FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to Swinging Club Discussion

Club etiquette for a couple

Jump to newest
 

By *urious_couple_uk OP   Couple
over a year ago

South Cambs

Afternoon, a couple of single guy friends have asked me lately about etiquette in a club and I realised that despite having been to many clubs I didn’t know the answers. They were under the impression that at all clubs it is not ok for single men to approach a woman/couple. Is this true? It’s not been my experience but i wondered if this was some unwritten rule, or specific to each club?

Could explain my lack of success with single guys talking to me

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *i3188Man
over a year ago

Just outside Spalding


"Afternoon, a couple of single guy friends have asked me lately about etiquette in a club and I realised that despite having been to many clubs I didn’t know the answers. They were under the impression that at all clubs it is not ok for single men to approach a woman/couple. Is this true? It’s not been my experience but i wondered if this was some unwritten rule, or specific to each club?

Could explain my lack of success with single guys talking to me "

That explains the reason why perfectly, thankfully many couples will make there wishes known considerately and politely to the Single Male , but others sadly think all single males are all Pushy and disrespectful and as such you are met with abuse and an aggressive manner ….. this of course is not the case , some of us are very polite , well mannered and very respectful.

But that will be why the hesitancy of single males to approach you. !

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *awpleasureMan
over a year ago

Sutton Coldfield

Sometimes the male half of the couple will give the single guy the nod that it's OK to approach his partner. Or male can even give instructions for male to make a move while he goes to toilet or bar.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eandmrsjones69Couple
over a year ago

Middle England

We generally find single guys are ok but there are always the exceptions who spoil it.

At our last club visit we went to a room; with 5 seconds two guys appeared. Without asking or even talking to us the first one started to remove his trousers. I said; "woah! not so fast". Then they got shirty with me wondering what was my problem!?

We like playing and single guys are part of our dynamic but ask first. I'm sure if they put others first they would be better received. IMHO.

(Mr)

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *urious_couple_uk OP   Couple
over a year ago

South Cambs

And here I was thinking I must be hideously deformed!!! So it is a general rule that single men do not approach? Everyone knows this? They have to wait to be approached in every single club?This is the advice I need to give to my newbie club male friends? Wow. How the hell did I not know this! This is hilarious and so obvious now I look back on my time at clubs

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *i3188Man
over a year ago

Just outside Spalding


"And here I was thinking I must be hideously deformed!!! So it is a general rule that single men do not approach? Everyone knows this? They have to wait to be approached in every single club?This is the advice I need to give to my newbie club male friends? Wow. How the hell did I not know this! This is hilarious and so obvious now I look back on my time at clubs

"

General rule I use is only approach if asked to do so and certainly never join in unless asked to do so by either male or female ……

It saves any abuse !

As I said before , we are not all bad

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eandmrsjones69Couple
over a year ago

Middle England


"And here I was thinking I must be hideously deformed!!! So it is a general rule that single men do not approach? Everyone knows this? They have to wait to be approached in every single club?This is the advice I need to give to my newbie club male friends? Wow. How the hell did I not know this! This is hilarious and so obvious now I look back on my time at clubs

"

In general if you want to approach either ask or wait to be invited. When we are out and there's another couple we would still always ask if it's ok to approach before starting to play. Sometimes, you might just be wanting to be watched. If you don't communicate how do you know what people want or are expecting? Asking is courteous and avoids any misunderstanding.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This whole subject is why we've not yet wanted to go to these places.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *orny DeucesCouple
over a year ago

Mansfield


"Afternoon, a couple of single guy friends have asked me lately about etiquette in a club and I realised that despite having been to many clubs I didn’t know the answers. They were under the impression that at all clubs it is not ok for single men to approach a woman/couple. Is this true? It’s not been my experience but i wondered if this was some unwritten rule, or specific to each club?

Could explain my lack of success with single guys talking to me "

To talk or to play?

To talk, surely as long as people are polite and respectful then approach whomever unless told no.

To play, ask, ask again then get confirmation

The club we attend doesnt have a no approach policy just a simple no means no.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *urious_couple_uk OP   Couple
over a year ago

South Cambs

Both really, but I guess the impression they’ve got is that they’re not allowed to approach at all. For either.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *orny DeucesCouple
over a year ago

Mansfield

We've had some great conversations with single males on an array of subjects would be a shame for that not to happen. Oh and a couple of other scenarios that wouldn't have happened if they couldn't approach

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In my opinion, even as a single guy, as long as you can take a hint, read body language and/or any sign that couple might have gave you, everything can work out perfectly fine... if you can't take a hint, probably you're not in the right place ab initio..

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *HaRiFMan
over a year ago

Beyond the shadows.


"Both really, but I guess the impression they’ve got is that they’re not allowed to approach at all. For either."

There's no rules that I've come across the clubs I've been to that prohibits single men approaching people for a pleasant chat. There are rules in place however for everyone not just single guys to ask before joining in to play.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *aughty kittensCouple
over a year ago

In And Around The


"In my opinion, even as a single guy, as long as you can take a hint, read body language and/or any sign that couple might have gave you, everything can work out perfectly fine... if you can't take a hint, probably you're not in the right place ab initio.."

^Best answer^

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *urious_couple_uk OP   Couple
over a year ago

South Cambs

If only we could ban the ones who don’t get the hint then it would all be so easy!!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *aomilatteCouple
over a year ago

Midlands


"Afternoon, a couple of single guy friends have asked me lately about etiquette in a club and I realised that despite having been to many clubs I didn’t know the answers. They were under the impression that at all clubs it is not ok for single men to approach a woman/couple. Is this true? It’s not been my experience but i wondered if this was some unwritten rule, or specific to each club?

Could explain my lack of success with single guys talking to me "

Don't follow people is a rule we're aware of, but not approach people and say hello. You'll probably find a lot of single guys don't have the balls to walk up and try and strike up a conversation, though some will. If you see a guy that takes your fancy give him some eye contact and smile, if he smiles back you may be in luck. A bit of flirting and who knows!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *JohnMan
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

I've never heard of such a rule. Although it does depend on what they mean by "approach".

In single man mode, I will be sociable with anyone in the social areas (depending on how introverted I'm feeling at the time). Conversations can be about anything and everything, but they are conversations. They are not "do you want to go and play?". In my experience, this kind of approaching is fine.

In the play rooms, I'll stay at a distance and watch. If there are people that I've previously talked with and got on, I might ask if I can join them, or if they want to play. This is also fine (as long as you choose your moment - it's impolite to interrupt someone while they're busy). Occasionally someone will invite me to join them, but that's only ever happened with people that I've already socialised with (and only once with someone I hadn't previously played with).

There's a handful of men who don't understand boundaries and will try to insert themselves into play without asking. No one likes them. Their kind of "approaching" is not OK

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *i3188Man
over a year ago

Just outside Spalding


"Afternoon, a couple of single guy friends have asked me lately about etiquette in a club and I realised that despite having been to many clubs I didn’t know the answers. They were under the impression that at all clubs it is not ok for single men to approach a woman/couple. Is this true? It’s not been my experience but i wondered if this was some unwritten rule, or specific to each club?

Could explain my lack of success with single guys talking to me

Don't follow people is a rule we're aware of, but not approach people and say hello. You'll probably find a lot of single guys don't have the balls to walk up and try and strike up a conversation, though some will. If you see a guy that takes your fancy give him some eye contact and smile, if he smiles back you may be in luck. A bit of flirting and who knows!"

Simple when put like that isn’t it ….. Seems to make sense to me !

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *assionatepoetsCouple
over a year ago

Highbridge


"We generally find single guys are ok but there are always the exceptions who spoil it.

At our last club visit we went to a room; with 5 seconds two guys appeared. Without asking or even talking to us the first one started to remove his trousers. I said; "woah! not so fast". Then they got shirty with me wondering what was my problem!?

We like playing and single guys are part of our dynamic but ask first. I'm sure if they put others first they would be better received. IMHO.

(Mr)"

I hope you reported them to the club management who would at the very least instruct them as to the expected behaviour or issued a final warning or chucked them out.

BAD BEHAVIOUR

SEE IT, REPORT IT, STOP IT

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *reenleavesCouple
over a year ago

North Wales

We've been to clubs that have different rules for different playrooms but not a blanket 'do not approach' rule.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oxy babeWoman
over a year ago

gower

There a couple of posts on the Wales forum which offer quite good advice for guys attending clubs

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ockosaurusMan
over a year ago

Warwick

I didn't know of any of these no approaching rules.

I just chatter to anyone and enjoy the social side of it. I never seem to get around to seeing if they want more as I'm a bit shy on that front and I also don't want to impose or make anyone feel awkward.

Luckily some people make the first move, which makes it easier.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *adylerieWoman
over a year ago

Leatherhead, Surrey


"And here I was thinking I must be hideously deformed!!! So it is a general rule that single men do not approach? Everyone knows this? They have to wait to be approached in every single club?This is the advice I need to give to my newbie club male friends? Wow. How the hell did I not know this! This is hilarious and so obvious now I look back on my time at clubs

"

I really don’t think this is correct - they just need to ask before they touch or anything. Explicit consent is needed.

Advise them to spend time socialising without being pushy.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *jonesMan
over a year ago

Plymouth

We are perfectly happy to talk to anyone , including single guys that say hello, make conversation make a compliment etc in a club ...

The vast majority of guys in clubs are decent guys in our limited experience ...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *anessaParodyWoman
over a year ago

Swindon

One reason I (we) stopped going to clubs in recent years, the lack of respect from some people, mostly single guys - who just don’t understand no.

Seemed to get worse in the last year or so before Covid. It’s not so much of an issue with well managed clubs who restrict single guy numbers.

That said, when we have invited single guys into rooms with us, we have been relatively lucky.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
over a year ago

Coventry

No it's perfectly ok proving the timing and space is appropriate with the right tact. They are there to enjoy the club too, make new friends and create opportunities. I think may people welcome the right approach from guys. The problem is when guys can't read the room or worse read the room, realise it's not an appropriate point yet still come over and make advances. Or do something like wave their dick at your face when it's totally not the right space or time. That's the problem. Successful guys at clubs tend to be the ones who do approach people but know when is appropriate and how.

Although I think there maybe specific party's where there maybe different rules about single guys making approaches.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ackandtheunicornCouple
over a year ago

liverpool

It's perfectly fine to approach for a chat in social areas but as has been said not many have the confidence to do so.

Touch/approaching in a play area is different though you should give explicit consent if you want a single guy to approach.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Come up and chat to us like you would in a pub or at a party.

We like single guys and specifically go on club nights when they’re welcome.

Try some flirty banter and compliments to her whilst including the male in the convo.

Don’t wait till I’ve gone to the bar or toilet to approach my wife on her own.

Look for eye contact and smiles it’s probably an invitation to chat.

Don’t assume because we’ve chatted we’re definitely going to have some fun.

If we’re playing and you haven’t been asked to join in then don’t assume.

At the very least you should go home with a couple of verifications and contacts if you’re a respectful guy.

Hope this doesn’t come across as entitled.

Good luck

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

There are no rules saying single men can't initiate chat - that would be ridiculous.

People are people. Whether a couple, a single, male, female, straight, bi, gay, old, young....you get the picture?

Nobody is above anyone else. Anyone is entitled to make conversation, the same as anyone has the right to decline a cast should they not be interested.

But to believe that one group should wait on the shadows until 'invited' to I tract with others is probably the reason many men struggle to get to grips with club life, moreso than couples. They're told not to be pushy. Correct. They're told not to follow people around. Correct. If you start telling them not to make the first move and attempt chat then what do you expect them to do?

Guys are more than entitled to make conversation, approach others and behave exactly as couples and single women do.

As long as people are polite, accept that no means no and that not everyone will be interested in them then all is good.

Making them out to be 2nd class citizens is not OK.

A

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *aunchy RaccoonsCouple
over a year ago

Exeter

It's fine for guys to approach couples, but approach them by treating them as a couple as many approach couples as if they are single females.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *elkieWoman
over a year ago

Durham

If everyone’s got their clothes on, chat away. Be cautious in the playroom and don’t assume you’re welcome, especially if you don’t know them

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By *urious_couple_uk OP   Couple
over a year ago

South Cambs

Well said. Single men are a very important part of our dynamic and the idea they couldn’t approach us seemed ludicrous! In my opinion they get a raw deal, though obvs we”ve all come across the ones who don’t take no for an answer or join in without asking, but the good ones outweigh the bad.


"There are no rules saying single men can't initiate chat - that would be ridiculous.

People are people. Whether a couple, a single, male, female, straight, bi, gay, old, young....you get the picture?

Nobody is above anyone else. Anyone is entitled to make conversation, the same as anyone has the right to decline a cast should they not be interested.

But to believe that one group should wait on the shadows until 'invited' to I tract with others is probably the reason many men struggle to get to grips with club life, moreso than couples. They're told not to be pushy. Correct. They're told not to follow people around. Correct. If you start telling them not to make the first move and attempt chat then what do you expect them to do?

Guys are more than entitled to make conversation, approach others and behave exactly as couples and single women do.

As long as people are polite, accept that no means no and that not everyone will be interested in them then all is good.

Making them out to be 2nd class citizens is not OK.

A"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top