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Post club play etiquette

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By *inkForLife OP   Couple
over a year ago

North Shields

What is the general consensus on how single men should conduct themselves after playing with a couple or the female of a couple in a club?

We just want to be left alone and enjoy quiet time ourselves, or of course see if anyone else catches our eye. We however find a lot of guys seem to want to chat in the bar and sit with us, and even seem to suggest playing again, subtle hints such as not engaging in conversation etc don't seem to put them off!

Are we unusual in wanting the guy to pretend we don't exist after playing?

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By *ittyandtheboyCouple
over a year ago

Back of the bins.

Eeshhh treating them like an unwanted sex toy isn’t very cool.

If that’s the way you want it, you’re gonna have to be brave and tell them. They’re not mind readers!

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By *inkForLife OP   Couple
over a year ago

North Shields

Just to clarify, we obviously don't mind a quick chat after to make sure everyone is happy, but we don't want to spend the rest of the night with them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just to clarify, we obviously don't mind a quick chat after to make sure everyone is happy, but we don't want to spend the rest of the night with them. "

Being used as a “stunt cock” is a big problem for a lot of single guys that might be looking for a bit more of a connection from their club encounters.

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By *inkForLife OP   Couple
over a year ago

North Shields

It wasn't quite that transactional I don't think, but he definitely appeared to follow us around and he also hinted about playing again even so Mrs wasn't engaging with him at all.

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By *redy81Man
over a year ago

London

From the viewpoint of a single guy, I think, the best if you tell him in a polite, but honest way, what's the situation.

Something like "thanks, dude, it was great fun, nice to meet you, and maybe catch up another time again? We will look around a bit now, as we enjoy playing with multiple different partners each night, so happy hunting!"

I don't think that anyone would feel offended for it, or if yes, then he is definitely not the sharpest knife in the drawer, so not a big loss anyway...

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By *inkForLife OP   Couple
over a year ago

North Shields

Yeah, I think we just assumed it would be obvious and didn't have to be so blunt. Lesson learnt!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I asked this as well a few weeks ago, but from the side of the single guys asking what couples want.

I tend to offer a drink and give them a chance to reconnect as a couple. If they want to go again they will most likely need to approach me as I don't want them to feel "crowded"

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By *redy81Man
over a year ago

London

Another interesting situation is how to behave, when you meet someone in a club, you already played with several times at previous parties.

I know a few couples, I was lucky enough to join more than once, and we quite often bump into each other in clubs since that. It was absolutely amazing fun, the ladies are stunning hot, I loved every minute of those plays, and of course, would be happy repeat that at any time!

But when we meet, sometimes, I don't know how to act. We greet each other, have good chats, but in this situation, I find it harder to decide whether I should make a move or not? As a couple, they might prefer to play with different men, not with the same again and again. And as we often become some kind of "club-mates", a refusal could feel awkward for both sides.

On the other hand, if I don't make any move and tend to "friend zone" them, they might think, I am not interested anymore to play - which is definitely not the case.

I often find it much more complicated than catching up with someone for the first time.

Back to the OP's question, as a single man, when I join a couple and we finish, after a short chat (which usually happens while we are getting dressed), I prefer to politely excuse myself, (need a drink, bathroom, etc - which is usually true anyway) then small little eye contacts or half a sentence ("hey, it was soo good, I'm still out of breath") little comments, when you cross paths later will show if they are up for a second round too. Following them around is definitely a no-no.

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By *inkForLife OP   Couple
over a year ago

North Shields

Meeting people you've already played with is a great point. We generally have a rule of we only play once, that definitely applies at home but for clubs it's less clear, but just because we played last week doesn't mean we want to this week.

We have definitely are on board with your behaviour! That's how we like it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What is the general consensus on how single men should conduct themselves after playing with a couple or the female of a couple in a club?

We just want to be left alone and enjoy quiet time ourselves, or of course see if anyone else catches our eye. We however find a lot of guys seem to want to chat in the bar and sit with us, and even seem to suggest playing again, subtle hints such as not engaging in conversation etc don't seem to put them off!

Are we unusual in wanting the guy to pretend we don't exist after playing? "

Personally I'd appreciate being told something like "thanks for that, we are off to do are own thing now" or something along those lines, I don't know what the couples or woman want that I have played with unless thay tell me I wouldn't want to just run off and leave you to it because for all I know you might then think I've just been using you, like most situations when it comes to swinging communication is key,

I'd have totally picked up on your hint though and left you alone lol

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By *edplusoneCouple
over a year ago

West Midlands

I think after you’ve played it’s reasonable to expect the other person(s) to wander off after a little chat unless specifically invited to stay. After all we all are here for some variety.

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

This is very normal. I think you just need to be polite but clear. It's not a problem. Just say thanks for a lovely time but you like variety and looking to mingle with and find new people to play with. I think if you go about stating your position in the right way it will be taken with understanding rather than feeling like you've used them and fobbed them off.

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By *xposedInTheSunCouple
over a year ago

Cambridgeshire

OK, a bit of an admission here. On the rare occasions when we play with a single guy in a club, we normally don't chat beforehand. Well not much more than a brief hello. And afterwards we do chat, but generally only for a couple of minutes.

So, I think a lot depends on how hard you've made the guy work for it. In our case, not a lot, so we don't feel guilty about cutting them loose straight afterwards. But if the guy had spent an hour getting to know us, and our tastes, and gradually building up the flirting until the point that we were all gagging for it, then we'd feel we owed him a little more afterwards. Just walking out on that would seem a little brutal.

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By *oveoldercouples99Man
over a year ago

Merton

It's all about being confident and reading the situation. If it was clear everyone enjoyed themselves I might say something like "we should do this again sometime". This sometimes gets invites to the bar/hottub or exchange of fab details. Some couples might say they don't meet twice, so then move on. Or if they look at each other and say drink/hottub or wherever only go if invited.

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By *inkForLife OP   Couple
over a year ago

North Shields

Well we're going to a club tonight, time to be polite but firm. Very different type of night tonight though so will be interesting to see how it goes.

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