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Should a single guy attend a club?

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By *ayzDreaming OP   Man
over a year ago

Shipton bellinger

Hey everyone, so I've been trying, (with zero success) to meet with either couple or lady through messages, however I'm getting really zero responses. And very disheartened. I'm always Polite and respectful on my message, no crazy, odd stuff, but just feel I'm wasting my membership now.

So my solution I think is to attend a club, and Abfabs at Heathrow is the closest.

So my question is,

Would it be worth a clean respectful single guy attending a club? Or would I just be white noise amongst the couple's and ladies? I'm outgoing and chatty, happy to talk to anyone, but am super nervous about being a spare part In this environment?

I'm looking at trying to book in to the Event on the 9th of December, so if anyone would take me under their wing and help me not feel like a lemon, I promise there will be a glass or two of something fizzy

Any advice would be fantastic and much appreciated.

Jay x

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By *lackRod555Man
over a year ago

Leicester

Yes, absolutely try a club night. Most of my meets have been via that route and it’s rare for me to go all the way from message to meet only via Fab.

It’s really hit and miss and be patient, and prepared to try more than once. The worst thing that will happen is that it’s very quiet or you don’t meet anyone that time.

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By *oodgirlbadboyCouple
over a year ago

birmingham

Hi ya,

There wouldn’t be much point for us couples that only play with guys going to clubs if there was no single guys in there.

We’ve met plenty of nice single guys in them, some we’ve played with, some we haven’t.

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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago

Durham

Let go of the idea of spare parts? It’s just people, and single blokes are really useful for those of us who are into that kind of thing. Just go along, have a laugh, and what’s the worst than can happen? A night in a hot tub?

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By *itty_gizmoCouple
over a year ago

Mordor

Single gents can make or break an evening in a club and some let themselves down by not getting involved in the social side of things, we personally much prefer nights where single men are allowed but have also found many don't tend to get involved with others unless it's in play either with themselves or waiting on an invite forgetting the social side entirely!

If you are as you describe you sound like you'd make a fantastic addition to any club night

Give it ago! many clubs hold Newbie nights (we host them at the VA) which is perfect for those coming along and unsure what to expect, don't let the name fool you tho, it isn't a night of no play and LS coaching but a night where everyone is aware there's going to be some extremely nervous people in attendance and this results in people helping one another settle as your all aware of the nerves that come with braving attending which has if our chat server is anything to go byresulted in some great and very naughty connections

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By *D2015Couple
over a year ago

Wokingham

We often play with single guys at Kestrels/ AbFabs

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By *oublethefunMan
over a year ago

royston

100% yes

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By *illinghumbleMan
over a year ago

Croydon

Recently when to Abfab as a single guy and had a great time. Nothing is guaranteed but if you put yourself out there anything can happen

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By *fekMan
over a year ago

Fuerteventura

Definitely .. but be respectfull .. ive been going to clubs as a single man and had the most amazing experiences ever .. just behave "normal"

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By *ssexgalWoman
over a year ago

Essex

Kestrel/Ab fab is great to enjoy as good mix of people.Just chat and get to know people and don’t assume anything will happen.Go with flow and talk and you’ll have a great time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hey everyone, so I've been trying, (with zero success) to meet with either couple or lady through messages, however I'm getting really zero responses. And very disheartened. I'm always Polite and respectful on my message, no crazy, odd stuff, but just feel I'm wasting my membership now.

So my solution I think is to attend a club, and Abfabs at Heathrow is the closest.

So my question is,

Would it be worth a clean respectful single guy attending a club? Or would I just be white noise amongst the couple's and ladies? I'm outgoing and chatty, happy to talk to anyone, but am super nervous about being a spare part In this environment?

I'm looking at trying to book in to the Event on the 9th of December, so if anyone would take me under their wing and help me not feel like a lemon, I promise there will be a glass or two of something fizzy

Any advice would be fantastic and much appreciated.

Jay x"

Hmm. I think clubs are a better way to meet people rather than relying on this site but I do feel like it's easy to be white noise or just a background character in a club like you said, especially if you don't know anyone and even if you make an effort to socialise with other people. I've been to a few now and the only one I really enjoyed was the Vanilla Alternative, everyone was really friendly.

I've found every other club I have visited has been kind of the same, couples and women mixing but most single guys just kind of on the outskirts.

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By *izzyRascalWoman
over a year ago

North Hants

Use the forum search and look for "Abfab/London Surrey Christmas Social 16th December"

It could be a great option for you as you can get your membership for free and half price entry after the social.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is definitely a place for us at clubs, you just need to get involved in conversation be friendly and polite, don't go with any expectations and definitely don't become one of the loser wanking dead following people around,

Try going to the same club a few times and become a regular you will soon find yourself like me with lots of great like minded friends that will last a lifetime

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By *ayzDreaming OP   Man
over a year ago

Shipton bellinger

Thank you everyone for the support, I definitely will take it all on board. You will see me at the club in December, hope to see some of you there possibly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was an attendee as a single in a club local to me that has now shut down. I found my wife in a club. Unexpectedly but we just clicked and became friends and then lovers. She proposed to me and she is my soul mate. Since covid we have missed the club scene but too scared to get back in the swing of things.

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By *herryblossom_BJWoman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

From my experience of single men in clubs, African men seem to do extremely well. But the rest look like lost puppies and if they're lucky, they can get involved in wanking over couples. But that's pretty much all see

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By *herryblossom_BJWoman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire


"I was an attendee as a single in a club local to me that has now shut down. I found my wife in a club. Unexpectedly but we just clicked and became friends and then lovers. She proposed to me and she is my soul mate. Since covid we have missed the club scene but too scared to get back in the swing of things."

That's really romantic story. Most people say fab and clubs are just for fucking but I think anything can happen

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By *ayzDreaming OP   Man
over a year ago

Shipton bellinger


"From my experience of single men in clubs, African men seem to do extremely well. But the rest look like lost puppies and if they're lucky, they can get involved in wanking over couples. But that's pretty much all see "

As I say, I'll go with an open mind and get chatting with people if I can, if it's not for me then at least I can say I tried. Worst case scenario will be at least I have a night out I guess

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By *ouple8889Couple
over a year ago

Leeds

We only ever attend single guy nights. In our experience they're just more fun and less clicky. Go with no expectations and an open mind. Don't be offended or disheartened if rejected a few times. You'll click with somebody eventually and most likely have a great time!

X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I was an attendee as a single in a club local to me that has now shut down. I found my wife in a club. Unexpectedly but we just clicked and became friends and then lovers. She proposed to me and she is my soul mate. Since covid we have missed the club scene but too scared to get back in the swing of things.

That's really romantic story. Most people say fab and clubs are just for fucking but I think anything can happen "

Thank you. I was just looking to fill the gap of being single and just having fun. It all just fell into place as people. We have an understanding trust commitment and bond.

I guess what most people seek when it comes to meets from fab.

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By *ickedwillyCouple
over a year ago

Bangor

We always find mixed sexes night much more fun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a single straight lady so if there's no single guys there's little point in me going. I attend more nights for singles and couples rather than single ladies and couples.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would try but

Choose which one invites you, in my opinion Not One that Plays Music

SWING bar/porno club/nightlife or cinema there can be arrangements

which are paid

I don't like blasting music, staying up all hours hoping suitables will want conversations, thats white noise or if the owner is flogging the media on them abroad

it not hanging about space iyam

For open stuff cinemas seem drop in & out, all day long iymk

I've never been laid at a club

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Single gents can make or break an evening in a club and some let themselves down by not getting involved in the social side of things, we personally much prefer nights where single men are allowed but have also found many don't tend to get involved with others unless it's in play either with themselves or waiting on an invite forgetting the social side entirely!

If its guesswork does that count as taboo ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"From my experience of single men in clubs, African men seem to do extremely well. But the rest look like lost puppies and if they're lucky, they can get involved in wanking over couples. But that's pretty much all see "

Have you all of a sudden been to loads of clubs since Halloween??? As what you have just said is the biggest load of rubbish I've ever heard, yea there are the odd wanking dead that don't have a clue but most do just fine regardless of race

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith


"Hey everyone, so I've been trying, (with zero success) to meet with either couple or lady through messages, however I'm getting really zero responses. And very disheartened. I'm always Polite and respectful on my message, no crazy, odd stuff, but just feel I'm wasting my membership now.

So my solution I think is to attend a club, and Abfabs at Heathrow is the closest.

So my question is,

Would it be worth a clean respectful single guy attending a club? Or would I just be white noise amongst the couple's and ladies? I'm outgoing and chatty, happy to talk to anyone, but am super nervous about being a spare part In this environment?

I'm looking at trying to book in to the Event on the 9th of December, so if anyone would take me under their wing and help me not feel like a lemon, I promise there will be a glass or two of something fizzy

Any advice would be fantastic and much appreciated.

Jay x"

Should a single guy visit a swinger club? Why not? It’s a new experience in life, and you’ll never know what these places are like, unless you go and have a look

I’ve visited seven in total, and they’re all different, but operate broadly the same. Some will stitch you up for a membership fee from day one, others are a ‘pay as you go’ service. If you feel like you’re wasting your £5 for 60 days Silver site supporter in here, wait until you start paying for swinger clubs lol…..

You’re bisexual, so my advice to you (with regards to swinger clubs), would be to look for events where bi men are favoured.

Good luck!

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By *adylerieWoman
over a year ago

Leatherhead, Surrey

I’m a regular at Kestrels/Abfabs and Friday night is my favourite- there’s a good chance I’ll be there on the 9th. I always look out for newbies (especially hot single guys!) and try to make them feel welcome. Everyone is friendly and the social part at the beginning is very important - chat to anyone and everyone, not just people that you would be interested in playing with.

Message me with a face pic so I can look out for you x

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By *ayzDreaming OP   Man
over a year ago

Shipton bellinger


"I’m a regular at Kestrels/Abfabs and Friday night is my favourite- there’s a good chance I’ll be there on the 9th. I always look out for newbies (especially hot single guys!) and try to make them feel welcome. Everyone is friendly and the social part at the beginning is very important - chat to anyone and everyone, not just people that you would be interested in playing with.

Message me with a face pic so I can look out for you x

"

Oh that's great, I will do now, thank you

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith


"I’m a regular at Kestrels/Abfabs and Friday night is my favourite- there’s a good chance I’ll be there on the 9th. I always look out for newbies (especially hot single guys!) and try to make them feel welcome. Everyone is friendly and the social part at the beginning is very important - chat to anyone and everyone, not just people that you would be interested in playing with.

Message me with a face pic so I can look out for you x

"

This is the key thing when visiting a club for the first time; feeling welcome! The majority of places I’ve been to, once I paid my entry, I was completely on my own. The self-proclaimed ‘hosts’ and ‘friendly regulars’ are usually very thin on the ground (or cliquing together), so if you can’t find anyone to chat with, you very quickly feel like a gatecrasher at someone else’s party…..

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By *adylerieWoman
over a year ago

Leatherhead, Surrey

Yes I know it can look like a clique when everyone’s chatting but in reality anyone is welcome to join in.

That’s why I try to be mindful of how newbies feel and introduce them to a few people.

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By *itty_gizmoCouple
over a year ago

Mordor

It's horrible that you feel that way, that's really not what the club scene is about but being part of a couple I can see why entering alone and feeling alone could easily be done when as you say regulars are sticking together, I hope it hasn't put you off trying other clubs.

The vanilla alternative actually has a chat server so that anyone attending events is able to familiarise themselves with others and be able to chat to people prior to attending their events in hope that no one would feel this way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 27/11/22 10:50:46]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All clubs can appear cliquey. If people go regularly they will naturally be drawn to people they know.

I've been told before a guy didn't approach me because I appeared to be in the clique when in fact it was just regulars that I had made friends with from frequent visits to the club.

I was mortified because that's just not me at all. I now make the effort to talk to people that are alone. I particularly try and touch base with people on here for nights I'm going to. I've had people say that helped them to have touched base here first and then having someone to talk to on the night.

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By *os19Man
over a year ago

Edmonton


"Hey everyone, so I've been trying, (with zero success) to meet with either couple or lady through messages, however I'm getting really zero responses. And very disheartened. I'm always Polite and respectful on my message, no crazy, odd stuff, but just feel I'm wasting my membership now.

So my solution I think is to attend a club, and Abfabs at Heathrow is the closest.

So my question is,

Would it be worth a clean respectful single guy attending a club? Or would I just be white noise amongst the couple's and ladies? I'm outgoing and chatty, happy to talk to anyone, but am super nervous about being a spare part In this environment?

I'm looking at trying to book in to the Event on the 9th of December, so if anyone would take me under their wing and help me not feel like a lemon, I promise there will be a glass or two of something fizzy

Any advice would be fantastic and much appreciated.

Jay x"
. As a single guy who didn’t go to his first club until a month short of his 50th birthday and has now been going for almost 5 years now when I can l would advise give it a go.Go with the attitude no expectations no disappointments and chat with as many people as you can be polite and you won’t go far wrong.Best of luck when you go

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By *ayzDreaming OP   Man
over a year ago

Shipton bellinger


"All clubs can appear cliquey. If people go regularly they will naturally be drawn to people they know.

I've been told before a guy didn't approach me because I appeared to be in the clique when in fact it was just regulars that I had made friends with from frequent visits to the club.

I was mortified because that's just not me at all. I now make the effort to talk to people that are alone. I particularly try and touch base with people on here for nights I'm going to. I've had people say that helped them to have touched base here first and then having someone to talk to on the night.

"

That's very kind of you to look after us newbies, I don't doubt that anyone who walks in for their first time will be feeling exactly the same way I do!

Although after all everyones kind feedback, I'm am feeling much better about the whole experience

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By *ayzDreaming OP   Man
over a year ago

Shipton bellinger


" As a single guy who didn’t go to his first club until a month short of his 50th birthday and has now been going for almost 5 years now when I can l would advise give it a go.Go with the attitude no expectations no disappointments and chat with as many people as you can be polite and you won’t go far wrong.Best of luck when you go "

I really appreciate that, thank you

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By *JohnMan
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

If you're expecting to see cliques, you're going to see cliques.

In reality, it's mostly people catching up with friends they might not have seen for a while. If a stranger tries to crash that, they're not going to be so welcome.

If you can read the room and try to join in the open conversations, or start a conversation with someone on their own, things will go a lot better for you.

Clubs have different areas that are suited to different activities. I've found the smoking area and hot tub are the best places to get a conversation going in a group of people who don't yet know each other. But it can happen anywhere.

Patience is a requirement. Not every interaction is going to go the way you want it to. Some people are just not going to be interested in you, no matter what you do. Some might be potentially interested, but not tonight. And that's fine. There are others.

My view of swinging is that it's sex with your friends. There's nothing wrong with anonymous one-offs, but it's the friends part that I appreciate most. You get that by dropping the focus on sex and approaching people as people.

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith


"It's horrible that you feel that way, that's really not what the club scene is about but being part of a couple I can see why entering alone and feeling alone could easily be done when as you say regulars are sticking together, I hope it hasn't put you off trying other clubs.

The vanilla alternative actually has a chat server so that anyone attending events is able to familiarise themselves with others and be able to chat to people prior to attending their events in hope that no one would feel this way "

That sounds like a great idea (the chat server), and really helpful for someone visiting for the first time, if they know someone is looking out for them, to be a friendly face once inside. No wonder I read so many nice reports about the VA in the forum!

I just don’t return to the “Thanks for your money, it’s through there” style clubs (and I can name a few)

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By *adylerieWoman
over a year ago

Leatherhead, Surrey

This is all great advice - read the room especially!

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By *ayzDreaming OP   Man
over a year ago

Shipton bellinger


"If you're expecting to see cliques, you're going to see cliques.

In reality, it's mostly people catching up with friends they might not have seen for a while. If a stranger tries to crash that, they're not going to be so welcome.

If you can read the room and try to join in the open conversations, or start a conversation with someone on their own, things will go a lot better for you.

Clubs have different areas that are suited to different activities. I've found the smoking area and hot tub are the best places to get a conversation going in a group of people who don't yet know each other. But it can happen anywhere.

Patience is a requirement. Not every interaction is going to go the way you want it to. Some people are just not going to be interested in you, no matter what you do. Some might be potentially interested, but not tonight. And that's fine. There are others.

My view of swinging is that it's sex with your friends. There's nothing wrong with anonymous one-offs, but it's the friends part that I appreciate most. You get that by dropping the focus on sex and approaching people as people."

An indept and well thought response, thank you for that, some great tips there

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By *adylerieWoman
over a year ago

Leatherhead, Surrey


"It's horrible that you feel that way, that's really not what the club scene is about but being part of a couple I can see why entering alone and feeling alone could easily be done when as you say regulars are sticking together, I hope it hasn't put you off trying other clubs.

The vanilla alternative actually has a chat server so that anyone attending events is able to familiarise themselves with others and be able to chat to people prior to attending their events in hope that no one would feel this way

That sounds like a great idea (the chat server), and really helpful for someone visiting for the first time, if they know someone is looking out for them, to be a friendly face once inside. No wonder I read so many nice reports about the VA in the forum!

I just don’t return to the “Thanks for your money, it’s through there” style clubs (and I can name a few) "

Abfabs is definitely not one of those - newbies all have a tour and staff are very friendly

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

If single guys didn't attend clubs myself and many of my female friends wouldn't attend either.

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By *ayzDreaming OP   Man
over a year ago

Shipton bellinger


"If single guys didn't attend clubs myself and many of my female friends wouldn't attend either."

That is very reassuring I just hope now my first experience turns out to be as fun as you all have said.

I will still go in with the open mind of just enjoying the social environment and if anything develops, then perfect, if not I'm sure I'll make some friends either way

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By *uffnmuffCouple
over a year ago

London


"Hey everyone, so I've been trying, (with zero success) to meet with either couple or lady through messages, however I'm getting really zero responses. And very disheartened. I'm always Polite and respectful on my message, no crazy, odd stuff, but just feel I'm wasting my membership now.

So my solution I think is to attend a club, and Abfabs at Heathrow is the closest.

So my question is,

Would it be worth a clean respectful single guy attending a club? Or would I just be white noise amongst the couple's and ladies? I'm outgoing and chatty, happy to talk to anyone, but am super nervous about being a spare part In this environment?

I'm looking at trying to book in to the Event on the 9th of December, so if anyone would take me under their wing and help me not feel like a lemon, I promise there will be a glass or two of something fizzy

Any advice would be fantastic and much appreciated.

Jay x"
We only look for single men and we only look for them in clubs. So yes it's definitely worth a trip to a club.

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By *ayzDreaming OP   Man
over a year ago

Shipton bellinger

Well that's very encouraging and great to hear

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is it not best to go with someone? Still sitting on the fence if I should go alone or not

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is it not best to go with someone? Still sitting on the fence if I should go alone or not"

If you can find someone yes, but unless you know someone it's unlikely a stranger will go with you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Id just feel more confident knowing someone there, ill just keep looking

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By *JohnMan
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

If you're shy like me, and find it hard to approach people you don't know, my feeling is that it's better to go on your own. That way you're forced to make the effort to talk with people. If you go with someone you know, it's too tempting to stay with them all night.

If you have a female friend to go with, you can go as a couple, and that's an entirely different situation. How to go to clubs as a couple deserves its own advice thread.

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.


"Is it not best to go with someone? Still sitting on the fence if I should go alone or not

If you can find someone yes, but unless you know someone it's unlikely a stranger will go with you. "

It's far more awkward going with a stranger than going by yourself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Defo agree it would be awkward couldn't think anything more awkward tbh before soild sex lol

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith


"Is it not best to go with someone? Still sitting on the fence if I should go alone or not"

If you’ve never been to a club before, and have a lady friend you could go with, I will always say to go in as a couple, at least for that very first time, to get your face known with the regulars. The plain and simple fact is, based on my experiences in swinger clubs, you definitely get approached by others when you appear as a couple. It is VERY easy to be ignored/overlooked/avoided when you’re a guy on his own.

Try to gauge just HOW good a particular club is towards single guys, by reading their reviews - if other single guys felt welcomed, and included (and that doesn’t mean did they get laid), they will leave positive reviews for the club.

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