FabSwingers.com forum: Personal point of view may help some single guys though.

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ok my lady and I went to a club today name not important

Yes it was a day when single men were allowed in

And yes we do play with single men that WE Wish to play with.

So single guys question for you if you see a mf couple playing in a hot tub or a public area do you

A) try to establish some eye contact communication to see if you can join in?

B) Just wade in grabbing bits of who you want to?

If your in category B, and were the 3rd guy that did this today I do hope that your dislocated finger heals up real soon.

Point being the 3 guys today the two a couple of weeks ago why the fook go for goal at the 1st shot as you will never get a chance again with us, And yes we do play with single guys that WE wish to but at the very least that’s after a conversation in public areas.

Oh and in addition as we often attend with groups of friends guess what we see you there when we are with friends guess who probably won’t get a look in after we point you out to them.

So for the polite single males out there this isn’t aimed at you but hope it helps you reinforce for your self that your behaviour is correct and please feel free to come chat to us in public areas we are sociable types, grab at us me her suddenly and expect a firm handed and physical if need be refusal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi, couldnt agree more.

We went to a club recently. A single guy asked to watch which we agreed. Next thing he starts rubbing his cock against mrs nsas arm, it did nothing for her and she told him politely to f off a number of times before he got the hint. he was lucky mrs nsa was about to break it off lol!!

He is had asked then he would have more than likely been given the chance to join in x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is the thing that puts me off attending a club, being touched by guys I don't want touching me.

Have been seeing more and more posts in forums just lately saying similar things.

Guys, just because someone is at a club, does not mean they are yours for the taking, would you touch a girl you fancied shagging in appropriately in public, NO, so why do you think you can do it in a club

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Please dont get us wrong today and on many days there have been lots of single guys that have behaved with total respect.

Just a few spoil it for the many so single guys how about policing it yourself

Oh one point its amazing just how fast the disfunctional grabbers or attempted grabbers back off from just a well placed glare. ...... now whats the word for them lol

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By *kmale421Man
over a year ago

wirral

"This is the thing that puts me off attending a club, being touched by guys I don't want touching me.

Have been seeing more and more posts in forums just lately saying similar things.

It shouldn't put you off because in reality I really don't believe it happens as much as you might think, but when it does, then it raises headlines and lot's of comments.

I could give you another example of 2 couples in a couples room, that could be viewed through a viewing window. Couple A had been in the room for a while and had been having cuddles and kisses and were in one corner of the room. Couple B entered the room and within seconds the guy was fingering her. Couple A then started to play and Couple B then moved some 20 foot so they were right next to Couple A and you could say they were close enough to be in their personal space. No words were exchanged.

As it happens both couples ended up playing with each other, but a possible other ending could easily have been that Couple A was completely peed off with their space being invaded.

The truth is, in clubs as in nightclubs and pubs, most people do treat each other with respect. It is accepted practice in all the clubs that I have been to that if a single guy or girl or couple touch a man or woman when they are playing with a gentle stroke on the lower leg or arm, then the person touched that way will either happily allow the hand to get bolder or signal that it's ok to continue, or will brush the hand away or say no, if it's the latter then the person attempting the contact knows the score and moves away, albeit in an open room ofcourse they can stay and watch.

As for the OP, it seems they are stating that most single guys they have had contact with have done so properly and if the single guy makes the right approach, they get more chance of getting to play, whereas simply making an inappropriate grab at the lady's boobs/pussy gets the response it deserves.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It is accepted practice in all the clubs that I have been to that if a single guy or girl or couple touch a man or woman when they are playing with a gentle stroke on the lower leg or arm" what clubs is it therfore acceptable to grab at then

Please tell us and others so if we chose we can avoid clubs that it is acceptable to grab/carress without asking.

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By *hynottsCouple
over a year ago

nottingham

dont see the need to name the club as we have had this happen in a few clubs the fact is that if singel guys are aloud in that day some will try it on . think they see it as its a mixed day so any thing go`s . we had this just the other week guy paided 50 pounds for a one night membership and he was not giveing up till he had some fun .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think for some people, being told to 'move away' (politely or unpolitely) is easier to deal with than approaching someone and making conversation with a view to taking it further.

If approaching a couple, that situation is only exacerbated.

For that reason as well as others, it is not a problem that is easily solved.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

never said it was easyley solved just wondered why tbh blokes grabed 1st asked questions latter and risked it all

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

shame of it is we do play with single guys thats why we go often on mixed days however they grabbers are realy starting to piss is off

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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

Some women are just as guilty of this.....I have had more women groping without asking than men.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"never said it was easyley solved just wondered why tbh blokes grabed 1st asked questions latter and risked it all"

but i think the reason i gave above provides you with one such explanation.

communication does not come easy to some people.

people find approaching a couple difficult, especially when that approach is sexually motivated and could potentially lead to failure and / or embarrassment.

by simply sidling in, you may still get the knock back, but you can just walk away with it and it didn't take too much effort.

the other thing is of course that for some people, this approach does actually work and guys see that so think 'well i'll give that a try myself'

please don't think i am defending their position, i am merely proposing a reason as to why it happens and why i don't see it dissipating any time soon.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Some women are just as guilty of this.....I have had more women groping without asking than men.

Have encountered that once but its only been once but agree some do do it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

so again there chancers not willing to make an effort just want there gratification and fook the other people involved.

yep suspected that to be the case

like swinging is about being selfish not

as to sometimes it actualy works is back to the original thread post why the fuck go for gold and get told to sod off overcome your selfishness and inability to speak in words other than UGGGG and try and engage please note at start we did say EYE contact didnt want a full cv

if you get rebuffed that way then at least you havent offended anyone now or for future

get an acknowledgment a wink or a nod then join in

as to didipating it wount ever go away but the number of broken fingers will increase

Jave spoken to one club they are happy that they cant police this so if you see a couple in a hot tub with a nemue card each side of them saying Fuck of touch us and die you will know its us

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By *mmBeeCouple
over a year ago

Maida Vale

It's horses for courses, I don't mind guys touching, as long as they don't mind if I say not now. If I'm playing with my guy I'd rather they make a move, I don't want a conversation.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

ok so you need a different sign

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"so again there chancers not willing to make an effort just want there gratification and fook the other people involved.

yep suspected that to be the case

like swinging is about being selfish not

if you get rebuffed that way then at least you havent offended anyone now or for future

get an acknowledgment a wink or a nod then join in

as to didipating it wount ever go away but the number of broken fingers will increase

Jave spoken to one club they are happy that they cant police this so if you see a couple in a hot tub with a nemue card each side of them saying Fuck of touch us and die you will know its us

You do seem somewhat aggressive in your approach.

Maybe that is because your feelings are raw after yesterdays events.

By opening this forum however, you must accept that people will think differently to you and will profer to suggest as to why it happens.

I happen to agree with what you are saying - that a polite / friendly approach is far more acceptable than an unprompted mauling.

So don't think for one minute I am defending people when I am actually doing no more than providing one explanation.

Other than constant policing of the situation by club management and / or a barring of single guys from clubs, I do not see a solution to the issue.

Education and re-education can only go so far and unfortunately for some people respect is expected but not reciprocated.

That is even before we get on to the matter of ignorance and how to conduct ourselves amongst strangers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

as im totally new to the scene and never attended a club before....and i definately would never act the way you described they did,but dont guys like this who act that way get chucked out??

cause im pretty sure if i was with a partner and didnt invite someone to join, and they just started grabbing and trying to take over....id say there would be a good chance fists would start flying(mine).

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By *r nobodyMan
over a year ago

salford

I would never dream of just wading in and touching someone. Yes I would watch if they were in a public viewing area and maybe hope they may offer to let me join them. A few guys give the rest of us a bad name

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a newby to the club scene it's all a little confusing BUT CLEARLY you only even touch when it's clear you are welcome! And then a soft start would be best anyhow. Still its amazing how many rush for goal when the wings are less crowded!

Personally I'd suggest two thing:-

1) a basic guidance forum from those with experience on the do & dont!

2) coloured wrist band for straight (White), bi(pink) & gay

swingers as saves loads of "no thanks you chap" conversations!

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By *restatynCplCouple
over a year ago

Rhyl

[Removed by poster at 13/11/12 12:25:09]

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By *restatynCplCouple
over a year ago

Rhyl

" .....Jave spoken to one club they are happy that they cant police this so if you see a couple in a hot tub with a nemue card each side of them saying Fuck of touch us and die you will know its us

Do us a favour? Get someone else to write it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a single man I wouldn't dream of doing that not in a million years I always put myself in their shoes if I was with someone I wouldn't want it happening to them so I wouldn't do it my self. It's people like that that make it hard for a guy like me to meet people you have to respect others boundaries

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

agree its just the few and said that at start

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

ok ill smell check it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"never said it was easyley solved just wondered why tbh blokes grabed 1st asked questions latter and risked it all

but i think the reason i gave above provides you with one such explanation.

communication does not come easy to some people. "

Think Bussy is right on to it here - for the 2nd time in a week I am reminded of a programme I heard some years ago about Sexual Surrogates working with a psychologist, who helped (mostly) men who could not relate to women on a sexual level. One lady surrogate spoke about one of the clients who literally couldn't even utter the word 'Please' to ask for sex - let alone carry on any kind of conversation.

Personally, I think this is what is behind the behaviour of a large number of single guys who 'grab first - ask later' in clubs and part of the reason I haven't been back to one in 25 years. I don't want to be tarred with the same brush.

It is easier for them to do it this way, as they can't cope with striking up a conversation, or even making eye contact.

I also think it's some of the reason why they're in a club in the first place - can't imagine them standing in a bar and having a conversation with a woman for an hour and then taking it to another level.

Pork

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

odley that could work as an idea

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

odley never thought to report them to managment as didnt want them banned

however will do so in future there loss not mine

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

aggresive no

but not gona sit back and take rubbish

feel free to post your views and i will feel free to disagree with you as you have the right to disagree with me

you will not as others will that we agree on some points not on others

that is normal however to call me agressive is your perception so kindley keep it to yourself and manage your challenge

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the wristband idea is good but it still don't solve the problem you will get some arseholes doing it if they did they should be thrown out and banned as they say if you can't play nice don't play at all

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

something constructive is at last coming of this hmmmmmm

lets see

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"aggresive no

but not gona sit back and take rubbish

feel free to post your views and i will feel free to disagree with you as you have the right to disagree with me

you will not as others will that we agree on some points not on others

that is normal however to call me agressive is your perception so kindley keep it to yourself and manage your challenge"

I think you have read me wrong here

I am on your side

The fact I offer reasons for it doesn't make the behaviour (or the reasons)acceptable but they are reasons just the same.

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By *at1980Man
over a year ago

Sheffield

Ive been to clubs and played with mf couples either ive arranged to meet there or couples ive chatted yo in the bar ive never touched a couple without firstly speaking to them causeits very rude its not a free for all orgy

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By *ogistical NightmaresCouple
over a year ago

Manchester Area

When we go to clubs we have experienced varying degrees of attention from the grabbers..... a guy just walking up, watching for a minute then making a grab for the lady while searching for the holy grail under his towel (wonder why he got ripped into big style).... a guy just asking "can I touch" at the moment his hand connected with the ladies thigh (the resulting glare said it all).... whillst playing a guy kept on tapping my arm as I played with my lady ( the resultant suggestion that he removed himself in short jerky movements was a direct result of him not taking a firm shake of my head as an answer)

These are NOT all in the same club but the common denominator is that non of them even remotely tried to engage us in any social interraction before chancing their arm. Yes we sometimes play with single guys or invite them to join us if the lady is attracted to them. It is the couples choice whether they want company not the single guy"s.

Just as an aside, you wouldnt go to the local pub and immediately go up and make a grab for a woman so why do it in a club

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

as i said many polite ones keep up the good work

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"aggresive no

but not gona sit back and take rubbish

feel free to post your views and i will feel free to disagree with you as you have the right to disagree with me

you will not as others will that we agree on some points not on others

that is normal however to call me agressive is your perception so kindley keep it to yourself and manage your challenge

I think you have read me wrong here

I am on your side

The fact I offer reasons for it doesn't make the behaviour (or the reasons)acceptable but they are reasons just the same."

not and didnt argue your resoning but as your not one that does it why not leave it to the chicken shits to explain themselfs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"not and didnt argue your resoning but as your not one that does it why not leave it to the chicken shits to explain themselfs"

Largely because they are never likely to read the forums, let alone respond to one that berates their activities and actions.

It's not likely that anyone will come forward and say 'oh, yes, that's just what i do - and i do it because ....'

To that end making a comment as to why it may occur seemed sensible as without it, the forum becomes merely a sounding board for those that wish to lay into them, as opposed to being an open discussion between adults who have a common issue with some members of the wider club community.

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By *ogistical NightmaresCouple
over a year ago

Manchester Area

I (Red) have never gone to a club on my own, tbh I just couldn't cope with the number of single men that are allowed in.

I have however been as one of a couple and find that single guys fall into a number of categories

1. I've paid my money and any women, whether single or one of a couple are fair game and are in there cos they want sex with anyone.

2.Guys who follow you round and up and down in the hope that they will get to play.

3. Guys who think that by following you, they will eventually wear your resistance down.

4.Chancers who will grab any part of a woman, whether she likes it or not, see 1

5. The 'towel tuggers' who will stand next to you or your partner and in some cases put their proud little man right in your face.

6. Guys who engage you in conversation politely and take the hint when they are not your type.

7. Guys who you invite to play then go without a word of please or thank you.

8. Guys who you have played with in the past and then assume that this gives them the right to play with you at anytime.

9. Guys who you invite to play and then have the decency and manners to thank not just the lady, but the guy she is with.

There are others, but this is turning into War and Peace.

And yes I have come across all the above. As someone has said, would you go into a pub and grab at a woman on a Saturday night?

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By *edonism44Man
over a year ago

oldham

My opinion for what it's worth, is that it should be taken as a compliment that anybody would wish to partake in such An intimate act with you, just because they are not attracted to you die at give you the right to simply make your own move on them. If you do this in normal life you would be done for sexual harassment or rape.....

As for my personal experiences, I am so bleedin naive that I miss all signals anyway, and have probably missed out on mountains of fun. But I do know without a definate , come with us or come and join us ...... Not okay to okay !!!!!!! IT COMES DOWN TO RESPECT!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I (Red) have never gone to a club on my own, tbh I just couldn't cope with the number of single men that are allowed in.