FabSwingers.com forum: Feeling Alone in Clubs

By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

Feeling alone in a club can be crippling even if there is plenty of people around.

As much as it is good to go to a club, I've had moments where I felt like I was alone. I'd be alright if there was someone I knew that I could talk to but if it's a time where I'm by myself and I don't know anybody, that's where it gets bad.

I do avoid sitting in a corner somewhere but even when I'm stood at the bar, I'm still by myself and no one notices that I'm there. I do try to pluck up the courage to talk to someone but I end up freezing, my mind goes blank and no words come out of my mouth. The same happens when I say hello to someone and they say hello back. It's like I'm stuck behind an invisible barrier and I can't seem to find a way to get through.

There have been times when I've left a club feeling really down and more alone than before thinking that no one will have noticed I had gone nor even know that I was there at all like I'm some kind of ghost.

Anyone else ever felt like this?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're not alone OP, I felt like this the first couple of times I went to a club. Stood to one side wishing I had the courage to approach people and even when saying Hi, coming away from that brief interaction wishing the ground would swallow me whole due to my inability to start a conversation.

I have had nice interactions with people though that made the visit worth it and although I'm not a seasoned club goer, I can only say to keep trying and eventually you'll find your comfort zone and gain confidence to approach more people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it takes immense bravery to walk into a club alone let alone even begin to speak to people. Can you chat to the bar staff, depending on how busy it it I guess. Its not so easy to rock up alone like you can in a coffee shop and just sit and read a book or pretend to be writing a novel.

You will have been noticed though. You aren't a ghost. X

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By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham

OP I totally understand this. It is one of the reasons I don’t go to clubs that often unless I am with someone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Feel the fear, OP, and do it anyway!

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By *izandpaulCouple
over a year ago

merseyside

Even couples can feel somewhat out of the loop sometime, just keep going and be kind to couples and singles you see in the same position.

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

Yes totally felt this.

Was even worse just after COVID as I felt as my little social skills had all disappeared.

I'm actually in two minds about never going to clubs again as I feel pretty awkward there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hear you OP, and can empathise.

My advice, and I really appreciate that it isn’t easy, is to try and take that step and approach and chat casually to people, like you might in a pub etc, non sexual to start, break the ice.

If you’re civil and polite and pleasant you’ll find most people are really nice back .. that’s been my experience.

If they are not interested it’ll be fairly obvious. So a polite “enjoy your evening” is appropriate and move on.

Last time at a club I did this .. it almost went against every sinew in my body to do it with a natural shyness, but I mustered everything up approach them and got talking to a couple in the bar for about 20 or 30 minutes. Eventually they said they were off for a play and “you coming?”

You won’t always strike lucky, but you’ll certainly maximise your chances by being approachable and friendly.

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can’t wait for my first time in a club. Couple of drinks before for Dutch courage and then go say hello. What’s to lose. It’s probably the only place where people are outright more accepting.

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By *0astMan
over a year ago

Discovering

"I think it takes immense bravery to walk into a club alone let alone even begin to speak to people. Can you chat to the bar staff, depending on how busy it it I guess. Its not so easy to rock up alone like you can in a coffee shop and just sit and read a book or pretend to be writing a novel.

You will have been noticed though. You aren't a ghost. X"

I’ve done that many times, taken a book and just sat in a club and read for a while, including busy Saturday nights.

For the op, clubs are what you make of them, to me it’s a place I can relax, unwind, chat to folks, relax in the jacuzzi if there is one. It’s certainly more friendly than sitting in a coffee shop reading. Just don’t have an agenda, be sociable and enjoy the company and if all your evening brings is a few conversations then, it has taken you out of your comfort zone.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"Feeling alone in a club can be crippling even if there is plenty of people around.

Anyone else ever felt like this?"

Yes ..very much so...I usually try to take a lady ..so at least you can have a play with each other if no one else is interested...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Perhaps post a message in the Clubs Section and ask if someone could walk in with you, or meet beforehand ?

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By *tsalwaysthequietonesCouple
over a year ago

Lancs

Ive left clubs feeling like this several times, once it ended in me deleting our fab account and not coming back for aaages

its difficult being a big girl in a club full of super confident and hot, skinny women. It knocked my confidence massively. Hopefully we will see you at cupids tomorrow so we can be awkward together

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By *esthetic21Man
over a year ago

Birmingham/Bristol

And this is why I'd never go. Awkward ain't the word. I guarantee though this doesn't happen to good looking people

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By *esthetic21Man
over a year ago

Birmingham/Bristol

"Can’t wait for my first time in a club. Couple of drinks before for Dutch courage and then go say hello. What’s to lose. It’s probably the only place where people are outright more accepting. "
I'd imagine quite the opposite but that's just what I'm assuming

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

"Ive left clubs feeling like this several times, once it ended in me deleting our fab account and not coming back for aaages

its difficult being a big girl in a club full of super confident and hot, skinny women. It knocked my confidence massively. Hopefully we will see you at cupids tomorrow so we can be awkward together

Sorry to hear it was that bad years back. I'll be there tomorrow as I usually get there when it starts. I'm mostly at the bar as well.

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By *tsalwaysthequietonesCouple
over a year ago

Lancs

"Ive left clubs feeling like this several times, once it ended in me deleting our fab account and not coming back for aaages

its difficult being a big girl in a club full of super confident and hot, skinny women. It knocked my confidence massively. Hopefully we will see you at cupids tomorrow so we can be awkward together

Sorry to hear it was that bad years back. I'll be there tomorrow as I usually get there when it starts. I'm mostly at the bar as well."

We've more than likely seen eachother then at a guess

we go there quite alot.

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

"Ive left clubs feeling like this several times, once it ended in me deleting our fab account and not coming back for aaages

its difficult being a big girl in a club full of super confident and hot, skinny women. It knocked my confidence massively. Hopefully we will see you at cupids tomorrow so we can be awkward together

Sorry to hear it was that bad years back. I'll be there tomorrow as I usually get there when it starts. I'm mostly at the bar as well.

We've more than likely seen eachother then at a guess

we go there quite alot. "

I'll have to keep an eye out when I get there. I usually go to the 2nd MOTD event each month. This will be the first Curvy Night I've been to since over a year ago and that night sadly didn't go well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Take a sex doll with you.

1) company.

2) conversation starter.

3) and this is worse case, sex with the doll.

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By *uietly_KinkyMan
over a year ago

High Wycombe

This is why I stopped going to clubs. And socials.

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By *nto the LouWoman
over a year ago

Preston

"Ive left clubs feeling like this several times, once it ended in me deleting our fab account and not coming back for aaages

its difficult being a big girl in a club full of super confident and hot, skinny women. It knocked my confidence massively. Hopefully we will see you at cupids tomorrow so we can be awkward together

Eek! That would be my worst nightmare, it would definitely put me off as well

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"And this is why I'd never go. Awkward ain't the word. I guarantee though this doesn't happen to good looking people "

Mate, 2 things.

1, you are only as attractive as you feel. Those pretty people also have confidence issues also.

2, right now you are the MOST attractive as you will ever be, each day it’s largely down hill. So crack on before you regret not doing so.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I'm sorry to hear this OP. See if your club has a social only event or an event especially for new people. The smoking areas are often very social and even as a non-smoker I sometimes like to go there for that. Don't be afraid to talk to other single guys too. Some events have group chats in the run up which can also be helpful. I would also always recommend talking to the hosts who will at least talk to you themselves or may point out or even introduce you to some sociable regulars.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"And this is why I'd never go. Awkward ain't the word. I guarantee though this doesn't happen to good looking people "

It absolutely does. I've known some absolutely stunning women have a very awkward first experience. I've exchanged messages with some as they try to make some other female friends to hang out with for next time. I guess it can even be a hindrance as people are nervous to approach them because of their perceived attractiveness. I also find as a woman that men especially are scared to be seen to hound the women so they'll often give a passing compliment or something and then move on rather than actually engage in conversation.

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By *ady CurvaceousWoman
over a year ago

Kent

My first ever visit to a club was last year, I went alone which took an enormous amount of courage. I was ignored all evening. Not a single guy spoke to me all night and I was too nervous to approach anyone myself. I got chatting to a couple of ladies for a while, but I left feeling like the fattest, ugliest loser that ever walked into a club. It hurt. It was my birthday too. So it's not just guys this happens to.

Onwards and upwards though. I'll go again when my confidence is no longer in tatters.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My first ever visit to a club was last year, I went alone which took an enormous amount of courage. I was ignored all evening. Not a single guy spoke to me all night and I was too nervous to approach anyone myself. I got chatting to a couple of ladies for a while, but I left feeling like the fattest, ugliest loser that ever walked into a club. It hurt. It was my birthday too. So it's not just guys this happens to.

Onwards and upwards though. I'll go again when my confidence is no longer in tatters. "

Interesting. I mean real world and fabs are polar opposites.. and maybe clubs is where they collide. Sorry you had that experience alone on your birthday.. read my comments above re confidence..

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By *ackbydemandMan
over a year ago

Leicester

Onwards and upwards though. I'll go again when my confidence is no longer in tatters. "

I've seen your pictures, I can confirm it's not the case and if you weren't so far away I would have struck up a conversation with you. Any more than that we would have to see, but it would be fun finding out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would just be that bloke “right.. are you as nervous as me? I bet those two are also.. “ before we know it we’ve our own group and the regulars are jealous!!!

Who wants to invite me for my first time??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Take a sex doll with you.

1) company.

2) conversation starter.

3) and this is worse case, sex with the doll."

You are an obtuse wee man

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

I haven’t been to a club alone for a lot of years, but when I did it wasn’t easy. That’s from someone who’s naturally confident and outgoing.

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

Onwards and upwards though. I'll go again when my confidence is no longer in tatters. "

Genuinely surprises me.

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By *ady CurvaceousWoman
over a year ago

Kent

Onwards and upwards though. I'll go again when my confidence is no longer in tatters.

Genuinely surprises me. "

It's not easy being 6ft 2 in heels and built like a tank like me. I guess tall fat girls weren't the companion of choice that night. Either that or I scared the crap out of them. Being surrounded by slim gorgeous women in their club wear or lingerie also made me stand out like a she Hulk as well I guess.

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

Onwards and upwards though. I'll go again when my confidence is no longer in tatters.

Genuinely surprises me.

Conventional wisdom is that taller women don't like guys smaller than them, so maybe that was another reason. I'd assume you wouldn't like someone shorter. Rightly or wrongly.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Onwards and upwards though. I'll go again when my confidence is no longer in tatters.

Genuinely surprises me.

Conventional wisdom is that taller women don't like guys smaller than them, so maybe that was another reason. I'd assume you wouldn't like someone shorter. Rightly or wrongly. "

I'm also over 6ft in my pleasers and I've found myself asking guys if it puts them off myself. I'm not bothered by men's height but I do like my massive heels and it is sometimes a concern when I find myself towering over the guys. It hasn't been an issue with the people I've asked but I'm sure it'll happen. My ex didn't like me wearing them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Onwards and upwards though. I'll go again when my confidence is no longer in tatters.

Genuinely surprises me.

Conventional wisdom is that taller women don't like guys smaller than them, so maybe that was another reason. I'd assume you wouldn't like someone shorter. Rightly or wrongly.

6’2 here - heels all good with me

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I'd set a limited agenda for yourself, potentially including a time limit. Plan the facilities you could use and use them.

It's OK to share with others that you feel nervous as most people will understand, accept you and be supportive.

You could post a meet too, potentially there are lots of guys who would like company, possibly others.

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By *orkswatcherMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

I've been twice, not sure I would go again. Found it really hard to get talking to people. I'm smaller than most blokes so I feel that doesn't help as well.

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

Onwards and upwards though. I'll go again when my confidence is no longer in tatters.

Genuinely surprises me.

Conventional wisdom is that taller women don't like guys smaller than them, so maybe that was another reason. I'd assume you wouldn't like someone shorter. Rightly or wrongly.

Yeah I'm not the tallest and it wouldn't bother me if you were towering over me in your pleasers! Oolala.

You just see so many women say they want taller, here and on dating profiles, that it's just another thing you might think you'll be rejected for.

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By *iss KinkWoman
over a year ago

North West

This has happened to me too so it’s not just men

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m still tempted to go to a club alone. Just to see real people into swinging. Hopefully chat and stuff.

But it it that moment when you feel like a spare part (it’s happened at a group social) it’s horrible when you don’t have a wingman/friends around.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m going to a swingers club for the first time at the end of the month, alone, and I’m pondering this.

In kink clubs I will talk to anyone, and there’s no assumption that if I approach a man, I want to play with him. We just chat, discuss the club, our outfits etc.

If I approach a man in a swingers club, will he assume I want to play with him? I love chatting and if I saw you alone and looking lonely, OP, I’d want to say hi. But it wouldn’t necessarily mean I wanted to play if you see what I mean.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Onwards and upwards though. I'll go again when my confidence is no longer in tatters.

Genuinely surprises me.

Conventional wisdom is that taller women don't like guys smaller than them, so maybe that was another reason. I'd assume you wouldn't like someone shorter. Rightly or wrongly.

Yeah I'm not the tallest and it wouldn't bother me if you were towering over me in your pleasers! Oolala.

You just see so many women say they want taller, here and on dating profiles, that it's just another thing you might think you'll be rejected for. "

I think it's like with penis size, those with a specific preference shout the loudest but when you actually speak to people, a large percentage aren't that fussed about it. Having little or no height preference is just something people are unlikely to explicitly say as it feels a bit of an odd thing to state unless asked.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope I love being able to dress down in clubs and just chill.

Respect my filters online and offline

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes totally felt this.

Was even worse just after COVID as I felt as my little social skills had all disappeared.

I'm actually in two minds about never going to clubs again as I feel pretty awkward there. "

I’m the same

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

To the OP; you’re not alone. I have experienced exactly the same feelings in the 7 clubs I’ve visited as a single guy. It’s not nice at all, and you can very quickly feel like a gatecrasher at someone else’s party.

I can usually last around two hours by myself, trying to appear approachable while feeling uncomfortable on my own, but rarely have made it past midnight…

Interested (naturally) to see what the club has to offer with all the different rooms and play areas, while desperately trying to not look like ‘The Wanking Dead’ wandering around….

I have had good nights, don’t get me wrong, and my experience is, that if you can make some connection within the first hour you get there, you will enjoy your night in one way or another, at the very least, feeling like your presence is appreciated for some friendly banter.

There comes that point though, when people go off to play, and you’re either invited to join, or left in the bar….

Clubs are all about cliques, and you’re either in a clique, or outside them all. There will always be another lonely single guy to have a chat with though

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By *wingin CatMan
over a year ago

London

Been going to clubs alone for over 30 years, and never felt this way.

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By *tsalwaysthequietonesCouple
over a year ago

Lancs

"Ive left clubs feeling like this several times, once it ended in me deleting our fab account and not coming back for aaages

its difficult being a big girl in a club full of super confident and hot, skinny women. It knocked my confidence massively. Hopefully we will see you at cupids tomorrow so we can be awkward together

Sorry to hear it was that bad years back. I'll be there tomorrow as I usually get there when it starts. I'm mostly at the bar as well.

We've more than likely seen eachother then at a guess

we go there quite alot.

We usually do MOTD too, this is only the second event night we've been too. If we meet and get chatting to lovely people im happy enough, I never go with the intention of playing, it always feels better when nothings pre planned. Send us a face pic and we'll see if we've chatted before x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe take to any single males on here seeing if they want to go with you nothing sexural has to happend just friendly chat that way you know atleast one person and maybe go chat to other couples together

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would advise going to a night that’s tailored to your interests AND tailored to you as a person.

What kind of person are you? Do you have a particular look? Particular personality? Go to a night that’s based on that. It’ll make you feel more comfortable and increase your chances of finding like minded people.

If that doesn’t work then stop going. No point doing something that you don’t enjoy.

My final point would be to stop placing so much importance on interactions at clubs. It doesn’t mean anything in the grand scheme of things. Don’t beat yourself up about it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ive left clubs feeling like this several times, once it ended in me deleting our fab account and not coming back for aaages

its difficult being a big girl in a club full of super confident and hot, skinny women. It knocked my confidence massively. Hopefully we will see you at cupids tomorrow so we can be awkward together

Sorry to hear it was that bad years back. I'll be there tomorrow as I usually get there when it starts. I'm mostly at the bar as well.

We've more than likely seen eachother then at a guess

we go there quite alot.

MOTD and curvy is on my to do list. I don’t make plans to meet on club night I just turn up. I guess talking to strangers is my kink

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By *eeliciouschaosWoman
over a year ago

Wherever

I’ve been actually thinking about it recently. As much as I enjoyed being in a club as a couple, being by myself - not so much.

I can’t help but all I can think about is others seeing me just as a piece of meat and I can’t get this out of my head.

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

If that doesn’t work then stop going. No point doing something that you don’t enjoy.

I found going to clubs as a couple is far more ‘rewarding’, and for me personally, it was nice to be visible as a person, when in the company of a female. I would never recommend to a mate, to visit a club as a single guy

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

"Ive left clubs feeling like this several times, once it ended in me deleting our fab account and not coming back for aaages

its difficult being a big girl in a club full of super confident and hot, skinny women. It knocked my confidence massively. Hopefully we will see you at cupids tomorrow so we can be awkward together

Sorry to hear it was that bad years back. I'll be there tomorrow as I usually get there when it starts. I'm mostly at the bar as well.

We've more than likely seen eachother then at a guess

we go there quite alot.

Sure no problem. I've sent a face pic now. I'm the same as I always go without any expectations.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel your pain OP. Doesn't have to be somewhere as intimidating as a swingers club for an introvert like me. Same thing can happen anywhere!

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By *iss KinkWoman
over a year ago

North West

"To the OP; you’re not alone. I have experienced exactly the same feelings in the 7 clubs I’ve visited as a single guy. It’s not nice at all, and you can very quickly feel like a gatecrasher at someone else’s party.

I can usually last around two hours by myself, trying to appear approachable while feeling uncomfortable on my own, but rarely have made it past midnight…

Interested (naturally) to see what the club has to offer with all the different rooms and play areas, while desperately trying to not look like ‘The Wanking Dead’ wandering around….

There comes that point though, when people go off to play, and you’re either invited to join, or left in the bar….

Clubs are all about cliques, and you’re either in a clique, or outside them all. There will always be another lonely single guy to have a chat with though

Sounds like your expectations are a bit high. Do you expect to play every time you go to a club and get miffed when you don’t

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By *inkForLifeCouple
over a year ago

North Shields

"Ive left clubs feeling like this several times, once it ended in me deleting our fab account and not coming back for aaages

its difficult being a big girl in a club full of super confident and hot, skinny women. It knocked my confidence massively. Hopefully we will see you at cupids tomorrow so we can be awkward together

That's really sad to hear. I'd say our local club has a perfect mix. I've (male) never felt judged for my size and that includes when I've been alone in the bar while she's been downstairs playing.

I do get the impression that certain clubs are somewhat of a beauty show. Most people here rock up in jeans and a tshirt or something. Which is really nice!

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By *inkForLifeCouple
over a year ago

North Shields

"Feeling alone in a club can be crippling even if there is plenty of people around.

Anyone else ever felt like this?"

Not sure which clubs you've been to, but I'd highly recommend a trip to Newcastle for Shhh. The layout of the club lends itself to group talking and I think it's the friendliest club I've been to.

There aren't any individual tables and chairs, just a few long benches and 2 sofas. This is great because you don't need to "join" anyone to get involved you just sit at a communal table and do or don't get involved in the conversation.

Unless you're unwilling to plonk yourself down next to a stranger on a big table, it's sorta impossible to not get involved here.

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

I can usually last around two hours by myself, trying to appear approachable while feeling uncomfortable on my own, but rarely have made it past midnight…

Interested (naturally) to see what the club has to offer with all the different rooms and play areas, while desperately trying to not look like ‘The Wanking Dead’ wandering around….

There comes that point though, when people go off to play, and you’re either invited to join, or left in the bar….

Clubs are all about cliques, and you’re either in a clique, or outside them all. There will always be another lonely single guy to have a chat with though

Sounds like your expectations are a bit high. Do you expect to play every time you go to a club and get miffed when you don’t "

Not at all! I've never visited any club with any expectations other than spending an evening with likeminded people, potentially making a new friend or two, and ultimately; wanting to return. A desire Club Play certainly didn't instill in me...

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By *iss KinkWoman
over a year ago

North West

I can usually last around two hours by myself, trying to appear approachable while feeling uncomfortable on my own, but rarely have made it past midnight…

Interested (naturally) to see what the club has to offer with all the different rooms and play areas, while desperately trying to not look like ‘The Wanking Dead’ wandering around….

There comes that point though, when people go off to play, and you’re either invited to join, or left in the bar….

Clubs are all about cliques, and you’re either in a clique, or outside them all. There will always be another lonely single guy to have a chat with though

Sounds like your expectations are a bit high. Do you expect to play every time you go to a club and get miffed when you don’t

So you keep telling everyone

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

Well, just on my way from another disappointing evening at Cupids. I was ok after the first hour but as soon as it got busy, I was once again alone with no one to talk to. My confidence feels really low at moment.

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By *inkForLifeCouple
over a year ago

North Shields

"Well, just on my way from another disappointing evening at Cupids. I was ok after the first hour but as soon as it got busy, I was once again alone with no one to talk to. My confidence feels really low at moment.

What happened?

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

What happened? "

I saw everyone else enjoying themselves chatting to their friends while I was by myself. I felt isolated, alone so I left and I had only been there for over a couple of hours.

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

What happened?

I saw everyone else enjoying themselves chatting to their friends while I was by myself. I felt isolated, alone so I left and I had only been there for over a couple of hours."

Sorry to hear that fella, but don’t take it personally, it happens to the best of us. Maybe try another MOTD event, which seems to have worked better for you?

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By *inkForLifeCouple
over a year ago

North Shields

I saw everyone else enjoying themselves chatting to their friends while I was by myself. I felt isolated, alone so I left and I had only been there for over a couple of hours."

How do you know it was their friends? Honestly it sounds like you go with a negative attitude expecting something to change.

Do you chat to people? If not why not? What was the theme of the night?

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

I saw everyone else enjoying themselves chatting to their friends while I was by myself. I felt isolated, alone so I left and I had only been there for over a couple of hours.

How do you know it was their friends? Honestly it sounds like you go with a negative attitude expecting something to change.

Do you chat to people? If not why not? What was the theme of the night?"

I wish I could chat to people but I would feel like I'm butting in. I do try but I'm just too afraid. I just don't feel as confident as I used to be.

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By *he Dark GentlemanMan
over a year ago

London

It's amazing to hear that as you've been on my hotlist for a while.

I would definitely have made a beeline for you if I had been there

Xxx

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

What happened?

I saw everyone else enjoying themselves chatting to their friends while I was by myself. I felt isolated, alone so I left and I had only been there for over a couple of hours.

Sorry to hear that fella, but don’t take it personally, it happens to the best of us. Maybe try another MOTD event, which seems to have worked better for you? "

It does now and again. I did have my name put down for the next MOTD but I'm starting to feel like I should give it a miss.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don’t forget to leave a club review

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

Sometimes, I wish I was more confident like I used to be but I don't think I'll ever get that confidence back.

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

Don’t forget to leave a club review "

Sorry but I don't think I'll do a club review of tonight's event.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you pre- prepare enough?

Have some opening conversational gambits prepared and memorised

If you know what you’re planning to say then you won’t feel under pressure to “think something up” on the spot which can lead to freezing.

Also having pre prepared conversation means that you’ll feel more relaxed.

Remember that couples and women that attend when single guys are welcome are there to meet single guys!

So be your best single guy!

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

"Do you pre- prepare enough?

Have some opening conversational gambits prepared and memorised

If you know what you’re planning to say then you won’t feel under pressure to “think something up” on the spot which can lead to freezing.

Also having pre prepared conversation means that you’ll feel more relaxed.

Remember that couples and women that attend when single guys are welcome are there to meet single guys!

So be your best single guy! "

I try to say something but with me having Asperger's, it does make it a litter harder for me to socialise with people I don't know and my social anxiety doesn't help either.

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By *iss KinkWoman
over a year ago

North West

"Do you pre- prepare enough?

Have some opening conversational gambits prepared and memorised

If you know what you’re planning to say then you won’t feel under pressure to “think something up” on the spot which can lead to freezing.

Also having pre prepared conversation means that you’ll feel more relaxed.

Remember that couples and women that attend when single guys are welcome are there to meet single guys!

So be your best single guy!

I try to say something but with me having Asperger's, it does make it a litter harder for me to socialise with people I don't know and my social anxiety doesn't help either."

You have good veris. What do you expect going to a club. Are you happy just to talk to people if you could

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

"Do you pre- prepare enough?

Have some opening conversational gambits prepared and memorised

If you know what you’re planning to say then you won’t feel under pressure to “think something up” on the spot which can lead to freezing.

Also having pre prepared conversation means that you’ll feel more relaxed.

Remember that couples and women that attend when single guys are welcome are there to meet single guys!

So be your best single guy!

I try to say something but with me having Asperger's, it does make it a litter harder for me to socialise with people I don't know and my social anxiety doesn't help either.

You have good veris. What do you expect going to a club. Are you happy just to talk to people if you could"

I always go with zero expectations. If there is a familiar face I could talk to, I'd be fine.

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By *iss KinkWoman
over a year ago

North West

"Do you pre- prepare enough?

Have some opening conversational gambits prepared and memorised

If you know what you’re planning to say then you won’t feel under pressure to “think something up” on the spot which can lead to freezing.

Also having pre prepared conversation means that you’ll feel more relaxed.

Remember that couples and women that attend when single guys are welcome are there to meet single guys!

So be your best single guy!

I try to say something but with me having Asperger's, it does make it a litter harder for me to socialise with people I don't know and my social anxiety doesn't help either.

You have good veris. What do you expect going to a club. Are you happy just to talk to people if you could

I always go with zero expectations. If there is a familiar face I could talk to, I'd be fine."

It’s happened to me too so not just a male thing. Maybe go to a different club. One where you can see a list of who is going and get chatting before you go

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

"Do you pre- prepare enough?

Have some opening conversational gambits prepared and memorised

If you know what you’re planning to say then you won’t feel under pressure to “think something up” on the spot which can lead to freezing.

Also having pre prepared conversation means that you’ll feel more relaxed.

Remember that couples and women that attend when single guys are welcome are there to meet single guys!

So be your best single guy!

I try to say something but with me having Asperger's, it does make it a litter harder for me to socialise with people I don't know and my social anxiety doesn't help either.

You have good veris. What do you expect going to a club. Are you happy just to talk to people if you could

I always go with zero expectations. If there is a familiar face I could talk to, I'd be fine.

It’s happened to me too so not just a male thing. Maybe go to a different club. One where you can see a list of who is going and get chatting before you go"

I usually look at the events forum and see who is going to an event at a club. I hardly message anyone I never met before on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry but I don't think I'll do a club review of tonight's event."

Honestly mate it sounds like maybe they aren’t for you. You’re going against your personality type and making yourself uncomfortable and unhappy.

Focus on making connections on this site for now. Don’t torture yourself

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

Don’t forget to leave a club review

Sorry but I don't think I'll do a club review of tonight's event."

Always leave a review! Especially now you’ve had time to reflect on your visit, rather than a ‘knee-jerk’ reaction. A decent club will take criticism, and want you to return

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

Don’t forget to leave a club review

Sorry but I don't think I'll do a club review of tonight's event.

Always leave a review! Especially now you’ve had time to reflect on your visit, rather than a ‘knee-jerk’ reaction. A decent club will take criticism, and want you to return

I don't know what to say. Not sure it would be good I just said the club is great but Ileft after a couple of hours due to my lack of confidence.

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

[Removed by poster at 11/11/22 09:27:23]

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

Sorry but I don't think I'll do a club review of tonight's event.

Honestly mate it sounds like maybe they aren’t for you. You’re going against your personality type and making yourself uncomfortable and unhappy.

Focus on making connections on this site for now. Don’t torture yourself"

The forums is the only place on here I can go to as I'm terrible with approaching people when it comes to sending the first message.

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By *iss KinkWoman
over a year ago

North West

"Do you pre- prepare enough?

Have some opening conversational gambits prepared and memorised

If you know what you’re planning to say then you won’t feel under pressure to “think something up” on the spot which can lead to freezing.

Also having pre prepared conversation means that you’ll feel more relaxed.

Remember that couples and women that attend when single guys are welcome are there to meet single guys!

So be your best single guy!

I try to say something but with me having Asperger's, it does make it a litter harder for me to socialise with people I don't know and my social anxiety doesn't help either.

You have good veris. What do you expect going to a club. Are you happy just to talk to people if you could

I always go with zero expectations. If there is a familiar face I could talk to, I'd be fine.

It’s happened to me too so not just a male thing. Maybe go to a different club. One where you can see a list of who is going and get chatting before you go

I usually look at the events forum and see who is going to an event at a club. I hardly message anyone I never met before on here. "

Just message those who are looking to meet single me saying hi I see your going to such an event

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

Don’t forget to leave a club review

Sorry but I don't think I'll do a club review of tonight's event.

Always leave a review! Especially now you’ve had time to reflect on your visit, rather than a ‘knee-jerk’ reaction. A decent club will take criticism, and want you to return

I don't know what to say. Not sure it would be good I just said the club is great but left after a couple of hours due to my lack of confidence."

A review is a review, whether good, or less than positive.

You didn’t leave because of your lack of confidence, you left because you felt left out. If the hosts and regulars had noticed this, and helped you to feel included, you would be leaving a positive review this morning, and looking to return.

Personally, I wish there was an option between ‘Ok’ and ‘Avoid’…….‘Disappointing’ would be useful

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op I'd advise to just keep going as much as you can, you have already made the biggest step and gone on your own, now you just have to put yourself out there and get to know the regulars, once you start to get to know the odd person and have someone to chat to your confidence will skyrocket, this has worked wonders for me and I have now become a regular at the club and am happy just going to socialise there, before all this I would have never even walked into a pub on my own let alone a swingers club so you just have to bite the bullet to begin with and stick at it.

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

Don’t forget to leave a club review

Sorry but I don't think I'll do a club review of tonight's event.

Always leave a review! Especially now you’ve had time to reflect on your visit, rather than a ‘knee-jerk’ reaction. A decent club will take criticism, and want you to return

I don't know what to say. Not sure it would be good I just said the club is great but left after a couple of hours due to my lack of confidence.

A review is a review, whether good, or less than positive.

Personally, I wish there was an option between ‘Ok’ and ‘Avoid’…….‘Disappointing’ would be useful

The thing is, I didn't have much confidence when I first started going 5 years ago. Whenever I'm sat by myself, this feeling of self doubt would sometimes sneak in making feel down and negative about myself. It's like that little devil on my shoulder that I just can't get rid of no matter how hard I try.

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By *portyndNaughtyMan
over a year ago

Nearby Hinckley

[Removed by poster at 11/11/22 10:03:08]

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By *portyndNaughtyMan
over a year ago

Nearby Hinckley

"Feeling alone in a club can be crippling even if there is plenty of people around.

Anyone else ever felt like this?"

OP are you able to go to a night club or a bar and initiate a conversation with strangers?

If the answer is yes, I do not understand the issue here as on my view there is no difference by being on a swinging club.

I wonder if at the back of your mind, even if you don't feel it, the possibility of connection and invitation to have fun is holding you back. Remember no expectations here is paramount.

I have been visiting clubs here in the UK and abroad for almost 10 years and on my modest experience a polite smile followed by hello or good evening usually breaks the ice. It works for me and a lot of single guys I know.

One of them is almost sixty average looks but by being friendly, non-pushy and rarely chatting about sex is often requested to join couples an single females to have fun.

Finally rejection is part of it, don't take personally and if the response is not what you expect say thank you, wish them a nice evening and move on.

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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago

Stoke area

"Do you pre- prepare enough?

Have some opening conversational gambits prepared and memorised

If you know what you’re planning to say then you won’t feel under pressure to “think something up” on the spot which can lead to freezing.

Also having pre prepared conversation means that you’ll feel more relaxed.

Remember that couples and women that attend when single guys are welcome are there to meet single guys!

So be your best single guy!

I try to say something but with me having Asperger's, it does make it a litter harder for me to socialise with people I don't know and my social anxiety doesn't help either.

You have good veris. What do you expect going to a club. Are you happy just to talk to people if you could

I always go with zero expectations. If there is a familiar face I could talk to, I'd be fine."

OP if you are able to go a few times, then you will be recognised and people will be more likely to chat to you.

As a single lady, I used to keep an eye out for gents looking a little apprehensive and have a chat with them. Some guys mistook my friendliness as something else, so I'm more wary now.

I would suggest looking up and smiling at those around you. Pretend you are feeling confident and happy, even if underneath you are really shy and awkward. Think of it as acting. One thing that I suggest is to have an opening line....hi, I'm (insert name) I'm feeling a bit nervous, do you mind if I chat to you for a few minutes.

They then know you are after a brief chat and nothing more. If they aren't interesting, you can just say have a good evening and move away. After a few sentences , you can then say something like " it's been lovely chatting, might catch you later". What you talk about doesn't really matter...parking, been to other clubs, compliment the ladies outfit or the guys shoes...anything lighthearted.

Having a start and finish to your conversations are helpful. I am always anxious going to new clubs and find pretending I was more confident, than I felt helps and having a few conversation ideas ready.

But try to go to the same club a few times, chat to the bar staff, tell them you are socially awkward and could they suggest a nice couple or lady to chat to. Also talk to other gents there, as they might give you some helpful tips, share fun stories etc. The more you are brave and talk to people, the easier it will get.

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

"Feeling alone in a club can be crippling even if there is plenty of people around.

Anyone else ever felt like this?

OP are you able to go to a night club or a bar and initiate a conversation with strangers?

If the answer is yes, I do not understand the issue here as on my view there is no difference by being on a swinging club.

I wonder if at the back of your mind, even if you don't feel it, the possibility of connection and invitation to have fun is holding you back. Remember no expectations here is paramount.

One of them is almost sixty average looks but by being friendly, non-pushy and rarely chatting about sex is often requested to join couples an single females to have fun.

Finally rejection is part of it, don't take personally and if the response is not what you expect say thank you, wish them a nice evening and move on."

I haven't been to a nightclub or a bar in years. I tried going to a bar once by myself but it didn't go well.

I always have zero expectations when going to a club. I'm sure I've tried smiling and saying hello to some new faces but can't come up with a something to talk about.

I think deep down there is something wrong with me.

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By *inkerfun85Couple
over a year ago

York

We have been to clubs before and even as a couple it can be hard to start a conversation. A lot of times there are obviously groups who know each other well so it can be a bit daunting to us, but at least we have each other to be naughty with. I'm trying to be but more adventurous lol which I'm sure Rich loves. Just keep going and like everyone says be yourself and friendly I'm sure it will get better

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By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks

Mate if clubs make you feel so low then perhaps they are not for you.

It sounds like it takes a lot out of you mentally and physically?

Is it worth doing to yourself?

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By *inkerfun85Couple
over a year ago

York

We are going to Quest this afternoon so we shall see how that goes x

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

"Mate if clubs make you feel so low then perhaps they are not for you.

It sounds like it takes a lot out of you mentally and physically?

Is it worth doing to yourself?

Before I started going to clubs, I didn't have much of a social life. If I hadn't had started going, I probably wouldn't be here.

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

"Do you pre- prepare enough?

Have some opening conversational gambits prepared and memorised

If you know what you’re planning to say then you won’t feel under pressure to “think something up” on the spot which can lead to freezing.

Also having pre prepared conversation means that you’ll feel more relaxed.

Remember that couples and women that attend when single guys are welcome are there to meet single guys!

So be your best single guy!

I try to say something but with me having Asperger's, it does make it a litter harder for me to socialise with people I don't know and my social anxiety doesn't help either.

You have good veris. What do you expect going to a club. Are you happy just to talk to people if you could

I always go with zero expectations. If there is a familiar face I could talk to, I'd be fine.

OP if you are able to go a few times, then you will be recognised and people will be more likely to chat to you.

As a single lady, I used to keep an eye out for gents looking a little apprehensive and have a chat with them. Some guys mistook my friendliness as something else, so I'm more wary now.

I've been so many times and can't remember anyone coming up to me after seeing me there before.

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By *eordiesCouple
over a year ago

newcastle

In some clubs on a busy night the staff may be very busy so can't spare a lot of time to spend with new or shy people.

Also some clubs have staff who are way better at interacting with customers than staff at other clubs.

You have a location which says Bolton. We would suggest giving Decadance club in Rochdale a go. Mandy is great at chatting to people and making them feel wanted. Perhaps give them a ring and ask which would be a good time to visit when it won't be too busy and Mandy will be there.

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

" In some clubs on a busy night the staff may be very busy so can't spare a lot of time to spend with new or shy people.

Also some clubs have staff who are way better at interacting with customers than staff at other clubs.

Had a look at there website. The opening times are a bit late for me to be honest. There aren't many posts for events on the forums either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don’t forget to leave a club review

Sorry but I don't think I'll do a club review of tonight's event.

Always leave a review! Especially now you’ve had time to reflect on your visit, rather than a ‘knee-jerk’ reaction. A decent club will take criticism, and want you to return

I don't know what to say. Not sure it would be good I just said the club is great but left after a couple of hours due to my lack of confidence.

A review is a review, whether good, or less than positive.

Personally, I wish there was an option between ‘Ok’ and ‘Avoid’…….‘Disappointing’ would be useful

I find that you get out of a club what you put in. I've met some wonderful people at clubs and have felt truly welcomed by the staff and management. These people work hard keeping the club running smoothly, making sure everything is clean and specific areas stocked. They may have opportunities to mingle if time allows but I would not expect anyone who's on the club staff to babysit guests.

Swinging is a social activity. If you cannot interact well with others then maybe clubs are not the way to go.

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

Don’t forget to leave a club review

Sorry but I don't think I'll do a club review of tonight's event.

Always leave a review! Especially now you’ve had time to reflect on your visit, rather than a ‘knee-jerk’ reaction. A decent club will take criticism, and want you to return

I don't know what to say. Not sure it would be good I just said the club is great but left after a couple of hours due to my lack of confidence.

A review is a review, whether good, or less than positive.

Personally, I wish there was an option between ‘Ok’ and ‘Avoid’…….‘Disappointing’ would be useful

Swinging is a social activity. If you cannot interact well with others then maybe clubs are not the way to go.

If I stop going, what other choices have I got? If I can't have a social life, what's the point?

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By *inkForLifeCouple
over a year ago

North Shields

If I stop going, what other choices have I got? If I can't have a social life, what's the point?"

It doesn't sound like you're having much fun as it is and you appear to be putting yourself into situations which make you more miserable, that's not sane or sensible.

Something needs to give.

1. Either you accept that clubs aren't for you so stop going.

2. Enjoy the experience, whatever that is, stop being hung up on "being alone". I have been to enough club nights to know that not everyone gets to play etc.

3. Go to a totally new club and try something different.

I feel you need to reevaluate how you come across to people. You are being very miserable on this thread about your experience, maybe that misery comes across when you chat to people.

People go to clubs for a fun time, not to nurse someone's insecurities. For a lot of couples they might only get one child free night every few months to go to a club so they definitely aren't going to spend it with someone who is downbeat and miserable or who comes across as needy when they do start talking.

I appreciate the above is a bit raw but nothing you've said in this thread would make us want to engage with you in a club if we saw you.

A massive part of swinging etc is making new connections quickly, or clicking with people instantly, if you don't possess those skills you're going to struggle.

Can you give us an example interaction you've had in the club.

You see a couple or a female, then what?

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

If I stop going, what other choices have I got? If I can't have a social life, what's the point?

It doesn't sound like you're having much fun as it is and you appear to be putting yourself into situations which make you more miserable, that's not sane or sensible.

Something needs to give.

1. Either you accept that clubs aren't for you so stop going.

2. Enjoy the experience, whatever that is, stop being hung up on "being alone". I have been to enough club nights to know that not everyone gets to play etc.

3. Go to a totally new club and try something different.

I feel you need to reevaluate how you come across to people. You are being very miserable on this thread about your experience, maybe that misery comes across when you chat to people.

I appreciate the above is a bit raw but nothing you've said in this thread would make us want to engage with you in a club if we saw you.

A massive part of swinging etc is making new connections quickly, or clicking with people instantly, if you don't possess those skills you're going to struggle.

Can you give us an example interaction you've had in the club.

You see a couple or a female, then what?"

When I went last night, I was fine when I chatted to the host earlier in the even but when I saw couples of females, I didn't do anything as they were already talking to someone.

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By *inkForLifeCouple
over a year ago

North Shields

When I went last night, I was fine when I chatted to the host earlier in the even but when I saw couples of females, I didn't do anything as they were already talking to someone."

Welcome to club life.

Why didn't you talk to them first?

I am really struggling to understand what you want or expect, other than for others to do all the work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don’t forget to leave a club review

Sorry but I don't think I'll do a club review of tonight's event.

Always leave a review! Especially now you’ve had time to reflect on your visit, rather than a ‘knee-jerk’ reaction. A decent club will take criticism, and want you to return

I don't know what to say. Not sure it would be good I just said the club is great but left after a couple of hours due to my lack of confidence.

A review is a review, whether good, or less than positive.

Personally, I wish there was an option between ‘Ok’ and ‘Avoid’…….‘Disappointing’ would be useful

Swinging is a social activity. If you cannot interact well with others then maybe clubs are not the way to go.

If I stop going, what other choices have I got? If I can't have a social life, what's the point?"

Perhaps you’d be better off going to a gaming convention or a club for fellow geeks rather than the high pressure environment of a swinging club that you so clearly struggle with.

Every suggestion thrown at you so far seems to be met with a very negative somewhat whiney response.

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

When I went last night, I was fine when I chatted to the host earlier in the even but when I saw couples of females, I didn't do anything as they were already talking to someone.

Welcome to club life.

Why didn't you talk to them first?

I am really struggling to understand what you want or expect, other than for others to do all the work.

I wanted to talk to them but get overtaken by anxiety. I feel scared that I would be told to go away or be judged for my appearance. I've had this fear since I was at school and my autistic mind can't get past it.

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By *inkForLifeCouple
over a year ago

North Shields

It is what it is, single male in this environment is harsh, full of failure, and lots of effort.

If that's not for you, that's fine, but I don't see how you can expect anything to change before you work on yourself first.

The fact is, you will be rejected by people in the club. There's no sugar coating it. You may well feel like your feelings have been hurt due to the rejection, but that's just a part of this life.

We meet bi guys and get told "oh I will play with her but he isn't my type". You just need to be able to accept it and move on.

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

It is what it is, single male in this environment is harsh, full of failure, and lots of effort.

If that's not for you, that's fine, but I don't see how you can expect anything to change before you work on yourself first.

The fact is, you will be rejected by people in the club. There's no sugar coating it. You may well feel like your feelings have been hurt due to the rejection, but that's just a part of this life.

We meet bi guys and get told "oh I will play with her but he isn't my type". You just need to be able to accept it and move on. "

I understand that. I really need to work on myself but I don't know where to start.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don’t forget to leave a club review

Sorry but I don't think I'll do a club review of tonight's event.

Always leave a review! Especially now you’ve had time to reflect on your visit, rather than a ‘knee-jerk’ reaction. A decent club will take criticism, and want you to return

I don't know what to say. Not sure it would be good I just said the club is great but left after a couple of hours due to my lack of confidence.

A review is a review, whether good, or less than positive.

Personally, I wish there was an option between ‘Ok’ and ‘Avoid’…….‘Disappointing’ would be useful

Swinging is a social activity. If you cannot interact well with others then maybe clubs are not the way to go.

If I stop going, what other choices have I got? If I can't have a social life, what's the point?

Perhaps you’d be better off going to a gaming convention or a club for fellow geeks rather than the high pressure environment of a swinging club that you so clearly struggle with.

Every suggestion thrown at you so far seems to be met with a very negative somewhat whiney response. "

True. The solutions have been provided above op. Baby steps start with the smaller clubs and go from there

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By *iss KinkWoman
over a year ago

North West

I think some of you are being a bit harsh on the op. Autism can make social interaction very very difficult which unless you know someone close with autism or you are autistic yourself you will not understand.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think some of you are being a bit harsh on the op. Autism can make social interaction very very difficult which unless you know someone close with autism or you are autistic yourself you will not understand. "

You nearby? Can’t take op with you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Onwards and upwards though. I'll go again when my confidence is no longer in tatters. "

A lot of single guys in clubs when it comes to simply approaching someone and starting a conversation, this could be due to shyness, not knowing how to start a conversation or that they don't want to seem pushy.

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By *iss KinkWoman
over a year ago

North West

You nearby? Can’t take op with you?"

No I’m not nearby

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By *inkForLifeCouple
over a year ago

North Shields

I appreciate he may find it harder than others but given there's such a selection of single guys to pick from, he needs to accept he needs to up his game and/or accept his limitations.

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By *neYouLookingForMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"Ive left clubs feeling like this several times, once it ended in me deleting our fab account and not coming back for aaages

its difficult being a big girl in a club full of super confident and hot, skinny women. It knocked my confidence massively. Hopefully we will see you at cupids tomorrow so we can be awkward together

You need to know that a lots of men love big body girls and this is what they looking for in the clubs

I’m not different ;*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don’t forget to leave a club review

Sorry but I don't think I'll do a club review of tonight's event.

Always leave a review! Especially now you’ve had time to reflect on your visit, rather than a ‘knee-jerk’ reaction. A decent club will take criticism, and want you to return

I don't know what to say. Not sure it would be good I just said the club is great but left after a couple of hours due to my lack of confidence.

A review is a review, whether good, or less than positive.

Personally, I wish there was an option between ‘Ok’ and ‘Avoid’…….‘Disappointing’ would be useful

Swinging is a social activity. If you cannot interact well with others then maybe clubs are not the way to go.

If I stop going, what other choices have I got? If I can't have a social life, what's the point?

Perhaps you’d be better off going to a gaming convention or a club for fellow geeks rather than the high pressure environment of a swinging club that you so clearly struggle with.

Every suggestion thrown at you so far seems to be met with a very negative somewhat whiney response. "

On that FETish LIFEstyle site they have gamers munches, geek munches, specific age range munches. Most you can just turn up to and socialise. Often they are in regular pubs so if you don't feel like mingling you can just sit and have a drink by yourself.

I am socially awkward as fuck but I don't let it stop me from living a fun life. If I make a bad impression who cares, it's not like I have to go again. Plenty more clubs and events.

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

Don’t forget to leave a club review

Sorry but I don't think I'll do a club review of tonight's event.

Always leave a review! Especially now you’ve had time to reflect on your visit, rather than a ‘knee-jerk’ reaction. A decent club will take criticism, and want you to return

I don't know what to say. Not sure it would be good I just said the club is great but left after a couple of hours due to my lack of confidence.

A review is a review, whether good, or less than positive.

Personally, I wish there was an option between ‘Ok’ and ‘Avoid’…….‘Disappointing’ would be useful

Swinging is a social activity. If you cannot interact well with others then maybe clubs are not the way to go.

If I stop going, what other choices have I got? If I can't have a social life, what's the point?

Perhaps you’d be better off going to a gaming convention or a club for fellow geeks rather than the high pressure environment of a swinging club that you so clearly struggle with.

Every suggestion thrown at you so far seems to be met with a very negative somewhat whiney response.

I am socially awkward as fuck but I don't let it stop me from living a fun life. If I make a bad impression who cares, it's not like I have to go again. Plenty more clubs and events. "

Tried googling it but couldn't find it anywhere

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By *jswingerMan
over a year ago

Derbyshire

I know that feeling feeling lonely in a club and hard to speak to others especially dressed up has my baby self

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By *orny1969777Man
over a year ago

along the yellow brick road

Wow Mr and Mrs p of hc. I was just reading the forum and what you said, I looked at your profile, and from what I could see from your pictures, you have absolutely nothing to fear, shapely girls are the best.

So I'd say, go strut your stuff, and knock them flat. Enjoy.

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

I have trouble reading social cues as well.

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By *eordiesCouple
over a year ago

newcastle

" In some clubs on a busy night the staff may be very busy so can't spare a lot of time to spend with new or shy people.

Also some clubs have staff who are way better at interacting with customers than staff at other clubs.

Had a look at there website. The opening times are a bit late for me to be honest. There aren't many posts for events on the forums either."

They open at 8pm, same as most clubs. But if you need earlier they do a Monday afternoon.

As to events, just give the club a ring and ask about upcoming events.

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

I think this resonates with most of us who attend clubs alone. It's probably my most challenging environment for me, especially as a bit of an awkward social weirdo (although I think I've learnt to mask this with some success over the years).

As to remedy that's the nails bit. It's only a problem we can solve individually, we shouldn't expect people to make special accommodation for us. All I can say is risk putting yourself forwards socially. I'm a bit of a hypocrite because sometimes I still hold myself back and kick my self over missed opportunity. However all the great experiences I've had have come from taking that risk and successfully bombing though the social minefield into something more physical. So experience has taught me (and I need to listen to it more) that you do need to push your self socially. Granted when the time and space is right. Also learn to be OK with rejection. We simply may not be their cup of tea. But as long as your respectful, decent and friendly you'll find people tend to be the same back even if it's a no. As long you can learn not to take a set back too much to heart then all you risk from your venture is a polite no thanks. And people will judge you how you interact with others. So a good unsuccessful interaction may lead to a successful interaction with someone else.

And as others have said good selection of club/event/day can really help.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don’t forget to leave a club review

Sorry but I don't think I'll do a club review of tonight's event.

Always leave a review! Especially now you’ve had time to reflect on your visit, rather than a ‘knee-jerk’ reaction. A decent club will take criticism, and want you to return

I don't know what to say. Not sure it would be good I just said the club is great but left after a couple of hours due to my lack of confidence.

A review is a review, whether good, or less than positive.

Personally, I wish there was an option between ‘Ok’ and ‘Avoid’…….‘Disappointing’ would be useful

Swinging is a social activity. If you cannot interact well with others then maybe clubs are not the way to go.

If I stop going, what other choices have I got? If I can't have a social life, what's the point?

Perhaps you’d be better off going to a gaming convention or a club for fellow geeks rather than the high pressure environment of a swinging club that you so clearly struggle with.

Every suggestion thrown at you so far seems to be met with a very negative somewhat whiney response.

I am socially awkward as fuck but I don't let it stop me from living a fun life. If I make a bad impression who cares, it's not like I have to go again. Plenty more clubs and events.

Tried googling it but couldn't find it anywhere"

I have literally spelt it out for you, in capitals too

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

Don’t forget to leave a club review

Sorry but I don't think I'll do a club review of tonight's event.

Always leave a review! Especially now you’ve had time to reflect on your visit, rather than a ‘knee-jerk’ reaction. A decent club will take criticism, and want you to return

I don't know what to say. Not sure it would be good I just said the club is great but left after a couple of hours due to my lack of confidence.

A review is a review, whether good, or less than positive.

Personally, I wish there was an option between ‘Ok’ and ‘Avoid’…….‘Disappointing’ would be useful

Swinging is a social activity. If you cannot interact well with others then maybe clubs are not the way to go.

If I stop going, what other choices have I got? If I can't have a social life, what's the point?

Perhaps you’d be better off going to a gaming convention or a club for fellow geeks rather than the high pressure environment of a swinging club that you so clearly struggle with.

Every suggestion thrown at you so far seems to be met with a very negative somewhat whiney response.

I am socially awkward as fuck but I don't let it stop me from living a fun life. If I make a bad impression who cares, it's not like I have to go again. Plenty more clubs and events.

Tried googling it but couldn't find it anywhere

I have literally spelt it out for you, in capitals too"

Ah ok. Found it. Thanks

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By *iddle ManMan
over a year ago

Walsall

Yes we've all been there, it's a tough time, some times are better but those when nothing is happening are a real kick in the teeth. I'm an outgoing person and can and will talk to anyone but in clubs it does seem the hardest place to talk, yes you get some that talk back and some that are a real laugh and enjoy the banter and fun, but generally I find that couples and singles are a bit reserve towards me and other guys, even just for a hello. Whether they think just talking implies I will get the wrong idea. It's not the case at all.

most guys would be happy with just a chat and nothing more.

Clubs aren't for everyone op, don't worry about it.

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By *inkForLifeCouple
over a year ago

North Shields

"Yes we've all been there, it's a tough time, some times are better but those when nothing is happening are a real kick in the teeth. I'm an outgoing person and can and will talk to anyone but in clubs it does seem the hardest place to talk, yes you get some that talk back and some that are a real laugh and enjoy the banter and fun, but generally I find that couples and singles are a bit reserve towards me and other guys, even just for a hello. Whether they think just talking implies I will get the wrong idea. It's not the case at all.

most guys would be happy with just a chat and nothing more.

Clubs aren't for everyone op, don't worry about it. "

So what I'd say, and this is only us, we don't talk to people we wouldn't play with. That doesn't mean we'll play with everyone we talk to, but we don't talk to people we know we wouldn't play with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don’t forget to leave a club review

Sorry but I don't think I'll do a club review of tonight's event.

Always leave a review! Especially now you’ve had time to reflect on your visit, rather than a ‘knee-jerk’ reaction. A decent club will take criticism, and want you to return

I don't know what to say. Not sure it would be good I just said the club is great but left after a couple of hours due to my lack of confidence.

A review is a review, whether good, or less than positive.

Personally, I wish there was an option between ‘Ok’ and ‘Avoid’…….‘Disappointing’ would be useful

Swinging is a social activity. If you cannot interact well with others then maybe clubs are not the way to go.

If I stop going, what other choices have I got? If I can't have a social life, what's the point?

Perhaps you’d be better off going to a gaming convention or a club for fellow geeks rather than the high pressure environment of a swinging club that you so clearly struggle with.

Every suggestion thrown at you so far seems to be met with a very negative somewhat whiney response.

I am socially awkward as fuck but I don't let it stop me from living a fun life. If I make a bad impression who cares, it's not like I have to go again. Plenty more clubs and events.

Tried googling it but couldn't find it anywhere

I have literally spelt it out for you, in capitals too

Ah ok. Found it. Thanks

Hope it helps and you find something fun x

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

Don’t forget to leave a club review

Sorry but I don't think I'll do a club review of tonight's event.

Always leave a review! Especially now you’ve had time to reflect on your visit, rather than a ‘knee-jerk’ reaction. A decent club will take criticism, and want you to return

I don't know what to say. Not sure it would be good I just said the club is great but left after a couple of hours due to my lack of confidence.

A review is a review, whether good, or less than positive.

Personally, I wish there was an option between ‘Ok’ and ‘Avoid’…….‘Disappointing’ would be useful

Swinging is a social activity. If you cannot interact well with others then maybe clubs are not the way to go.

I think “babysit” is a bit harsh? Nobody is asking anyone to hold someone’s hand and (as someone else on the thread put it) “do all the work” for them

But checking someone on their own is ok isn’t out of the question is it? I remember being in No.3 club, and Mary periodically checking on me, and also Simon, when I was in Club f….

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I went last night, I was fine when I chatted to the host earlier in the even but when I saw couples of females, I didn't do anything as they were already talking to someone.

Welcome to club life.

Why didn't you talk to them first?

I am really struggling to understand what you want or expect, other than for others to do all the work.

Aww this sounds like torture! Is there anything you enjoy about the clubs?

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

When I went last night, I was fine when I chatted to the host earlier in the even but when I saw couples of females, I didn't do anything as they were already talking to someone.

Welcome to club life.

Why didn't you talk to them first?

I am really struggling to understand what you want or expect, other than for others to do all the work.

Aww this sounds like torture! Is there anything you enjoy about the clubs? "

I do like the atmosphere, the music and how friendly and welcoming they are.

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By *xonswingersCouple
over a year ago

Close to Oxford

Gosh . This sounds like the middle of a Smiths song :

There's a club if you'd like to go,

You could meet someone who really loves you,

So you go and stand on your own,

And you leave on your own,

And you go home and you cry and want to die.

(The Smiths - How Soon Is Now - 1984)

I think the trick is to be in the right head space when you go. Maybe use Fabs forums to say that you're going to an event and is anyone else going and fancy meeting up for a social - which conincidently is what we have just done on the clubs page for an event at xtasia tonight.

Be in the right space, spend the day preparing, choosing your best clothes, haircut and shave, new aftershave, general chit chats on the forums to build up your confidence, memorise some opening gambits, say them to yourself in a mirror and see if you look awkward saying them or they fit to who you are. I used to be really shy. I have now learned not to care and that barrier in me has gone.

I do honestly wish you all the best. Fight your way out and embrace the freedom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I went last night, I was fine when I chatted to the host earlier in the even but when I saw couples of females, I didn't do anything as they were already talking to someone.

Welcome to club life.

Why didn't you talk to them first?

I am really struggling to understand what you want or expect, other than for others to do all the work.

Aww this sounds like torture! Is there anything you enjoy about the clubs?

I do like the atmosphere, the music and how friendly and welcoming they are."

Yeah I like that aspect too. I'm wondering how you could manage that anxiety in a healthy way so it doesn't impact on your experience. Do you prefer quiet nights in clubs?

The scene tends to attract neurodivergent people, so I'm sure there will be others around who will get the problems social anxiety can cause.

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By *enelope2UWoman
over a year ago

Fife

I'm always alone everywhere I go so I'm used to it.. you have to like your own company. The club scene here is drastically different than the USA so if you don't do pre mixers then unfortunately the circles seem small.

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

When I went last night, I was fine when I chatted to the host earlier in the even but when I saw couples of females, I didn't do anything as they were already talking to someone.

Welcome to club life.

Why didn't you talk to them first?

I am really struggling to understand what you want or expect, other than for others to do all the work.

Aww this sounds like torture! Is there anything you enjoy about the clubs?

I do like the atmosphere, the music and how friendly and welcoming they are.

Yeah I like that aspect too. I'm wondering how you could manage that anxiety in a healthy way so it doesn't impact on your experience. Do you prefer quiet nights in clubs?

The scene tends to attract neurodivergent people, so I'm sure there will be others around who will get the problems social anxiety can cause. "

I'm usually alright on busy nights if there is someone I've met before that will be there but it's when there is no one I know on a busy night when I start to worry. As for quiet events, I don't mind as long as they're not too quiet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I went last night, I was fine when I chatted to the host earlier in the even but when I saw couples of females, I didn't do anything as they were already talking to someone.

Welcome to club life.

Why didn't you talk to them first?

I am really struggling to understand what you want or expect, other than for others to do all the work.

Aww this sounds like torture! Is there anything you enjoy about the clubs?

I do like the atmosphere, the music and how friendly and welcoming they are.

Yeah I like that aspect too. I'm wondering how you could manage that anxiety in a healthy way so it doesn't impact on your experience. Do you prefer quiet nights in clubs?

The scene tends to attract neurodivergent people, so I'm sure there will be others around who will get the problems social anxiety can cause.

Don't be so hard on yourself, busy nights can be overwhelming. How often do you go to clubs?

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

[Removed by poster at 12/11/22 12:22:08]

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

When I went last night, I was fine when I chatted to the host earlier in the even but when I saw couples of females, I didn't do anything as they were already talking to someone.

Welcome to club life.

Why didn't you talk to them first?

I am really struggling to understand what you want or expect, other than for others to do all the work.

Aww this sounds like torture! Is there anything you enjoy about the clubs?

I do like the atmosphere, the music and how friendly and welcoming they are.

Yeah I like that aspect too. I'm wondering how you could manage that anxiety in a healthy way so it doesn't impact on your experience. Do you prefer quiet nights in clubs?

The scene tends to attract neurodivergent people, so I'm sure there will be others around who will get the problems social anxiety can cause.

Don't be so hard on yourself, busy nights can be overwhelming. How often do you go to clubs? "

One to three times a month depending on what my shifts are at work.

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By *osey WalesMan
over a year ago

"Yes totally felt this.

Was even worse just after COVID as I felt as my little social skills had all disappeared.

I'm actually in two minds about never going to clubs again as I feel pretty awkward there.

I’m the same "

Happy to accompany you, to any club, any time you want Hippy

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

When I went last night, I was fine when I chatted to the host earlier in the even but when I saw couples of females, I didn't do anything as they were already talking to someone.

Welcome to club life.

Why didn't you talk to them first?

I am really struggling to understand what you want or expect, other than for others to do all the work.

Aww this sounds like torture! Is there anything you enjoy about the clubs?

I do like the atmosphere, the music and how friendly and welcoming they are.

Yeah I like that aspect too. I'm wondering how you could manage that anxiety in a healthy way so it doesn't impact on your experience. Do you prefer quiet nights in clubs?

The scene tends to attract neurodivergent people, so I'm sure there will be others around who will get the problems social anxiety can cause.

Don't be so hard on yourself, busy nights can be overwhelming. How often do you go to clubs?

One to three times a month depending on what my shifts are at work."

As you’re located in Bolton, you have plenty of other clubs on your doorstep, I would suggest trying others, as Cupids isn’t working for you. Maybe give Infusion in Blackpool a try, which is very much more a relaxing spa type atmosphere? You could just chill and take in the surroundings, use the facilities, and build your confidence in a less ‘pressured’ environment?

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