless reasons why people may not want to "show you theirs" none of which is anyone else's business really and noone should feel excluded from the club scene for exercising consent or autonomy | |||
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"Hi all We've just had a bit of a miserable experience when trying a new club and wanted some advice. Wed had a lovely time trying a new club, and we dived into a room for some sexy fun, closing the door behind us. Midway through play, a couple opened the door and tried to join us, we gave them a "no thank you" at which point they both kicked off. With the woman complaining that "this is a place for sharing, and if you want to have sex alone you should stay at home" amongst other things. We ended up feeling so uncomfortable that we couldn't continue and then decided to just head home. Our question is really were we in the wrong as we thought a closed door means "private party"? And how could we handle that situation better in future as we love going to clubs and having a couple kick off because we rejected them has made us feel pretty bad
A&a"Thats really bad! In a club a closed door means you want privacy and everyone knows you don't even knock nevermind go in. An open door means you're up for being watched but thats about it. We've never encountered this at a club and if we did I would tell them where to go. | |||
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"Oh wow, so people shouldn't have boundaries in a club? That's an odd way to think. What about couples who find noone they want to play with, couples who enjoy Voyeurism only, couples who are new and not yet comfortable, couples who don't go to clubs to play with others but to socialise and network instead. There's literally countless reasons why people may not want to "show you theirs" none of which is anyone else's business really and noone should feel excluded from the club scene for exercising consent or autonomy " Well, if you read the part of my post that you didn't quote, you'll see that the very first thing I wrote is that not finding anyone attractive is a valid reason to retire to a private room, and that the behaviour of the other couple was unacceptable whatever the case. Consent is, of course, paramount. I don't agree that clubs should be for everyone, whatever they're in to. To take an extreme example, if the local Scrabble club started taking over a session in a swingers club, I would think that was an infringement of the club ethic. But I also accept that that's just my opinion. Some people may find swinging and Scrabble a good mix. I don't go to a club to impose my morality on others, and there are plenty of clubs without Scrabble. So there is no justification for what the other couple did. | |||
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