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Are clubs cliquey?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Ive thought about going but.. been told that they can be cliquey and any newcomers may be cold shouldered... Not sexually excluded but socially excluded too. Thoughts?

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By *akedduo66Couple
over a year ago

Near Bordon

It depends on which club you attend.

All the ones we have attended no.

As new people (fresh meat) you are welcomed and shown the ropes.

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By *oItForYorkshireCouple
over a year ago

Yorkshire


"It depends on which club you attend.

All the ones we have attended no.

As new people (fresh meat) you are welcomed and shown the ropes. "

This!

I’ve (miss) been to one particular one and felt like nobody wanted to speak and I’m the most sociable little being ever but all the others have been great! I’d deffo encourage you to give it a go though x

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By *amantha TSWoman
over a year ago

Swindon

I often think cliques are mis-interpreted.

Some couples arrange to meet others in a club as "neutral ground", so they may only want to chat to each other as that's the only reason they're there.

Other times it may be regulars who know a bit more about each other, haven't seen each other for a while and are catching up, more as friends than swingers.

Or who knows? I've often felt a bit of an outsider at a club, but that's ok as no-one is obliged to make me feel included in anything. Doesn't mean people are cliquey by any means.

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By *uliaChrisCouple
over a year ago

westerham


"I often think cliques are mis-interpreted.

Some couples arrange to meet others in a club as "neutral ground", so they may only want to chat to each other as that's the only reason they're there.

Other times it may be regulars who know a bit more about each other, haven't seen each other for a while and are catching up, more as friends than swingers.

Or who knows? I've often felt a bit of an outsider at a club, but that's ok as no-one is obliged to make me feel included in anything. Doesn't mean people are cliquey by any means."

^^^^ this

There are lots of reasons why clubs can appear a bit cliquey, pre Covid a lot of people didn’t go out that often so when they have pre arranged to meet others at a club their time can be a bit precious.

It’s not usually an attempt to exclude new faces, we certainly make an effort to introduce ourselves properly to newbies and some of them become firm friends.

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By *ehind blue eyes38Man
over a year ago

Hunstanton


"It depends on which club you attend.

All the ones we have attended no.

As new people (fresh meat) you are welcomed and shown the ropes. "

Fresh meat what for the lions?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to go chameleons regularly.. Not in a clique.. Just myself...

Guess it's also called friends/friendship groups which form with those of same interests..

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
over a year ago

Coventry

I think what you get out of a club has a lot to do with how you interact and what you put in. I say that from the experience of being a single guy in clubs and as a couple. But some people have just gone to a club to meet up with and play with their existing freinds. Its the same as if you went down to a new pub town, you wouldn't expect to be able to tag along with any group of random people. All you can do is put your self out there, be lovely and introduce yourself (obviously judging an appropriate opportunity). A lot of it is to do with judgment and reading the people/group. I think something that you get the hang of the more experience of clubs you get. If it doesn't work out, don't be disheartened and continue to be social butterfly. Just remember if you sit in a corner expecting people to come to you this will rarely result in success.

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By *yphodMan
over a year ago

London

One of the reasons I stopped going to Eureka. I don't know if it was staff or members, sitting at the table next to the entrance, not even saying a polite hello, with what looked like a scowl whenever a single male turned up, obviously not dressed for the occasion. Was just not a welcoming feeling on entering the venue.

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By *ablo minibar123Woman
over a year ago

.

Like a few people have said, in general clubs aren't cliquey but there may be groups in there that know each other well. Its like a pub, if you sit in the corner not making eye contact then people are unlikely to approach you, and on the other hand if you are pushy and too forward people may want to keep their distance.

Just give a club a go, go in be friendly and approachable, I'm sure you will do fine. If you let the club know it's your first time they may make an effort to introduce you to a few people.

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By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks

The one I used to frequent a lot was described as cliquey. However it was simply regulars who had been going for a while just hanging out with each other.

There were some horrible reviews about the body beautiful brigade hanging round in groups but that simply wasn’t true.

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By *ethnmelvCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

It is very likely that Clubs are going to be very different when they re-open. We have never found them to be cliquey but we also try to arrange to meet people before we go - Guys, Couples &/or Ladies.

Be open, smile, be polite and friendly & your chances go through the roof (so long as you smell nice, have made an effort & for me, don’t have a beard!)

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By * AND R 777Couple
over a year ago

Teesside

It's like going anywhere people will alway chat to people they know first, we have always found clubs to be very friendly

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By *ink flamingoWoman
over a year ago

essex


"It depends on which club you attend.

All the ones we have attended no.

As new people (fresh meat) you are welcomed and shown the ropes.

Fresh meat what for the lions? "

I’m guilty of calling out “fresh meat” when I show new people round actually it breaks the ice, they laugh and realise they had nothing to worry about

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By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

Depends when and where you go we suppose.

We avoid Saturday nights for this very reason as its hard to squeeze yourself in when lots seem to have come in their cliques.

That said, we have rarely experienced it on any other nights.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hope not, I was hoping to do a club as a newbie when they open again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Over the years I’ve been to many clubs and found them to be open and friendly to newcomers who are sociable and behave.

You do find little cliques, but only one or two small ones

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith


"Ive thought about going but.. been told that they can be cliquey and any newcomers may be cold shouldered... Not sexually excluded but socially excluded too. Thoughts? "

I’ve been to several clubs as a solo guy, and while ‘cliquey’ may not be the correct term, it does accurately describe what happens inside. In reality, as others have said, what you will experience is groups of friends hanging out together. Some will be week in, week out regulars, others will be people who have prearranged meet-ups inside. I’m not going to sugarcoat this; going in cold, as a solo guy, who knows nobody inside, can be hard work. You WILL experience cold shouldering. You WILL meet people not interested in solo guys. But you CAN have an enjoyable experience, it all depends WHO is in while you are. Give it an hour. You’ll get a feel for the place within an hour, and how the evening is likely to go

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By *amantha TSWoman
over a year ago

Swindon


"Ive thought about going but.. been told that they can be cliquey and any newcomers may be cold shouldered... Not sexually excluded but socially excluded too. Thoughts?

I’ve been to several clubs as a solo guy, and while ‘cliquey’ may not be the correct term, it does accurately describe what happens inside. In reality, as others have said, what you will experience is groups of friends hanging out together. Some will be week in, week out regulars, others will be people who have prearranged meet-ups inside. I’m not going to sugarcoat this; going in cold, as a solo guy, who knows nobody inside, can be hard work. You WILL experience cold shouldering. You WILL meet people not interested in solo guys. But you CAN have an enjoyable experience, it all depends WHO is in while you are. Give it an hour. You’ll get a feel for the place within an hour, and how the evening is likely to go "

A lot depends on a guys attitude as well. Sit at the bar, not interact, just float around watching... Then they moan that they're not getting anywhere and say it's cliquey as an excuse. Whereas the chatty, respectful and cheerful will usually enjoy themselves a lot more.

And an hour is a bit quick IMO. Sometimes things take a lot longer to warm up, depends on the venue and crowd.

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By *uliaChrisCouple
over a year ago

westerham


"Ive thought about going but.. been told that they can be cliquey and any newcomers may be cold shouldered... Not sexually excluded but socially excluded too. Thoughts?

I’ve been to several clubs as a solo guy, and while ‘cliquey’ may not be the correct term, it does accurately describe what happens inside. In reality, as others have said, what you will experience is groups of friends hanging out together. Some will be week in, week out regulars, others will be people who have prearranged meet-ups inside. I’m not going to sugarcoat this; going in cold, as a solo guy, who knows nobody inside, can be hard work. You WILL experience cold shouldering. You WILL meet people not interested in solo guys. But you CAN have an enjoyable experience, it all depends WHO is in while you are. Give it an hour. You’ll get a feel for the place within an hour, and how the evening is likely to go

A lot depends on a guys attitude as well. Sit at the bar, not interact, just float around watching... Then they moan that they're not getting anywhere and say it's cliquey as an excuse. Whereas the chatty, respectful and cheerful will usually enjoy themselves a lot more.

And an hour is a bit quick IMO. Sometimes things take a lot longer to warm up, depends on the venue and crowd."

An hour? Blimey that’s no time at all. Spend that first hour preening yourself, getting a drink etc

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith


"Ive thought about going but.. been told that they can be cliquey and any newcomers may be cold shouldered... Not sexually excluded but socially excluded too. Thoughts?

I’ve been to several clubs as a solo guy, and while ‘cliquey’ may not be the correct term, it does accurately describe what happens inside. In reality, as others have said, what you will experience is groups of friends hanging out together. Some will be week in, week out regulars, others will be people who have prearranged meet-ups inside. I’m not going to sugarcoat this; going in cold, as a solo guy, who knows nobody inside, can be hard work. You WILL experience cold shouldering. You WILL meet people not interested in solo guys. But you CAN have an enjoyable experience, it all depends WHO is in while you are. Give it an hour. You’ll get a feel for the place within an hour, and how the evening is likely to go

A lot depends on a guys attitude as well. Sit at the bar, not interact, just float around watching... Then they moan that they're not getting anywhere and say it's cliquey as an excuse. Whereas the chatty, respectful and cheerful will usually enjoy themselves a lot more.

And an hour is a bit quick IMO. Sometimes things take a lot longer to warm up, depends on the venue and crowd.

An hour? Blimey that’s no time at all. Spend that first hour preening yourself, getting a drink etc "

I was trying to be encouraging for the OP lol! Although, from my experience of being a solo guy in clubs, that first hour is the most important to get any kind of connections made. You read people’s body language, see if anyone smiles in your direction, holds your gaze etc, look for that welcoming ‘opening’, because once playtime starts, the solo guys are soon forgotten about. It’s rare for me to be in a club longer than two hours/after midnight

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By *uliaChrisCouple
over a year ago

westerham


"Ive thought about going but.. been told that they can be cliquey and any newcomers may be cold shouldered... Not sexually excluded but socially excluded too. Thoughts?

I’ve been to several clubs as a solo guy, and while ‘cliquey’ may not be the correct term, it does accurately describe what happens inside. In reality, as others have said, what you will experience is groups of friends hanging out together. Some will be week in, week out regulars, others will be people who have prearranged meet-ups inside. I’m not going to sugarcoat this; going in cold, as a solo guy, who knows nobody inside, can be hard work. You WILL experience cold shouldering. You WILL meet people not interested in solo guys. But you CAN have an enjoyable experience, it all depends WHO is in while you are. Give it an hour. You’ll get a feel for the place within an hour, and how the evening is likely to go

A lot depends on a guys attitude as well. Sit at the bar, not interact, just float around watching... Then they moan that they're not getting anywhere and say it's cliquey as an excuse. Whereas the chatty, respectful and cheerful will usually enjoy themselves a lot more.

And an hour is a bit quick IMO. Sometimes things take a lot longer to warm up, depends on the venue and crowd.

An hour? Blimey that’s no time at all. Spend that first hour preening yourself, getting a drink etc

I was trying to be encouraging for the OP lol! Although, from my experience of being a solo guy in clubs, that first hour is the most important to get any kind of connections made. You read people’s body language, see if anyone smiles in your direction, holds your gaze etc, look for that welcoming ‘opening’, because once playtime starts, the solo guys are soon forgotten about. It’s rare for me to be in a club longer than two hours/after midnight "

Then I question your commitment lol. Even as a couple we will often stay until chucking out time, even if just to drink and chat. When things reopen just give it a go once, you might be surprised at what goes on at 3am in a club.

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith


"Ive thought about going but.. been told that they can be cliquey and any newcomers may be cold shouldered... Not sexually excluded but socially excluded too. Thoughts?

I’ve been to several clubs as a solo guy, and while ‘cliquey’ may not be the correct term, it does accurately describe what happens inside. In reality, as others have said, what you will experience is groups of friends hanging out together. Some will be week in, week out regulars, others will be people who have prearranged meet-ups inside. I’m not going to sugarcoat this; going in cold, as a solo guy, who knows nobody inside, can be hard work. You WILL experience cold shouldering. You WILL meet people not interested in solo guys. But you CAN have an enjoyable experience, it all depends WHO is in while you are. Give it an hour. You’ll get a feel for the place within an hour, and how the evening is likely to go

A lot depends on a guys attitude as well. Sit at the bar, not interact, just float around watching... Then they moan that they're not getting anywhere and say it's cliquey as an excuse. Whereas the chatty, respectful and cheerful will usually enjoy themselves a lot more.

And an hour is a bit quick IMO. Sometimes things take a lot longer to warm up, depends on the venue and crowd.

An hour? Blimey that’s no time at all. Spend that first hour preening yourself, getting a drink etc

I was trying to be encouraging for the OP lol! Although, from my experience of being a solo guy in clubs, that first hour is the most important to get any kind of connections made. You read people’s body language, see if anyone smiles in your direction, holds your gaze etc, look for that welcoming ‘opening’, because once playtime starts, the solo guys are soon forgotten about. It’s rare for me to be in a club longer than two hours/after midnight

Then I question your commitment lol. Even as a couple we will often stay until chucking out time, even if just to drink and chat. When things reopen just give it a go once, you might be surprised at what goes on at 3am in a club. "

15 visits spread over 6 different clubs was a fair commitment lol? I have two clubs I haven’t been to in mind for when they’re allowed to open, so we’ll see. I have no expectations! 3am in a club? That would definitely be a first!

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By *amantha TSWoman
over a year ago

Swindon

3am in a club is usually fun

I'd say 2/3 hours or leaving by midnight says you're just after a quick fix. Nothing wrong with that, but I always found the guys who do well longer term are the ones who stay around and get chatting later, maybe even after a couple has played. Shows a genuine interest, and perhaps the first playtime was just a warm-up....

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith


"3am in a club is usually fun

I'd say 2/3 hours or leaving by midnight says you're just after a quick fix. Nothing wrong with that, but I always found the guys who do well longer term are the ones who stay around and get chatting later, maybe even after a couple has played. Shows a genuine interest, and perhaps the first playtime was just a warm-up...."

I'm not short of a 'fix', quick, slow, or anything inbetween Because of my location, for me to visit any club, it's an event; I once drove the 210 mile round trip down to Townhouse, to experience a packed party night, so I don't do this on a whim. I just thought the club scene would add an extra dimension to this fun side of life, after reading all the amazing stories in the forum, and surfing the club reviews. I just wasn't prepared for the anti-solo guys sentiment I've experienced, and find myself feeling like I'm intruding on other people's fun. I will point out, that I have also done 3 visits with a friend as a 'couple', and noticed a marked difference to how people responded to me, as the male half of a couple, to the same me, as a solo guy. This is why I would never recommend the club scene to a mate

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By *rooperRedMan
over a year ago

Littlehampton

Probably depends more on the people than the club. Only been to one as a single man years ago, and some people were honestly downright rude. But then there were some great people too who were very welcoming.

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By *tu227Man
over a year ago

Brentwood

My limited experience was definitely that it wasn't cliquey. Really friendly, but sadly I had work the next day for the only change I have had to visit a club so far. Hopefully when this is all over I'll get more time and meet more people. I'd guess as someone else has said, a lot will depend on the day, the time, the place and the people who turn up on the night.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/04/21 00:09:53]

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By *achoCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

The few occasions we made it to a club, typically Chameleons (B'ham), we didn't specifically avoid single guys, but we were looking to socialise and have fun with couples. We found it a bit tiring to be 'hit on' by single men, especially if an interesting couple was passing by (!). When we heard that a saturday night was couples only, we planned for that instead. Having said all this, we did use to say (to each other) how awful / awkward it must be for single men at a club, though that is a sweeping generalisation, and we understand that many men do enjoy that scene. But it must be even more demoralising to go round a club *in vain* after putting in the time and effort and money - we certainly felt that for ourselves, and we're a couple ! We say good luck to the single men, because it must be very very difficult there, but please don't take it personally when the likes of us don't show much interest

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By *DW1983Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen, Leeds, Sheffield


"I often think cliques are mis-interpreted.

Some couples arrange to meet others in a club as "neutral ground", so they may only want to chat to each other as that's the only reason they're there.

Other times it may be regulars who know a bit more about each other, haven't seen each other for a while and are catching up, more as friends than swingers.

Or who knows? I've often felt a bit of an outsider at a club, but that's ok as no-one is obliged to make me feel included in anything. Doesn't mean people are cliquey by any means."

I was about to reply but I'll just second this instead. I think it often feels like that if you're by yourself but it's more likely just the case they're chatting to friends or people they're interested, bit like if you walked into an unfamiliar pub by yourself

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By *ammyboy1123Man
over a year ago

newcastle

Love reading these statements about clubs and cliques or which is the best club, don’t keep blaming the crowds who already attend, no doubt they felt the same, just go enjoy and talk you have to make an effort, can’t expect everyone to chat m running, after all they already have play mates,

Best club

No club is the best club, it the people who use the club and that make it a good atmosphere

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By *ammyboy1123Man
over a year ago

newcastle

Love reading these statements about clubs and cliques or which is the best club, don’t keep blaming the crowds who already attend, no doubt they felt the same, just go enjoy and talk you have to make an effort, can’t expect everyone to chat m running, after all they already have play mates,

Best club

No club is the best club, it the people who use the club and that make it a good atmosphere

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By *carlettxWoman
over a year ago

Essex

Basically yes

Having been to sooo many club nights and hosted events I can see why they come across cliquey

I have been in my own little group of friends every weekend at one particular club but also tried to chat to newbies etc. I have also been on the receiving end of feeling not very welcome at other clubs and it’s not a great feeling

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By *HaRiFMan
over a year ago

Beyond the shadows.

I've always found people to be friendly and welcoming most of the places I've been.

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By *onourLustfulWomenMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

You can get this feeling at any club as the atmosphere on any given night is random and dependent on so many things. My advice is go to the same one multiple times with no expectations and wear a smile no matter what happens. Once you get to know a few people it tends to snowball and just gets better from then on.

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By *exyminxxWoman
over a year ago

sexyville


"Love reading these statements about clubs and cliques or which is the best club, don’t keep blaming the crowds who already attend, no doubt they felt the same, just go enjoy and talk you have to make an effort, can’t expect everyone to chat m running, after all they already have play mates,

Best club

No club is the best club, it the people who use the club and that make it a good atmosphere "

Absolutely agree. The club is as good as the people who use it. If you go in and make the effort to mingle then I'm afraid you only get out of the experience what you put in.

I've been to a few clubs and I've made some amazing friends who will be friends for life. Clubbing isnt for everyone but its a great place to be who you want to be without judgements

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I often think cliques are mis-interpreted.

Some couples arrange to meet others in a club as "neutral ground", so they may only want to chat to each other as that's the only reason they're there.

Other times it may be regulars who know a bit more about each other, haven't seen each other for a while and are catching up, more as friends than swingers.

Or who knows? I've often felt a bit of an outsider at a club, but that's ok as no-one is obliged to make me feel included in anything. Doesn't mean people are cliquey by any means."

I agree with you on this. When people are new to the club scene if they are polite and friendly I would always make them feel welcome and introduce them to people in a club. I've been there when I first started out and it's hard to chat with people that are already in conversation. Like you say they may have arranged a meet on neutral ground

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By *ing_Wookie_RodeoMan
over a year ago

stockport wasteland

As a single male that started by clubs guys seclude them selves by not openly talking and hoping women will beg them to play when the woman have their picks? If your willing to talk and have banter you fit in at any club- not caring what others say haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Definitely depends on the club, we go to Pleasures in Kent, and can't praise them enough for making us feel welcome on our first night.

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

Not that I've ever noticed, sure, friends get together and may just keep themselves to themselves because that's what they've choose to do for the evening but I don't consider that to be a clique.

I'd say quite the opposite really; in the clubs that I go to, people are always welcoming and happy to chat.

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By *ingerjo_leeCouple
over a year ago

swinton

No it's the people inside them so don't blame the clubs

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

People are just regular people and behave similarly to how they would elsewhere. They're generally pretty free places to chat with people, if you follow standard social conventions.

You can't get to know people there properly until you start to visit. They're a place for adults and we have to take risks sometimes to get out of our comfort zone.

Do your research first, aiming to find the right place for you.

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