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Does asking offends you

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By *ikeC81 OP   Man
over a year ago

harrow

I was having a discussion with someone I know this morning and realised, I don’t often ask couples or ladies if they want to play as a single guy especially in clubs as in case they are not and me asking them in someone way offends

Now a few of my friends male and female and couples have told me in the past I should just ask; Now if you were a couple and were chatting to a guy in a club on a social level and he asked would you be offended or upset - I assume most would say no and just say thanks but no thanks but I suppose I jsut want to see how others deal with it

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By *oson-BlueCouple
over a year ago

North Kent

I doubt we would be offended if asked nicely. If we didn't want to then we would politely decline.

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By *anshee99Woman
over a year ago

all over

If you don't ask you dont get.

Nothing worse than a chancer touching without asking. Easy way to go home without your teeth

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Definitely ask.

But not within 30s of chatting!

I think if you have been chatting a while, getting on well and making a connection, by all means ask!

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By *iberty RedWoman
over a year ago

Cheltenham

Ask OP, if I've been chatting to someone in a club & he doesn't ask I assume he was just being friendly but didn't want to take it any further. Most people when asked are polite & don't take offence.

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By *ikeC81 OP   Man
over a year ago

harrow

For those that know me I never touch without asking it’s more of asking people to play

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd be less offended by a guy politely asking than the guys who try to touch me without saying a word.

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By *onglegs888Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

If the ‘ask’ is polite, respectful and appropriate (I.e not within the first few sentences!) then absolutely yes, you should ask.

If a couple has gone to a club on a night when single guys attend then, for the most, they are interested in single guys.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If the ‘ask’ is polite, respectful and appropriate (I.e not within the first few sentences!) "

Probably best not to go around asking every couple/lady "fancy a play?" "Fancy a play?"

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By *onglegs888Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"If the ‘ask’ is polite, respectful and appropriate (I.e not within the first few sentences!)

Probably best not to go around asking every couple/lady "fancy a play?" "Fancy a play?""

That wouldn’t meet the ‘appropriate’ criteria .....

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By *evilandTheBeastCouple
over a year ago

Peterborough and Bedford


"I'd be less offended by a guy politely asking than the guys who try to touch me without saying a word."

Exactly this! Or the ones who just keep staring as if you're supposed to read their minds

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

I can hold a conversation, but not at all good at making it clear I would be happy to take it further.

I prefer someone to politely ask.

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By *OXO2018Couple
over a year ago

Norfolk

We prefer people to just ask if we'd like to play.

Rich is very confident compared to me, so that helps.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can hold a conversation, but not at all good at making it clear I would be happy to take it further.

I prefer someone to politely ask.

"

Making the first move is always difficult.

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By *ud and BryanCouple
over a year ago

Boston, Lincolnshire

[Removed by poster at 21/08/20 09:02:43]

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By *ud and BryanCouple
over a year ago

Boston, Lincolnshire

We really like it when someone - male, female or couple - asks us outright at a club or party. We don't always say yes, but we're never offended, in fact we take it as a compliment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We prefer people to ask politely, although the phrasing of how we are asked is important, something along the lines of "would you perhaps like me to join you later" means we can answer with a yes, no or maybe. If you ask in a blunt way that the answer can only be yes or no would mean we're more likely to just say no rather than set any expectation.

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By *ikeC81 OP   Man
over a year ago

harrow


"We prefer people to ask politely, although the phrasing of how we are asked is important, something along the lines of "would you perhaps like me to join you later" means we can answer with a yes, no or maybe. If you ask in a blunt way that the answer can only be yes or no would mean we're more likely to just say no rather than set any expectation."

In a club when I pluck up courage I normally say would you fancy going for a wander

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t think there’s anything wrong in politely asking, as long as you are able to accept a polite no if that’s the response given.

At the end of the day if you are in a swingers club and you take offense at being asked if you would be interested in playing then you’re in the wrong game.

On the few nights we’ve visited clubs on a night when they let in single guys we usually tend to find that most prefer the creepier option B of following in a herd each time we move rooms.

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By *rumpet and ScouseCouple
over a year ago

Chorley

I have been lucky enough to meet OP on a few occasions now, I know whenever he does pluck up the courage to ask to play hes awlays extremely polite.

But I as a single female am the same i never ask if people want to join me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

In a club when I pluck up courage I normally say would you fancy going for a wander "

That works for us, have had guys use it with success with us before.

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By *ecretlyASoftieWoman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

I know you so know you’re polite. Asking or a graceful acceptance of a no doesn’t offend for me, if either did I’d ask why someone’s in a club!

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By *occerstar579Man
over a year ago

harrogate

I still believe in chemistry and eyes. There are ways and means without physically asking. A slipped towel a gentle hand on knee a knowing wink. Subtle ways.

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By *occerstar579Man
over a year ago

harrogate


"

In a club when I pluck up courage I normally say would you fancy going for a wander

That works for us, have had guys use it with success with us before. "

Exactly...an offer to take conversation into the hot tub. Etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I personally would prefer it if you asked as im not great picking up signals and making the first move xx

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By *alaciousCurvesWoman
over a year ago

Gainsborough


"I still believe in chemistry and eyes. There are ways and means without physically asking. A slipped towel a gentle hand on knee a knowing wink. Subtle ways. "

But putting your hand on someones knee is touching without asking. You'd get it slapped off if you tried it with me, or probably with a lot of women actually.

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By *alaciousCurvesWoman
over a year ago

Gainsborough

See, 'go for a wander' is very vague to me. I've been asked that by guys before and thought they just wanted to literally have a wander round, see if there's any action to watch and then I've been ushered into a room and directed to a bed

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By *occerstar579Man
over a year ago

harrogate


"I still believe in chemistry and eyes. There are ways and means without physically asking. A slipped towel a gentle hand on knee a knowing wink. Subtle ways.

But putting your hand on someones knee is touching without asking. You'd get it slapped off if you tried it with me, or probably with a lot of women actually."

I was thinking maybe the lady placing a hand on man's knee. Showing a small gesture of contact.

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By *alaciousCurvesWoman
over a year ago

Gainsborough


"I still believe in chemistry and eyes. There are ways and means without physically asking. A slipped towel a gentle hand on knee a knowing wink. Subtle ways.

But putting your hand on someones knee is touching without asking. You'd get it slapped off if you tried it with me, or probably with a lot of women actually.

I was thinking maybe the lady placing a hand on man's knee. Showing a small gesture of contact. "

You know consent works both ways?

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By *occerstar579Man
over a year ago

harrogate


"I still believe in chemistry and eyes. There are ways and means without physically asking. A slipped towel a gentle hand on knee a knowing wink. Subtle ways.

But putting your hand on someones knee is touching without asking. You'd get it slapped off if you tried it with me, or probably with a lot of women actually.

I was thinking maybe the lady placing a hand on man's knee. Showing a small gesture of contact.

You know consent works both ways?"

Yes but I am also making an assumption that the couple or people enjoying a conversation have been chatting a while...maybe flirting...indeed also conversing about swinging and likes and rather than explicitly ask may I touch your knee the adults in question would have that vibe. In no way am I suggesting that a random couple have unconsensual contact. But some body contact doesn't always mean sexual contact. Blimey how many times accidental contact been made in a hot tub with someone. Doesn't mean you want to play.

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By *ikeC81 OP   Man
over a year ago

harrow


"See, 'go for a wander' is very vague to me. I've been asked that by guys before and thought they just wanted to literally have a wander round, see if there's any action to watch and then I've been ushered into a room and directed to a bed "

Ahhhh I get what your saying and it has happened we have gone for a wander nothing happening then gone back bar lol

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By *eordiesCouple
over a year ago

newcastle


"We really like it when someone - male, female or couple - asks us outright at a club or party. We don't always say yes, but we're never offended, in fact we take it as a compliment."

Agree totally.

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By *eordiesCouple
over a year ago

newcastle


"We prefer people to ask politely, although the phrasing of how we are asked is important, something along the lines of "would you perhaps like me to join you later" means we can answer with a yes, no or maybe. If you ask in a blunt way that the answer can only be yes or no would mean we're more likely to just say no rather than set any expectation.

In a club when I pluck up courage I normally say would you fancy going for a wander "

Trouble is Mike, going for a wander can also be an excuse to leave someone you have been chatting to.

If we're in a club and chatting to people, but we don't want to play with them, then at a natural break in the convo we might say to them, "we're just off for a wander."

Geordie speak for "been nice talking to you, but we're politely disengaging"

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By *evilandTheBeastCouple
over a year ago

Peterborough and Bedford


"I still believe in chemistry and eyes. There are ways and means without physically asking. A slipped towel a gentle hand on knee a knowing wink. Subtle ways. "

What if someone can't take a subtle clue or is against being touched by strangers? Just because we are in a club situation, it doesn't mean we welcome anyone touching us without asking first.

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By *uietlykinkymeWoman
over a year ago

kinky land

I'm rubbish at mind reading.

I would much rather someone politely asked or offered. I'm a grown up and can politely decline or accept it doesn't even need to be a conversation end unless it's phrased badly

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By *ikeC81 OP   Man
over a year ago

harrow


"We prefer people to ask politely, although the phrasing of how we are asked is important, something along the lines of "would you perhaps like me to join you later" means we can answer with a yes, no or maybe. If you ask in a blunt way that the answer can only be yes or no would mean we're more likely to just say no rather than set any expectation.

In a club when I pluck up courage I normally say would you fancy going for a wander

Trouble is Mike, going for a wander can also be an excuse to leave someone you have been chatting to.

If we're in a club and chatting to people, but we don't want to play with them, then at a natural break in the convo we might say to them, "we're just off for a wander."

Geordie speak for "been nice talking to you, but we're politely disengaging""

Ahhhh that’s interesting ever thought it like that

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By *uliaChrisCouple
over a year ago

westerham


"See, 'go for a wander' is very vague to me. I've been asked that by guys before and thought they just wanted to literally have a wander round, see if there's any action to watch and then I've been ushered into a room and directed to a bed "

This made me laugh lol

As regards touching, some women say they NEVER touch a man accidentally....

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By *ann SummersMan
over a year ago

Dartford

In my experience, if I’m chatting to a couple in a club then they will generally lead things and make the suggestion of moving on.

If I’m speaking 1-2-1 with a lady then I’ll happily suggest going somewhere private / more comfortable / to play.

If sitting in a jacuzzi and no chat is happening as is sometimes the case, then I’ll always wait for a wandering hand to come my way.

God I miss Chams!!!

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