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"If you've seen it from both sides, you might be able to help me! First time going to a club this weekend with a partner - I am a straight woman. Do we go on a Friday, or a Saturday (his slight preference)? " First of, fantastic pics!! I think the general advice is to set your boundaries in advance, and don't move too far from them, because they were set when you weren't in your sex head, so to speak. You'll always be able to another time and extend your boundaries. | |||
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"That's really interesting - thanks for the reply. I was kind of assuming that the single guys would be respectful (as the clubs seem to be working hard to make sure thing go smoothly), but they weren't? The king and pauper analogy - do you mean that single men are paupers because they don't get to play? And that changes the atmosphere into a less than great place?" Thanks for the positive feedback from you both, and your general comments. I went to my first clubs as a singleton. You know  two things.
Pauper:
A, all the male halves are of the couple know your looking to play with their female partners.
B, they are there, but HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW WHICH ONES THEY ARE!!!?.. lol
The stressed is the rejection, and you feel that everyone in the club is watching, which they aren't, and those that are, are probably more empathetic than you realise, which is different from letting you play with them .
King: as a couple people are more likely to engage positively with you.
The only advice I can offe is,
A: be very respectful to the female of the couple
B: engage with male as well!
C:if you realise they don't want to play with you, leave with good grace, and thank them for the conversation.
D: in reality, it's a numbers game.
My first club was literally 5 minutes by car from my house. I shuddered when I heard how far others had travelled.
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"If you've seen it from both sides, you might be able to help me! First time going to a club this weekend with a partner - I am a straight woman. Do we go on a Friday, or a Saturday (his slight preference)? " Hey 
Depends on what club you go to, and the mix on the night, also what you're looking for.
As a first time as a pair I'd suggest a Saturday as it more evenly balanced for both of you.
Fridays are there are generally more single men, in ratio to single fems & couple's.
Either way enjoy yourself and top tip, use a safe word for any situation which you want to walk away from, Mine is "fancy a smoke"....I don't smoke 
Gets you out of many awkward conversations hahaha | |||
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"That's really interesting - thanks for the reply. I was kind of assuming that the single guys would be respectful (as the clubs seem to be working hard to make sure thing go smoothly), but they weren't? The king and pauper analogy - do you mean that single men are paupers because they don't get to play? And that changes the atmosphere into a less than great place?" In my experience, there’s two kinds of single guys. There’s the one who is out to have a good night whatever happens, and there’s the one who will only consider it a good night if they have sex. The first kind are easy to get on with - but there are definitely a tiny minority of blokes who make me feel like I shouldn’t be there because I’m not their type, or like conversation should lead to play, or like I’m a 2am girl. And some but not all of these chaps aren’t great with consent. There’s nothing management can act upon, but that kind of attitude can still spoil my night when I come across it. Does that make sense? | |||
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"That's really interesting - thanks for the reply. I was kind of assuming that the single guys would be respectful (as the clubs seem to be working hard to make sure thing go smoothly), but they weren't? The king and pauper analogy - do you mean that single men are paupers because they don't get to play? And that changes the atmosphere into a less than great place? In my experience, there’s two kinds of single guys. There’s the one who is out to have a good night whatever happens, and there’s the one who will only consider it a good night if they have sex. The first kind are easy to get on with - but there are definitely a tiny minority of blokes who make me feel like I shouldn’t be there because I’m not their type, or like conversation should lead to play, or like I’m a 2am girl. And some but not all of these chaps aren’t great with consent. There’s nothing management can act upon, but that kind of attitude can still spoil my night when I come across it. Does that make sense?" Makes sense entirely. When people feel entitled to go beyond just the initial stages of making a move on you, can't be a pleasant experience. I think you'll find other men don't like to see it either. | |||
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"That's really interesting - thanks for the reply. I was kind of assuming that the single guys would be respectful (as the clubs seem to be working hard to make sure thing go smoothly), but they weren't? The king and pauper analogy - do you mean that single men are paupers because they don't get to play? And that changes the atmosphere into a less than great place? Thanks for the positive feedback from you both, and your general comments. I went to my first clubs as a singleton. You know two things.
Pauper:
A, all the male halves are of the couple know your looking to play with their female partners.
B, they are there, but HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW WHICH ONES THEY ARE!!!?.. lol
The stressed is the rejection, and you feel that everyone in the club is watching, which they aren't, and those that are, are probably more empathetic than you realise, which is different from letting you play with them .
King: as a couple people are more likely to engage positively with you.
The only advice I can offe is,
A: be very respectful to the female of the couple
B: engage with male as well!
C:if you realise they don't want to play with you, leave with good grace, and thank them for the conversation.
D: in reality, it's a numbers game.
My first club was literally 5 minutes by car from my house. I shuddered when I heard how far others had travelled.
"Yeah…that makes a lot of sense. Thanks for expanding on it all  | |||
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"If you've seen it from both sides, you might be able to help me! First time going to a club this weekend with a partner - I am a straight woman. Do we go on a Friday, or a Saturday (his slight preference)? Hey
Depends on what club you go to, and the mix on the night, also what you're looking for.
As a first time as a pair I'd suggest a Saturday as it more evenly balanced for both of you.
Fridays are there are generally more single men, in ratio to single fems & couple's.
Either way enjoy yourself and top tip, use a safe word for any situation which you want to walk away from, Mine is "fancy a smoke"....I don't smoke
Gets you out of many awkward conversations hahaha "Thank you - I like that tip…!! I guess I will have more of an idea of if/what we want once I’ve actually been in one. | |||
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"That's really interesting - thanks for the reply. I was kind of assuming that the single guys would be respectful (as the clubs seem to be working hard to make sure thing go smoothly), but they weren't? The king and pauper analogy - do you mean that single men are paupers because they don't get to play? And that changes the atmosphere into a less than great place? In my experience, there’s two kinds of single guys. There’s the one who is out to have a good night whatever happens, and there’s the one who will only consider it a good night if they have sex. The first kind are easy to get on with - but there are definitely a tiny minority of blokes who make me feel like I shouldn’t be there because I’m not their type, or like conversation should lead to play, or like I’m a 2am girl. And some but not all of these chaps aren’t great with consent. There’s nothing management can act upon, but that kind of attitude can still spoil my night when I come across it. Does that make sense?" Yes, that makes total sense. And I couples night might be a gentler introduction. I’m just nervous of making couple dynamic errors 
But the plan is to just have a chilled night with my lover, so will see what happens | |||
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"I've been as both a single man, and now as part of a couple. It is a completely different dynamic. Neither is better or worse. It's just different. As part of a couple, a large part of my mind is on my partner. I want to make sure they're happy. They're a lot more sociable and chatty than I am, so it's easier for me to take a back seat. We always play together first, and often I end up not playing with anyone else. But we have some great nights together there. As a single man, I had to make an effort and break out of my shell. I had to talk with people. But I only had myself to think about. I had many great nights, and made some very good friends (one of whom is now my partner). I obviously don't see clubs through the eyes of a woman, but in my experience most of the single men are decent. Some are idiots, and unfortunately it only takes one to spoil your night. But mostly they know how to behave. This experience has been at a couple of female-run clubs with a reputation for not taking any nonsense and a strong social tradition. Other places might be different. We mostly go on Fridays (when single men are allowed in) because we prefer those nights. That's the atmosphere and group of regulars that we got used to when we went as singles. As for which night would be best for you, that depends. Do you want to play with other couples, with single women, or with single men? That will be the biggest factor in your choice." Thanks for your thoughts. Your final paragraph - yeah, that’s the question. | |||
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"I've been as both a single man, and now as part of a couple. It is a completely different dynamic. Neither is better or worse. It's just different. As part of a couple, a large part of my mind is on my partner. I want to make sure they're happy. They're a lot more sociable and chatty than I am, so it's easier for me to take a back seat. We always play together first, and often I end up not playing with anyone else. But we have some great nights together there. As a single man, I had to make an effort and break out of my shell. I had to talk with people. But I only had myself to think about. I had many great nights, and made some very good friends (one of whom is now my partner). I obviously don't see clubs through the eyes of a woman, but in my experience most of the single men are decent. Some are idiots, and unfortunately it only takes one to spoil your night. But mostly they know how to behave. This experience has been at a couple of female-run clubs with a reputation for not taking any nonsense and a strong social tradition. Other places might be different. We mostly go on Fridays (when single men are allowed in) because we prefer those nights. That's the atmosphere and group of regulars that we got used to when we went as singles. As for which night would be best for you, that depends. Do you want to play with other couples, with single women, or with single men? That will be the biggest factor in your choice." Well said. As I was reading this post and comments, formulating one myself based on my experience, I then saw this which perfectly encapsulated what I was going to say and describes my experiences as well. About the only thing I would add is to try both Friday and Saturday and see which you prefer, bearing in mind every night can be different. I tend not finally decide whether I like a club) specific night until I've been 2-3 times. | |||
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I get the nerves but I think lots of people don't go cause they don't realise its just like going to a pub.... withbedrooms conveniently located upstairs to it | |||
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They aren’t for everyone, but they are so worth trying to see if they are what you want  | |||
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"That's really interesting - thanks for the reply. I was kind of assuming that the single guys would be respectful (as the clubs seem to be working hard to make sure thing go smoothly), but they weren't? The king and pauper analogy - do you mean that single men are paupers because they don't get to play? And that changes the atmosphere into a less than great place? Thanks for the positive feedback from you both, and your general comments. I went to my first clubs as a singleton. You know two things.
Pauper:
A, all the male halves are of the couple know your looking to play with their female partners.
B, they are there, but HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW WHICH ONES THEY ARE!!!?.. lol
The stressed is the rejection, and you feel that everyone in the club is watching, which they aren't, and those that are, are probably more empathetic than you realise, which is different from letting you play with them .
King: as a couple people are more likely to engage positively with you.
The only advice I can offe is,
A: be very respectful to the female of the couple
B: engage with male as well!
C:if you realise they don't want to play with you, leave with good grace, and thank them for the conversation.
D: in reality, it's a numbers game.
My first club was literally 5 minutes by car from my house. I shuddered when I heard how far others had travelled.
"This is such a good post, and as I mostly attend as a single women, this also applies! I think, “ooh he looks nice!” but then spot he’s in a couple and basically end up scratching him off my list. If he’s allowed to play solo he’ll find me, and I’ll strike up a chat with both but have found far too often the woman is then rude when she finds out I’m straight. But having a friend where on numerous occasions women have come over to chat up her solo playing husband and completely blanked her EVEN AFTER he’s introduced her as his wife, it’s not just some single men who need to learn manners. | |||
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"That's really interesting - thanks for the reply. I was kind of assuming that the single guys would be respectful (as the clubs seem to be working hard to make sure thing go smoothly), but they weren't? The king and pauper analogy - do you mean that single men are paupers because they don't get to play? And that changes the atmosphere into a less than great place? In my experience, there’s two kinds of single guys. There’s the one who is out to have a good night whatever happens, and there’s the one who will only consider it a good night if they have sex. The first kind are easy to get on with - but there are definitely a tiny minority of blokes who make me feel like I shouldn’t be there because I’m not their type, or like conversation should lead to play, or like I’m a 2am girl. And some but not all of these chaps aren’t great with consent. There’s nothing management can act upon, but that kind of attitude can still spoil my night when I come across it. Does that make sense?" This makes sense, ESPECIALLY the 2am bit. We’ve never even talked before, you haven’t attempted conversation or even said hello all night and yet the minute I head for the lockers it’s all “hey baby”. Er. No. | |||
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"I've been as both a single man, and now as part of a couple. It is a completely different dynamic. Neither is better or worse. It's just different. As part of a couple, a large part of my mind is on my partner. I want to make sure they're happy. They're a lot more sociable and chatty than I am, so it's easier for me to take a back seat. We always play together first, and often I end up not playing with anyone else. But we have some great nights together there. As a single man, I had to make an effort and break out of my shell. I had to talk with people. But I only had myself to think about. I had many great nights, and made some very good friends (one of whom is now my partner). I obviously don't see clubs through the eyes of a woman, but in my experience most of the single men are decent. Some are idiots, and unfortunately it only takes one to spoil your night. But mostly they know how to behave. This experience has been at a couple of female-run clubs with a reputation for not taking any nonsense and a strong social tradition. Other places might be different. We mostly go on Fridays (when single men are allowed in) because we prefer those nights. That's the atmosphere and group of regulars that we got used to when we went as singles. As for which night would be best for you, that depends. Do you want to play with other couples, with single women, or with single men? That will be the biggest factor in your choice. Well said. As I was reading this post and comments, formulating one myself based on my experience, I then saw this which perfectly encapsulated what I was going to say and describes my experiences as well. About the only thing I would add is to try both Friday and Saturday and see which you prefer, bearing in mind every night can be different. I tend not finally decide whether I like a club) specific night until I've been 2-3 times." Yeah…I can imagine it takes a few visits to get a good feel for what the night is like, and what we enjoy most. Going tonight, so here we go! | |||
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"I've been as both a single man, and now as part of a couple. It is a completely different dynamic. Neither is better or worse. It's just different. As part of a couple, a large part of my mind is on my partner. I want to make sure they're happy. They're a lot more sociable and chatty than I am, so it's easier for me to take a back seat. We always play together first, and often I end up not playing with anyone else. But we have some great nights together there. As a single man, I had to make an effort and break out of my shell. I had to talk with people. But I only had myself to think about. I had many great nights, and made some very good friends (one of whom is now my partner). I obviously don't see clubs through the eyes of a woman, but in my experience most of the single men are decent. Some are idiots, and unfortunately it only takes one to spoil your night. But mostly they know how to behave. This experience has been at a couple of female-run clubs with a reputation for not taking any nonsense and a strong social tradition. Other places might be different. We mostly go on Fridays (when single men are allowed in) because we prefer those nights. That's the atmosphere and group of regulars that we got used to when we went as singles. As for which night would be best for you, that depends. Do you want to play with other couples, with single women, or with single men? That will be the biggest factor in your choice. Well said. As I was reading this post and comments, formulating one myself based on my experience, I then saw this which perfectly encapsulated what I was going to say and describes my experiences as well. About the only thing I would add is to try both Friday and Saturday and see which you prefer, bearing in mind every night can be different. I tend not finally decide whether I like a club) specific night until I've been 2-3 times. Yeah…I can imagine it takes a few visits to get a good feel for what the night is like, and what we enjoy most. Going tonight, so here we go! " Hope you enjoy | |||
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Our first time was a day visit & my experience was fantastic where we allowed 2 guys to join us in play- who were both really respectful & polite, the same with 2 further day visits, so tried a Friday night - what a nightmare harrased by guys who were really disrespectful & rude so left early 
Tried again a few weeks later & was much better but as the night drew on the atmosphere changed in that the single guys who hadn't had chance to play but drank a lot more became more persistent as their attitude was they'd paid their entry fee & so we're entitled to play - we were actually playing with another couple & had politely turned a few away but allowed them to watch, but this wasn't enough for one guy who tried to get too close to us, despite a firm no thanks & please step back he then got really aggressive & abusive , not only spoiling our fun but also that of all those others that had been enjoying the show
He was eventually made to leave after a lot of hassle, which totally ruined our evening & left me shaking & crying, so much so that we'll never do a Friday again
My advise to single guys would be to read the room be respectful to both the male & female & if they don't want to play, respect that & move on & if invited to play, once you've cum don't just walk away with out a thanks or offering tissue to clean up your mess at least say thanks, after all just because we are swingers & enjoy the company of other like minded people doesn't make me a slag or a piece of meat for your gratification only. | |||
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"I find it the opposite way around. I'm looking for single men but not couples. I'm therefore more likely to play with a guy on his own than a could up one. This kind of thing also leads to a lot of males asking me to take them. My profile is clear in looking for independent club goers (I parent enough kids thanks) but they think their only chance of action is to be in a couple
I get the nerves but I think lots of people don't go cause they don't realise its just like going to a pub.... withbedrooms conveniently located upstairs to it"I second this. I took a man who I thought I knew well for his first club experience and have decided I never will again. It was too much for me and not the relaxed night I planned on having at all. So many men want a woman to take them but then you're deceiving people (in my opinion) because you'll be assumed to be a couple which like you I wouldn't approach to initiate any further as many couples seek ff scenarios which aren't for me. Yes it's cheaper (not much depending on club) but not always the best option. | |||
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"If you've seen it from both sides, you might be able to help me! First time going to a club this weekend with a partner - I am a straight woman. Do we go on a Friday, or a Saturday (his slight preference)? " My question would be, how do you and your partner play now. Is it just other couples or do you look for single guys Start by using the same guide you have one 121 meets to determine the best club nights to attend (and if you ever venture in the week check it isn't a bi night) Then set your guides on if your staying in couple only rooms, locked rooms, open rooms etc Is it a club with a wet area is that what you want to do (if you do and you go thinking of a spa evening for just the two of you then you'll likely have a nice time no matter if anything else happens or not) | |||
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"We considered it last night, but first visit nerves took over. We will get there, one day x " Me & Caz were the same but eventually (a year!) took the plunge & when we went in & after the initial nerves felt so relaxed & realised that everyone wasn't staring at us & thinking "perverts" they were the nicest, friendliest people you could ever wish to meet with a "welcome to our world" attitude. When you do pluck up the courage you'll wonder what you were afraid of & will get to meet future friends and hear some of the funniest stories ever | |||
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"We considered it last night, but first visit nerves took over. We will get there, one day x Me & Caz were the same but eventually (a year!) took the plunge & when we went in & after the initial nerves felt so relaxed & realised that everyone wasn't staring at us & thinking "perverts" they were the nicest, friendliest people you could ever wish to meet with a "welcome to our world" attitude. When you do pluck up the courage you'll wonder what you were afraid of & will get to meet future friends and hear some of the funniest stories ever "Thanks for that. Guess it's one of them, you never know till you've tried it. | |||
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"Too far away; Too many cliques; Too few women "Might make it a nice weekend away for you? Don't expect too much, but look to be positive. | |||
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"Too far away; Too many cliques; Too few women
Might make it a nice weekend away for you? Don't expect too much, but look to be positive."I should have added; “Why I have stopped going to clubs”……. | |||
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"As a single guy, the cost if membership and then the entrance cost and also the nearest club is an hour away, have considered it many times but do think these clubs are designed with single females and couples in mind. " The cost would be a good reason. I don't think they're designed as such fior couples and females, but straight males wouldn't be turning up if they weren't there. | |||
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